Would you have been hurt?

[Mommyof3]

A few years back I started going to this Charismatic church. A friend of mine had invited me and I thought why not. I really liked it as it had a band and everything. I started to feel a part of this "family". I would clean the church on Saturdays when I had time. I would go to Bible study. I was given a book as a gift from the preacher as I could not afford this book on my own. Well, they had an ice cream social at the church on a Wednesday. I took my children to it. My son was then about 3 and my daughter about 1. I was chaperoning a group of kids outside and I looked over and saw a 16 year old kid and a 10 year old kid pushing my son and pouring dirt over him and kicking him. My son was just standing there crying. I grabbed him and went straight to the preacher. I demanded that something be done about this at once. He looked at me and said, I am not his parent you take it up with his parents. I did not know who these kids parents were. My son was filthy. I mean covered in dirt and tears. It was horrible to see. I was greatly hurt and took my kids and left. A few days later the lady who I thought was my friend came to my home. I asked her what she was there for. She said I am to get the book that the preacher gave you, he wants it back. I pretty much was in shock. To this day I have not been inside a church and I don't want to get hurt again. The preacher of this church never called me. Never came over to visit with me and my family. Never asked if my son was okay. It really hurt. Later on I found out that this child (the 16 year old) that did this to my son was the son of a local photographer. I had thought about going to the studio and talking with the parents about this but, I just figured it would be mundane and wouldn't be fruitful. Obviously these people did not care. I know that these people are only human and such. But, it really hurt. Then a year later I was at an Easter community gathering with my children and saw the lady again. I said hello to her. She didn't even bat an eye at me. Just walked away. You would figure a person in her 60's would not behave like so but, she did and still does when I am out in public and see her. Am I wrong for being hurt? Did I over react? What would you have done?

 

[goldenviolet]

I'm from a charismatic church we do have great worship services with band and without (we take breaks from it all sometimes, because all you really need is a prayerful heart)...

if you took a problem to anyone in God's house, especially a leader: there should have been a common goal to edify/ rebuke and solve the issues/ resolve this for the people involved. that would have been right and biblical.

interview the churches you go to. (because it's your spiritual family/home ). seek out one, try it, and ask for a meeting with staff. see what their structure is.

• bible based
• connected with growth
• activities organized/structured
• leadership roles organized/structured/accountable
• outreach and community calendared activities/bible studies, missions, groups etc.
• the warmth, light, love of fellowship

the past is gone.

i'm sure it was very hurtful that you got comfortable and gave your time to God's house. but don't let the lack of leadership/ structure of one church, or the past squish your exsperiance of finding a loving house of God, filled with God's will. i pray blessings for you and this.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I'm sorry to hear of your experience. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with the scenario although I don't have kids or anything. My former churched seemed to want nothing to do with me even when I expressed an interest in various ministry opportunities. I considered it 'singles discrimination.' (I was the only 30-something that wasn't married and apparently that was 'weird' to these people. )

Your profile says you're in Ohio. If you're ever in Indiana, I will be glad to have you visit my church. It's not a charismatic church but they love and accept everyone (even me!!!).

I pray in time you'll heal and find a great place that will love and accept you and your family the way God intended.

 

[Jenka]

I am so sorry for you. Yes, I would be very hurt...those people were wrong to treat you that way, and you know that.
I'm sure you would never treat another person that way, and I certianly never would.
The largest issue here is bitterness. You don't want to go to church in fear of being hurt, that is very understandable.
My family has just gone through the same thing, we even stopped going to church as well.
"burned once, twice shy." My mother said to me.
I know that you're hurting, and to go to church would be difficult, but surely you miss the worship?

Do you want to go back to church?

I found that I was starving for worship when I finally found another church to go to. I felt dry and uncaring inside, and ignored my hunger for God.
You can't..it will eat you up from the inside.
Pray, pray hard and let the Lord lead you to another place of worship. We need it, as Christians it's just like food and water.

Take a step out in faith, and learn to lean on the Lord.

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." ~Phillippians 4:13

Trust, be cautious, be careful, but trust, and keep on praying. He'll hear you.

~Jenka

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

We must remember that people that go to church are just humans. If we look to them we will be disappointed. I would suggest going to another church; I don't feel like you are in the wrong for feeling hurt. It hurts when others hurt us but it hurts even more when it is done by those we love or those who call themselves a part of the family of God. Churches without good leadership make many mistakes.

 

[wayoutsidethebox]

Its a shame you found a hole full of vipers. I agree with your hurt and disgust.
However, you cant let the actions of what turns out to be a handful of people ruin your fellowship with other Christians. Thats important and we all need it.

