anyone have any insight?

[razzelflabben]

church drama update...so we were drug into 2 meetings to discuss how harsh I was for saying that there were legitimate complaints made to the ministerial commission about the associate pastor. Apparently that is just to "harsh" for a licensed minister of the church to say to another licensed minister in a counsel meeting where peoples minds are running rampant over what the problem is. In fact, it was apparently so harsh, that the ass. wife left the church and hasn't been back, and the ass. is angry and not planing on returning. Since this change is what they asked for, the question becomes why are they so angry? There are two problems being aired...1. he can no longer call himself pastor...(he is now, by counsel vote, against my vote btw, director of children's education, which is what he said he wanted, therefore, no longer "ass. pastor" (no duties changed, only job title changed) and therefore is so angry he is leaving the church) and 2. that he is angry, or at least some are angry enough to leave the church because he wasn't asked if the job title change should happen immediately or at the end of the current contract. So apparently, by the church voting to keep him employed, (the pastor would have left if things didn't change) and by doing what he wanted (he said in counsel that he wanted this change, and that changing the title wouldn't change anything (even his salary stayed the same as well as his duties)) it was so devastating of a thing that they gave it to him, that he is angry enough to leave the church. But what is more, he is planning (according to some of his supporters that left with him, and confirmed by some supporters still there) on forcing the pastor to leave so that he can start his own church and take over the current building and anyone who doesn't like it can just leave with the pastor. In fact, there are apparently people inside the church that are trying to set up the leadership to make sure this overthrow happens. We have been told to our face that we are being set up to take the fall, the pastor is still being attacked to the point of his family suffering, and only a handful of people see that the problem is the ass., an ass. that is known in the community and church as being a politician that will not take responsibility and he and his wife are such gossips that people are afraid of crossing them.

Things are so bad, that at baptism Sun. the ass. stood off by himself and just glared anger the entire time.

On the positive side of the situation, one person on the ministerial committee, has admitted to having been duped into believing the Ass. was innocent and now knows better. So I guess we are making progress, but a long way to go and we could get really hurt before it's all over. May God prevail!

In other news, we think we have found an herb that will help many of my health issues. Early indications are that we have found an answer that Dr.s wouldn't even address. Praying that the improvements continue and that we can continue to afford the herbs. So encouraged by the improvements so far.

Well, my heart is aching for the church situation, we personally have enough information to take down the ass. but that is not God's way, so we continue to strive to be like Christ. May we have the strength to endure to the end.

 

[razzelflabben]

The church fight is continuing, and getting nastier by the moment. Now we are drug back into it, and one of our kids could be put through the ringer as well. This time, because the ass. asked why we disagreed with a conclusion and stormed out of the room before we could answer, so I told the two witnesses he called, who were still sitting there why I disagree with the conclusion. Got a very nasty text from...actually it's too long a story to explain...bottom line, more bad news today as to their plans for taking over the church which is all stirring up flashbacks, which are giving me fits today, so need to put things back where they belong and move forward, but it doesn't look like the end is very close. These are some evil people, even was told that some of the leadership is scared of them, but the God I serve is bigger, so not sure what I should be afraid of, maybe that is why we keep getting drug into stuff, cause we are too in love with God to know how to be afraid of these kinds of people...but being fearless of them, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that we don't grow weary, it just means that we will not be bullied into submission to their wills, and will instead, stand firm on the word of God, and take whatever comes our way, cause it's the only way we know to love our Lord and King...a King whose reign is absolute, eternal, pure, and holy deserves nothing less from His humble servants than to fight to the death! A battle that is fought on our knees in prayer and a firm stand in the face of evil. Psalms 23

 

[razzelflabben]

Don't know if I already said this or not, but we were already told we were being set up to take the fall for the Ass. Pastor and his troubles...so today, I find out, that they are spreading around the community that we are the cause of the problems because of a letter (they don't know what the letter says apparently, and the letter was written because the ASs. asked(yelled) at us wanting to know why we had a problem with making him the director of childrens ministry...so we explained our personal problems) Well, anyway, in order to explain to the community who is the "problem", they are now using our sons death to explain to everyone who is the "trouble maker" in the church...seriously, why can't people just let our son be dead...why try to continue to use his death as a weapon...!!! So not a good few days!!!! So want to blow some people up...lol...seriously, though, I am so looking forward to the day God permits me to leave this earth and go home to my King and those that have gone before me...missing my son...so want to see him again...moving on, long day still ahead!

