- Jun 16, 2016
- 341
- 423
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Hello everyone,
I come from a dysfunctional family which I have experienced abuse from. My mom has mental issues possibly Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and severe anxiety. She has abused my siblings and I mentally, emotionally, physically, and as for what I think she has only done to me, sexually arguably. She also has very inappropriate relationships with our friends and exes. (For more detail and an example on this: My abusive mom and my abusive ex) My dad usually doesn't react abusively though he has been physically and financially to all of us here and there. He recently acted violently while I was trying to drive us to a restaurant. My dad is also having a long term affair and has been having affairs most of the marriage so far. They are both extremely controlling though all of us are now adults. I have a few learning disabilities (ADHD, OCD, anxiety) ,one of my sister's has anger issues, and the other has mostly disconnected herself from the family.
I'm living in an apartment that my dad is paying for while I've been going to school and he is also paying for my car which he has tried to control me with. My mom's mental state seems to be getting worse every year. My sister who is living with my parent's let's out her anger whenever she is feeling upset and wants everyone to be brought down with her. My other sister is moving to another state with her boyfriend.
My aunt and I have been talking about me moving in with her after I graduate if God doesn't lead me in any particular direction. This could even be temporarily. Though I have been questioning if that is what God's Will is and if He would want me to move back in with my parents. I feel like God has rescued me from abuse by moving me into my own place near my school, leading me to a therapist to learn how to properly cope with all of this plus anxiety. I wouldn't understand if He had me put back into the hands of my abusers. I feel bad, because I feel like I should trust in God no matter happens or what His answer is. Though I also know that lately my aunt has shown me that she can be a little manipulative and every once in awhile she tries to start a fight with me, I feel it would be far better to live with her for awhile to start my ministy life and career. Though, I'm afraid of her and I not getting along. Though after I graduate in over a year to two years, a third party is going to try to help me find a ministry that pays. I told them about my plans to move in with my aunt and they said that they could help me find a ministry near where she lives if I do decide to move. The issue is, I'm not sure if God wants me to move that far away or to move in with her at all which means I'll most likely have to move in with my parents or get roommates which I haven't had the best luck with. Also due to my learning disabilities I can only handle so much, so I can't handle full time school and work at the same time. So that is why my dad is providing for me while I'm in school. As for a roommate, I'm not sure how I'll find some to live with or to live with me if I have to work part time while looking for a ministry position to serve in or get a full time job and struggle to find the time and energy to get into a ministry which I have been called to. I have also thought about how I fear that God will want me to stay in this area perhaps for me to do ministry and that He will have me living back with my parents, because I won't become independent right away either due to me having disabilities and not able to take on much at once and/or not finding roommates in time. I have thought about how God may not want me to move to a place where I'm comfortable, because it seems that He sends me to uncomfortable places and He has done so with others like sending Moses back to Egypt and allowing Joseph to be taken away by his captors, but God seems to always turn this around for His Good.
I come from a dysfunctional family which I have experienced abuse from. My mom has mental issues possibly Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and severe anxiety. She has abused my siblings and I mentally, emotionally, physically, and as for what I think she has only done to me, sexually arguably. She also has very inappropriate relationships with our friends and exes. (For more detail and an example on this: My abusive mom and my abusive ex) My dad usually doesn't react abusively though he has been physically and financially to all of us here and there. He recently acted violently while I was trying to drive us to a restaurant. My dad is also having a long term affair and has been having affairs most of the marriage so far. They are both extremely controlling though all of us are now adults. I have a few learning disabilities (ADHD, OCD, anxiety) ,one of my sister's has anger issues, and the other has mostly disconnected herself from the family.
I'm living in an apartment that my dad is paying for while I've been going to school and he is also paying for my car which he has tried to control me with. My mom's mental state seems to be getting worse every year. My sister who is living with my parent's let's out her anger whenever she is feeling upset and wants everyone to be brought down with her. My other sister is moving to another state with her boyfriend.
My aunt and I have been talking about me moving in with her after I graduate if God doesn't lead me in any particular direction. This could even be temporarily. Though I have been questioning if that is what God's Will is and if He would want me to move back in with my parents. I feel like God has rescued me from abuse by moving me into my own place near my school, leading me to a therapist to learn how to properly cope with all of this plus anxiety. I wouldn't understand if He had me put back into the hands of my abusers. I feel bad, because I feel like I should trust in God no matter happens or what His answer is. Though I also know that lately my aunt has shown me that she can be a little manipulative and every once in awhile she tries to start a fight with me, I feel it would be far better to live with her for awhile to start my ministy life and career. Though, I'm afraid of her and I not getting along. Though after I graduate in over a year to two years, a third party is going to try to help me find a ministry that pays. I told them about my plans to move in with my aunt and they said that they could help me find a ministry near where she lives if I do decide to move. The issue is, I'm not sure if God wants me to move that far away or to move in with her at all which means I'll most likely have to move in with my parents or get roommates which I haven't had the best luck with. Also due to my learning disabilities I can only handle so much, so I can't handle full time school and work at the same time. So that is why my dad is providing for me while I'm in school. As for a roommate, I'm not sure how I'll find some to live with or to live with me if I have to work part time while looking for a ministry position to serve in or get a full time job and struggle to find the time and energy to get into a ministry which I have been called to. I have also thought about how I fear that God will want me to stay in this area perhaps for me to do ministry and that He will have me living back with my parents, because I won't become independent right away either due to me having disabilities and not able to take on much at once and/or not finding roommates in time. I have thought about how God may not want me to move to a place where I'm comfortable, because it seems that He sends me to uncomfortable places and He has done so with others like sending Moses back to Egypt and allowing Joseph to be taken away by his captors, but God seems to always turn this around for His Good.
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