----------------REPOST FROM SEVERAL MONTHS AGO---------------------
Galnaros said:
↑
Hey Mike, thanks for your reply.
I am sorry about your difficult times in life.
We all go through varying degrees of difficulties in life, and I thank you for your concern.
You asked me how Jesus communicated with me. Well, when I was awakened in the church during the communion of my little sister, I became very introspective. I began to learn a lot about myself and my relation to God. I recall times where I was actually having conversations in my mind with Jesus. In this higher state of consciousness I was in, some events just struck me as if they were organised by God. So many events were just perfectly timed and basically fitted into my own personal story. Things like me taking up books as a toddler and chanting from them as if I were a priest, and my last name 'Shamun' translating into Simon, as in Saint Simon Peter and me being born exactly 9 months after valentine's day to spread love in this world and many more things which I can't remember which convinced me that I was elected to become a Pope. The Holy Spirit guided me through this process and everytime I found out more about my calling, I felt this huge burst of love coming from the Holy Spirit. I am so so so sure that this was from God and not some evil spirit.
Only you know for sure whether you have received Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I am understandably, I hope, skeptical of the idea of God calling you to be Pope at such a young age, but since you are convinced it was from God there is nothing I can say against it.
My spiritual counselor was a priest who worked in the psychiatric unit. He believed my story and did not say that it couldn't have been God's work and no one will be able to convince me that it wasn't from God.
I am glad to hear that you were receiving spiritual guidance.
About the suicidal thoughts: I am not really having suicidal thoughts per sé. It's just that my
mind is totally messed up now, like I'm stuck in a vague limbo with an undescribable way of thinking, really mind numbing and soul torturing. I am not depressed and I'm not having negative thoughts so that's not leading to me thinking I could better kill myself. I am still seeking psychiatric help, but there's nothing they can treat me for. It turned out I did not have a drug related psychosis , I am not bipolar or schizophrenic, I am not depressed. What I'm experiencing is the curse I was warned for when my awakening started and I know that it can't be done. Hell, I did not even post my OP because I thought I could be helped, and my heart has become so darkened that I'm not genuinely looking for God anymore. I know I have forsaken God and that my chances to reconcile are gone and I know I can't take this much longer. I don't even wanna live for a God that let's people suffer in this way. If I were in America I would have shot myself a long time ago already.
I am very sorry for your suffering. I can relate in some way to it, as I have lived with a defective mind for some time now, yet I have to take exception to you giving up hope that you can be reconciled to God. Jesus does not make mistakes, and if you believe that He called you to be Pope someday, then all that you are experiencing is preparation for that... don't despair, even though I know from experience that it is extremely easy to do so when there seems to be no end to your struggles and no way out. My struggles took me to the pit of despair for years, and it took me close to 4 years to recover to where I am today, and I am still regaining lost ground. But my life is pointed in the right direction again, and I am here to tell you that God is NOT through with you. He will not let you go once you are truly His:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
(
Romans 8:28-30 NIV)
Notice that Paul is saying that God foreknew you, predestined you, called you, justified you, and will glorify you when you go to be with Him. All of these things are written, in the Greek, as though they HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED, and now look at this passage:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(
Romans 8:38-39 NIV)
Are you a created thing? If so, then Paul just said that you CANNOT separate yourself from the love of God once He has placed it upon you. You, sir, are trapped
. But it is actually in a good way.
You see, either you must accept that God still loves you and all that you are going through will eventually work for your ultimate good, or you must accept that you were never really saved and all that stuff that you experienced was only in your head. Either way, there IS STILL HOPE FOR YOU.
Just ponder that for a while. God loves you, has always loved you, and will never stop loving you. Stop fighting Him, and humble yourself under His hand, even if it means you must suffer for a season.
I truly hope this helps.
Mike