Would you stay?

[Cheeky^23]

HI all..

I have a sticky situation..here goes.. go easy im new.. I know in my heart my boyfriend doesn't "love" me but deeply cares about me. I know that I love him with all that i can. I truly feel that he is only with me to "hang out" and kill some time and has no intention of making our relationship "real" by either marriage or further commitment. We have been together for over a year and have lived together but now are not due to some recent turmoil (he didnt want to keep living together).

Would you stay with someone to see if they changed from their selfish ways knowing what you know or cut your losses, feel some hurt and move on to better prospects. What would you do?

Thanks heaps.

 

[charligirl]

Welcome to the Forums

What a painful place for you to be in. I'm not sure you will like what I have to say but your boyfriend has no business dating you long term if he has no intention of marriage, he is playing with your affections and it is not love that motivates him (as you said yourself). This shows a lack of respect for you and exposes his selfishness.

I urge you to cut your losses and get out of this relationship. You say you were living with your boyfriend, yet you know he doesn't love you? It sounds to me that you need to really have some time alone and allow God to heal your wounds and strengthen you so you find your acceptance and love in Him, and not look for it in empty relationships that are leading you away from God. Only then will you be in a position to meet a real Godly man who will love you for who you are, with a view to marriage. God loves you so much and wants His best for you... trust Him enough to make the break!

 

[Sailor's Wife]

*

 

[bliz]

I'm in agreement with the others.

I know how hard it can be to even think about ending a relationship with someone that you care about and someone who cares about you. But you made the case yourself when you stated that you know this is not going forward to marriage. By hanging in there, you are cutting yourself from other oppportunities and only postponing the heartbreak. And there will be heartbreak!

He will still know where you are and if he changes, he can always get back in touch with you.

If you aren't sure, read some of the postings in the divorce and unequally yoked sections. The heartbreak of these women who made a bad choice in marriage or living with someone just go on and on. You are seeing where this is headed; take advantage of that knowledge.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Well, living together was not a good move. If he wants no future, and you do, then the decision should be obvious. What were you hoping for with this man?

 

[jwebhead]

'cheeky'
I know it will be hard and painful, but please move on...
You deserve someone who will love you, adore you, dream to be with you...do not sell yourself short. We all so want to be in the perfect relationship with a great guy and do not want to be 'alone'. Do not seek out a guy...get close and stay close to God. If you focus all that you are on the Lord, when you are ready (and only God knows when that will be) then another guy will be focused on God and they 2 of you will cross paths.
Yes it sounds fairy tale, but it will happen if you first focus up only on Gad.


Please trust and obey the Lord...

 

[Cheeky^23]

Thanks guys.. and yes my boyfriend has been a christian since he was born, although i dont see any sign that he actually practices any of it.

I know what you are saying is right and i do know that God has a special someone out there for me when the time is right. Im just impatient!

And Dave Kerwin, with this man i was hoping that he would continue to treat me the way he did when we first started going out.. he appeared to me to be a "wolf in sheeps clothing" so to speak.. he was all loving and romantic and then turned selfish and uncaring after a few months.

He has previously been married and in that marriage he was engaged after only 6 weeks!..it only lasted two years.. I think whatever happened there has changed him for life..

Sigh..... nonetheless, i know what i have to do.

 

[kayanne]

this does not sound like the right relationship for you. you say he does not love you, that he is selfish. even if he did decide he wanted to marry you, you could end up miserable. i know that before i was married i truly believed that i would rather be married to "someone" even if i had to "settle" for someone that wasn't ideal, rather than to be single. oh my was i wrong!! my husband and i had some horribly rocky years--i can't even begin to describe how unhappy i was and so full of regret. now, in our case, God pretty much worked a miracle in both of our lives, and we have now been married for 20 years and we deeply love each other. but i've learned that being single is better than being married to someone selfish, angry, unkind (my dh is NOT that way anymore, PTL).

take some time out of serious relationships, spend time growing close to the Lord, growing in your love for Him, and growing the fruit of the spirit in your own life. let the beauty, love, and joy of Jesus become the very core of who you are. continue growing into a beautiful Christian woman, and in His time God will most likely bring you a wonderful Christian man who will admire you and adore you for who you are, and who will see marriage to you as the biggest blessing God ever gave him in his earthly life.
hugs to you, and prayers for strength as you face this decision. kayanne

 

[Cheeky^23]

Thanks heaps. I jsut thought of something else.

