How do you relate to other people?

[Thomas1984]

Relate-Relationship-Friendship-that sort of thing.

I'd like to discuss how we all go about forming true friendships with people around us, specifically other Christians. Since I was about 11/12 I've gradually become more and more seperated from the people around me (Family and friends), for various reasons that I won't explain just yet, although I'll get into that if the discussion goes that way. It's gotten to the point where I no longer know how to accurately gauge the condition of the initial, early-stage friendships that have come into my life over the past couple of months.

Or at least, I think I know where I stand with some people, but not with others.

So for those of you that know you have genuine friends that you care about, and who care about you in return; what does it feel like, and how did these friendships come about/develop?

 

[Im_A]

Relate-Relationship-Friendship-that sort of thing.

I'd like to discuss how we all go about forming true friendships with people around us, specifically other Christians. Since I was about 11/12 I've gradually become more and more seperated from the people around me (Family and friends), for various reasons that I won't explain just yet, although I'll get into that if the discussion goes that way. It's gotten to the point where I no longer know how to accurately gauge the condition of the initial, early-stage friendships that have come into my life over the past couple of months.

Or at least, I think I know where I stand with some people, but not with others.

So for those of you that know you have genuine friends that you care about, and who care about you in return; what does it feel like, and how did these friendships come about/develop?

by accident really. maybe taking one thing the two has in common and running with it. maybe all by accident. to me, it all depends on how bad the both sides really want the friendship. kind of like a relationship as well. the friendship or a relationship will never work or be good if both sides really don't want it. but that's just my opinion.i find it really simple. i only have 2 really close friends and 2-3 close friends that i remain in contact from highschool. we all wanted the friendship, we had things in common, so we got a good friendship. don't see what is so difficult about it.

 

[Quoth]

To the OP:

The friends I have that I hold dearest are a product of time spent, interests shared, and commonality found. There are some people on this planet that bug the you know what outta me. For whatever reason, we just aren't ever going to "get along" like friends. I don't hate the ones I know, but you won't see us going for fish and chips down at the local pub.

I have trusted friends that I respect because I have extended trust and respect first, and they return it. When I do extend trust or respect to someone and they mistreat me, then we have issues and I pretty much don't waste my time with that individual. I can forgive them, but just because you forgive a thief doesn't mean you let him have your bank account information.

True friendships take time, trust, and respect. When you screw up, it takes forgiveness on their part, and vise versa. You know you have a true friend when you come to an argument, and by the end of it, you're laughing together. I have grown and learned so much from my friends, and they're like Brothers to me (my two big brothers).

I can tell you right now that because I respect people like you, Drewy, Frenzy, Beauty_From_Pain (BFP), FNG, D, and the list goes on, if they ever did something that would normally tick me off, yes I'd be hurt, but they'd be forgiven before it even happened. I consider them a part of my family, and I'd love to meet almost all of you one of these days, because there's no question that I would do everything in my power for any of you if you were caught in a bind or needed something.

 

[Carrye]

It always just seems to happen ... and then it takes commitment to keep it happening. I know someone is my friend when I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts. My thoughts reflect my soul, and when someone is gentle with and protective of those thoughts (keeper of secrets), then he is guarding my soul as well.

 

[latteda]

Taking effort to make time to be together. Confidence. Shared sense of humor. At least a few common interests. Respect for each other. Appreciation for each personality and perspective. Time.

 

[deliciousBass]

I don't really have friends. I pass the time throwing things at people and grunt loudly when they complain.

Thomas, to make friends you have to be a friend. Take time to listen to what people have to say and interject with your own little anecdotes here and there. I don't think you really have a problem with this from the interactions I've see you in on here. I suppose maybe you just need to put a little more effort into it?

 

[Tamara224]

So for those of you that know you have genuine friends that you care about, and who care about you in return; what does it feel like, and how did these friendships come about/develop?

I don't really think about it so much. Friendships just happen. My closest friendships are with my family - brothers and sister, mom and dad.

And when I meet a person I have stuff in common with and we get along well together then we'll just start doing things - going to lunch or to get a drink, or whatever.

It feels like...friendship. IDK how to describe it.

 

[justaGUYnamedROB]

With every person in my life who I've ever gotten to be close friends with, the friendship started out as a result of us hating eachother's guts.

(Now that I think about it, so have some of my hottest romances.)



Are you a passionate guy, Thomas?

 

[Athalia]

I personally favor getting all hyped up on mountain dew, people that think im funny are then put into the friends group and people who find me annoying are put into the avoid-them-they-are-aliens group.

JK!!

