Constant Infidelity-I'm Officially Broken

[Jannine]

I am so lost, confused, angry, sad. We have been married 6 years and throughout those years I've had countless nights of crying, many days questioning myself and sometimes wondering what is the point in getting married-all of this because he's not been faithful to me throughout our marriage. I never had any reason to suspect he was not faithful while dating but since year 1 or our marriage it's has been plagued with his infidelities. Recently I felt and he had me convinced our marriage was on the path to restoration, path of trust and honesty but I found out he has a profile on a dating site looking for "someone special". I am waiting for him to come home to tell him I can't do this anymore. I deserve better. I prayed for my marriage to last for us to be strong but I can not do it alone and I am so fed up. Why marry me if you have no good intentions for me? What did I do to deserve a man that obviously wants more than me. Please pray for me,

 

[Hetta]

I'll certainly pray for you. What form have the previous infidelities taken? Has he actually had affairs?

Do you have a church you can turn to, and family members? I think you need to find someone who can give you support through this process.

We are not allowed to counsel people to divorce on this forum, just fyi, but you certainly have grounds.

 

[Jannine]

Hi Hetta-yes the biggest and most hurtful incident was when he told me he was going on a business trip. About a month later I was using his ipad and saw pictures of him and her laying bed talking selfies. That was most devastating I was stressed lost weight but he promised he would never do it again, it was not easy but we made it through. I am hesitant to share with anyone close to me because I dont want them to start gossiping about me. I don't know who I can turn to. Meanwhile in my head I am screaming for help.

 

[AureliaSoleil]

I agree with Hetta here. Do you have anyone in church that you can talk to?

 

[sdmsanjose]

By Jannine
I am so lost, confused, angry, sad. We have been married 6 years and throughout those years I've had countless nights of crying, many days questioning myself and sometimes wondering what is the point in getting married-all of this because he's not been faithful to me throughout our marriage. I never had any reason to suspect he was not faithful while dating but since year 1 or our marriage it's has been plagued with his infidelities. Recently I felt and he had me convinced our marriage was on the path to restoration, path of trust and honesty but I found out he has a profile on a dating site looking for "someone special". I am waiting for him to come home to tell him I can't do this anymore. I deserve better. I prayed for my marriage to last for us to be strong but I can not do it alone and I am so fed up. Why marry me if you have no good intentions for me? What did I do to deserve a man that obviously wants more than me. Please pray for me,

His infidelities will destroy you if he continues and he may have gone too far already. I would suggest that you do EVERYTHING possible to build yourself up to the point that you are more self-sufficient. I am not saying that you are not self-sufficient but I am saying that you have to be more because he has torn you down and you will have to become almost totally self-sufficient. It is obvious that he is not going to build you up but he has proven that he will tear you down.

The betrayal of infidelity is one of the most powerful relationship killers of all time. I know you are in great pain but you will have to get real tough. That is not the way it is supposed to be but he has forced this situation on you. IOW, it is now time for you to take actions to only build yourself up because you are probably too hurt to help him. Besides he is the only one that can stop his sinning against God and destroying his marriage. You must become self-sufficient and dependent on God as the one that will never betray you and one that you can always trust.

Your husband may come crying to you when the consequences come but only his actions for a long time will tell you the truth. Never trust a betrayer’s words but only evaluate his actions.

 

[tall73]

I would not continue to keep this to yourself. If you husband considers himself a Christian then you should involve a Christian leader you trust in your church who can help in this situation.

He has shown that he cannot be trusted when he has no accountability. He needs accountability, and if necessary church discipline. Ultimately if he could be restored to correct connection to Christ, and the marriage could be restored, that would be ideal. This is not only important for the marriage, if it can be saved, which it may not be able to, but for his soul as well, as he is continuing in willful sin.

I will pray for you.

 

[tall73]

Never trust a betrayer’s words but only evaluate his actions.

This is good advice.

 

[Mayzoo]

I will pray for you also.

I am sorry to advize, but you also need to get yourself to a doctor and be checked for STDs and be checked again later (at least 6 mo). I would not recommend you having unprotected sex with him any time soon. Be very careful please. He is not just being unfaithful, he is risking your life and his.

 

[Johnnz]

Unless he undergoes a massive reorientation of his life you are best getting away from him. As it is the marriage is non existent in reality. Such people have deep seated issues beyond most pastoral care and it will take a considerable time for any changes to become established. His Christian understanding is zero. Lots is wrong in his life.

John
NZ

 

[tenderheart1]

Look at it this way... You really do not have a marriage. You have no foundation for the marriage. Where there is lies, deceit, infidelity, lack of trust... there is no marriage. I pray you find peace and not allow another human being to make you go through this.