Your input: Topics for Single Ministry

[Spencer_3433]

Hey there everyone,

I am currently in the process of creating a proposal of a single's/not yet married ministry to present to some of the leadership in my church.

Through my research and preparation for this ministry, I have been encouraged to prepare a session-oriented program. I'm still not sure how many sessions to propose, but I have begun a list of probable topics that would benefit those who are beginning their journey of finding a mate, or evaluating their current boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Aside from time in prayer and God's word, I have been working through studies and books such as The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas, Nine Must Have Conversations for a Doubt-Free Wedding Day by Gary Thomas and Drs. Steve & Rebecca Wilke, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler, and Christian Marriage in Today's World by Bryant Wright.

Out of my studies so far, I've come up with these topics (in no particular order):
a) Qualities found in a wise marital choice
b) Personal preparation as a wise marital choice
c) What a woman needs in a husband
d) What a man needs in a wife
e) The myth of "the one" and the choices you have
f) Understanding the covenant of Christian marriage
g) The mystery of Marriage and how it relates tot he gospel
h) 101 Questions for couples
i) Dating vs Courtship (dating with the intention of working towards marriage)
j) Navigating the wounds of the past (yours and that of your potential mate)
K) Biblical womanhood and manhood

What I would appreciate from you are ideas of other topics that you would want to hear and learn about in a single's\not yet married ministry. This is for people of all ages and backgrounds, not simply for late teens or early twenties.

Note: I've posted about courtship before and been trolled by posters. For clarity, my meaning of the word courtship is a dating relationship that focuses on equal reciprocity, and intentionally moving forwards in determining marriage compatibility between a man and a woman. My meaning is not in reference to following a strict code of legalistic rules that say you must ask the father for permission, refrain from holding hands on date #4, meet weekly with the parents for evaluation, etc.

 

[kittysbecute]

It seems the aim of this group is not for all singles but for those who want to focus on future/current relationships.
I’ve never been to a singles meeting but I guess I thought there would be more general studying the bible and fellowship for singles who are celebate and not looking for romantic relationships.
I guess it depends on the ultimate aim of the group as to what topics you should focus on.

 

[eighty_proof]

What I would appreciate from you are ideas of other topics that you would want to hear and learn about in a single's\not yet married ministry.

How to use OKCupid effectively?

 

[Sketcher]

Are you aiming at limiting this to the general topic of "I'm single and looking," or are you open to having this be more open-ended in terms of content?

 

[NurseAbigail]

Would be nice to have topics like...
1. Finding God's will in career choices
2. Many singles are in college, would be nice to have a topic on how to remain in the faith despite intellectual persecution.
3. Hermeneutics
4. God and money management
Otherwise, i agree with @kittysbecute, the list seem more for singles who are preparing for future married life (which is a good list btw, look into Myles Monroe too, he has good teachings on it).

 

[Gnarwhal]

Topic: "I'm Single and Awesome"

 

[Spencer_3433]

Are you aiming at limiting this to the general topic of "I'm single and looking," or are you open to having this be more open-ended in terms of content?

Right now, I'm more focused on a series or session-style study that prepares people for the potential of marriage. Our church has a young adults and youth ministry that focuses on general life topics such as finance, biblical adulthood regardless of relational status or desire.

The idea I have in mind isn't solely for singles, it would be open to anyone who isn't yet married (this includes those in dating relationships, engaged, courtship, etc). Our church has a newly married group that would book end the vaccuum that exists between young adults and married life.

 

[Spencer_3433]

Would be nice to have topics like...
1. Finding God's will in career choices
2. Many singles are in college, would be nice to have a topic on how to remain in the faith despite intellectual persecution.
3. Hermeneutics
4. God and money management
Otherwise, i agree with @kittysbecute, the list seem more for singles who are preparing for future married life (which is a good list btw, look into Myles Monroe too, he has good teachings on it).

Thanks for the ideas! The first two ideas you mention aren't something I would be asked or approved to cover as our young adults group has been given responsibility for those topics. Sadly, remaining in faith through post-secondary education, and finding God's will in career choices aren't being covered with the current generation of young adults. The fruit of that neglect is coming to light, and I'm fighting to have that changed.

I want to include Hermeneutics in the singles/unmarried series under the umbrella of spiritual development as a husband, father, wife, and mother. Our church has a fantastic course offered in the Men's and Women's ministry using Grasping God's Word as a text book.

I like the idea of Biblical finance! I've added that to my list. There are a few topics I would like someone else to lead, someone with more practical experience. Finance would definitely be one of those areas.

Thank you for the suggestion of Myles Munroe, I'll look into his work

I agree with @kittysbecute too, this isn't a ministry designed for all singles. That's not what the Holy Spirit has been leading me towards. The Lord has gifted me with relational understanding and a passion for investing in the lives of those who are going on to the covenant of marriage and raising a family. I don't want to alienate anyone based on their calling or choices in life. I'm in a bit of a situation where some of the topics I want to teach on are the responsibility of another ministry.

