well, I've been fighting depression this week, not sure all the reasons why, could really use some time out with my husband, but to get away, but already had to borrow money for enough gas to get him to and from work, just not enough money to buy food and gas. Anxiously awaiting word about a "job" that I am able to do because of my health issues, but that could take months before I hear anything and even at that, it's a long shot. Got a call from the school, not totally bad, but not good either. then, last night I get a call from a friend who is having some major issues, she is hurting because of the church as well, in fact, they left long ago, but want to come back, problem is, the church is still a mess. Well, as I'm listening to her, she says, 'if anyone has a right to be hurt and angry is it you guys, for all you have been through and how they treated you'...been waiting a very long time for someone to acknowledge that we were hurt very badly, a hurt that is still haunting us today, not just over the loss of our son, but over other issues to. So, it all piles on top of me today, and I start crying, and missing our son, and I want to stop hurting and I can't. I'm so tired...just tired, tired of pain, tired of life, tired of being here for everyone but no one willing to listen, tired of not being heard, tired of struggling for every bite of food our household needs, tired of not knowing if the car will run another day or if we will have gas to get to and from work. Tired of never going anywhere, seeing anything, doing anything...our son gets free flying miles for us, and we can't afford to use them to go anywhere, no time or money. Tired of living in a construction zone (even though I love where we live and am more thankful than words can say, I'm tired of never having anything done enough to live in it.) I'M TIRED! Tired of missing our son, oh how I want to pick up the phone and tell him everything going on or have him walk in the door and say, "hi mom, I'm home" and tell me all the things going on with him. Well, enough belly aching...time to pick myself up and focus on the things of God rather than myself...
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