i made a bold move this week....a case i am involved in has the input also from an amazing child psychotherapist who visits four times a year.
having attended her training several times, i had found myself becoming intrigued with the attachment theories, and would think totally of my own life etc, not our case!
i decided to ignore the "MUST be seen as competent at all times" motto i live by, and ask to talk to her this visit, about my own story.
i am really glad i did she was awesome
i am not too sure where i fit in terms of attachment theory, as both the avoidant and the ambivalent types strike chords at time. as you may know i was adopted by maternal grandparents (huge blessing) and i adored them, and was ?overly close to my mother (gmother) but very fearful of losing them, esp her. this fear persisted into adulthood, and i wonder if going to uni and that separation in part precipitated the compulsive eating that became the sensible diet that become the ED.
i wouldnt have traded my parents for all the tea in china, however if pushed, i would have to say she was not an overly emotional person, and while i know she loved me, i more remember our time together being not hugely feelings based. i think this was largely her own psychological inheritance..her own mother was described as the type who could only really manage one child at a time, yet had thirteen children!! the olders raised the youngers, so her own mother bond was poss weak. add to that by the time i arrived she had lost both parents, her firstborn (medical stuff up), two brothers in WW2, two sisters to illness, and survived the wars, the napier earthquake, the great depression, the black plague and the polio epidemic etc!!!
with my own children i tend to be avoidant with my girls, but not with my boys..i am more clingy and fearful of losing the boys..not sure if that is anxious/ambivalent type, or if i have just become less avoidant over time???
with my husband i am probably avoidant until the poo REALLY hits the fan ie he is in trouble etc then i am emotionally the greatest support in the world.
i know my mother and also my biol mother used splitting quite a lot ie my mother would often talk badly about her oldest daughter (my biol aunt) and the feeling that she was "out" gave me security that i was "in". also my biol mother often implied i was "good" cos i was brighter, thinnner etc, whereas her second child was "bad" cos she was less successful and fat.
i think this has been largely why i am very black and white and tend to anxiety and ED???
i am reading more around this and pursuing this, which both scares me and excites me.
i would REALLY love some thoughts or encouragement around these ideas.
xxx
having attended her training several times, i had found myself becoming intrigued with the attachment theories, and would think totally of my own life etc, not our case!
i decided to ignore the "MUST be seen as competent at all times" motto i live by, and ask to talk to her this visit, about my own story.
i am really glad i did she was awesome
i am not too sure where i fit in terms of attachment theory, as both the avoidant and the ambivalent types strike chords at time. as you may know i was adopted by maternal grandparents (huge blessing) and i adored them, and was ?overly close to my mother (gmother) but very fearful of losing them, esp her. this fear persisted into adulthood, and i wonder if going to uni and that separation in part precipitated the compulsive eating that became the sensible diet that become the ED.
i wouldnt have traded my parents for all the tea in china, however if pushed, i would have to say she was not an overly emotional person, and while i know she loved me, i more remember our time together being not hugely feelings based. i think this was largely her own psychological inheritance..her own mother was described as the type who could only really manage one child at a time, yet had thirteen children!! the olders raised the youngers, so her own mother bond was poss weak. add to that by the time i arrived she had lost both parents, her firstborn (medical stuff up), two brothers in WW2, two sisters to illness, and survived the wars, the napier earthquake, the great depression, the black plague and the polio epidemic etc!!!
with my own children i tend to be avoidant with my girls, but not with my boys..i am more clingy and fearful of losing the boys..not sure if that is anxious/ambivalent type, or if i have just become less avoidant over time???
with my husband i am probably avoidant until the poo REALLY hits the fan ie he is in trouble etc then i am emotionally the greatest support in the world.
i know my mother and also my biol mother used splitting quite a lot ie my mother would often talk badly about her oldest daughter (my biol aunt) and the feeling that she was "out" gave me security that i was "in". also my biol mother often implied i was "good" cos i was brighter, thinnner etc, whereas her second child was "bad" cos she was less successful and fat.
i think this has been largely why i am very black and white and tend to anxiety and ED???
i am reading more around this and pursuing this, which both scares me and excites me.
i would REALLY love some thoughts or encouragement around these ideas.
xxx
