Continuing on without him/her

[Christianwidow]

Happy Birthday. Thank you for your witness.

Thank you, hopetoheal.

Christian Widow

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

Hi Christianwidow... how's it going? Blessings!

 

[Christianwidow]

Hi Christianwidow... how's it going? Blessings!

Good Friday morning to you, ThyLovingkindness,
All is well. Thank you for asking.

Christian Widow

 

[LPetal]

What is "dwelling" on being a widow? I am reminded that I'm a widow every single morning of my life from the minute I have to fall out of bed and parent my kids alone, make all the decisions, and be everything to everyone. This goes until I fall back into a bed that is equally empty as the one I fell out of in the morning.

I would not have made this without leaning completely on God. He has provided continuously. My kids are thriving. My life is moving forward. However, I feel dead inside.

I am confused...as a "good Christian", am I supposed to pretend that I am okay so that I don't make anyone else uncomfortable. Are we really supposed to be "lone Christians" and do it alone? Or is it really supposed to become "okay" that he died at some point?

Am I failing at being a Child of God on top of everything else I can't do? I do feel alone and lonely at times.

I so understand how you feel blackribbon, and I appreciate your honesty. I feel this way too.

 

[LPetal]

I so agree with you wholeheartedly. I think you are a woman who understands how I feel, honestly.

I attend a monthly widows group at a nearby church...(the one at my church is great but conflicts with my kids' activities). I live for just having the fellowship with other women who just "understand". This is the absolutely only thing that I have in my schedule that is just for me. However, it is also the place where I see women who try to pretend that life is okay while their eyes show that they are not.

In the past, I have gotten my best support from young widows forum because since we were basically anonymous, we could be completely honest about our problems and our realities. I needed this to help me understand that I was still on the spectrum of normal and not going completely insane.

However, as I go further along this journey, I need to find people who are beyond basic survival mode and have a world view similar to mine. I also need help finding out "what now" now. In the beginning, I fought so hard to do it all by myself both because I needed that to not completely fall apart, and I needed to be a bit self-focused as I learned both who I was now and some very important lessons that God was teaching me. Now I need help but I'm old news. Nobody knows what to do with me. Somehow my expiration date for having needs must have past.

I don't even know what it is exactly I need now but I need something that I can't find.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

It's never going to be OK that my husband died. Other people just tend to forget, because for them it's in the distant past and since they have not experienced it they do expect us to "get over it". To me it doesn't seem like 7 years since he passed. Nor does it seem like 17 years since my mom passed or 21 years since my FIL passed. I think of them all the time. I "went on" for my kid's sake and because I knew that is what my husband would have done. Except I think he would have been remarried by now, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not looking for a mate but if God did bring someone into my life he would have to be pretty special and persistant to get my attention. I do get lonely, but there is not much I can do except try to do what God has left me here to do, whatever that is. My oldest son turns 18 this Sunday and my younger one is 14. They are great kids. I hope God lets me stay until they are at least thru college. After that, well anyway all of it is up to God. My prayer is only that I will fulfill the destiny He put me on this earth for.

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

It's never going to be OK that my husband died. Other people just tend to forget, because for them it's in the distant past and since they have not experienced it they do expect us to "get over it". To me it doesn't seem like 7 years since he passed. Nor does it seem like 17 years since my mom passed or 21 years since my FIL passed. I think of them all the time. I "went on" for my kid's sake and because I knew that is what my husband would have done. Except I think he would have been remarried by now, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not looking for a mate but if God did bring someone into my life he would have to be pretty special and persistant to get my attention. I do get lonely, but there is not much I can do except try to do what God has left me here to do, whatever that is. My oldest son turns 18 this Sunday and my younger one is 14. They are great kids. I hope God lets me stay until they are at least thru college. After that, well anyway all of it is up to God. My prayer is only that I will fulfill the destiny He put me on this earth for.

Actually, that's an interesting take, Michelle, on whether or not your husband might have remarried or not had you been the one to have left this earth instead of him. As far as my situation, I've never given that thought, but now I wonder if my late-husband might have done the same thing. Hmmm.

Have a blessed day!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Actually, that's an interesting take, Michelle, on whether or not your husband might have remarried or not had you been the one to have left this earth instead of him. As far as my situation, I've never given that thought, but now I wonder if my late-husband might have done the same thing. Hmmm.