 

[seeingeyes]

Don't know if I already said this or not, but we were already told we were being set up to take the fall for the Ass. Pastor and his troubles...so today, I find out, that they are spreading around the community that we are the cause of the problems because of a letter (they don't know what the letter says apparently, and the letter was written because the ASs. asked(yelled) at us wanting to know why we had a problem with making him the director of childrens ministry...so we explained our personal problems) Well, anyway, in order to explain to the community who is the "problem", they are now using our sons death to explain to everyone who is the "trouble maker" in the church...seriously, why can't people just let our son be dead...why try to continue to use his death as a weapon...!!! So not a good few days!!!! So want to blow some people up...lol...seriously, though, I am so looking forward to the day God permits me to leave this earth and go home to my King and those that have gone before me...missing my son...so want to see him again...moving on, long day still ahead!

(This is a very serious situation, sis. But I can't help smiling about the appellation 'Ass. Pastor'. Seems pretty accurate. )

The Lord God of heaven and earth hears your prayers, and He sees whats going on. He's got an even better view of the situation than you do. It's all in His hands. He will reconcile this mess to Himself, count on it.

I'm praying for you.

 

[razzelflabben]

(This is a very serious situation, sis. But I can't help smiling about the appellation 'Ass. Pastor'. Seems pretty accurate. )

lol thought of that a few times myself...

The Lord God of heaven and earth hears your prayers, and He sees whats going on. He's got an even better view of the situation than you do. It's all in His hands. He will reconcile this mess to Himself, count on it.

I'm praying for you.

thanks for the reminder, so needed that...the last few days have been really hard around here, which means we are weakened and satan has won a couple of blows, but in our weakness He is strong, so we just have to get our focus back where it needs to be. Thanks for helping me do that.

 

[razzelflabben]

Wow! Just getting details...a family friend's oldest daughter, about the age of our daughter, in fact, they are friends, was driving to school and the car didn't feel right to her, so she pulled off so as not to damage her "new" car. within a matter of seconds, she was witness to an accident, if she had not pulled off, she would have been in a head on, and the police at the scene said most likely fatal because of the size of her car...instead, God protected her and there is nothing wrong with her car. The other driver was taken by squad but was alive, not sure how bad but our friend was there to comfort her while she waited for help. I couldn't help but cry, and can't wait to hold her in my arms and know she is okay! Mixed feelings of joy that she is okay, and grief that our son isn't with us...such irony to feel both at the same time! So thankful beyond words that God compelled her to pull off when she did....words don't just cover it...

 

[Chococat]

Sorry to hear about your son's passing Razz I've not read through all the posts on this thread but am praying the difficulties you have with your church will get sorted out though it does seem like maybe you should find another church where the pastor and congregation have a bit of compassion and empathy. It never ceases to amaze me the way some professing Christians can be so insensitive to hurting people. I can't say why your son died, only God knows and I think there are some things we will never know this side of eternity but know your son is in Heaven and you will be reunited with him one day

 

[razzelflabben]

Sorry to hear about your son's passing Razz I've not read through all the posts on this thread but am praying the difficulties you have with your church will get sorted out though it does seem like maybe you should find another church where the pastor and congregation have a bit of compassion and empathy. It never ceases to amaze me the way some professing Christians can be so insensitive to hurting people. I can't say why your son died, only God knows and I think there are some things we will never know this side of eternity but know your son is in Heaven and you will be reunited with him one day

thanks, as to the church, the ASS. is not renewing his license, he will not sign his contract for another year. If he changes his mind, the word is that he will "probably" not be offered a new contract, which is a bit disturbing given everything, that there is even a possible, but...that is another long story. So basically we are in a "finish" the ordeal at this point. One person in authority thinks it might jeopardize our being relicensed, I'm not convinced it will, in fact, I have had several people thank me for standing up. I am really worried about one friend though, we are still a target, and she is in a custody battle, some of these people have already used children's services to get what they want. I am afraid they will try to use our friendship against her which would be very sad since the father is currently not a good choice for guardian (long story, very sad story)