I don't have any friends at the moment but one who isn't family. I find it hard to fit in, kinda like people must already have their groups and I must be a third-wheel kind of person. I don't know if that is the case with you? - I think what most people have already said here is right on the mark commonalities, similar personalities, a sense of humor that is simliar on some level - and effort put forth on both sides.

 

[DarcyWillow]

I am sort of shy at first. I am usually pretty quite in the beginning of relationships. After I am comfortable I become alot more extroverted.

I try to be a service friend. I do as much as I can for the other person. I listen to them as much as possible, tell them how I feel about them. I think you can guage a friendship based on how "equal" the relationship feels. If someone is calling you, listening to you, and seems as interested in you as you are to them, then it is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

 

[GQ Chris]

I like people who don't take themselves too seriously; I don't care if they graduated magna cum laude from Harvard or won the Nobel Peace Prize, or have millions in the bank. I don't respect anyone who look down on others on the basis of who they are, what they have, or what they have accomplished.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I only have a handful of friends, and only a couple of close friends. Alot of times my friendships are one-sided, where I'm always the one calling, and keeping in touch. But my friends all know that I would do anything for them, and I'm always there to listen and encourage, and never act as their judge for whatever decisions they choose to make. Friendships involve spending time to create the bond, mutual interests, and really caring about the other person on a deep level. I have friends that live in different states, so we don't see each other much, and alot of times we don't even talk or email that much, but when we do......it's as if we saw each other yesterday. I agree with DB, to have friends is to be one.

Reminds me of a quote "What's the best vitamin for a Christian? B1!"

 

[radhead]

It changes when you become an adult. Sometimes it takes more effort. My best friend is a blessing to me. It started when I took the initiative to talk with him at our workplace, something I don't usually do. Granted, it was not difficult because our personalities got along well. But we grew a love of the same ministry.


It also requires more sacrifice when you are older. If they do something offensive, you need to handle it with more sensitivity than was needed in youth.

 

[Jeff91199]

Most of my friends are people I went to college with. We aren't as close as we were four years ago, but when we get together, it's usually as if nothing had changed. There's no better feeling in the world.
Since then, friendships seem different. Some of them begin enthusiastically, have an okay middle, and quietly fizzle out after a year or so.

 

[GuacaMolly]

I relate with every one of my friends a little different. It's like, different pieces of who I am resonates with each of them.

In friendships, I'm like a little blossoming flower..... friendly and loving and warm and quirky and myself always, but I definitely become more vulnerable as trust grows. You know we're thick as thieves if I ask for help.

 

[puddleoffaith]

I'm one of those people that makes friends easily but has a difficult time maintaining friendships due to time involvement/proximity/communication. I tend to drift apart from friends every couple of years and make new ones. I do have a couple of really good friends that I have had forever (since kindergarten or whatever) but basically it's by God's will that I have not lost them. I get busy with school, new people, etc. and it's usually my fault. Although, even with people I grow apart from, when we are in the same area again, it seems like little time has passed.

I never fight with my friends, it's just a gradual growing apart process that happens periodically. I love it when I have friends that grow and change with me, though. They are a rare blessing. And I love it when we both make an effort to see each other, even when we're away at school.

And I guess I'm a friend that's interested in people. I ask a lot of questions. I'm also a problem-solver-I'm always trying to solve my friends' problems. I also just like to have quiet conversations or small get-togethers with several friends.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I just try and be nice to the people that bother to talk to me. I don't really call people friends unless they regard me as one. But I guess the bonds that I do value run pretty deep.

 

[Thomas1984]

Thanks for all the replies, they're a great help! I would have replied sooner, but for some weird reason, my laptop wouldn't load the CF website. Not even in FireFox!

Thanks dBass, your insight into having friends by being one speaks volumes to me, so that's the mantra I'll adopt for this area of my life. It's probably true that I've worried too much in the past about this, and not valued my own input, which is probably why I didn't make the effort.

Rob, I would describe myself as passionate, but I've not had much chance to explore that part of my personality, so the passion I feel now is like a hunger for God.. Although I can comprehend what you mean about strong emotions moving from one pole to the other.

As for everyone else, thank you very much, I will return to this thread when I need to remind myself of how this works in different ways for different people.

 

[swee]

I increasingly stand outside of society, in part through choice and in part through being excluded. Our job as Christians is to love our enemies and rejoice when we are persecuted. I don't much feel like doing that. While I still respect God as my Creator, I am loath to interact with any of his other creations (except on the net!). Daily I am insulted by society, so daily I grow to hate it a little more. I am loyal to my family and they to me but have no wish to continue to be tormented by those outside. Which means I'm a failed Christian. Can one believe, not obey the command to love one's enemies and be saved? I don't know...