I'm a Christian and my husbands an unbeliever. We have a 10 month old baby and we share a home together. For the past 2 years he has been quick to anger and constantly threatens divorce. He packs his stuff and leaves for hours sometimes days to his parents. He returns home and says he's sorry and the cycle repeats itself. I've tried everything from begging, asking, holding on to his things so he won't leave, and I've tried letting him walk out. But I feel exhausted tired of seeing him pack and then unpack. He says it's his anger and doesn't mean it. He has ptsd and is attending a methadone clinic. We are in couples counseling but it takes time to change. I love my husband any encouragement or advice please!
My husband has PTSD. Since we've been married, he's had some angry outbursts or has acted a little back-and-forth about stuff like his college major and sure he's said stuff he doesn't mean during arguments but he hasn't runaway. when we were dating, however...
We met in 2009 and had a wild summer of romance and fun. he had some money in savings, i was just out of college, he was back from the military as a vet with PTSD and he hadn't started his classes yet at the community college. So we were free to have fun. And we did. We fell in love fast.
Unfortunately, the grim reality of the PTSD caught up with him and he had an adverse reaction to some mood-altering meds. He also struggled when he had to face classes, therapy sessions, family drama and also a girlfriend.
By early 2010, we would break up like... every other week. and get back together.
Maybe not that often but he certainly did tell me, out of the blue, that he couldn't handle his life and a relationship and he'd tell me not to call him and go hide in his apartment or his family's house after he had to give up his apartment.
I'd be all distraught and then 3 or 4 days later he'd be back, sorry.
My parents and friends hated this for me. they understood he had a condition, but they wanted me to find someone "normal.".
After being there through all these up's and down's, falling in love, getting in through his low points and being there to "rescue" him from a few things I wasn't about to bail out on him. I wanted to be there when he got better.
This bipolar relationship continued until 2011 when we broke up for nearly a year and he had time to heal and so did I, alone.
After he got off the meds and quit drinking, he was able to act normal. for the most part.
Once we got back together, we had a few more up's and downs but we stayed together and got married in 2014.
The keys with PTSD guys is to be patient but don't enable. Don't enable him to drink, overdose on meds, treat you bad. You can't stop him from these things but don't encourage it.
However, you have to give him time to heal.
Pray for him, encourage him to stay in counseling.
Remove the triggers. Find out what they are, and remove them. Think about what goes on right before he up and says he wants to leave you.
Are you belittling him? are you talking about an ex? is it something unrelated to you like an unexpected expense or a confrontation with someone else?
My husband absolute cannot deal with
-being emasculated even jokingly
-being told I'll run away even if I'm really mad at him and want some space
-joking about cheating
-a story about another man hitting on me
-me entertaining unsavory friends
-getting forced to do a social event in a big crowd
Why? because he was emasculated every day by some jerky superiors in the military.
He was cheated on by the girl he was with back then.
And growing up they were always poor so old "trauma" from before the military plays into his PTSD too.
He also gets hyper vigilant a lot. he needs a loud dog, and a security system. He doesn't want to go into the bad side of town even just passing through.
There are so many triggers beyond the standard "loud noises" and "war flashbacks".
Every time he's ever being mean to me and saying something insulting or yelling it's because minutes before that, I accidentally did one of those things or he faced someone at school or somewhere he was that day who did one of those things.