As to our sons death, mostly things are finally quiet, at this point, the majority of the problem is flashbacks that are triggered by the death or as to the last post, danger of other kids about the age he was when he died. We also get flashbacks that relate to things that the ASS. did or that happened during that time, so lots of flashbacks as he has once again become the center of attention. Otherwise, there is the occasional non sense from family but that is easy to control, just don't talk to family, . We are greatly blessed that God has silenced those who purposed to hurt us further. After this business with the church is finished, we should be in the clear for those who want to use his death as a weapon except for my parents, with them, limited contact, and their aging poor health issues are helping. Just need to get through this time and deal with the flashbacks that do come...miss him more than words will express, but so happy for him and he is with our Lord, even looking forward to joining him.

 

[razzelflabben]

you so are not going to believe all this...first the facts...the group that left the church are still spreading rumors and gossip about us, but they are so desperate to find something to nail us for, that they are now using the youth to try to keep the pot stirred. In addition, they want to table our license for a year, which means that everything we have been doing for the church would violate licensure, but they want us to do those things, just without licensure...but to do so would mean we were not under authority which is a big deal with us...bottom line, this is getting really interesting. Rumor has it that they are trying to complete a church split, drive out the pastor and take over the church. apparently, the pastor and my husband and I are standing in the way, so it's all out war now.

In the meantime, and again, you aren't gonna believe this, the rumor is that one of our youth shot herself and punctured a lung and damaged her liver. We are still trying to get confirmation, but it is possible given two things...1. we know for fact the youth has been suffering with depression and 2. the father of the youth, was the pastor of the church that many of the "trouble" makers came from. They forced him out in a bloody, crazy nonsense similar to the one we are involved in. In the end, the church was closed and the pastor/family and many of the church members came to our church, this means a lot of flashbacks for that family and basically, they don't know who they can trust which could be at least part of the reason it is kept quiet if it is truth. Basically, I'm saying, at best the rumor has a 50/50 chance of being true. Last I heard, she wasn't awake after a couple of days.

So now, the drama of the church has spread to the children, we are being ostracized my many in the church because of lies, gossip, slander, and we have a youth that could be dieing but no one is talking. Oh, another reason that the rumors could be true is that they are coming from the local school of which the mother teaches and no one is correcting the information.

At this point, I have a strange mix of beyond belief trauma and a peace that only God can give that this will end eventually, and our lives will be quiet for a season. That being said, I emphasize some of this is rumor which is why I am talking here, because there is no one here I can talk to without being a gossip myself. None the less, I need to speak about my pain of all this, but can't talk to anyone here but my husband because I would be participating in gossip. We so don't need to bury another kid, dog gone it!!!! There I said it, I'm afraid of loosing another one of our "kids" (kids meaning children close to our family) and too stressed with church crud to know how to deal with what is going on right now.

 

[razzelflabben]

WEll, we have confirmation...as well as confirmation that they wanted it kept it quiet...but, someone from a deacons SS, a deacon that has not shown himself to be Godly, knows what is going on, didn't realize it was suppose to be kept quiet and was asking how things were going in prayer meeting. argh!!!!...on top of that, the board denied that not licensing us was their choice, but insisted it was ours, which means that the board is painting us to look guilty because in the words of someone in the church "if we weren't guilty we would have asked to be licensed" which we did but the board said we didn't. It needs to be taken to district, but we can't take it there and still be innocent, everyone I talk to that is upset about how the board is behaving is refusing to go, and we are convinced because of several things, that the board will try to offer the ASS. a contract in Dec, bipass counsel (which is a big no no) and we start all over again. This time, they will probably ask us to leave so the ASs. wife will come back, and we will have no say because we were already set up to look guilty even though we did nothing wrong...that way they get more power and the job back.

