Another Moral Issue

[HisEagle]

If you ever had depression, you might understand that it is vital to take it one step at a time. A tumor can't be located and removed in a day.

I understand that. Believe me, I do. But please don't mistake what I was trying to say. (I sometimes have problems expressing myself in only a few words.)

I'm not necessarily disagreeing with the notion of easing your pain right now. All I'm saying is that the underlying cause needs to be identified and then a process needs to be undertaken whereby it is removed. That's all.

I went through such a deep serious depression years ago that I literally didn't bathe for days on end. I stayed in my pajamas all day, and ate the whole day while watching television. I saw absolutely no hope for my future at all, because I literally was expecting the future to not arrive. (A lot of this was due to a fundamentalist Christian position I held.) I wanted to have myself committed to a psyche ward, but I couldn't afford it. And I couldn't talk to anyone, because everyone would just tell me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and "get over it". So I know it's not something that can just be gotten over in a day. At the time I was suffering from the depression, I was also going through one of the worst periods of my OCD. I was very big into cleanliness issues, which was odd because I wasn't showering much at the time. However, if I was doing laundry and dropped an article of clothing on the floor as I got it out of the dryer, I had to completely rewash it. If I put a clean blanket on my bed, and someone touched it or sat on it, I had to take it right back off and rewash it. I was so bad that I had to touch things a certain way, and a certain number of times. I had to be precise. If I messed up, I had to start all over again. It even transferred into my prayer life, because I felt if I didn't say my prayers just right, that God wouldn't hear me. So I would start all over again. If I so much as messed up one word, I would ask for His forgiveness for messing up, and then start again. Likewise, if I messed up yet again, I not only asked Him to forgive me for messing up, but I also asked Him to forgive me for messing up the first time. It was horrible! The strange thing is, I never considered suicide. I just wanted it all to stop, but I had no way of getting help for it to stop. So I had to suffer through it until one day I literally forced myself to stop. It was hard, and the mental "itch" was bad, but I couldn't keep going on the way I was.

My apologies if I'm not helping. God's mercy and blessings to you.

 

[CSmrw]

I know. I know too well. But there is not one person on this board who can do that kind of surgery. No one. And I am not pretending I can erase what years have produced. But I also think...no, I know, that getting through the day is vital to getting through the problem. If I could I would get her the kind of help I think she deserves, but that's not in my power. I can only help her try to get through this time on this board.

You are right that she should get back into the real doctor. We are no substitute. It;s just that, right now, today, she needs to know that she is strong and that she can do this and that there is time and help and healing, right?

 

[CSmrw]

Without hijacking the thread and starting any sort of debate, I really have to disagree with you. I mean, yes she needs to focus on getting through today. But you can't just slap a bandaid on this. It doesn't address the underlying cause. It's not a surface wound that needs balm to be soothed. It's an unseen tumor inside which needs to be located and removed.

I'm sorry, the above reply was to this. Dunno what happened.

 

[meh]

Mod note: this thread was re-directed to self-injury support from another forum. If you had posted and wondered where your posts were, in the self-injury forum all posts are hidden until approved by a moderator.

((lily))

As someone who struggled with self-injury for a long time, I want to tell you that you do not deserve to be punished or hurt. We are much harder on ourselves sometimes than anyone else could be. I believe God knows your struggle. And he knows your heart which loves Him dearly. He wants only to help and he wants the best for you. You are not a bad person. You went five months without self-injury, and that is a wonderful achievement, but you are struggling today. There is no shame in struggle. If calling a help line is something you can do today, please do. The person on the other end of the line won't judge you. They want to help. I pray for you today, lily, that you will see that you are a beautiful person with a sweet spirit.

 

[BigToe]

I'm coming to this thread late, so forgive me if these things have been said already. I saw you mention the red marker thing, that is good. Thats a good trick to simulate the act of cutting yourself and seeing the red, but not actually hurting yourself.

Do you know what your triggers are? Knowing that is one step in the battle. A huge step, but one you can think on to help better understand what is going on.

When you are feeling good about yourself, write a list of the things you like about yourself. They can be as silly or serious as you want. Things about your looks or personality, accomplishments you've had or dreams you have, funny things you have said, really anything that you like about who you are. Then when you are feeling the desire to cut, read that list and help yourself remember that you like yourself. You're a good person and don't deserve to be hurt.

