You know you're a Creationist if . . .

[Loudmouth]

For those not familiar with the american comic Jeff Foxworthy, he has a bit where he starts with the phrase "You know you're a redneck if . . ." and then finishes the statement with a slew of witty and pointed punchlines like "you go to family reunions to pick up on chicks."

So, I was thinking that we should start a thread with witty punchlines for "You know you're a Creationist if . . . .". I would also encourage someone to start a "You know you're an Evolutionist if . . ". Just make sure to keep it witty, and nothing about posters on this forum.

I will start it off.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A CREATIONIST IF . . .

. . . you will let Kent Hovind do your science but not your taxes.

. . . a Jesus fish on the back of your car is evidence for creationism.

. . . Pro football and science class are on the same day.

. . . you believe that humans evolved to be NASCAR drivers.

Most important thing, keep it witty not mean.

 

[MartinM]

...you think your girlfriend has one more rib than you, but are too embarrased to ask.

 

[Oncedeceived]

...you think your girlfriend has one more rib than you, but are too embarrased to ask.

Good one!

 

[EvoDan]

... you wonder why there are still monkeys.

 

[rmwilliamsll]

...you think your girlfriend has one more rib than you, but are too embarrased to ask.

and too shy and timid to count for yourself *grin*

but really shouldn't it be one rib missing from one side of males and a full set on females? so you would have to count both sides of your ribs and both sides of her's to be sure. counting pairs would not be sufficient if males had only one rib instead of a pair.

 

[MartinM]

True. Creationist dating must be interesting.

 

[rmwilliamsll]

...you think your girlfriend has one more rib than you, but are too embarrased to ask.
and too shy and timid to count for yourself *grin*

True. Creationist dating must be interesting.

actually it is really easy.

you know you are a creationist if when you read an article with numerical dates you just automatically delete the last 3 zeroes, so 4 million becomes 4 thousand years ago.


*grin*
reps for the context switch.


so the problem with Creationists is their dating systems......

 

[Loudmouth]

You know you're a creationist if . . .

carbon dating only works on Hebrew artifacts.

PBS stands for Public Brainwashing Station.

you don't appreciate David Attenborough's killer british accent.

your science book needs more stickers.

intermediate fossils create more gaps in the fossil record.

Archaeopteryx is just a bird.

"dating methodologies" sounds like a technical term for "making out".

 

[EvoDan]

You know you're a creationist...

... if you can leg press 2000 pounds.

 

[Oncedeceived]

You know you're a creationist if . . .

carbon dating only works on Hebrew artifacts.

PBS stands for Public Brainwashing Station.

you don't appreciate David Attenborough's killer british accent.

your science book needs more stickers.

intermediate fossils create more gaps in the fossil record.

Archaeopteryx is just a bird.

"dating methodologies" sounds like a technical term for "making out".

LMAO

 

[Oncedeceived]

You know you're a creationist...

... if you can leg press 2000 pounds.

hehe??? uh....he....uh What?

 

[Phred]

You might be a creationist if you'd rather have Pat Robertson pray for you than a crack team of surgeons operate on you.

You just might be a creationist if you've ever gotten angry at that car in front of you 'cause it has a dang Darwin fish on it.

You might be a creationist if you think reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries.



And... you might be a creationist if you live in Kansas.

 

[OdwinOddball]

hehe??? uh....he....uh What?

Pat Robertson once stated that he could leg press 2000 pounds.

 

[rmwilliamsll]

You might be a creationist if you think reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries.


and that NOVA is the second part to Joseph Campbell's mythology series, covering modern science's religious myths.

 

[Late_Cretaceous]

You might be a creationist if you think all the bad stuff in the world, from death and suffering to entropy (yes, entropy) was caused by some naked chick eating a piece of fruit after talking to a snake.
​

 

[Edx]

You know you're a Creationist if you think the banana is an atheists nightmare.

 

[Late_Cretaceous]

You know, the bible does not actually say that Eve ate an apple - just a piece of fruit. I bet it was a banana.

 

[XTE]

if YUR dog's close cousin is u Hyena from Africa, YOU MIGHT BE A CREATIONIST!

 

[joey444]

I'm using that as a sig.

 

[Ryal Kane]

You might be a creationist if your positive that Evolution is a conspiracy because Mulder was in the movie.