Hi,
I'm seeking advice on whether I should talk to my family members about some issues that have been bothering me for a while. I hope this post is not too long. The first problem involves my father's family. A few years ago, I allowed two very toxic relationships into my life - one was a friendship and one was someone I was romantically involved with. Fast forward to the present and both of those relationships ended badly with both of those individuals now working together to try and ruin my life. In the process of trying to isolate me, they got in touch with my father's family who I already had a strained relationship with (although at the time I didn't know just how much of a problem my father's family still had with me; I honestly thought every problem we'd had was behind us) behind my back, which they were able to do because I had introduced the friend to them thinking that this person was my best friend and like a sister to me and so I started introducing this person to my family, and they started using my father's family to spread rumors about me, bully me, keep track of what was happening in my life even though they were no longer in it and harass me.
It took a long time for me to figure out that they had done this because no one outrightly told me, but over the years they (my father's family members and those two individuals) would do psychologically weird and abusive things to try and hint at what they were all doing behind my back plus I had my suspicions that something like that might happen once I realized how dangerous the ex-friend and ex-partner were. Once I was certain of what was going on, I cut off my father's family and stopped interacting with them. But I didn't tell my father about any of this. I just distanced myself from them and only interacted with them if I didn't have a choice. My father has noticed how my relationship with them has changed but has never addressed it. Once his family realized that I was distancing myself, their behavior toward me got worse - maybe out of guilt or fear that I would tell my father what they had done. They started doing more overt things to bully me and make me fearful, still behind my dad's back or in ways where he wouldn't catch on to what they were doing but I would. Throughout all this, I just keep thinking, if I would just tell my dad what's going on, this will stop because I really believe part of why they have continued to do things to try and harm me is because they knew that I would be afraid to talk to my dad about it and ask him to get involved for a number of reasons.
The problem is that my dad and I, even though we are kind of close, don't have the kind of relationship where I can just tell him about things like this. Since I was young, my dad has always had a temper. If he even suspected someone was messing with me, he would blow up. I have always tried to prevent that so there are a lot of things I have kept from him throughout my life. Also, there are some things that have caused our relationship to become strained as I have gotten older and he doesn't know about my relationship with the person that I was romantically involved with. If I told him about what has been going on with his family, he will more than likely find out about it and I don't know how he would react. I also don't want him to get upset and then cope in an unhealthy way like with drinking as he sometimes has trouble processing negative emotions or situations in healthy ways. Also, I don't have physical evidence of the fact that his family is working with my ex-friend and ex-partner to harm me - 1) because they have been strategic about not doing things that might give me the opportunity to really document their behavior against me and the fact that they are all working together and 2) because any evidence that I did have, I deleted out of fear years ago when all this first started and I was dealing with intense anxiety and mental illness due to their actions toward me. If I tell him about all this, it will be so easy for them to just lie and say that *I'm* lying and then there won't be anything that I can do to prove that I'm telling the truth.
The second problem involves my sister's husband. For whatever reason, since I met him years ago, he hasn't liked me. Over the years, he has done many things to try to make my life difficult and there is one specific thing that he has been doing recently that has really gotten to me. Usually, I try and ignore the things that he does and I don't talk to my sister (his wife) about them because I don't want to cause any problems. But I am considering sitting her down and just having a calm conversation with her about how his behavior recently has affected me because I'm so tired of it. Talking to him about it is not an option because he's too hostile toward me and what he has been doing recently has also involved her in a way. She already knows that we had problems before so she probably won't be surprised but I also don't want to cause her any stress.
I was trying to ignore these problems and praying that God would just resolve them but recently I have been feeling that I need to stop being so afraid of confrontation and address certain things in my life. Also, in the past few months, these issues have started to overwhelm me more and more because they've gone on for so long and I am so tired of them and just want to be free of them. I feel like I'm losing any ability I had before to just take them in silence.
Between both problems, it's more likely that talking to my sister about the problem with my brother-in-law will be the easier and less intense problem to deal with (at least I think so). But the issue with my father's family could cause a lot of drama and even stress on me and my family as a whole. I'm not sure what to do.
Am I just overthinking? Should I just ignore all of this and focus on other things?
