Would I Relocate?

[HoosierCanuck]

It's no secret how I feel about Indiana in general. However, there are things that tie me here...my family, my church (the first really decent one I've ever attended!), my mortgage and my job(s).

I have to confess, my main source of discontent with living here is the lack of people with which I share common interests. For example, I can count on one hand (maybe even one finger!) how many people would go with me to a hockey or baseball game. And don't even get me started on the basic types of men I find browsing through personals.

This has me thinking.....if I met someone online or at a retreat or something and they were from another state or country (we'll assume in my case it would be Canada! lol), would it be wrong to uproot myself and leave everything I've known behind if my primary motivation is "having found true love"? Does this go against God's plan? Is it possible that He could have someone for me in another state/country? Even at this age?

I'm not getting any younger and I sometimes think that relocating would be harder and harder the longer I wait.

Sometimes I think I should just pack up and go for other reasons and hope that I meet Mr. Right in my destination.

There's so much more to the story. Moving would also mean finding a place that better suits my interests but it would also mean leaving behind a church that has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me

I'm sorry for the long post (what else is new?). These thoughts have been in my head literally for YEARS and I'm just rambling, I guess.

Since we're 'mature', what do you think of the possibility of moving away from where you are now if it meant a better chance of meeting "the one"? How old is too old?

 

[FlatpickingJD]

There's a very good chance that I'll move from my state in the very near future, though it will be for work reasons and not to find someone. I don't think there's anything wrong with moving for someone. I'm older than you are and, while it's difficult to make changes at our age, it's not impossible and shouldn't be a reason you are not making the change. So in short, you're not too old to change.

I sometimes think people are reluctant to act b/c they think it's God's will to stay where they are. Is it really God's will for you to be unhappy where you are? Is it God's will for you to suffer as you seem to be, questioning everything about your existence, including your attractiveness, intelligence, desirability? Is it God's will for you to stagnate, and not move ahead in your life (which is what I've taken from your posts)? I don't think so.

It's very easy to use God as a reason to not take action, but God is not a hindrance God is the great helper of us all. Clearly He has put it on your heart that it may be time to leave, that better things lay elsewhere for you.

I understand that it's hard to find a church you like, and where you feel loved and appreciated. It is also hard to pick up and move when you've built a life in one location. But it's entirely possible that you are meant to be elsewhere, that God wants you elsewhere and is calling you to leave where you are.

Don't be afraid of change. Better days lie ahead.

 

[Deborah6763]

Do you feel the Holy Spirit calling you to move or to make other changes? it is easy to get stuck in a rut and difficult to change, but if you know you are following the Lord, it might be easier.

get a few trusted friend to pray with and ,you and see what the Lord might say.

He might surprise you.

 

[Mark2010]

I have given a lot of thought to this question in recent years. Cause, well, I ain't gettin' any younger.

I have lived a number of different places through the years and don't really hesitate to move. The danger in moving abruptly is the possibility that 2-3 months down the road you may find yourself in a strange place, with few or no friends, no job, no income, etc. I have seen this scenario happen to several people, including two who were engaged at the time they moved. It was rather devastating to them.

So, I'm not saying don't do it. I guess my approach would be to get to know the person as well as possible first before relocating. It is expensive and there aren't any guarantees. But if you are a risk taker, maybe go for it.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Just for the record.....there is no one in the picture at the moment. It's just something that has crossed my mind over the years because honestly, I don't see a future in Moron, IN. (at least not one that includes a love life which if I'm honest with myself I'll admit I would like someday)

 

[OhhJim]

In 1989, I moved from the San Francisco area to San Diego, just because I wanted change, and I had nothing to keep me here (I was going to quit my job, anyway). The logistics worked just as planned, I got a temp job for a month, while I looked for, and found, a better permanent one. I lived in a low-class motel for a week, while I searched the personals and found a roommate (who was an interesting story in himself).