Have a blessed day!

Well I just know my husband, and I wouldn't fault him for it, he was just the "type" that needed someone and would have no trouble finding someone to fit that bill. Of course I could be wrong, but I don't think of it in a negative way, just that I knew him. He though, was worried one of his friends was going to try to "take his place" and told me not to let him. We cleared that air before my husband passed and in the presence of my husband. If my husband could see me now, he would see how loyal I was and am to him. But I also know that he is happy now and would want the same for me.

 

[LPetal]

This is a difficult one. My husband won an award in Northern Ireland for outstanding caring, and was therefore, one of the most trustworthy,noble and altruistic men in N. Ireland, and God gave him to me.

Yet, yes, I know I don't do very well on my own at all. How to fill his shoes? He is an impossible act to follow, so trustworthy, and would just fall in with whatever I wanted, just because he was one of the few men in this world who realised that what makes a man happy, is to make his wife happy. And he was very good at it. Now I have nothing, no friends, just patients. No one to care for me, no one to have fun with. I have a photo of him at our hut, wearing a ballerina tutu, he was GREAT FUN!

I'm rather dull in comparison, though he thought I was funny, I'd do anything to make him laugh, and, aside from taking my own life which I would never do as a Christian, I'd do just about anything to be with him now, as well. I'm so very distraught.

Well I just know my husband, and I wouldn't fault him for it, he was just the "type" that needed someone and would have no trouble finding someone to fit that bill. Of course I could be wrong, but I don't think of it in a negative way, just that I knew him. He though, was worried one of his friends was going to try to "take his place" and told me not to let him. We cleared that air before my husband passed and in the presence of my husband. If my husband could see me now, he would see how loyal I was and am to him. But I also know that he is happy now and would want the same for me.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

well I know it's not much, but you have us here on this forum. And you have Jesus. He is now your Kinsman redeemer. He cares deeply for widows. It just takes time and going thru that time is never easy or fast. I wish I were closer to you, I would be your friend.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

One thing that has always helped me is to write (or type) my feelings in a journal. It helps to let them out and later when you are able you can go back and see how you've come along. Just a thought.

 

[LPetal]

In a spiritual sense yes, yet God gave Eddie to me and everything we deposited into each other's lives remains with me, his love is still my rock, and his love, in that sense that he gave himself up for me (so perfectly in Eddie's case) so his love is still my future, it doesn't matter that he's died, his love is STILL my future.

well I know it's not much, but you have us here on this forum. And you have Jesus. He is now your Kinsman redeemer. He cares deeply for widows. It just takes time and going thru that time is never easy or fast. I wish I were closer to you, I would be your friend.

 

[Rememberme]

It's never going to be OK that my husband died. Other people just tend to forget, because for them it's in the distant past and since they have not experienced it they do expect us to "get over it". To me it doesn't seem like 7 years since he passed. Nor does it seem like 17 years since my mom passed or 21 years since my FIL passed. I think of them all the time. I "went on" for my kid's sake and because I knew that is what my husband would have done. Except I think he would have been remarried by now, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not looking for a mate but if God did bring someone into my life he would have to be pretty special and persistant to get my attention. I do get lonely, but there is not much I can do except try to do what God has left me here to do, whatever that is. My oldest son turns 18 this Sunday and my younger one is 14. They are great kids. I hope God lets me stay until they are at least thru college. After that, well anyway all of it is up to God. My prayer is only that I will fulfill the destiny He put me on this earth for.

I am almost postive mine would.He was not high maintenance type guy.He was very sociable though.

 

[Rememberme]

In a spiritual sense yes, yet God gave Eddie to me and everything we deposited into each other's lives remains with me, his love is still my rock, and his love, in that sense that he gave himself up for me (so perfectly in Eddie's case) so his love is still my future, it doesn't matter that he's died, his love is STILL my future.

Your husband sounds like a jewel.He will always be in your heart.

 

[LPetal]

I'm afraid of losing all that he made me. I've asked for God to "Add Eddie's virtue to my own". His love is still my future. Yes he was a jewel. I don't want to loose what I became by being his wife. And I've asked God to tell Eddie that he is my hero.

 

[hopetoheal]

You sound pretty cool, LPetal. I hope you find your way with God's help.