How is going to church NOT good for marriage?

[citizenthom]

This is a spin-off of the "Curious" thread, in which the OP asked us to answer a premarital counseling survey she and her fiancee had filled out. I noticed a LOT of people "disagreed" with the statement "Going to church can help a marriage." My question is simple: why disagree with that statement?

 

[Fremdin]

Because if it's an interfaith relationship it would hurt things

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

It may not be that going to church is bad for marriage, it just may be a neutral influence.

Lots of "be in the world, not of the world! 50% of Christian marriages fail--that's as bad as the heathen majority!" stuff going on. I can't imagine that's too helpful for actual marriages in real life situations.

 

[xDenax]

Because if it's an interfaith relationship it would hurt things

This is a good reason right here. Not that it always does harm but it could. My husband is willing to go with me to synagogue occasionally but if I expected him to go all the time that would be unfair.

 

[Quoth]

This is a spin-off of the "Curious" thread, in which the OP asked us to answer a premarital counseling survey she and her fiancee had filled out. I noticed a LOT of people "disagreed" with the statement "Going to church can help a marriage." My question is simple: why disagree with that statement?

For a Believer who is equally yoked with another Believer, common ground at a place of worship can be a point of strength. However, for those who are not married to a Believer, church can become a point of dissension.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

If one isn't a believer, hearing the gospel is a good thing.. not necessarily going to church..

I wouldn't disagree with that statement though.

 

[BarelyBreathing]

I gave my reason within the other thread......

14. Going to church can help a marriage. A & D......... going to church alone may not help, but active participation together, and praying and reading the Bible together, and the more togetherness a couple has the more it can help the marriage.


Even if both are Christians, if they simply go to church and warm the pews, then church is not going to help their marriage one bit. They may as well not be going. Doing things together as a couple strengthens a bond..... that includes all sorts of activities such as cooking together. Sitting beside someone silently isn't the same as doing something together. So, going to church, is not what helps the marriage. What would help the marriage would be the couple actively doing things together within the service, outside of it, etc. Things like praying together, reading the word together, even discussing the sermon together.

 

[Trashionista]

If you're zoning out in church, or going to Mass and arguing with your spouse about the sermon, I can think of things or places one could go that would be more productive and conducive to discussion.

 

[Keri]

For a Believer who is equally yoked with another Believer, common ground at a place of worship can be a point of strength. However, for those who are not married to a Believer, church can become a point of dissension.

This.

 

[alfrodull]

I agreed with the statement that church helps, but I'll acknowledge that depending on the theology the church teaches, the sermons could be harmful rather than helpful. The issue with interfaith relationships is also a good point.

 

[lostaquarium]

I think that church helps. Maybe those who disagreed felt the statement supported religiosity instead of true faith? I do see your point. But I think the very act of going to church can help a marriage because it's a weekly reminder to love your spouse and to love God more.

 

[Luther073082]

It may not be that going to church is bad for marriage, it just may be a neutral influence.

Lots of "be in the world, not of the world! 50% of Christian marriages fail--that's as bad as the heathen majority!" stuff going on. I can't imagine that's too helpful for actual marriages in real life situations.

The problem with that stat is if you change the stat from "Self Proclaimed Christians" to "Those who attend worship weekly" it changes and of those who attend worship weekly the rate of divorce is far lower then others period.

I don't like stats about "Christians" because the problem is most of America are diests who arn't just quite ready to admit that they are diests and not Christians.

My mom says she's a Christian, never attends church, considers much of the bible to be hogwash and doesn't think God has any right to tell her how to live. She thinks she's a Christian simpily because she belives that there is a God.

In reality you and I BOTH know she's not a Christian, she's a diest.

 

[Stravinsk]

The problem with that stat is if you change the stat from "Self Proclaimed Christians" to "Those who attend worship weekly" it changes and of those who attend worship weekly the rate of divorce is far lower then others period.

I don't like stats about "Christians" because the problem is most of America are diests who arn't just quite ready to admit that they are diests and not Christians.

My mom says she's a Christian, never attends church, considers much of the bible to be hogwash and doesn't think God has any right to tell her how to live. She thinks she's a Christian simpily because she belives that there is a God.

In reality you and I BOTH know she's not a Christian, she's a diest.

I've been to quite a few churches in my life, and I've never considered people Christian simply because they attended or not because they didn't. People attend church for all types of reasons - and it isn't always because they want to honour God.

Besides, you wouldn't catch Jesus in church on a Sunday. If you looked for Him that day, you'd be a day late.

 

[Luther073082]

I've been to quite a few churches in my life, and I've never considered people Christian simply because they attended or not because they didn't. People attend church for all types of reasons - and it isn't always because they want to honour God.

That is true, HOWEVER church attendence is the closest measurable statistic in determining if a person's faith is an important part of their life or not.

Most other things are things you can tell from talking to the person and meeting them. But its not something you can measure in a poll.

Besides, you wouldn't catch Jesus in church on a Sunday. If you looked for Him that day, you'd be a day late.

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." --Matt 18:20

Doesn't specify a day.

 

[Stravinsk]

That is true, HOWEVER church attendence is the closest measurable statistic in determining if a person's faith is an important part of their life or not.

Most other things are things you can tell from talking to the person and meeting them. But its not something you can measure in a poll.



"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." --Matt 18:20

Doesn't specify a day.

1. Perhaps by men's standards. Many many people I knew who attended church went because they had friends there, or the social programs or general community. Or maybe they liked the music or the pastor's 1 hour message to get them through the week...

