Babies Babies Babies!

[crishmael]

I got pressure to hurry up and get married at my old church. I think it was probably because unlike others of my age group I hadn't gotten married, gotten divorced, and then returned chastened and penitent like I was expected to. But I've always followed my own off time drummer.

 

[SweetDee]

Blind post.

I do, from every corner it seems. I am about 85% sure though that I do not want kids anymore, which scares me. I have always wanted kids but working with them for so long... I am getting burned out. And to be completely blunt, I do not like children...well, children that are not related to me. (a nanny who doesn't like children? I know...) Maybe it will pass, maybe it won't. When I told my parents that I am pretty sure I do not want kids they were extremely surprised and looked kind of disappointed even though they tried to hide it. Which is what I expected. My dad has always stated that he expects at least two kids from each of us. With my sister having eight kids, and my oldest brother having 3... and I still have another brother who is married so they might want kids soonish, I am okay with just being the crazy spinster aunt with an awesome dog that mumbles to herself and talks about the good old days when gas was only $3.67. So whenever someone does get on my case about being single, no children etc. etc. I will just interrupt them mid sentence with "Are you implying that I'm gay?" Maybe that will hush them up. Which to be clear, I'm not. Me like men. Me Gusta.

 

[vballbball17]

Nope. No pressure here. I don't really know anybody at my church and even if I did I doubt the would. Plus, I'm way to young to be thinking about babies. I kind of have to find a guy for that first.

Like, and on the same page

 

[white dove]

Do you ever feel pressured by church culture to just get married and pop out Christian babies already?

Especially all those older women who look at you with pity as if there is something wrong with your spiritual path because you're single?

I think a lot of is is self-imposed pressure. We all have a mental timeline in which we'd like to see stuff happen by such and such an age. Factoring in random comments from people, such as: your grandma, your best friend, your boss, that cashier at the grocery store... and you've got a recipe for "Oh crap! My life is not going as planned!" Honestly, I think a lot of people just mean well and don't really know how to phrase things. I mean, some are hosers, but a lot of people just want to see us happy and so they ask how things are going in the relationship department (or baby department if you're married). It happens. And it's natural. I would be worried if people just suddenly gave up to be honest.. because it's not like I don't want what they're envisioning.

I've already given birth, so I've proven I can handle the task. So now, I get questions as to if I want any more and how many, etc etc.. I don't have any problems answering them because I don't take offense. I know how old I am and how much "time" I have left. I know if it is in God's will, my son will have a sibling or two or three or whatever. Or maybe none and that will be okay too because it's God's will.

 

[Aino]

Thank goodness no. Actually for me it's gone the other way - people keep on telling me not to get married quite yet and I've had people make hints to me about the way babies will make my budget go down the drain and how horrible it is to wake up like a gazillion times every night so no, no pressure at all.. We'll see, I hope that's not another way of saying they dislike my boyfriend LOL. xD

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Do you ever feel pressured by church culture to just get married and pop out Christian babies already?

Especially all those older women who look at you with pity as if there is something wrong with your spiritual path because you're single?

No. Never felt pressured. And if I did, I'd let them know that I felt the unnecessary pressure from them and don't appreciate it.

 

[MehTeh]

Only small amounts of pressure. More along the lines of 'You'd be such a great dad, you need to find a woman.' Not too often either. Hooray for not being a woman and getting all that pressure.

 

[SullivanZ]

Do you ever feel pressured by church culture to just get married and pop out Christian babies already?

Especially all those older women who look at you with pity as if there is something wrong with your spiritual path because you're single?

Nope.

Being single is the best thing ever. I love it.

True bliss is found in living the single life. Yahoo.

 

[Verve]

I don't see a problem with not having a college education.

What I truly hate are all the chicks going to Christian colleges for an MRS degree

I don't have a problem with it, that's just one of the reasons that I believe I haven't found someone and "settled down" yet. I'm not trying to pretend I'm better than them for that, it's just my only real defense against them.

On the MRS degree, ever watch Mona Lisa Smile?