I had the same trouble finding a church there as I did here. I make friends easily, so that wasn't really a problem. I have some ideas about what I want to do with my free time, and an affection for the new and different, so I would say I assimilated fairly well. However, I realized I didn't like it there, and moved back after a year, and never regretted it.

All that is to say it can be done, but it would be wise to have a plan or two or three in mind as to how you will get a home and a job, among other things. I'm an accountant, and can get a job in any area fairly easily; not everyone has this luxury. I don't mind going out by myself, and I enjoy meeting new people; not everyone does. I don't want my relatives close by; some do.

See, if I were in your situation, HC, I would be out of there ASAP. However, I realize that not everyone is me. Be aware, though, that it CAN be done. And, of course, I don't believe that God has someone picked out just for me. I believe that if I meet someone with certain qualities, and we want to get married, God says, "Go for it, knock yourself out, just remember what I said about how to treat/relate to her". I believe that how you relate to your spouse is of more concern to God than who you pick, assuming a few basics.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Thanks for all of the posts. Interesting, Jim. Right now I don't feel I have any 'talents' or 'skills' that could land me a decent job whereever I go. I've considered going back to school to do the accounting thing since basically my degree is a 'minor' in the subject and I seem to do well working with numbers. On the other hand, I've considered something medical. I guess I'm just lost. I'm tired of being lost. Going back to school means incurring more debt, something I'm just not looking forward to. My first degree was worthless and not pursued under God's direction but more from my selfish wants and what I 'thought' fit my personality more. 8 years later, I'm not so sure.

I've always been kind of shy (which I guess is why my relatives are still shocked that I work part time as a radio announcer! lol) so meeting people and making new friends is eh....a so-so experience. I don't relate to people well, in my opinion although most people who encounter me would likely say I'm 'nice' or 'funny' and that they 'like' me overall. It's the ones who know me best who probably would have bad things to say. hehe
Going out alone to eat or whatever doesn't bother me either. In the 12 years I've been going to my favourite Mexican restaurant, the owners (who make it a point to talk to me when they get a chance) have never questioned it.

My current job situation is okay moneywise but not great. I could probably do better with a different educational direction and either a move or pursuing a job in another city where I could commute (but still live here). I sometimes think I'm getting burned out on the job though and have lately had some mood swings at work. My work partner at Job #1 says I let everything get to me. I guess she wouldn't understand. She's nearly old enough to be one of my parents anyway. She's a workaholic, a non-Christian and married to someone who is a complete opposite to her but apparently they make it work. (her 2nd, his 3rd marriage) I have some workaholic tendencies but sometimes feel that she pushes too hard on the job and I guess I feel a little resentful but can't really tell her about it for fear of 'rocking the boat.' Our boss leaves 99% of the scheduling to us....which is good and bad.

Because we travel together long distances by car, we talk alot and she knows a lot of things I feel about a lot of different subjects. I've confessed that I wish I had the guts to move away but I know it takes money and good planning. Two things I don't have. I feel stuck really. I've always referred to my hometown as Hotel California..."you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave." If I could leave, I assume I would likely end up in Michigan (lakes, lighthouses and plenty of hockey!). I had two classmates that did. However, I don't want to live in the cities where they live.

Sorry I'm rambling again...just thinking out loud I guess.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I sometimes think people are reluctant to act b/c they think it's God's will to stay where they are. Is it really God's will for you to be unhappy where you are? Is it God's will for you to suffer as you seem to be, questioning everything about your existence, including your attractiveness, intelligence, desirability? Is it God's will for you to stagnate, and not move ahead in your life (which is what I've taken from your posts)? I don't think so.

It's very easy to use God as a reason to not take action, but God is not a hindrance God is the great helper of us all. Clearly He has put it on your heart that it may be time to leave, that better things lay elsewhere for you.

I understand that it's hard to find a church you like, and where you feel loved and appreciated. It is also hard to pick up and move when you've built a life in one location. But it's entirely possible that you are meant to be elsewhere, that God wants you elsewhere and is calling you to leave where you are.

Don't be afraid of change. Better days lie ahead.