And of course is the whole support system thing. You deserve to surround yourself with people who care about you and want to help you. Do you have people you feel comfortable going to when you're feeling the temptation to harm yourself? Do you have a friend you can call or a relaxing place you can go?

*hug* I hope you are doing alright Lily. There is nothing in the world that would make you deserve to hurt yourself. I hope you do realize that.

 

[Teshi]

MOD HAT ON:

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This thread was moved here from different forum, so we needed to do some edits to make this thread comply with the Self-Injury Forum rules. Please take a second to read them for future reference:

This forum is specifically for members who struggle with self-injury.

FORUM SPECIFIC RULES:
(1) ALL posts are hidden until they are moderated by a moderator.
(2) ANY posts that contain a threat to self-injure, self-harm or suicide will immediately be deleted and will not be displayed.
(3) ANY posts that contain a description (regardless of how simple the description is) about self-injury, a self-harm attempt or suicide will immediately be deleted and will not be displayed.
(4) This forum is not a substitute for professional help by a mental health professional. This forum is for peer support. There are no trained professionals on staff that can offer any treatment here.
(5) Christian Forums, its staff and its owners will not be responsible for any posts or members in this forum. By posting in this forum you agree to indemnify Christian Forums, its staff and its owners from any and all liability and responsibility from any consequences that may arise from the use of this forum.

If you notice that your post was edited but you didn't recieve a PM about it, we were just removing quotes of other posts which have been edited or deleted.

Thanks for your attention

MOD HAT OFF

 

[crumbs2000]

ily00, are you seeing some professional help about this?You should get some treatment for it. Only a licensed psychiatric professional can diagnose this.

This is a mental health issue not a moral issue.

I hope you will be able to get better. Take care.

 

[Mayflower1]

Well, thanks for moving the thread yesterday... I was looking for support I guess, but no one was in the self-injury threads and I was going bezeerkos!!! I did end up cutting yesterday... Like Peter walking on the waves, I guess I saw the wind and the darkness around and I got scared and started to drown... it is horrible to cut after 4 and a half months... I was doing so good... I am getting my meds back on Lexapro today though, so hopefully that will help. Thanks for all of you'lls support... next time I am going to try not to justify cutting, so I can try and think more positively and get through it with the strength of God... I usually pray, which got me through 4 and a half months... but I couldn't pin point my feelings yesterday this time, and I felt as if I didn't know what to say to God... I think I was upset over my Mom being sick and everything but I am just not too sure what happened yesterday. I kind of felt alone and depressed. Helpless in a way... I feel much better today though...

 

[Teshi]

Lily, I am so glad that you're feeling better today

Praying for you...

 

[Cat59]

*hugs* for you Lily
You did so well to go all those months!
And hopefully having your meds changed will help you some more.
Perhaps have a chat with the professionals you see and see if they can help you through the next few weeks with a bit more support while your meds take effect.
Cat

 

[BigToe]

Honey, when you don't know what to say to God, the Holy Spirit speaks on your behalf. You can just tell God that you don't know what it is that is bothering you or why you are struggling in that moment, but you need his help. You never have to enter prayer with the words you wish to say. Just be honest with God. He wants you to go to him as a friend, and be yourself.

 

[goldenviolet]

MOD HAT ON:

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lol

 

[Protinus]

Honey, when you don't know what to say to God, the Holy Spirit speaks on your behalf. You can just tell God that you don't know what it is that is bothering you or why you are struggling in that moment, but you need his help. You never have to enter prayer with the words you wish to say. Just be honest with God. He wants you to go to him as a friend, and be yourself.

Listen to the lady with a Spanish Mackerel in her hand...God will know your pain before you confess your troubles to Him. Therefore, it is the discourse, the act of revealing your suffering that will help most.

We are ultimately destined to control our pain, to turn it into a different "frequency" but it is very hard to summon the courage to continually face God and to rely on those that love us. It is not the pain that makes us...it is our ability to remain connected to those we love that decreases our suffering.

 

[Teshi]

lol

I like my mod hat. He looks like my stepnephew

*prays for Lily*

 

[ravenscape]

Lily, I'm so glad today has been better. Praying for you!