 

[Marycita]

I think who puts the greatest pressure on me to have babies is my underused uterus. Once a month she protest. Sorry sweetie, I'm selfish.

This is brilliant...just brilliant!!!



And no, can't say I get pressure about babies...just pressure about finding someone....

 

[127.0.0.1]

Do you ever feel pressured by church culture to just get married and pop out Christian babies already?

No. I'm a guy. Baby bopping is more of a girl thing.

Especially all those older women who look at you with pity as if there is something wrong with your spiritual path because you're single?

Older women look at me, but not in that way, the other way.

 

[RayofSun]

Despite the fact that most people my age in my town have children, the pressure only started this year. The older people in my town and church have a tendency to give people the "childless stare of disappointment", but they haven't really started on me.

I only notice an audible ticking of my biological clock when I meet people my own age. They come up to say hi and of course bring over their two children and hubby. I mean I have no problem, and it's sweet to see them happy... until they start looking down at me. My own peers are the ones who are giving me the looks and occasionally will ask if I've "started a family yet?" Like seriously?! I'm 22, what do I look like Betty Crocker?!

 

[Wren]

I was never directly pressured at my former church, but it was quite clear that I was a lesser Christian (and woman) for not being married with children. I left that church (and that denomination), though, so I shouldn't have to deal with that nonsense again. I haven't experienced anything like that at the denominations that I currently prefer to attend.

I don't have any significant self-pressure. I mean, I'd like to have a child, but I'm realistic. I'm almost 33 years old and single with no prospects, so I may not have any kids and I'm okay with that.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Someone once told me they thought I would make a good father. This is how I responded:

YouTube - laugh harder

 

[Gwendolyn]

Guys, I can take the cake on this one.

I'm Catholic. Catholicism is all about babies. The purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. Love and affection is secondary. And Catholicism condemns the use of artificial birth control, so Catholic families who follow that teaching are usually huge. Off the top of my head, I know families with 12-15 kids. Yep.

The best part? I'm sterile. I can't have kids.

I'm perfectly fine with that, though. I don't actually want to have children. I accept my biological situation and I am content.

However, that isn't enough for Catholics - apparently to be a real Catholic, I need to adopt or foster children. **NOTE: Catholicism does NOT teach that sterile or infertile couples must adopt or foster. They are welcome to marry and grow in holiness with their spouses. However, I have been told in OBOB that my heart is closed to God and that I am not "open to life" (a very grave sin in Catholicism) because I am content with my biological reality. That hurt me very, very badly. The implication was that I must be hellbound because I do not want children. All because my reproductive system doesn't work.

I think I win this thread. Not that there is a competition or anything.

In short, yes, I am severely pressured to have children - all the time. And I am viewed as a second-rate citizen by other Christians (Catholic and protestant alike) because I cannot have them.

I try not to let it hurt me, but sometimes it is difficult.

 

[broken_one]

Guys, I can take the cake on this one.

I'm Catholic. Catholicism is all about babies. The purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. Love and affection is secondary. And Catholicism condemns the use of artificial birth control, so Catholic families who follow that teaching are usually huge. Off the top of my head, I know families with 12-15 kids. Yep.

The best part? I'm sterile. I can't have kids.

I'm perfectly fine with that, though. I don't actually want to have children. I accept my biological situation and I am content.

However, that isn't enough for Catholics - apparently to be a real Catholic, I need to adopt or foster children. **NOTE: Catholicism does NOT teach that sterile or infertile couples must adopt or foster. They are welcome to marry and grow in holiness with their spouses. However, I have been told in OBOB that my heart is closed to God and that I am not "open to life" (a very grave sin in Catholicism) because I am content with my biological reality. That hurt me very, very badly. The implication was that I must be hellbound because I do not want children. All because my reproductive system doesn't work.

I think I win this thread. Not that there is a competition or anything.

In short, yes, I am severely pressured to have children - all the time. And I am viewed as a second-rate citizen by other Christians (Catholic and protestant alike) because I cannot have them.