I'm sure you havent let this situation hinder your relationship with God. Prayer that God lead you to the church that He has you to be in. In the mean time study Proverbs, Acts, Corinthians, Timothy and Titus so you'll know what a real church with sound leadership is suppossed to be like.

Be encouraged and keep loving God and your children and serving Him.

 

[Mommyof3]

I just want to thank you all for your insight. I am going to look into going to a church this Sunday with my husband and children. My husband's friend wants us to check it out. I will let you all know how it goes.

 

[goldenviolet]

Mommyof3 blessings and prayers in this!

 

[revrobor]

I don't think you overreacted in leaving the church. But you are if you continue to let it bother you because that gives them control over you. Put it behind you and get on with your life.

 

[kiddy]

A few years back I started going to this Charismatic church. A friend of mine had invited me and I thought why not. I really liked it as it had a band and everything. I started to feel a part of this "family". I would clean the church on Saturdays when I had time. I would go to Bible study. I was given a book as a gift from the preacher as I could not afford this book on my own. Well, they had an ice cream social at the church on a Wednesday. I took my children to it. My son was then about 3 and my daughter about 1. I was chaperoning a group of kids outside and I looked over and saw a 16 year old kid and a 10 year old kid pushing my son and pouring dirt over him and kicking him. My son was just standing there crying. I grabbed him and went straight to the preacher. I demanded that something be done about this at once. He looked at me and said, I am not his parent you take it up with his parents. I did not know who these kids parents were. My son was filthy. I mean covered in dirt and tears. It was horrible to see. I was greatly hurt and took my kids and left. A few days later the lady who I thought was my friend came to my home. I asked her what she was there for. She said I am to get the book that the preacher gave you, he wants it back. I pretty much was in shock. To this day I have not been inside a church and I don't want to get hurt again. The preacher of this church never called me. Never came over to visit with me and my family. Never asked if my son was okay. It really hurt. Later on I found out that this child (the 16 year old) that did this to my son was the son of a local photographer. I had thought about going to the studio and talking with the parents about this but, I just figured it would be mundane and wouldn't be fruitful. Obviously these people did not care. I know that these people are only human and such. But, it really hurt. Then a year later I was at an Easter community gathering with my children and saw the lady again. I said hello to her. She didn't even bat an eye at me. Just walked away. You would figure a person in her 60's would not behave like so but, she did and still does when I am out in public and see her. Am I wrong for being hurt? Did I over react? What would you have done?

I've just read this.. and believe the minister was guilty of perpetuating child abuse by doing nothing to stop it. He should be reported and locked up.

 

[UnitynLove]

