I'm in a long distance relationship with this guy in the UK. We've been talking for a year now and he's so much to me....However, he told me today how there's this girl and he told her how he calls himself her Big Brother, and I am trying to be like supportive...however,... I want all of his friendship, his love,...
I would like some thoughts on guys having female friends and plus this being long distance, the other girl doesn't have a clue about us.
...did anyone ever felt this way before or is in a long distance relationship.
I have been in a relationship for the past year and 8 months (the first year and 2 months of that were long distance across States). Both my bf and I maintain close friendships of the opposite gender. We think it's healthy to maintain those friendships, because we learn a lot about the other gender when we have friends like that. Since there's no romantic pressure, we can feel free to ask questions that may otherwise be uncomfortable or we may trust our friends to tell us when something our bf/gf says or does may be harmful or if the behavior we may be worried about in them is normal. It helps us to be better people all-around and that improves our relationship with each other too.
That being said, boundaries are necessary and healthy as well.
Here are some of the boundaries we have set in our relationship and with our friends (especially of opposing gender from each of us):
1)
Everyone involved must be aware of everyone else involved. So, you and your bf should at least be aware of each others' friends, and those friends should be aware of each of you. So, the mention that this other girl your bf hangs out with doesn't have a clue you exist needs to be remedied. It's only fair to that person to know that the her friend has a gf. That can pre-emptively stop her from assuming there's more going on than there is. Also, you should know about her (which it sounds like you do or you wouldn't have asked these questions). It should be the same on the other end - your bf should know about your male friends and your male friends should know about him. In my case, my bf has introduced me to his female friends and we all hang out together sometimes, like when I visit him. Or, if she wasn't around when I could hang out, he might call me when he was with her and introduce us over the phone where she and I could have a brief conversation (light and fun convo, not a warning threat or anything like that).
2)
Everyone involved must be honest with one another. So you need to be honest if you're feeling jealous, especially if there's good logical reason behind it or if it's persistant. He also needs to be honest with you and with this other friend of his about where his relationship with each of you is going. Same thing on your side with your male friends.
3)
There must be nothing of an even remotely sexual nature going on in the behavior of either your bf or his female friend towards one another. This includes all touch which you would deem sexual/romantic/or special exclusive to your relationship with one another. You two together need to decide what these physical boundaries should be.
4)
Each of you need to prioritize one another equally. In my relationship this means that my bf must protect our quality time together and avoid making plans with his female friends that would jeapordize the amount or quality of time he is able to spend with me on a regular basis. For you it might look different, but basically, you need to feel and be assured that you are his priority. My bf does this by protecting quality time with me, keeping me informed as to what's going on in his friendship with other girls and making me aware of his plans with them so they don't have to overlap with my time with him, and reassuring me often verbally and physically that I am his "favorite" or "number 1".
I hope that helps some.
As to the jealousy problem, I have also dealt with that from time to time and can empathize that it can be difficult. But try to think things through rationally and keep your imagination from running wild. It won't help anything if you're expecting trouble where there is none. Don't neglect your feelings, because that will only make them worse, but don't go overboard either. Try to figure out what's really bothering you about their friendship and what boundaries may not be being met that causes you to feel anxious. If the jealousy is coming from past hurts that have nothing to do with your current bf, recognize that for what it is - past wounds that need healing - and make sure he knows that too. If the relationship is a secure one and there's truly no need for jealousy and it's only a part of your past, than try to heal those wounds with God, because your current bf can't do anything about that part. Again, I hope this helps.
Lots of Love and luck!
