I just got engaged on Sunday to a Christian man whom I've known for over a year. I'm beginning to wonder if this was a good idea, because he's not respecting my boundaries and I'm worried about the effect of lust on our relationship. He keeps getting handsy and I don't like it. I said I didn't want him kissing or touching me like that until after marriage - IF God led us down that path.
*OK, you have boundaries right? Time for you to
enforce the boundaries.
If you don't want his hands on you or the kissing to
become to intimate, then---Don't be in situations where he can get all touchy, kissy etc.
..I learned long ago that if the guy is turned on, then
you have to enforce the boundaries. Avoid being alone
with him or avoid places where he can get all touchy and stuff.
Set him straight ASAP...you've told him how you want to wait until marriage before getting too intimate, now it's time to show him that you are serious about that.
I want a relationship that is like the three-fold cord, with Jesus in the center - but it doesn't seem like we share that devotion to Jesus. I feel like the reason he now wants to marry me is just so he can have marital relations.
*Yes, many men are fighting their sex drives/testosterone ...this is a struggle for many
of them.
Whisper: Isn't it good to know you are desirable to him? There's been several who's been on this board
who didn't find their prospective spouse desirable.
Do you find him desirable? Hard to resist?
If so, then it's good that you enforce the boundaries
he's pushing too far over the "safe zone."
That's why many get married, there's the sex drive, the Bible says this:
1 Corinthians 7:1-9
"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote:
“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with
a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and
each woman her own husband.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
Likewise the husband does not
have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
(Note the mention of the lack of self-control.)
I also just found out that he had picked out this ring for another woman in a previous relationship. I'm not sure I like wearing a ring that was intended for someone else.
*It's a good ring, while it's sad he had a previous
romance that went "south"-- but on the other hand
you and him met, fell in love and are now engaged...
score for you!
The ring is still meant for an engagement... many of us may have something that was intended for someone else...I've worked in stores and so many pieces of jewelry or whatever get returned for various reasons...eventually these items get sold to someone else and many are unaware that what they have was intended for someone else... I got someone else's car, it was a perfectly good car, the car itself has no emotions-- so it is neutral...
the ring is also neutral...you can make it your own or assign some other meaning to it, the ring itself won't care. As for the car I got, I made it my own...and it served me well for many years.
It kind of makes me feel like I'm a replacement.
*You're no replacement, don't assign that title to yourself.
There was someone else before you... like there was someone else before this man you're engaged to... would consider him a replacement? I hope not.
I hope this man is someone you love and want to marry and share a life with.
He also has ten thousand dollars of debt hanging over his head, but he's lazy so he doesn't want to work it off. I've already told him I can't afford to pay his debt - nor am I willing to.
*Good for you! Stand up for what's right...at this point he's responsible for the debt he's incurred, likewise, you're responsible for the debt that you've incurred thus far.
It is good to discuss debt and to start paying off said debt(s) as much as possible before getting married.
I just am not sure if I made the right choice by saying yes, but I don't want to just end things on the basis of emotion. I should mention that I have broken up with him twice in the past, but decided to give this one more go. I don't know what the wisest choice is here.