Disapproval/ best man isnt saved/

[Avniel]

Ok so I just got in a big argument with my friend he's really kind of lame to me now that I am older but we have been friends for so long he is really family. I'm talking about I got a call from his mother mad she didn't get her invitation on the same time other people did, not seriously though just joking but serious at the same time....But that's the type of friends we are.

He's lame because he still into fighting and clubbing and going to all the parties. I just out grew that a long time ago jumping from girl to girl looking on the floor to see if a condom was there and that was in high school. He even introduced me to someone that got me robbed and I know he didnt have anything to do with it because he made sure to get most of my things back. But his life style is lame to me. lets call him YB.

I have another friend lets call him KB, really KB is like my brother. We are actually cousins. We grew up together fought together and got whoppings together, he even taught me how to tie a dorag, we have always been at competition with each other. But that is really my brother we grew up like on the same block, went to the same schools, so we are real close and more so brothers. Especially after his older brother got killed in a car accident. But KB and YB they do live very similar life styles as far as fighting, fast money, fast women but KB doesnt really like the club scene he out grew it the same time I did.

Anyway YB he has a problem with my fiancée. He feels as though she tries to change me, and since I have met her I have changed(I met both YB and my fiancée at the same time freshmen year). He tells me I am an animal in a cage he looks at my eyes and see's a lion in a zoo ready to get out. He really doesn't like my fiancée at all. He told me she changed the way I dressed, talked, acted, and had fun. But in my mind I think she just helped me grow up a bit, all she did was tell me when she thinks I'm wrong. I actually do the same thing I tell her whenever I think she is out of pocket. We dont just do it inside the relationship we do it with other relationships also. For example I have a lot more pride then I should, I didn't know that about myself. So God has really used her to help me stay humble and be more of a calm person with how I approach others. While she has a mean streak when she's mad and I'd like to believe that God has used me as a tool to soften her anger. We do this all through scripture and reading the bible and pointing out when each other is wrong and also right of course.

And of course my fiancée can't stand YB. She actually told me he uses me because I am a stable person and he just comes around when I have something to offer him....which is true but we are friends too. She thinks he always getting me into dangerous situations, she doesn't like who he hangs around and would rather me never talk to him again. She thinks of him as a little boy that won't grow up and be a man, "stop sagging, fighting and being teenage at 20 plus. You need to stop bailing him out and let him fall on his face so he can stand up a man."

So YB is mad that I am getting married and he talks to me like its not happening. Asks me constantly how many girls did I bag this weekend and how many clubs did I hit. Really uncomfortable almost being that I am trying to get married in feb. We got in an argument about it all tonight it kinda bothered me.

However KB is crazy about my fiancée he calls her his cousin in law and he actually always has liked her. When I asked him about it he told me that "people that dont have happiness like that would rather have me lonely with them." KB actually doesn't like YB because he feels like my fiancée is already family because we've been dating awhile, and due to the whole me getting robbed thing. So my fiancée and best man dont like YB.


Is it time that I let me freshmen friend go, so I can prosper as an adult in a grown up world?

should YB still be in my wedding party(my best man is saying no but I really dont care what YB thinks he's just my homeboy)?

Should I use the time KB is coming to visit to handle wedding things with a means for me to talk about how he's living? I mean the boy knows the word he actually reads his bible every single day. But he sells drugs, smokes weed , and does a lot of things I dont even really want to know about. How can someone be so deep in the word and have an understanding of the word and study the word but live so crooked? Its hard to talk to him about the Lord because he already knows what he's doing is wrong.

 

[Sketcher]

Is it time that I let me freshmen friend go, so I can prosper as an adult in a grown up world?

IMO, yes.

should YB still be in my wedding party(my best man is saying no but I really dont care what YB thinks he's just my homeboy)?

Not cool with your fiance, or with you getting married, or staying faithful to her . . . that adds up to no.

Should I use the time KB is coming to visit to handle wedding things with a means for me to talk about how he's living? I mean the boy knows the word he actually reads his bible every single day. But he sells drugs, smokes weed , and does a lot of things I dont even really want to know about. How can someone be so deep in the word and have an understanding of the word and study the word but live so crooked? Its hard to talk to him about the Lord because he already knows what he's doing is wrong.

Does he really read it every day, or does he just claim to read it?