The sexual relationship with my bf seems to be 70% all he cares about. I believe the reason he got engaged to his ex-wife in 6 weeks was so that he could sleep with her. Because she was a devoted christian and wanted to wait until marriage. low huh?

I feel i am being used for this reason also..

Bless you all..

x

 

[DaveKerwin]

Thanks heaps. I jsut thought of something else.

The sexual relationship with my bf seems to be 70% all he cares about. I believe the reason he got engaged to his ex-wife in 6 weeks was so that he could sleep with her. Because she was a devoted christian and wanted to wait until marriage. low huh?

I feel i am being used for this reason also..

Bless you all..

x

I encourage you to consider how you giving him sex made his life complete and provided him no incentive to marry you. He does not need to marry you because he has everything he wants, and he lives with you as if you were married. Be sure to change this in your life. Not as a means to manipulate your next man, but as a means to please our Lord who calls us to live in righteousness. Do pray for his guidance and strength next time around. God be with you.

 

[Cheeky^23]

Thanks Dave Kerwin, your EXACTLY right.

Well I do want to live my life in righteousness.. so I am going to tell my bf, that i will no longer be living in sin and want to wait until marriage.. i want to be an honest woman. So tonight in the nicest possible way I will tell him just that.

I will report back on what he says, but i dont think its going to be good.

 

[kayanne]

Thanks Dave Kerwin, your EXACTLY right.

Well I do want to live my life in righteousness.. so I am going to tell my bf, that i will no longer be living in sin and want to wait until marriage.. i want to be an honest woman. So tonight in the nicest possible way I will tell him just that.

I will report back on what he says, but i dont think its going to be good.

praying for you cheeky!!!!!

 

[Tami]

Thanks guys.. and yes my boyfriend has been a christian since he was born, although i dont see any sign that he actually practices any of it.

No one is a Christian from birth. We become Christians by recognizing that we have sinned and repent of those sins to God and do our best to live the way God tells us to in the Bible. No one is a Christian simply because they are born into a Christian family. If your boyfriend has not made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ for himself and is trying to ride on the coatstrings of his parents to get into Heaven then he will certainly not make it there. If he has not made his own persnal commitment to Jesus Christ then I urge you to leave the relationship immediately since God says not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Besides that, you already said that you know that he doesn't love you, so whether he's a Christian or not I still think you should break up with him. You are only torturing yourself by staying with someone who does not love you.

Tami

 

[GirlieGirl]

I encourage you to consider how you giving him sex made his life complete and provided him no incentive to marry you. He does not need to marry you because he has everything he wants, and he lives with you as if you were married. Be sure to change this in your life. Not as a means to manipulate your next man, but as a means to please our Lord who calls us to live in righteousness. Do pray for his guidance and strength next time around. God be with you.

Blunt but very true. Don't stay just to be used. It sounds like you know you need to leave. Now you just have to find teh courage to do it. Staying with him will only keep you feeling used and dependent. Once you exercise you courage and stand up to and in a sense tell him "I'm worth a lot more than this", you will feel good about yourself. Will you let us know when you've done it?

 

[Cheeky^23]

Thank you.

Tami, your right. I just never thought of it like that.

Girliegirl, Thank you for your kind words. I will let you know when I have done it. I am going to talk to him tonight and see how it goes.. so I will let you guys know. I think he will be supportive that I want to live righteously, but will not like the effects it is going to have on him and pray that I will not give into temptation.

Im so glad I found this forum. God Bless.