Would you date someone who didn't find you physically attractive -- a BETTER poll!

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

I am a male and yes I would.

Looks are totally irrelevant in a relationship based on Christian doctrine. Why would you want to start a relationship or try to continue one where something as transient and vain as looks was a significant factor? See my other posts in the other thread for a full review.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

Warning to ugly people:

Only God will love you.

Melissa1208 said:
I think being alone would be better than being with someone who didn't find you attractive.

Why would the choice to stay alone be better than someone who genuinely loved you but just didn't think you were that pretty?

I'll answer my own question. Why would I cringe at the thought of being around someone for life who loved me but didn't think I was in the least bit handsome? Pride. Plain, bold faced, ungodly pride.

.Vicky. said:
If the second one...umm...why would he even ask me out if he couldn't hold his lunch around me?

Ignoring the extreme scenario (seriously, no one is going to be coming close to vomiting around you ), let me anwer a question with a question. Why does physical attraction have to be a significant factor in a relationship?

One that come to mind is "Just because I like it that way", but I can't find a legit reason. Certainly no biblical reason except for someone who once said that "because part of marriage is to protect against sexual temptation, I need someone I'm attracted to." Seems slimy to me, but at least they're honest.

mina said:
no, what would be the point? I want to marry someone that loves how i look and who i admire as well. That's not the only point of attraction but it has to be there.

But why does that have to be there?

ProAntiRevolution said:
Just out of curiosity, let's say someone doesn't age very well, do you divorce them at that point?

If I married someone who was very adament about attraction being important, I would certainly begin to worry about being left when I hit my late forties. No, I'm not being facetious. I would genuinely worry.

ProAntiRevolution said:
Just sounds a bit like leveraging something that is by nature temporary against more important qualities in a priority set. Shrug.........

ProAntiRevolution said:
Sure, why not? If sexual attraction is the big priority in the relationship then it would be foolish of me not to assume that the relationship wouldn't break down as soon as the sexual attraction does.

*DING* *DING* *DING* We have a winner, folks. Here's your cigar.

Inkachu · Aug 16, 2010

Noodles. You're so awesome I can't stand it. It's painful.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

.Vicky. said:
Noodles. You're so awesome I can't stand it. It's painful.

To dispel the myth about my awesomeness, let me test myself.

Scenario: I have been betrothed to seven feet and 600 pounds of the most snaggle-toothed, dragon faced woman that fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

My response:

But should it be? Not for a Christian, it shouldn't be. The Bible is plain. My goal is to get to the point where I am totally indifferent. What difference does the dying shell that wraps a spirit make? Who cares if a woman looks like Linda Evangalista or if she could scare the Nile to run upstream? Honestly, can someone tell me why that should matter?

ProAntiRevolution · Aug 16, 2010

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles said:
But should it be? Not for a Christian, it shouldn't be. The Bible is plain. My goal is to get to the point where I am totally indifferent. What difference does the dying shell that wraps a spirit make? Who cares if a woman looks like Linda Evangalista or if she could scare the Nile to run upstream? Honestly, can someone tell me why that should matter?

Because most people will act on biological imperatives over religious doctrine when the two conflict........

Inkachu · Aug 16, 2010

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles said:
To dispel the myth about my awesomeness, let me test myself.

Scenario: I have been betrothed to seven feet and 600 pounds of the most snaggle-toothed, dragon faced woman that fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

My response:

But should it be? Not for a Christian, it shouldn't be. The Bible is plain. My goal is to get to the point where I am totally indifferent. What difference does the dying shell that wraps a spirit make? Who cares if a woman looks like Linda Evangalista or if she could scare the Nile to run upstream? Honestly, can someone tell me why that should matter?

You know there are entire books written about these questions. It's an age-old dilemma. I have my own thoughts, but I won't fill this thread with them.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

ProAntiRevolution said:
Because most people will act on biological imperatives over religious doctrine when the two conflict........