He either does not know what it says, or he does know and he does not care. Not much you can do for the latter, just point out that the way he lives is not right, and pray for him. He'll have to fall on his face hard for what he's reading to penetrate. Too bad for him.

 

[Avniel]

IMO, yes.


Not cool with your fiance, or with you getting married, or staying faithful to her . . . that adds up to no.



Does he really read it every day, or does he just claim to read it?

He either does not know what it says, or he does know and he does not care. Not much you can do for the latter, just point out that the way he lives is not right, and pray for him. He'll have to fall on his face hard for what he's reading to penetrate. Too bad for him.

No he reads it every day I am sure of it. It is something that we have done as children, since I was about 9 years old I read my bible every day. We both have pocket bibles we had both bought, we will even texts each other scriptures. He

I know he does care about it we have conversations about the word and how he feels about what he does. He doesn't feel proud of it and it doesn't make him feel good.

We were both pretty emotionally scared by the church and our parents so maybe that might have to do with it. Maybe he's trying to be his brother? Maybe he thinks God will forgive him? Maybe he has never had anyone to really provide for him? IDK but he reads and cares I can't grasp it but he had a rough life.

 

[Hiroyuki]

If he is selling drugs he is not "deep into the word" -- unless he is a cop and you don't know about it. You want to believe better of the guy. People believe or have a strong tendency to believe according to their preferences.

You have to resist that and look for truth regardless of how hard it is. Why? To head off reality before it slams you in the face.

For one.

Same with this other guy.

Your wife is far more important as is your stability. Actually, your wife should come way, way over your friends especially as they threaten not just her but you. (For one they could get you arrested, but there are many other problems such people can bring into not just your life but both of yours. )

In a relationship a wife/fiance is not just thinking of herself but also you.

 

[Avniel]

If he is selling drugs he is not "deep into the word" -- unless he is a cop and you don't know about it. You want to believe better of the guy. People believe or have a strong tendency to believe according to their preferences.

You have to resist that and look for truth regardless of how hard it is. Why? To head off reality before it slams you in the face.

For one.

Same with this other guy.

Your wife is far more important as is your stability. Actually, your wife should come way, way over your friends especially as they threaten not just her but you. (For one they could get you arrested, but there are many other problems such people can bring into not just your life but both of yours. )

In a relationship a wife/fiance is not just thinking of herself but also you.

I said he's not saved but he does read his Bible every day, that's just part of how we were raised. He does it out of habit I read my Bible everyday from 9 to now. From 12 to 18 we both were smoking weed, partying, hanging out with all sorts of people, fighting, drinking, and being materialistic but I still read my Bible every day from 9 to 23 I have yet to miss one single day. I know from ages 9 to 18 at least he read his Bible every single day because we went to same school, hung out with the same people. Even now when I visit him in the old neighborhood and stay with him he def reads it every day.

How can he get me arrested? Everyone I know, knows what I want to do with my life so they leave what they do far away from me. I come from an area full of poverty, and majority of the people that live there still have a 3rd world mentality(there my people and I love um)......Out of all of my friends I am the only one that went to college, and me and KB are the only ones without children. I mean we are like brothers and but he is my cousin, and if I cut off everyone that breaks the law I wouldnt be able to talk to anyone I grew up with and half of my family including my grandfather. That's just a reality of poor public schools, police corruption and churches that are scared to serve the people in the community the church is in. I mean police in the area have searched me, dragged me out of the Chinese restaurant and everything they can't touch you if you dont have anything on you.

And I dont even live in the same state as either one of them.


Of course that what I am saying is KB is never gonna be anything less then my brother he's my cousin best man and I know for a fact the person that would take care of my future children like they were his if anything happens to me would be him. If there is ever food on my plate and my wife's plate there is gonna be food on his too.

KB and my fiancee are super cool never a problem. YB is my homeboy from freshmen year there really isn't any issue with who do I pick because really he is kinda like a nobody in my life. I only really have one true friend and that's KB everyone else I call friends and they call me friends but I see them as people that would and could try to do me harm. So its not who do I pick its more so should I ignore and let him be in the wedding party because he is the closes thing i have to a friend?

 

[Hiroyuki]

Reading the bible everyday...

