Your ex going from your love to your enemy

[Holiday]

I need help with this

It's been so hard to get over my divorce because my soon to be exhusband had been my best friend and my husband for 17 years. Then he got with this mistress and now hates me and wants to sue for custody of the kids and calls me a neglectful mother even though thru our whole marriage he praised my mothering and told me I was TOO good of a mom.

 

[RobertMerton]

I need help with this

It's been so hard to get over my divorce because my soon to be exhusband had been my best friend and my husband for 17 years. Then he got with this mistress and now hates me and wants to sue for custody of the kids and calls me a neglectful mother even though thru our whole marriage he praised my mothering and told me I was TOO good of a mom.

I am sorry for hearing about that.
I will pray for you.

I would also encourage you to seek support from your church, or cell group members. This situation would be a very tough one, and it is in the fellowship of other christians that we may seek comfort. Of course, also seek comfort in the Lord. Work at your relationship with the Lord. Ask him to heal you from this. Ask him to give you strength, to give you comfort.

Pray for your ex husband. Also pray for the mistress. Pray for your children.

Do not worry. If you find yourself worrying, just start praying.

Hope this helps.

 

[Holiday]

As terrible as this sounds, I have a friend who is widowed. And sometimes that seems easier than what I'm going through.

He's gone. But in a different way. Those eyes that use to look at me with love, are blank. I will never hear him say I love you, or smile at me.

He does all those things for a new woman now. A woman who was sleeping with him, and talking to him, while I was home caring for our sick infant.

We never got to take a family vacation, but yet this woman gets to take a family vacation with my kids this summer.

I have to see him with someone else. I have to feel his hate towards me.

This talking through lawyers, and fights, and sneakiness is horrible and not how I want to be. Going through a divorce, even though it wasn't my idea...feels unchristian. It's very dirty and messy and evil.

If he doesn't love me anymore, fine. Just don't hate me.

I have gone through so much in the last 3 years (gave birth to a 1 pound baby, her hospitalizations, an ectopic pregnancy that required me to lose my fertility, finding out my husband had affairs after we brought baby home, him leaving me, the children and I finding out he was living with another woman and not his dad like he told us, them renting a home a few mins from mine, not knowing where I'm going to live or how I will support my kids since I was sahm and have four kids, etc) and I see these two people, so morally corrupt, get to enjoy my children, get to be happy and in love. While I have no car, no money, no job.

 

[BRISH]

I need help with this

It's been so hard to get over my divorce because my soon to be exhusband had been my best friend and my husband for 17 years. Then he got with this mistress and now hates me and wants to sue for custody of the kids and calls me a neglectful mother even though thru our whole marriage he praised my mothering and told me I was TOO good of a mom.

It makes him feel better...all this.

This is what cheaters do. (You're not divorced so he's cheating whether it started before or after seperation.) It's what quitters do. It's how they deal with the guilt even if they swear they have no guilt.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't think of anything else that feels like such a betrayal.

I had to learn to just let go of what I thought I had. With time, I came to see that what I was hanging onto wasn't real. It was just familiarity.

As for the children, you two have to keep your personal feelings towards each other out of it. Keep doing what you're doing. Be the kids' safe neutral ground to fall back on. Be an advocate for the them in what's best for them, and that is as much involvement with each parent (as long as it's safe). Take care of the kids. Make sure they are still connected to their father. Doing these two will keep you safe legally and in the long run in your childrens' eyes.


Prayers to you

 

[faithinHim2012]

Holiday, I don't know how I can help you with this, unless it's comforting to hear from others in the same, or similar, situation. I've been with my wife (also soon to be ex) for 17 years also. Until 5 years ago she was my best friend, whom I trusted completly. We had what we both considered the perfect marriage. Five years ago I discovered a phone affair with an ex-boyfriend. Two years ago I discovered a sexual affair with a different man. Until last month I've worked my (blank) off to keep our family (two pre-teen daughters) together, with her espousing commitment and faithfulness, and desire to spend the rest of her life with me.

Well, she basically used my heart and our family as a trash can. I found out that not only was she still seeing the other man, but had slept with at least six other men in the past six months as well. I'm not hurt about "losing" her because my feelings have hardened due to continuous lying, but I'm still in complete shock that she would so egregiously wreck our family.

My commonality with your note is that it when I look at pictures of us from the best of times I can't remember my feelings for her then. All I see is a horribly selfish cheater.

 

[Holiday]

All that runs thru my mind is the past when I was happy.

He is sooo Ok with this, and it hurts. I cannot believe he doesn't miss me or our family. He acts like this is all ok and the kids will be fine