I meant to respond to your post a long time ago. Sorry I haven't. You raised some good points, JD. It's funny...I first became a Christian at age 15 and I think I wanted to leave this town by the time I was 17. At the time I figured I was just restless as a teenager and I hated being at home with my dad and stepmom who were in a VERY unhappy marriage at the time. I didn't stray too far to go to college (an hour away) but lived on campus for 1 1/2 years and hated it. I got stupid and dropped out after 2 years. I went back 5 years later with a different degree in mind...sometimes think I should have stuck to Plan A. The whole time I was in college the second time around whenever people would ask what I wanted to do after graduation, my answer was always the same: leave Marion. In a perfect world, my degree would have afforded me that luxury. However, the school I went to did NOT support me at all and when it came time to pursue internships or other opportunities, they just looked at the fact that I was a nontraditional student who already had a job (unrelated to my field of study) and basically said "call so and so in your hometown" and sent me out the door. My 2nd tour of college was done while mad at God about my failed marriage so my degree choice probably wasn't His idea of my calling in life. Regardless of my work choice, I try to do it all with perfection in mind.

There are times when I don't feel dissatisfied with my life here, (when I can go outside at night and enjoy a clear cool night looking at the stars from my front step, going walking down the road and back in basically a rural setting watching the sunset on the way back, looking at what I've accomplished improving my house so far). I get mad at myself though when I think about what I could have accomplished by now and havent. I feel like I've been lazy. I blame it on being too tired from work and then I get resentful about my work schedule that includes long hours or 3 days away from home every other week. I'm taking a 1 1/2 week vacation at the end of September but most of the days are already planned out. Part of the time will be a short time away with my mum and the latter part will be a short time away with a female friend of mine. Sadly, the direction of the friendship with my female friend has me wishing I hadn't planned to go with her as I think spiritually I could accomplish more and be more relaxed and free if I travelled alone. Oh well.... I think a 'spiritual retreat' would be an awesome thing to do at this moment....more so than a vacation with friends or family.

I don't think God wants me unhappy but I don't feel confident enough in my ability to discern Him from Satan to make a concrete decision about something as big and complicated as moving from IN to Michigan or whereever. There are times when I still say....I'm single, no kids, still able-bodied....I should be able to do anything in the world that I want. I just wonder why that is so hard for me to really grasp. I admire people who leave and establish a life elsewhere. My aforementioned work partner moved from NJ to the midwest....but......she was getting married to a guy from Ohio that she met through one of her brothers. Her circumstances made it a little easier to do it...not to mention, the guy had a good GM job so money wasn't really a problem (and her parents live comfortably too).

I don't seek a definitive answer to such a complex question here on the forums...that would be silly. However, if anyone has moved away (within reason) such as Jim mentioned, I would like to read about it if you're willing to share. PM's are fine if you don't want to put the details here for public display.

 

[mwb]

You put a lot of stuff out there for everyone to read. Hopefully venting & getting feedback will be beneficial.

My initial advice would be to stay where you are because you've invested time & money into your house. You should be proud of that. Perhaps try to find ways to meet new people. I know I've been trying to do that myself. The people in my life recently seem to be interested in themselves. When I need something, they're gone.

But at the same time, maybe a change of scenery would be good for you. You could sell your home & move to a new town where you would only have to work one job. You'd probably have to live in an apartment. Then you'd have free time to pursue some hobbies & not feel like you are squeezed from all angles.

The issue next would be your job & career change options. I know I'm supposed to tell you that you should pursue your career dreams no matter how long it takes but I'm also aware that unless you are certain you will be happy in a new career, you may encounter the same dissatisfaction all over again.

In the end much of the thought process comes back to you & what will make you really happy. I believe that our inner struggles will always follow us no matter where we go until we really discover what makes us happy. Then you will find happiness whether it's in Anchorage or New York City or Honolulu or Indiana.

 

[faithopelove]

I was a millitary wife, so moving came easy for me. I would still really seek God before making a move because I want to stay in His will. The hardest thing for me now would be leaving my grandson.