Viz, hawtness wins over holiness. Thus the sixth chapter of Proverbs so strongly warned young men to avoid the prostitute. In spite of impending doom, it's hard to think with your brains when you're hearing compliments, seeing dark eyeliner and a bed full of fruit.

.Vicky. said:
You know there are entire books written about these questions. It's an age-old dilemma. I have my own thoughts, but I won't fill this thread with them.

Really? Entire books? Wow. I thought it was pretty cut and dried. We're ugly in sin. God loves is in spite of it. Marriage reflects God's relationship to man (among other things). Prettiness is therefore irrelevant. Icing if you will... but irrelevant icing.

Even from a cold, agnostic point of view good looks can conceal deadly venom and thus shouldn't be that important. Healthy characteristics that are often attractive will portend biologic heartiness, sure. But then again, The Bloodhound Gang notwithstanding... you and me baby are something more than mammals, so let's... Wait I'm not going to finish that lyric.

PinkSweetart · Aug 16, 2010

Ooops, I chose wrong.
But if I could redo my vote, I'd say no. But then again, why would someone date me if they didn't think I was physically attractive. I mean you don't go out and tell someone, "look, I'm not attracted to you, but I want to date you" Even though that may be what they are thinking.
But I would admire someone one who would look past physical attraction to see if once he got to know me, he'd find me physically attractive later.

I don't know if I'm making sense. What I'm saying is, we judge people physically first before we get to know someone. If you did that you wouldn't know if you'd be perfect for eachother. Loving someone is more than being attracted to them, although I know that's important too. But that can come after.

I don't know, I guess what I'm trying to say is if I didn't find someone physically attractive, but he asked me out I'd say yes. It's not like I'm going to marry the guy, but who knows, maybe I'd like his personality which would then open my eyes to see that I am physically attracted to him.

Stephen Kendall · Aug 16, 2010

Melissa1208 said:
Poll coming.

If you love someone, the body isn't them, but their heart, personality and beliefs are. The body is what they are stuck with, as you are also. One fellow told me that sex in marriage was so important that he was studying it in his (adulterous) relationships with women, to be able to be a great performer. Two hearts marry, not two bodies. Sometimes, minds and bodies get married, but to no avail, they commit on their feelings and not from their hearts. Feelings are the spearheads of the adulterous mind. To marry on it is ridiculous.

I sought out a committed woman who loved God and would be loyal. She just so happens to be beautiful as well, but I wouldn't recognize her beauty without this more important inner beauty. We are stained before God with our terrible sins, yet God seeks to heal us and love us, to nurture us back to beauty & health. Those who actually obey Jesus and stay clean, have a most wonderful inner beauty before God. If you seek shallow, you will find the same. The adulterous mind has never known good anything, especially good sex. The after-taste of adultery is bitter, like that of anything that isn't patient unto God (drinking till drunk, anger & frustration, etc.). The after-taste of patience, commitment and unselfish love is without guilt, lust or shame. Find a woman whom loves God (known by obeying Jesus Christ) and she will truly love you always. The beauty that she is born with will be revealed to you. You will love her.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

PinkSweetart said:
But then again, why would someone date me if they didn't think I was physically attractive.

Because physical attraction, while a part of God's good creation, is not what man/woman relationships were ever meant to be built on.

PinkSweetart said:
I don't know if I'm making sense. What I'm saying is, we judge people physically first before we get to know someone.

That's very true. I do it all the time. Why do I think about chatting up the pretty cashier girls and not the bitter old men? I'm a festering boil of wickedness.

1 Sam 16:7: "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.""

PinkSweetart said:
I don't know, I guess what I'm trying to say is if I didn't find someone physically attractive, but he asked me out I'd say yes. It's not like I'm going to marry the guy, but who knows, maybe I'd like his personality which would then open my eyes to see that I am physically attracted to him.

That's way better progress than most.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

Stephen Kendall said:
If you love someone, the body isn't them, but their heart, personality and beliefs are.

That is a very, very ahrd thing to get people in 21st century Western society to grasp. I'm beginning to think it's impossible, even for me.

