Where to start?
I was raised as an atheist by my mother. Rigidly. There was no room for God in my belief system.
When I was 10, my father left, and my mother then tried to take her own life, failed, but such things can have a profound effect upon ones life, as we will see later. She ended up in a hospital for ages, effectively leaving me alone.
Soon after that I changed schools, and suddenly I was alone. I was the odd one out, the one no one liked. I never tried to defend myself, so I suppose I asked for it, in a way.
Move on a few years, and I meet a group of girls from my old school, in greeting me, they managed to hurt one of the people they were with, unintentionally, by some throw away comment. I was struck quite heavily by the look of pain on her face, so I made a little stand, pointing out that that wasn't perhaps the nicest thing to do. Some of them I think listened to me, some didn't, but the point of that was that a bit later that day, I found that girl left on her own, looking more than a little distressed. Now, naturally, I feel a little guilty about this, as my outburst earlier could well have caused it, so I go over to apologise. She says that the apology was unnessesary , and that she deeply appreciated what I'd done earlier (It later transpired that it initiated a major shake up of the group, there was a lot less fighting between that group of friends in the years after that) But anyway, we got involved. It turns out that she had been massively abused as a child, and had been left extremely vulnerable as a result, and she loved me for my standing up for her, and unwillingness to take advantage of her state. I loved her for her honesty, the way that despite all that had happened to her, she was still peaceful, gentle and loving, her courage, and so on. After a while, we got engaged. Soon afterwards, her father started mistreating her, and this lead to her taking her own life.
Leaving me utterly devastated. Soon after I left home again, for university. Once again tearing me from any support structure that I had. It was about this time I fell deeply into alcoholism, and tried on 4 occasions to kill myself. It seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do, it already having played a large part of my life. In retrospect, I can see that it was God who stopped any of those being successful.
It was about a year later I accepted Jesus into my life. There was someone in my block at university who was a christian, and looked after me through all the hell I was suffering. In the end, of course, Jesus won. And there's nothing better than being able to say that. Overnight, the alcoholism cleared up. I will admit life is still very hard for me, I struggle terribly still with my past, and my feelings of inadequacy from allowing someone I loved so dearly kill herself do still plague me.
But I know Jesus loves me, I know he's forgiven me, and I know that someday, he'll completely heal me. Until that day, I praise him for what he's done for me, I praise him for all the troubles in my life, for without them, I wouldn't be in the place I am now. And I love him, for the unconditional love he grants us all. For sure, no-one could be better. How he can turn such evil to good, is beyond my comprehension.
sorry for all the waffle. Hope it wasn't too dull.
I was raised as an atheist by my mother. Rigidly. There was no room for God in my belief system.
When I was 10, my father left, and my mother then tried to take her own life, failed, but such things can have a profound effect upon ones life, as we will see later. She ended up in a hospital for ages, effectively leaving me alone.
Soon after that I changed schools, and suddenly I was alone. I was the odd one out, the one no one liked. I never tried to defend myself, so I suppose I asked for it, in a way.
Move on a few years, and I meet a group of girls from my old school, in greeting me, they managed to hurt one of the people they were with, unintentionally, by some throw away comment. I was struck quite heavily by the look of pain on her face, so I made a little stand, pointing out that that wasn't perhaps the nicest thing to do. Some of them I think listened to me, some didn't, but the point of that was that a bit later that day, I found that girl left on her own, looking more than a little distressed. Now, naturally, I feel a little guilty about this, as my outburst earlier could well have caused it, so I go over to apologise. She says that the apology was unnessesary , and that she deeply appreciated what I'd done earlier (It later transpired that it initiated a major shake up of the group, there was a lot less fighting between that group of friends in the years after that) But anyway, we got involved. It turns out that she had been massively abused as a child, and had been left extremely vulnerable as a result, and she loved me for my standing up for her, and unwillingness to take advantage of her state. I loved her for her honesty, the way that despite all that had happened to her, she was still peaceful, gentle and loving, her courage, and so on. After a while, we got engaged. Soon afterwards, her father started mistreating her, and this lead to her taking her own life.
Leaving me utterly devastated. Soon after I left home again, for university. Once again tearing me from any support structure that I had. It was about this time I fell deeply into alcoholism, and tried on 4 occasions to kill myself. It seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do, it already having played a large part of my life. In retrospect, I can see that it was God who stopped any of those being successful.
It was about a year later I accepted Jesus into my life. There was someone in my block at university who was a christian, and looked after me through all the hell I was suffering. In the end, of course, Jesus won. And there's nothing better than being able to say that. Overnight, the alcoholism cleared up. I will admit life is still very hard for me, I struggle terribly still with my past, and my feelings of inadequacy from allowing someone I loved so dearly kill herself do still plague me.
But I know Jesus loves me, I know he's forgiven me, and I know that someday, he'll completely heal me. Until that day, I praise him for what he's done for me, I praise him for all the troubles in my life, for without them, I wouldn't be in the place I am now. And I love him, for the unconditional love he grants us all. For sure, no-one could be better. How he can turn such evil to good, is beyond my comprehension.
sorry for all the waffle. Hope it wasn't too dull.
Glory to God our loving gracious and beautiful Father.