In the meantime, they are going around the community slandering the church as well as us, by saying that they came to him and begging him to be the ASs. because they needed him (they had 5 people apply for the job, two were dismissed for good reason. One was seminary educated, testing in the job, and evidenced the calling.) They then, according to the new story, promised him the job at X amount of money and are now firing him for no reason. The truth however is this, he confessed to not doing the job of the ASs. pastor, everyone recognized he wasn't doing the job, but instead of firing him, they created a new job description and title for him so that he would not be without a job and would keep his current salary. Which is when he got mad and started attacking the church and an all out assault on us. When that lie doesn't get them enough sympathy, they go after us, inventing things like us pushing him out, we are jealous, we slandered him in a letter, etc. now, they are using the youth to try and spread this poison of lies, and there are still people in the congregation and in positions of authority that are supporting him and trying to get him back into the church. In fact, he isn't doing his job as per the end of contract which he agreed to, his wife and kids refuse to come to church, he keeps saying one thing to ministerial committee but then goes to board and makes them look like a fool because he changed his mind. (one such incident was severance pay...) some of his supporters are going to him and begging him to come back, and on and on and on it goes...right now, I am a mix of worry over this kid who tried to commit suicide and frustrated anger at what is going on in the church and I can't say anything, just listen to others complain...argh! I need a long, far away vacation.

 

[Chococat]

Praying for you and your wife and for that poor kid who attempted suicide

 

[razzelflabben]

Praying for you and your wife and for that poor kid who attempted suicide

thanks

 

[razzelflabben]

feeling kind of angry, frustrated, and alone right now...maybe even a bit jealous...I so need a vacation away from all this drama! But don't have the time or funds to go anywhere...Enough drama already!...now the ass. pastor who has been causing all the drama, pulled my husband aside and told him that he believes the board was being dishonest and wrong in how they treated us recently and that if the matter had gone to council as it should have, we would have been relicensed. (that's a long story) this is the same guy who started the rumors that brought about the decision. Which among other things, makes us wonder what his plan and motive is...I don't know, maybe it just means he is figuring out things, but I have a hard time trusting him, after not only rumors and other nasty stuff, but his whole incident with my allergy attack that should have killed me...just really hard to trust him at this point, to be innocent of more wrong doing. And on top of that, no one gets the significance and importance of their decision, meaning they are now, trying to push us into not changing anything, even though they were determined to change things but now can't find someone to do what we have been doing...argh...like I said, need a vacation!

 

[razzelflabben]

angry, hurt, and tired...when can I stop? When can I go home?

 

[razzelflabben]

feeling really low today, not gonna go into all the reasons, would take to long and open me up to judgments based on too little information. Bottom line, I'm tired of being told I have no worth, not even of enough value to warrant air to breath. Before anyone say, "that can't be true"....even my husband recognizes the message behind the things going on (husband and kids are supporting me, it's everyone else and some of the things that are going on around here are feeding it). Anyway, I'm just totally tired of being told that I am a worthless piece of trash and some people on the forums are feeding that by taking me out of context, twisting what I am saying, then defending it by saying that they don't read what I say, only listen to what others tell them I am saying....well, enough complaining...this is now my complaint thread...missing our son, adds to the emotions I am sure, but on the plus side of life, we have his tree home, and I am anxious to see buds, so I know that it survived the move.

 

[liangys]

The bible says that "out of the overflow of our heart, the mouth speaks". (Matt 12:34). Indeed, words can either encourage or break down. Words have the power over life or death. And that is why now I am going to offer my words, through prayer for you, that you may experience victory, and that your sadness will be quenched:

"Lord, I come to intercede on behalf of razzelflabben. Please remove all his/her grief and all the emotional hurt that have come about as a result of people saying nasty things to him/her. Indeed You, Jesus, have said that weeping is for a night but Joy comes in the Morning. Let this be true for razzelflabben, O Jesus! Let the morning of her Joy be here! I pray that you will comfort her, and send angels and godly people to sow seeds of joy in her heart. Let not her heart be troubled anymore! Lift her up from her grief, and be with her each and every day. Help her to focus on Your Face, and to read and meditate daily on Your Promises for her in the bible, that she may be prosperous and successful -physically, emotionally and spiritually.

And now I come against the attack of the enemy on her emotions through the unhealthy influences around her, in the name of Jesus! I plead the blood of Christ over her!

All this I pray in Jesus' name, Amen!