I don't know what these people are doing, so I can't say how well they actually put into practice the teachings of Jesus. Selling drugs is bad prison time wise, and can be bad in terms of corrosion to society... usually means there is also violence involved and other bad stuff. But, I don't know.

If they are involved in gang activity, drug selling, drug use and they come over there is no guarantee that they might not get shot at while at your place or with you... or that they may not have drugs on them which can possibly implicate you. Or that they may not use which can cause erratic behavior.

I hate to say, but some gang members actually put into practice the teachings of Jesus more then some people in church. So I am not someone that is going to really jump down this situation here.

"Reading the bible everyday for hours" or whatever, though is not obeying the teachings of Jesus. The Spirit brings to mind the verses from Scripture, so once one has well read the Bible there should be no reason to keep having to pore over it... though at your age maybe you have not finished it, or still have a lot of study material.

One doesn't get to heaven or it doesn't make one a good person to do that. The Pharisees read the bible religiously and were quick to put Jesus to death.

That sort of thing people talk about and show others and they get praise for it.

Main thing is to put into practice the sayings of Jesus on a routine basis.

Unless you are a cop that also means obeying laws generally. Drug dealing, sleeping around, this sort of thing spreads violence and evil through society. The violence that often accompanies it corrodes the most important parts of town. If anyone considers poor areas of cities, the main thing innocent people there have to worry about which wealthier areas do not is getting shot, stabbed, beat up, robbed, or their children or friends getting addicted to drugs and so on. Things they should not have to worry about, but because they are poor they have to. These offenders behind that act as tormentors and jailers to the most important and sensitive parts of cities.

 

[Avniel]

It's not a lot of robberies in neighborhood or gang activity its just a lot drug dealers. Only people that have been killed are people from other areas in the city, but that's more so individual bar beefs.

I think you missed the title I no where said he's saved oh I know that. It's just hard to hold a conversation with someone about becoming saved when they actually know the Bible feels guilty for what they do but won't stop.


Alot of people don't understand how addictive selling drugs is. At first you have a little bit of drugs work crazy just to make 200 dollars. Then you think it's not worth it all the risk, fear and dealing with people you cant even look at. So you get more drugs more money and you keep going until the risk matches and energy you put in and grey hairs you get are even with the capital gain. But it never happens it's a chase that will go on till the grave or jail.

It really is an addiction that actually most governments secretly support. Addicts chase a high dealers $=hrs +risk

 

[suzybeezy]

That is a special day for you and your fiance - if your fiance isn't on good terms with YB he shouldn't be standing as a witness in a place of honor for your wedding, imo. Honor your future wife and only have those who support your relationship be in those positions. Of course you can still invite YB as a guest and let him share in your day but not in a place of honor if he's not going to honor your relationship.

 

[Avniel]

That is a special day for you and your fiance - if your fiance isn't on good terms with YB he shouldn't be standing as a witness in a place of honor for your wedding, imo. Honor your future wife and only have those who support your relationship be in those positions. Of course you can still invite YB as a guest and let him share in your day but not in a place of honor if he's not going to honor your relationship.

Never thought of it that way, your absolutely right.

 

[NachoND]

I had a friend just like this guy when I was younger.

We were best buds from 1st grade all the way till I was 21.

Best thing I ever did was get rid of him. All he ever did was use me and bring me down. Nothing but a bad influence.....get rid of him.

 

[december1990]

Actually from my knowledge about the whole story I would not invite YB because he doesn't appreciate your commitment to your fiance I don't know if he will take seriously your wedding. I mean if hes asking you how many women you've slept with he probably won't care that your getting wedded to the women of your dreams.

I think you should drop him as a friend until he changes. I mean you can still be there to give him advice if he ever calls you and is like "man I don't know what to do.. what do you think would be the right thing?" but don't get involved with him any further than giving advice over the phone.

I would just drop him as a friend period. Because one day you and your wife are going to have children and start a family and he'll just be putting you in dangerous situations and act dumb in front of your kids.

I think you should keep KB because at least he's happy for you! I mean you can keep him in your prayers and as long as he respects you, your wife and your future kids I would say hes a keeper. I mean he's already stopped clubbin thats a step and who knows maybe he'll soon get out of the lifestyle fully to.. but as for YB he sounds a little bit.. umm like a bad influence.

Just stay safe, don't blow it up into proportion if you ever drop him as a friend DO IT NICELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!