Stephen Kendall said:
Sometimes, minds and bodies get married, but to no avail, they commit on their feelings and not from their hearts. Feelings are the spearheads of the adulterous mind. To marry on it is ridiculous.

*DING* *DING* *DING* We have another winner! We're on a roll tonight. Here's your cigar.

Stephen Kendall said:
I sought out a committed woman who loved God and would be loyal. She just so happens to be beautiful as well, but I wouldn't recognize her beauty without this more important inner beauty. We are stained before God with our terrible sins, yet God seeks to heal us and love us, to nurture us back to beauty & health. Those who actually obey Jesus and stay clean, have a most wonderful inner beauty before God. If you seek shallow, you will find the same. The adulterous mind has never known good anything, especially good sex. The after-taste of adultery is bitter, like that of anything that isn't patient unto God (drinking till drunk, anger & frustration, etc.). The after-taste of patience, commitment and unselfish love is without guilt, lust or shame. Find a woman whom loves God (known by obeying Jesus Christ) and she will truly love you always. The beauty that she is born with will be revealed to you. You will love her.

x ∞ + Chuck Norris

Now, to live it out consistently...

Rhye · Aug 16, 2010

So, its safe to say, if Noodles ever wanted to date me, I would be a big mess and he would not care? Do you have a brother or a cousin who lives around my side of the world like that?

In all seriousness, I'm really liking your thoughts on this. I hope you truly mean what you are saying.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

Ethnog said:
So, its safe to say, if Noodles ever wanted to date me, I would be a big mess and he would not care? Do you have a brother or a cousin who lives around my side of the world like that?

I have no brothers, but I do have cousins, but all of them are either girls or live in Washington. Not to mention, I'm pretty certain they'd totally be uninterested in what I'm saying.

Ethnog said:
In all seriousness, I'm really liking your thoughts on this. I hope you truly mean what you are saying.

I do mean what I'm saying in it's entirety. Am I living it? Do I totally disregard looks? Not yet. But it's a goal. I just don't know why or what in me is still hung up on it to the little degree that it still is. Can't figure it out yet.

Rhye · Aug 16, 2010

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles said:
I do mean what I'm saying in it's entirety. Am I living it? Do I totally disregard looks? Not yet. But it's a goal. I just don't know why or what in me is still hung up on it to the little degree that it still is. Can't figure it out yet.

In many, many ways we all do. To disagree with it, seems rather pointless. I don't care if its 1% or 100% if there is something about that person that attracts you -then you would want to be with them. I know my post was rather silly, but I didn't mean it that I would want to be completely hot for anyone. I couldn't be even if I tried, but, I would rather have them see qualities that made me more attractive. I've said this a million times and will say it again, when I get to know someone, they become better looking for me. There is something so beautiful about them, that makes the things that were not noticeable in the beginning, more noticeable. If its faith, compassion, kindness, stubbornness, strength...it doesn't matter, whatever quality they have.
Now that I really think about it, if a guy did not find me attractive and did date me to get to know me then I don't believe it would be pity anymore, because I know I would have something that they would find attractive later on. Just, as I don't believe I would date someone I didn't think was attractive, as pity, because I am going to find something amazing about them.

I think the question is, are we will to give people that chance?

Mrs. Luther073082 · Aug 16, 2010

Why would the choice to stay alone be better than someone who genuinely loved you but just didn't think you were that pretty?

Being alone, in general, is easier than being with someone (regardless of whether the person thinks you're attractive or not). There are some things that make the extra challenges of being in a relationship very worth the extra rewards, but other things are too much to deal with. What those things are will vary with the individual.

I may be prideful, but I am realistic. I'm sorry, I just cannot imagine being married and going to bed and enjoying myself with a spouse that did not find me attractive. I can't imagine him enjoying it, either... Without going into too much detail, I'm not even sure how that would even work, anyway -- (I think people will probably get what I'm trying to say). I can just imagine all the potential problems this would create. Take a look in the marriage forums and you'll see many threads with such problems as their subjects.

I know people get old and wrinkly and eventually will have to deal with such things, but I agree with what Mina said, that there should be some attraction to begin with.