 

[razzelflabben]

The bible says that "out of the overflow of our heart, the mouth speaks". (Matt 12:34). Indeed, words can either encourage or break down. Words have the power over life or death. And that is why now I am going to offer my words, through prayer for you, that you may experience victory, and that your sadness will be quenched:

"Lord, I come to intercede on behalf of razzelflabben. Please remove all his/her grief and all the emotional hurt that have come about as a result of people saying nasty things to him/her. Indeed You, Jesus, have said that weeping is for a night but Joy comes in the Morning. Let this be true for razzelflabben, O Jesus! Let the morning of her Joy be here! I pray that you will comfort her, and send angels and godly people to sow seeds of joy in her heart. Let not her heart be troubled anymore! Lift her up from her grief, and be with her each and every day. Help her to focus on Your Face, and to read and meditate daily on Your Promises for her in the bible, that she may be prosperous and successful -physically, emotionally and spiritually.

And now I come against the attack of the enemy on her emotions through the unhealthy influences around her, in the name of Jesus! I plead the blood of Christ over her!

All this I pray in Jesus' name, Amen!

thanks...I feel much better today. Self worth is a constant struggle for me, so when things happen like what have been happening around here, I enter into a major battle. God is always faithful, but sometimes it helps just to say, "this is my battle today"...again thanks so much

 

[razzelflabben]

so happy right now, our tree not only survived the move, but is full of blossoms..now to straighten it up a bit and enjoy having it home.

 

[razzelflabben]

Just need somewhere to say this....last night, I couldn't stop thinking about our son. I mean, I woke myself up repeatedly because I was thinking of him and try to take my thoughts captive rather than indulge in the pain. Today, I find out that my nephew is missing, at least to the point that he can't get a message home. He is in Marines in Calf. and they have been evacuating because of fires. I guess the reason I need to say this, is because I so remember the moments when we didn't know where our son was. Ours ended in his death, we are praying for a much better outcome with my nephew, but that pain, though not as strong because he has a whole military command looking out for him, is a recurring nightmare of anguish.

 

[razzelflabben]

This has become kind of a vent page for me, when I begin to feel overwhelmed. The tree, our apple tree from our sons funeral, made it home to our new place (long story), it felt so good to have it here, but then it got sick, a fungus I think. We have been praying for the tree which might sound strange to many, but it is important to us. I won't know if it will survive till spring, so far it looks better than the other trees, but still very sick.

on top of that, I am having breathing issues again, running between 1/3 and 1/2 lung capacity and no one will address the stinking issue because I don't have what they want me to have. So, I am slowly dieing and no one who can do anything really cares. In fact, now my muscles are so compromised it is hard to do anything, even cook and do dishes. I dig into the word which helps and am getting ready to enter some writing contests, but my biggest struggle is to not be bitter with the guy who was responsible for pushing my issues over the edge and instead of saying, "this is what I did." he triedd to blame everything and everyone else. I usually do okay with the bitterness, until I either get to feeling really bad, or I remember the other nasty things he did and the church covered for him.

On top of all that, the church is still in a state of drama, we are seriously looking at leaving in the fall, probably Oct. but these are people that loved us through our sons death, and the sheer weight of that is burdensome. (another really long story) Our daughter wants to go into the military at 17, which worries us given all the sexual problems in the military right now.

My husband is battling depression because of his job, (long story) but to add insult to injury, one of the guys he works with, just lost his son yesterday in an auto accident, which brings up old feelings. Been thinking about our son anyway, since his birthday is in 3 days. I miss him more than words are even capable of conveying. But that hurts too, because no one gets how close we were. We deal with his death, just like God tells us to, and so no one seems to understand how close we were, instead, they make excuses for those that grieve like the world about being so close to their kids that we just can't understand. Heck, if anyone understands, I do...not going there right now.

So I guess I just want to vent and get it all out of my system, I don't want to become bitter and angry at people who are insensitive boobs, and I don't want to think about myself and my own pain all the time, with any little reminder. In fact, I have a friend right now who has been suicidal and part of what is feeding into it is what the church did to us...if the church repented, the damage could be undone, but the church is too prideful to confess they were wrong even though a few admitted to it, the church as counsel agreed it was wrong and the district exec said it was wrong. I am just really burdened, not feeling well, and just need to say some things and be heard even if no one reads these words.