Hi all,
I came from a broken family, and has never been shown true love before. Now i left home, and could take a breather finally by staying alone. I'm 25 years old this year. And has only learned how to empathise and relate to another person about 4-5months ago. Yes. My heart has been that unlovely and pathetic, not knowing love, and not filled with love for 25 years. Things that kids learnt at a tender age, i'm only starting to learn now.
I'm a christian for about 6 months now. Because i see the extreme importance of love in our lives, and also because of the 2 Great commandments, and the nature of God himself(Love), i pushed myself to learn empathy and for once felt how to love someone else back then. I came out of extreme self-focus by experiencing how a particular person is thinking and feeling, and desired good things for him. The Joy that came into my heart 4 months ago was really awesome. I think that is love.. But because love does not come naturally to me through my heart and habits, things spiralled down again.
I found it very hard to remind myself again and again to relate and desire good things for people. People all my life has always appeared to me as mere images living happy lives doing awful things. And ironically, i fear people(shyness) alot and due to the effect of sins of my parents, i led a life largely driven my guilt and fear. Pride came in also, destroying my life greatly.
I prayed for love about 1-2months ago? Waited and waited until now. Because i'm also suffering from depression, i became suicidal and snapped at work yesterday. I felt that God has given up on me. He has not met my needs to feel loved and to love. My christian walk has been mostly a walk of my own and of my own efforts to combat anxiety and guilt, and finding love. I fought sins hard for Jesus's sake, so as to please him and my own conscience, since we can only choose 1 when a temptation arises; to sin or to obey Jesus.
Well.. in short.. How do you love someone? How do u receive love and feel loved? My heart has Zero love for 25 years except for the recent human effort experience(Empathise first and then desire Good things for them). How may my heart walk with the spirit and live a spirit led life? Must i study/memorize and follow the bible in depth for long periods before i can live a life of Love? It will take me too long! Why can't God just drop a love potion into my heart to enable me to love and feel loved?
I threatened God yesterday, and felt that he has given up on me. Though i calmed down and has seen no miracles yet, i'm humbling myself to still stick with him and seek help..
Help me out guys... My walk with the lord has not much joy, since i have very little love in my heart...
I came from a broken family, and has never been shown true love before. Now i left home, and could take a breather finally by staying alone. I'm 25 years old this year. And has only learned how to empathise and relate to another person about 4-5months ago. Yes. My heart has been that unlovely and pathetic, not knowing love, and not filled with love for 25 years. Things that kids learnt at a tender age, i'm only starting to learn now.
I'm a christian for about 6 months now. Because i see the extreme importance of love in our lives, and also because of the 2 Great commandments, and the nature of God himself(Love), i pushed myself to learn empathy and for once felt how to love someone else back then. I came out of extreme self-focus by experiencing how a particular person is thinking and feeling, and desired good things for him. The Joy that came into my heart 4 months ago was really awesome. I think that is love.. But because love does not come naturally to me through my heart and habits, things spiralled down again.
I found it very hard to remind myself again and again to relate and desire good things for people. People all my life has always appeared to me as mere images living happy lives doing awful things. And ironically, i fear people(shyness) alot and due to the effect of sins of my parents, i led a life largely driven my guilt and fear. Pride came in also, destroying my life greatly.
I prayed for love about 1-2months ago? Waited and waited until now. Because i'm also suffering from depression, i became suicidal and snapped at work yesterday. I felt that God has given up on me. He has not met my needs to feel loved and to love. My christian walk has been mostly a walk of my own and of my own efforts to combat anxiety and guilt, and finding love. I fought sins hard for Jesus's sake, so as to please him and my own conscience, since we can only choose 1 when a temptation arises; to sin or to obey Jesus.
Well.. in short.. How do you love someone? How do u receive love and feel loved? My heart has Zero love for 25 years except for the recent human effort experience(Empathise first and then desire Good things for them). How may my heart walk with the spirit and live a spirit led life? Must i study/memorize and follow the bible in depth for long periods before i can live a life of Love? It will take me too long! Why can't God just drop a love potion into my heart to enable me to love and feel loved?
I threatened God yesterday, and felt that he has given up on me. Though i calmed down and has seen no miracles yet, i'm humbling myself to still stick with him and seek help..
Help me out guys... My walk with the lord has not much joy, since i have very little love in my heart...