Your Identity in your Thirties

[Kelly]

In my teenage years I was somewhat of a geek, but I had my group of friends and we weren't ridiculed or anything, so it was cool. We played a lot of D&D and went to movies, the comicbook store, generally hung out. It was a simple, fun time.

In the 90's - my twenties, I embraced the 'grunge' rock scene and went to a lot of nightclubs, played videogames with my friends, was WAY into music and cult films, etc. Dyed my hair crazy colors, etc. Met my future wife. This was what I sometimes look at as the best time in my life. I had a real definition of who I was, what I wanted out of life. Granted it was a bit self-focused. At this time I was not Christian.

In the late 90's got married, started a family, got a 'real' job, cleaned up my appearance, etc - joined the world, basically. The birth of my first child (re)awoke a desire to know Christ, and I returned to Him, although not in the denom of my parents (Catholic, but not really practicing). We found a interdenominational, spirit filled church and that has been all good!

Now it seems like my entire life is my children. I work, make the money, pay the bills. My job pays good, but it's totally brainless data work, booooring and I never really interact with anyone. I'm in a position where I cannot afford to look for other work, because I know it won't pay as well and I'm not degreed.

I go between longing for the old days and a sense that I'm not doing enough for Christ - with work and family, I'm basically stuck at work or at home (although raising my children up to know the Lord is a priority). I want to be somebody, somebody other than a wage slave who has no time for anything or anyone but his immediate family.

All my old friendships ended when I got married, they were all still single and it bothered my wife when I hung out with them. When I became Christian it basically sealed the nail on the coffin because they're all very agressively atheist and really looked down on believers. No big loss there but I haven't really gotten any new friends. I joined a men's group at church but everyone has family and work and no time or interest to start new friendships, really.

I don't want to be this McPerson anymore. Anyone else going through this sort of thing?

 

[ericmartens]

in the same boat, I have maybe one friend here, and I don't see him often. I only go out wife my wife when I go to a bar or resteraunt now (not that I'm complaining, she's my best friend, but probably my only one). My entire free time is with the kids. NOW, this is not a bad thing, I would throw myself in front of a moving train for those two if I had to, but I literally have little to no friends. So I end up sighing, moving on and forgetting about it (yeah, unhealthy repressing). Sometimes I think I'd be too busy for friends though, I'm always on the go with work or playing with the children or with the wife, etc....but what I need is to find others parents like me in my area that I could call/congregate with. It's harder for men than women in my opinion. But I'm not totally bothered by it honestly.

 

[Kelly]

I would love it if I could find some guy who was married w/ kids where he and I (and his wife and mine) got along. Kids will naturally play together at their age (7 and 2).

My wife is somewhat introverted and not too open to meeting people. She's happy with the family nest, and most of the time I am too. I just sometimes miss the old days.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

In my teenage years I was somewhat of a geek, but I had my group of friends and we weren't ridiculed or anything, so it was cool. We played a lot of D&D and went to movies, the comicbook store, generally hung out. It was a simple, fun time.

In the 90's - my twenties, I embraced the 'grunge' rock scene and went to a lot of nightclubs, played videogames with my friends, was WAY into music and cult films, etc. Dyed my hair crazy colors, etc. Met my future wife. This was what I sometimes look at as the best time in my life. I had a real definition of who I was, what I wanted out of life. Granted it was a bit self-focused. At this time I was not Christian.

In the late 90's got married, started a family, got a 'real' job, cleaned up my appearance, etc - joined the world, basically. The birth of my first child (re)awoke a desire to know Christ, and I returned to Him, although not in the denom of my parents (Catholic, but not really practicing). We found a interdenominational, spirit filled church and that has been all good!

Now it seems like my entire life is my children. I work, make the money, pay the bills. My job pays good, but it's totally brainless data work, booooring and I never really interact with anyone. I'm in a position where I cannot afford to look for other work, because I know it won't pay as well and I'm not degreed.

I go between longing for the old days and a sense that I'm not doing enough for Christ - with work and family, I'm basically stuck at work or at home (although raising my children up to know the Lord is a priority). I want to be somebody, somebody other than a wage slave who has no time for anything or anyone but his immediate family.

All my old friendships ended when I got married, they were all still single and it bothered my wife when I hung out with them. When I became Christian it basically sealed the nail on the coffin because they're all very agressively atheist and really looked down on believers. No big loss there but I haven't really gotten any new friends. I joined a men's group at church but everyone has family and work and no time or interest to start new friendships, really.

I don't want to be this McPerson anymore. Anyone else going through this sort of thing?

I tell a similar story, but without the kids, and feel like I'm actually glad to be free of a lot of the "chaos" of my pre-Christian life. I'm a hermit by nature so I'm immune to a large degree the seperateness I have with the "world." Moving quickly into my 30s I'm just happy to be with God at all!