NoodlesNoodlesNoodles · Aug 16, 2010

Melissa1208 said:
Being alone, in general, is easier than being with someone (regardless of whether the person thinks you're attractive or not).

I think the new testament Paul would corroborate with you here.

Melissa1208 said:
I may be prideful, but I am realistic. I'm sorry, I just cannot imagine being married and going to bed and enjoying myself with a spouse that did not find me attractive. I can't imagine him enjoying it, either... Without going into too much detail, I'm not even sure how that would even work, anyway -- (I think people will probably get what I'm trying to say). I can just imagine all the potential problems this would create.

Sure, I didn't say it wouldn't be without challenges. I just suspect that the challenges associated with being involved with an ugly person is only as a result of some kind of sin issue and not legitimately a problem with the concept itself. And indeed, if people just can't get over not wanting to be with someone who's totally fugly... then fine. It would be better if they weren't (although I think the better option would be to pitch headlong into the heart issue and try to fix it, but I digress).

Melissa1208 said:
Take a look in the marriage forums and you'll see many threads with such problems as their subjects.

I'm thinking along the lines of "Help, I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore!". Am I right?

Melissa1208 said:
I know people get old and wrinkly and eventually will have to deal with such things, but I agree with what Mina said, that there should be some attraction to begin with.

I just worry that people marry or start a relationship for fluffy reasons now and then wishfully hope that they can bond on a deeper level when that depth is needed in the future. But that depth is necessary for more than just being able to greet your spouse in the morning when they're all bald, spotty and wrinkled. And anyway, the future is closer than we think. We forget what maturity we had hoped to work on. People have accidents. Dogs attack. Fires are set. Chemicals get sprayed. Beauty is disfigured with one too many drinks before driving home, with one glance in the wrong direction before crossing the street.

Maybe I'm a fatalist. Maybe I worry too much.

MehGuy · Aug 16, 2010

Probably not.

white dove · Aug 16, 2010

yam said:
Either way , but I don't buy the polls from what I see daily . Most times, unattractive men are see with beautiful women. It is very hard for you to see an attractive man with a less attractive woman.

Do you live in Miami or L.A.? If so, I can see why you would say this. Otherwise, no way. I've seen it equally both ways here.

As for me, I've already voted but didn't really clarify. For me, the outward shell is important. There is a huge difference between loving and accepting a person, flaws and all and thinking someone looks like a gargoyle and giving them a chance because they "seem like a nice person." First of all, ouch to the latter situation. I expect to be in love with whomever I marry (should I marry), so of course I'm going to have to find him attractive physically. I hate (hate) when people think they're shallow or that others are shallow for admitting to having eyeballs and preferences. So not true. Likewise though, I would hope and pray that my mans would find me delicious to look at, too.

ProAntiRevolution · Aug 16, 2010

I think Shakespeare wrote an awesome sonnet on this subject, Sonnet 130:

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

The hard truth is most people are average looking at best. People that are average looking, or below, compromise the majority of humanity. So the truth is odds are if someone is thinking you're wonderful to look at it will because they've come to appreciate something about you on a deeper level than your actual looks. Which are, average, after all.

Mrs. Luther073082 · Aug 16, 2010

Noodles, I wasn't thinking of a specific thread in the married forums -- just a bunch of threads I've seen over time. I will have to look at the one you posted if I can find it.

Would you date someone who didn't find you physically attractive -- a BETTER poll!

Would you date someone who did not find you physically attractive?

I am a male and yes I would.

I am a male and no I would not.

I am a female and yes I would.

I am a female and no I would not.

I am a bad person.

I am a bad person.

Bursting with fruit flavor!

I am a bad person.

Well-Known Member

Bursting with fruit flavor!

I am a bad person.

Robots and rainbows, magic and mischief! ;)

believer of Jesus Christ

I am a bad person.

I am a bad person.

Legend

I am a bad person.

Legend

Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

I am a bad person.

A member of the less neotenous sex..

(she's a) maniac

Well-Known Member

Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

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