2. That verse doesn't specify a day, no. But Christ is God incarnate. And the Father certainly specified a day, and He even specified a day that **identified Him**(Exodus 31:13). It happened to be the same day Jesus did His healings and teachings, whenever a day was named. And that wasn't a Sunday (Luke 4:16-21)

The *identity of God* isn't found in the *name* of "Jesus". I can't find God talking to a Mexican friend who bears that name (pro-nounced "Hey-Zeus"). Nor can I find it in the Mormon "Jesus". Nor the Catholic "Jesus". Nor the Muslim "Jesus". Nor any number of cults or sects that use the name - "Jesus".

So what does it mean to be gathered in Christ's name, when there are plenty of "Christs" to choose from?

God Himself chose the identifying sign - a day. And as God does *not* change - neither does the day.

"Now in our belief the resurrection of the Lord was on the first day, and not on the seventh as many deem" - Bishop Gregory of Tours, France (A.D. 538-594)

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

My question is simple: why disagree with that statement?

Because I don't believe church helps everyone. I don't even think religion helps everyone! It depends on the individual. Blanket-stereotyping people isn't cool with me.

And, because just showing up in a building doesn't "help" anyone. My husband is an agnostic, for instance, and he is more than willing to sit in a church with me if that's what I wanna do. But he gets nothing out of it for himself, and he's just not interested in religion. That's cool with me.

My point is, if you aren't invested in the trip to Church, it's going to do very little for you. You can argue with that all you like, but I'm an Agnostic-turned-Christian and my husband is a Christian-turned-Agnostic and we both know that if you aren't invested, it does nothing for you My husband spent his entire life being dragged through the church and the faith by his mother, and in the end? Came out Agnostic. On the flip side, every church I went to as an Agnostic kid with relatives and friends, did zero to show me anything about God because I just wasn't interested. Years later, I found that interest for myself, and even then felt zero call to go to church (and still, I go through cycles where sometimes church helps me, and sometimes church doesn't -- so I might spend 6 months in a church, and 6 months not bothering).

It just doesn't do the same thing for everyone. People need to understand that. Everyone's different.

Being able to see things from both sides of the belief fence is really an eye-opening experience. It's kinda like how Christians think they are helping by proselytizing when people like me know that it does nothing but spread negativity around. Many Christians don't see it because they can't get on the non-belief side of the fence.. but I can see things quite clearly from the perspective of non-believers and it ain't pretty.

Just because you think it "should" do good for everyone?

Doesn't mean it does.

My opinion stands. I disagree with the statement bordering on Agreement if both parties are invested and the process is important to them ... But that's not my husband and I

 

[BRISH]

I think the question in debate here "How is going to church NOT good for marriage".....is like a hammer missing the nail .....repeatedly... we can argue all day on this and never really get anywhere other than more division

church isn't the issue
faith or lack of is
a church building doesn't automatically qualify as the source of real spiritual feeding
(but...you also get out of it what you go into it with)




Regardless

You know, going to church can't hurt depending on intentions.
One spouse can go because they seek clarity or support.
One spouse can encourage the other spouse to go in hopes that some seeds are planted.

You should never force or give ultimatums on actually attending church. It's not a commandment to require it. It is a commandment though to be an example, to love, and to use the spiritual authorities we have with/over our spouses...with pure intentions.,..for God's glory. A church building will not make someone see the error of their ways or soften their heart or open their spiritual eyes.

It's important though to keep in mind that of all the people we come in contact with on a daily basis, I think those close to us emotionally/physically we will hold more responsibility for in regards to if we did enough on our parts to help them to salvation. We should not be content that our loved ones, of all people, do not believe. For that reason, we shouldn't see encouragement towards a spouse to attend, as a bad thing. It's merely an attempt to bring that person into the light but it's important to do it in love. It's just one way some of us do it. It may be the only some know how. That's ok. At least they are making the effort.


(Tree View)

Can going to church hurt a marriage?
No


(Forrest View)

Can two, who are unyoked, hurt a marriage?
Yes

 

[Crosscheck]

"Now in our belief the resurrection of the Lord was on the first day, and not on the seventh as many deem" - Bishop Gregory of Tours, France (A.D. 538-594)

You do realize that quote has absolutely nothing to do with Saturday worship, right? In Orthodox/Catholic theology Christ rose on the first and the eight day, it's a timeless even that changed the whole world. This is why we worship on the Lord's day and the Sabbath went the way of dietry restrictions.

 

[explodingboy]

That is true, HOWEVER church attendence is the closest measurable statistic in determining if a person's faith is an important part of their life or not.

Most other things are things you can tell from talking to the person and meeting them. But its not something you can measure in a poll.

Awesome! I should totally be a Christian then, what with the weekly church attendance, and one of them book group things, and here was me thinking believing in God was the important bit.

 

[Stravinsk]

You do realize that quote has absolutely nothing to do with Saturday worship, right? In Orthodox/Catholic theology Christ rose on the first and the eight day, it's a timeless even that changed the whole world. This is why we worship on the Lord's day and the Sabbath went the way of dietry restrictions.

Believe it or not, the religion called "Christianity" has not remained static since Jesus rose from the dead. Not in what books were considered God's Word, not in theology, and not even in the perception of when Jesus rose from the dead, nor the day of worship. The quote I referenced is just one of a few that reflect what many peoples perceptions were, centuries ago.