Many people ruin their lives and their health by eating the poison of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that, if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area or have ever had one, I am sure you bear witness with what I am saying. It is torture to have hateful thoughts rolling around inside of you toward another person.
Who Are You Helping When You Forgive?
Who are you helping the most when you forgive the person who hurt you? Actually, you are helping yourself more than the other person. I always looked at forgiving people who had hurt me as being a really hard thing to do. I thought it seemed so unfair for them to receive forgiveness when I had gotten hurt. I got pain, and they got free without having to pay for the pain they caused me. Now I realized that I am helping myself when I choose to forgive. I am helping the other person also by releasing them, so God can do what only He can do. If I am in the way, trying to get revenge or taking care of the situation myself instead of trusting and obeying God, He has no obligation to deal with that person. However, God will deal with the people who hurt us if we will put them in His hands through forgiveness. It is our seed of obedience to His Word; and once we have sown our seed, He will bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another.
I am helping myself, because when I forgive I release God to work. I am happy when I am not full of the poison of unforgiveness. I feel better physically. Serious diseases can come as a result of the stress and pressure that bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness put on a person. Mark 11:22-26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. The Father cannot forgive our sins if we do not forgive other people (we reap what we sow). Sow mercy, and you will reap mercy; sow judgement, and you will reap judgement. Do yourself a favor and forgive.
There are still more benefits of forgiveness. When you are willing to forgive, your fellowship with God has a free flow. Unforgiveness blocks it. Paul said that we are to forgive in order to keep Satan from getting an advantage over us (11 Corinthians 2: 10-11). Ephesians 4:26-27 says that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger. Do not give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold. Be quick to forgive. Do not help the devil torture you. I also think it is hard to hate one person and love another. When we are full of wrong things, it is hard to treat anybody right. Even people you want to love may be suffering from your bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.
How To Forgive
Like everything else, there are practical steps to forgiving people that must be taken if we are going to be successful at it. I asked the Lord why so many people seem to want to forgive and yet are not successful doing it. He said, "because they are not obeying what I tell them to do in the Word." As I searched the Word, I found the following instructions:
1. Decide. You will never forgive if you wait to feel like it. Choose to obey God and steadfastly resist the devil in his attempts to poison you again with bitter thoughts. Make a quality decision, and God will heal your wounded emotions in due time.
2. Depend. You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It is too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you; but you are going to need to humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22-23, Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. " His next instruction was about forgiving people. We certainly can use this as an example and ask Him to breathe on us that we might be able to forgive those who hurt us.
3. Obey. There are several things we are told do in the Word concerning forgiving our enemies.
a. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare (Luke 6:27-28 Amplified). As you pray, God may be able to give them revelation that will bring them out of deception. They may not even be aware they hurt you, or maybe they are aware but are so self-centered that they do not care. Either way, they need revelation.
b. Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:14). In the Greek, to bless means "to speak well of" and to curse means "to speak evil of." You cannot forgive and gossip or be a talebearer. You must stop repeating the offense. You cannot get over it and also continue to talk about it. Proverbs 17:9 says that he who seeks to cover an offense seeks love.
Who Should Forgive?
Forgive the person from long ago who hurt you very badly and also the person whom you did not know in the grocery store, for stepping on your toe. Take those two extremes and forgive them in addition to everyone in between. Forgive quickly. The quicker you do it, the easier it is. Forgive freely. Matthew 10:8 says freely you have received, freely give. Forgiveness means to excuse a fault, absolve from payment, pardon, send away, cancel, and bestow favor unconditionally.
When you forgive, you must cancel the debt. Do not spend your life paying and collecting debts. Hebrews 10:30 says that vengeance belongs to the Lord; He will repay and settle the cases of His people. Let God pay you for past injustices; do not try to collect from the people who hurt you, because the people who hurt you cannot pay you. Matthew 18:25 says ..."he could not pay".
Also forgive yourself for past sins and for hurts you have caused others. You cannot pay people back, so ask God to.
Forgive God if you are angry at Him because your life did not turn out the way you thought it should. God is always just. There may be things you do not understand; but God loves you, and people make a serious mistake if they will not receive help from the only One who can truly help.
You may even need to forgive an object—the post office, bank, a certain store you feel cheated you, a car that always gave you trouble, etc. Get rid of all poison that comes from bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness; and remember Proverbs 4:23 (Amplified), "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance...for out of it flow the springs of life." Unforgiveness is spiritual filthiness; get washed in the water of the Word and stay clean. God bless you!

 

[nowhereville]

Let me say that I am very sorry for your hurt and the injury to your son.
There are many things that are mishandled in the church which result in people leaving. I think this is not the answer - however the fact that you should not leave does not invalidate your pain.

The fact is that the pastor should have addressed what was happening. In regard to the book, you don't know for sure that he asked for the book back - I find that highly suspicious - I would think that the woman most likely thought you should not have it and took matters into her own hands. She is after all human.

But back to the point at hand, what happened may be the weak point of that particular pastor (conflict resolution) and God may have wanted to use you to bring growth into that area of his life. Not fun for you, but better for the body of Christ. Since you left and did not try to work through that issue, he is now free in his weakness to do it to someone else and the results could be worse.

I know this sounds like I am being mean or saying your pain doesn't matter - but I am not being mean and your pain is very real..

I had something similiar happen to me and trust me I wanted to leave the church. Someone loosely associated with leadership said some very hurtful things to my child. Now granted children are not always 100% honest, however the response to this situation was, in my opinion deplorable.

We met with these people and lo and behold this person just flat out lied on me in front of everyone - seroiusly. The denied we had a conversation that we had. At first I was very angry but then I just said well this is what you were wearing, this is where we were standing and this is who walked up to us during that time to let the other people in the room know that I was not lying and then I said you know what I am not going to argue about this.

Trust me, I wanted to leave the church, but God had other plans. Sometimes we aer called to be silent witnesses. I walked out of that room free from what had happened, but I was also the only one to do so - everytime that person looks at me - they know that they know in their spirit they did wrong. I don't have that burden because I choose to do what God had me to do.

If I had run away and left the church it would be my walk that would appear weak - well see how committed are they if they leave ove something like this (and trust me the whole chrurch knew due to gossip).

I'm just saying that leaving is not always the answer. Me personally I would call the pastor and talk to him directly even though so much time has passed and I would look for another church.

 

[bliz]

Fleeing conflict is a legitimate, Biblical response and I think you were wise to make that choice. For a pastor to react as this one did is simply absurd! Not only did he not care about you and your children, but he did not care about the other children as well! Consider yourself well rid of that bunch!