 

[Citanul]

This is for people of all ages and backgrounds, not simply for late teens or early twenties.

If the intention is for this to be for all ages then you need to offer something more than marriage topics. Single people in their 30s and 40s are probably not going to be particularly interested in that sort of thing due to it not being all that relevant to them (and there's a good chance they've heard it before). And they're not going to want to be reminded that they haven't yet found a partner, or if they have it didn't end well.

Note: I've posted about courtship before and been trolled by posters. For clarity, my meaning of the word courtship is a dating relationship that focuses on equal reciprocity, and intentionally moving forwards in determining marriage compatibility between a man and a woman. My meaning is not in reference to following a strict code of legalistic rules that say you must ask the father for permission, refrain from holding hands on date #4, meet weekly with the parents for evaluation, etc.

In which case it might be better not to use the word "courtship". If too many people aren't taking it the way you intend it to be and you're continually having to explain what you mean by it that suggests it's not the best word choice.

 

[Spencer_3433]

If the intention is for this to be for all ages then you need to offer something more than marriage topics. Single people in their 30s and 40s are probably not going to be particularly interested in that sort of thing due to it not being all that relevant to them (and there's a good chance they've heard it before). And they're not going to want to be reminded that they haven't yet found a partner, or if they have it didn't end well.

I'm following what the Holy Spirit leads and calls me to do. That is to provide biblical teaching on God's design for marriage, how to best prepare yourself as a potential mate, and what to look for in a marriage partner.

As someone who is approaching their 30's, I wish someone had taught me about this sooner. Consequently, the Lord has put it upon my heart and soul to prepare others whether they be senior or junior to my current age. If someone in their 30's or 40's has chosen or been called to celebacy, this group of teachings is likely not going to serve their earthly purpose as much as someone who has been called to marriage and family life. However, people in their 30's and 40's, or 50's and older are still eligible for marriage. Whether people come from a broken relationship in the past, or never having been married before, what I'm being called to do is relevant to those who wish to have a Godly marriage and family regardless of their age. If they have heard all of this before, perhaps hearing it from a new perspective is helpful. I've read and studied the same passage in the bible 10 or 12 times, and it serves my life every time I renew my study.

This calling the Holy Spirit has put in me isn't about reminding people they're still single, or that they had a bad experience in a relationship. This ministry is about providing hope and understanding for what could be in the future. If someone is so bitter about their current situation that they want to shut their ears and eyes to what the Lord wants to share with them, better they stay single until they ask for a change of heart. I say this with having been someone who was bitter, and it wasn't until I asked the Lord to change my attitude and heart that I had hope for a future that might involve marriage.

In which case it might be better not to use the word "courtship". If too many people aren't taking it the way you intend it to be and you're continually having to explain what you mean by it that suggests it's not the best word choice.

I thought it best to put a clarification on my use of the word courtship because I couldn't find a term that more clearly encompassed what I hoped to convey. Sadly, this is the internet and there are trolls who get too much happiness out of sidetracking a post. I thought it to be proactive to include my reasoning and meaning behind my use of the word courtship. I think it's an excellent word choice

 

[Citanul]

I'm following what the Holy Spirit leads and calls me to do. That is to provide biblical teaching on God's design for marriage, how to best prepare yourself as a potential mate, and what to look for in a marriage partner.

Then you may need to be a bit clearer that this is the intention behind the ministry. Your initial description did come across as though it was a general singles ministry but you were only considering marriage topics. But if it's not a general ministry then there's no longer the objection.

I thought it best to put a clarification on my use of the word courtship because I couldn't find a term that more clearly encompassed what I hoped to convey. Sadly, this is the internet and there are trolls who get too much happiness out of sidetracking a post. I thought it to be proactive to include my reasoning and meaning behind my use of the word courtship. I think it's an excellent word choice

I would disagree that it's an excellent word choice if there's the potential for misunderstanding. A lot of people (maybe even most people) are going to think that you're referring to the legalistic approach that is so often associated with that term. There's nothing wrong with using it in the sessions where you've got the opportunity to explain what it means, but I don't think it's a good idea to use in the description as it might turn people away because they're taking it to mean something other than you intended.

 

[Spencer_3433]

I would disagree that it's an excellent word choice if there's the potential for misunderstanding. A lot of people (maybe even most people) are going to think that you're referring to the legalistic approach that is so often associated with that term. There's nothing wrong with using it in the sessions where you've got the opportunity to explain what it means, but I don't think it's a good idea to use in the description as it might turn people away because they're taking it to mean something other than you intended.

After taking time to reread your posts on this article, I feel like there is no reply I can provide that would be to your pleasing or satisfaction. Anything I have written, either to the general audience or directly to you, has provided you with something you wish to nit-pick at.