I'm seeking advice on whether I should talk to my family members about some issues that have been bothering me for a while. I hope this post is not too long. The first problem involves my father's family. A few years ago, I allowed two very toxic relationships into my life - one was a friendship and one was someone I was romantically involved with. Fast forward to the present and both of those relationships ended badly with both of those individuals now working together to try and ruin my life. In the process of trying to isolate me, they got in touch with my father's family who I already had a strained relationship with (although at the time I didn't know just how much of a problem my father's family still had with me; I honestly thought every problem we'd had was behind us) behind my back, which they were able to do because I had introduced the friend to them thinking that this person was my best friend and like a sister to me and so I started introducing this person to my family, and they started using my father's family to spread rumors about me, bully me, keep track of what was happening in my life even though they were no longer in it and harass me.
It took a long time for me to figure out that they had done this because no one outrightly told me, but over the years they (my father's family members and those two individuals) would do psychologically weird and abusive things to try and hint at what they were all doing behind my back plus I had my suspicions that something like that might happen once I realized how dangerous the ex-friend and ex-partner were. Once I was certain of what was going on, I cut off my father's family and stopped interacting with them. But I didn't tell my father about any of this. I just distanced myself from them and only interacted with them if I didn't have a choice. My father has noticed how my relationship with them has changed but has never addressed it. Once his family realized that I was distancing myself, their behavior toward me got worse - maybe out of guilt or fear that I would tell my father what they had done. They started doing more overt things to bully me and make me fearful, still behind my dad's back or in ways where he wouldn't catch on to what they were doing but I would. Throughout all this, I just keep thinking, if I would just tell my dad what's going on, this will stop because I really believe part of why they have continued to do things to try and harm me is because they knew that I would be afraid to talk to my dad about it and ask him to get involved for a number of reasons.
The problem is that my dad and I, even though we are kind of close, don't have the kind of relationship where I can just tell him about things like this. Since I was young, my dad has always had a temper. If he even suspected someone was messing with me, he would blow up. I have always tried to prevent that so there are a lot of things I have kept from him throughout my life. Also, there are some things that have caused our relationship to become strained as I have gotten older and he doesn't know about my relationship with the person that I was romantically involved with. If I told him about what has been going on with his family, he will more than likely find out about it and I don't know how he would react. I also don't want him to get upset and then cope in an unhealthy way like with drinking as he sometimes has trouble processing negative emotions or situations in healthy ways. Also, I don't have physical evidence of the fact that his family is working with my ex-friend and ex-partner to harm me - 1) because they have been strategic about not doing things that might give me the opportunity to really document their behavior against me and the fact that they are all working together and 2) because any evidence that I did have, I deleted out of fear years ago when all this first started and I was dealing with intense anxiety and mental illness due to their actions toward me. If I tell him about all this, it will be so easy for them to just lie and say that *I'm* lying and then there won't be anything that I can do to prove that I'm telling the truth.
The second problem involves my sister's husband. For whatever reason, since I met him years ago, he hasn't liked me. Over the years, he has done many things to try to make my life difficult and there is one specific thing that he has been doing recently that has really gotten to me. Usually, I try and ignore the things that he does and I don't talk to my sister (his wife) about them because I don't want to cause any problems. But I am considering sitting her down and just having a calm conversation with her about how his behavior recently has affected me because I'm so tired of it. Talking to him about it is not an option because he's too hostile toward me and what he has been doing recently has also involved her in a way. She already knows that we had problems before so she probably won't be surprised but I also don't want to cause her any stress.
I was trying to ignore these problems and praying that God would just resolve them but recently I have been feeling that I need to stop being so afraid of confrontation and address certain things in my life. Also, in the past few months, these issues have started to overwhelm me more and more because they've gone on for so long and I am so tired of them and just want to be free of them. I feel like I'm losing any ability I had before to just take them in silence.
Between both problems, it's more likely that talking to my sister about the problem with my brother-in-law will be the easier and less intense problem to deal with (at least I think so). But the issue with my father's family could cause a lot of drama and even stress on me and my family as a whole. I'm not sure what to do.
Am I just overthinking? Should I just ignore all of this and focus on other things?