I try not to let it hurt me, but sometimes it is difficult.

oh that's terrible.

 

[Verve]

Someone once told me they thought I would make a good father. This is how I responded:

YouTube - laugh harder

I should try that next time.

 

[white dove]

Guys, I can take the cake on this one.

I'm Catholic. Catholicism is all about babies. The purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. Love and affection is secondary. And Catholicism condemns the use of artificial birth control, so Catholic families who follow that teaching are usually huge. Off the top of my head, I know families with 12-15 kids. Yep.

The best part? I'm sterile. I can't have kids.

I'm perfectly fine with that, though. I don't actually want to have children. I accept my biological situation and I am content.

However, that isn't enough for Catholics - apparently to be a real Catholic, I need to adopt or foster children. **NOTE: Catholicism does NOT teach that sterile or infertile couples must adopt or foster. They are welcome to marry and grow in holiness with their spouses. However, I have been told in OBOB that my heart is closed to God and that I am not "open to life" (a very grave sin in Catholicism) because I am content with my biological reality. That hurt me very, very badly. The implication was that I must be hellbound because I do not want children. All because my reproductive system doesn't work.

I think I win this thread. Not that there is a competition or anything.

In short, yes, I am severely pressured to have children - all the time. And I am viewed as a second-rate citizen by other Christians (Catholic and protestant alike) because I cannot have them.

I try not to let it hurt me, but sometimes it is difficult.

Has anyone ever told you that your faith must be lacking because you "assume" you're sterile or don't have enough faith that God can overcome your sterility? I'm just curious. I wouldn't put it past the people who've said what you've already reported to us. I can't even imagine how hurtful that must be though. In your own congregation, no less. You know what you can take with you... you are a woman of God called to your own path and testimony. Nobody holds anything over you and the person with the last word is the Lord. You aren't 2nd rate anything. You are a daughter of the Most High. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can talk to your Father.

 

[Gwendolyn]

Has anyone ever told you that your faith must be lacking because you "assume" you're sterile or don't have enough faith that God can overcome your sterility? I'm just curious. I wouldn't put it past the people who've said what you've already reported to us.

I have received lots of comments like, "Look what God did for Abraham and Sarah!" and "God is the opener and closer of wombs." And I have definitely been told to pray for babies. One couple told me that their neighbours prayed to God every day for a child, and they got pregnant 9 years later after consistently trying to conceive. (I'd say that is a blessing indeed.) But for me, it isn't that simple.

I can be rather blunt, so I have said things like, "I guess God could regrow my uterus if He wants, but for now I'm just going to pursue holiness in other ways." (Meaning aside from childbearing.)

But most of the time I honestly think it is no one's business, and I think it is awful to judge people based on whether or not they are married, have children, or want children in the future. Childbearing is not a failsafe indicator of holiness or dedication to God. Not in the least.

 

[white dove]

I have received lots of comments like, "Look what God did for Abraham and Sarah!" and "God is the opener and closer of wombs." And I have definitely been told to pray for babies. One couple told me that their neighbours prayed to God every day for a child, and they got pregnant 9 years later after consistently trying to conceive. (I'd say that is a blessing indeed.) But for me, it isn't that simple.

I can be rather blunt, so I have said things like, "I guess God could regrow my uterus if He wants, but for now I'm just going to pursue holiness in other ways." (Meaning aside from childbearing.)

But most of the time I honestly think it is no one's business, and I think it is awful to judge people based on whether or not they are married, have children, or want children in the future. Childbearing is not a failsafe indicator of holiness or dedication to God. Not in the least.

I figured you'd get some of that... :/ At least you seem pretty firm about this though. I mean, if you felt called to have babies that would be one thing (and probably also just as hurtful to assume it would just happen for you). But seeing as you don't really want them, there is no harm no foul. Getting married and becoming a parent are very personal decisions. They're big-time, too. Nobody should ever feel forced into it and yeah, getting married and/or having/conceiving babies is not a clear indication of anything having to do with character or morality.