If you have any remaining issues with my vocabulary, ministry, and/or communication, please send such notes to my personal Christian Forums inbox. This thread was started to seek support in creative ideas for ministry, not a place for people to exercise negative attitudes.

 

[JAM2b]

I agree that it was kind of misleading and disappointing to think the topic was being single in general, and then learning the focus was on marriage seeking/preparation. I think it would be beneficial for you to relabel your group that indicates it is for people who have the goal/hope of being married someday.

Evenso, you need a topic about being content regardless of what may come of relationships. Some people start out seeking a mate and never find one, or find one and then lose them in one way or another, or find themselves in a marriage that is not fulfilling, loving, or God-honoring regardless of having strived to do everything right according to God's word and wise counsel of others. What if the marriage is perfect, but there is some catastrophic event regarding a child or children? Life throws curve balls, people die, people leave, jobs get lost. For a marriage to survive, and for people who intend to have a happy and healthy marriage but it never comes to fruition or they lose that, in order for them to thrive, they have to have faith and contentment in Christ. If seeking marriage is the focus for achieving a fulfilling life, lots of people are going to be disappointed. Teach that the joy of life comes from life in Christ, not a healthy marriage that they may or may not ever have.

 

[Citanul]

After taking time to reread your posts on this article, I feel like there is no reply I can provide that would be to your pleasing or satisfaction. Anything I have written, either to the general audience or directly to you, has provided you with something you wish to nit-pick at.

If you have any remaining issues with my vocabulary, ministry, and/or communication, please send such notes to my personal Christian Forums inbox. This thread was started to seek support in creative ideas for ministry, not a place for people to exercise negative attitudes.

What negative attitude? I haven't dismissed your proposed ministry in any way. You asked for feedback and I provided that, first with a suggestion that the scope be widened, although that's irrelevant now that you've clarified the intention behind the ministry, and then bringing up what I saw as a potential problem with one of your topics.

I don't have anything against what you've described as courtship, but I don't believe it's nit-picking to point out that there is a meaning commonly associated with that term in a Christian context, something which you acknowledged by explaining that it wasn't what you meant. Maybe my fears are groundless, but as I said I can see how people could be turned off by the use of the word, not understanding what you mean by it.

 

[Citanul]

And to suggest some topics - I do think that it might be worth adding some practical things such as

• Handling finances within a marriage
• Children - things like when to have them, how many to have, what that you should know before having them
• How to adjust to living with someone, after going from living on your own/with family
• Dealing with your spouse's family - this would be both in-laws and their children if they happen to have any from a previous relationship (especially if there's an ex involved)
• Sex - not simply "don't have sex before you're married", but explaining why you shouldn't, without shaming those who may have already done so. Also what do expect when it comes to sex within a marriage i.e the reality rather than what's depicted in the media/porn.
• Dealing with differences in spiritual beliefs - mainly if the two come from different denominations, and how to handle that, but also the issue of marrying a non-believer (and again not just "don't do it").

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Hmm. I don't know if this would be something you could use. But I made a post on my blog roughly detailing the differences between love and when a person just has an infatuation. They are cliff notes from a Chip Ingram sermon I listened to a while back. It has certain depths to it, but it would be pretty elementary to any believer who's walked with God for longer periods of time. I also have a message by Tony Evans that discusses Fasting and Singleness. It's a more meaty word. I would be more than willing to upload it for anyone that wants to take a listen to it.
Love vs. Infatuation ~ Tales of Mel

 

[Saucy]

And to suggest some topics - I do think that it might be worth adding some practical things such as

• Handling finances within a marriage
• Children - things like when to have them, how many to have, what that you should know before having them
• How to adjust to living with someone, after going from living on your own/with family
• Dealing with your spouse's family - this would be both in-laws and their children if they happen to have any from a previous relationship (especially if there's an ex involved)
• Sex - not simply "don't have sex before you're married", but explaining why you shouldn't, without shaming those who may have already done so. Also what do expect when it comes to sex within a marriage i.e the reality rather than what's depicted in the media/porn.
• Dealing with differences in spiritual beliefs - mainly if the two come from different denominations, and how to handle that, but also the issue of marrying a non-believer (and again not just "don't do it").

I agree with this post, especially the sex part. I was a young adult minister at my church for about 7 years and this was one of the areas singles (and even young marrieds) struggle with the most. They often feel their sexual desire butts up against what the church teaches, which isn't anything more than "No sex until you're married." While that's a great rule, it doesn't prepare or help them in any other way. There's the tough standard, then there's real life, which often gets sticky, messy, and complicates things.

There are also plenty of people, women especially, who struggle to have healthy sexual relationships with their partners because the church has done a good job at portraying sex as a dirty thing rather than what it was truly meant to be. That's why I believe a healthy teaching on sex is great for the teens ministry all the way up to young couples.