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spencerian

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I may not have the official worst divorce ever, but my counselor, the police, my lawyer, and social services tell me I do.

It has been a while since I posted last. I have been very busy. So to all of you that have said prayers, thank you.

Back in December I was driving an hour to work each day (2 hours round trip). One day in January a man came up to me and asked if I needed a place to stay. He found me an apartment. It was owned by the catholic church. They were very helpful, and practically gave me a 2 bedroom apartment.
My sister called and brought me a house full of furniture. It included dishes, towels, and even decorations.

(If any of you need to get up to speed to my separation before December, just look at my previous posts.)

On New Years Eve during a visitation exchange, my wife's boyfriend got out of her car and threatened to "beat me up".

On January 18th, he did just that. I was dropping the kids off. He came up to me, and said I was talking trash about him. I told him I never did. He pulled out pepper spray and blinded me. Then he pulled out a small night stick (called a blackjack), and hit me repeatedly on the arm, head, and back. I was taken to the hospital by ambulance. They flushed my eyes, did a CT scan, and released me that night. I lost 3 days of work because of that.
He was arrested, and posted bond. Three days later he was driving past my house (on a dead end street), right after a judge ordered him to have no contact or communication. I called the authorities, and told them. They never did anything.

Around February 2nd, I got a call from Social Services. Someone had made a report that I touched my kids in a sexual way. This devastated me.

A few days later I got a summons to appear in court. It said my kids were victims of child neglect. I was very worried, but found out at the court hearing that it was the wife that was being charged with neglect, not me. Someone had reported her using drugs, and when my kids were questioned, they confirmed that "mommy would ask her boyfriend if he wanted to get high, then they would go to mommy's bedroom". The allegations of sexual abuse against me were found unsubstantiated.

In March, she plead guilty to child neglect. Three days later, her boyfriend pulled up beside me and shot me.

The first bullet entered though my drivers side window, and struck me in the left arm. I put the car in reverse. The second bullet hit my hood.

He was arrested on attempted murder.

Two weeks later, in juvenile court, the judge gave me custody of the kids.

After I was awarded custody allegations really started to fly. I was accused of drug abuse, and accused again of sexual abuse.

It has been a long, painful divorce so far.
I go to court next month for final custody in the divorce. Please pray for my kids, myself, and my wife. Also pray for the man that shot me.
 

akeng

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From other posts I have seen of yours you tend to be a door mat and not a very strong man and you use cherry picked scripture to try to justify it. I dont know of any other way to say it tactfully. Jesus himself was angry and took action against injustice he was not a passivist and when he comes again definitly will not be a passivist.
 
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DZoolander

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Wow.

I remember your posts about what was going on back then. Hearing about what's transpired since - I'm not sure what to say except "wow" again. That's crazy.

Let me ask you this - because I think it's important.

Do you now accept that you have no business being with this woman anymore - and that you *should* be divorced from her? Have you accepted that into your heart as being the simple fact of the matter? I only ask - because your earlier posts - despite all of the insanity that was going on - it seemed that you emotionally still wanted to work things out.

...and you can't work things out with a crazy person.

Have you accepted this as being the right thing - and gotten rid of the self doubt about it?
 
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fields316_2000

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brother i say this with all due respect. please stand up for yourself. You must be a super christian that walks in the spirit at all times because im on the other end of the spectrum.

First, your kids are around a drug user/dealer. your priority even if the cops arent involved is to smash on him / them anyone that would influence your kids like that. im sure you have friends or family or someone that would get behind you just to get the kids away from that.

Secondly the boyfriend threatened to fight you? at some point after being attacked yeah call the cops but eventually someones got to go if he's driving past your house. a lowlife like that deserves to be hurt..even jesus flipped tables bro. some times it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. in some instances you can defend yourself because christ did NOT call you to be hurt and bullied at all in life. you are better than that and yes even though it hurts let her make her bed and lay down in it. your a good natured man and she missed out big time..because someone like me would have shot back
 
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akeng

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The passivist attitude is why our nation is falling apart, we have been so passive that we dont even know who "our" is anymore, this place is filling up with 3rd world degenerates, feminism and every other scourge. I would take a consealed carry class and as soon as you have the legal green light to take him out do it. But of course he wont do that he will just let this happen and then post about it, if this were happening to me the last place I would be is on an internet forum.

Wow that's just harsh. You need to back off.
 
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LightHorseman

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Ho.Lee. Snapping. Duckspit.

I was going to make some sort of snide joke about how everyone thinks their seperation is the worst, right up until I read about the part where he got shot. That is totally ridiculous! Aside from anything else, just what the heck did the boyfriend think he was going to achieve? I know that ex partners have been known to take liberties when rubbishing former partners to new ones, but she must SERIOUSLY have made up something good to have that impact on the new guy... either that, or she went out and hooked up with the first unstable psychopath she could find.

Just wow.

Sorry for ya dude, hope things get better for ya real soon.
 
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spencerian

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Do you now accept that you have no business being with this woman anymore

Have you accepted this as being the right thing - and gotten rid of the self doubt about it?

Oh absolutely! I know and have known for quite a few months she was no good. I gave up our relationship in January.

Ho.Lee. Snapping. Duckspit.

Aside from anything else, just what the heck did the boyfriend think he was going to achieve?

The best I can tell is that the wife was mad because I was trying for custody. Her happiness was his goal, so he tried to eliminate the source of her angst.

what area are you in? seriously PM me with some information., id like to help you out.

Check your PM's
 
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dayknee

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Actually, our nation is falling apart due to those who lack the moral values that the Bible clearly defines for us to live by.
This man was only trying to do what he believed was the right thing to do bieng a Christian man.
The last thing you should probably be doing is sitting in judgment of someone given your issues of marriage/sex/divorce/shacking up/
 
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dayknee

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Hrm..cherry picking scripture...that sounds very familiar..

Lets see..if sex with my spouse is not in the "genre" of what I would like..I'd rather prefer porn..Oh..and then divorce her. And then find scripture to try to support that..
 
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dayknee

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I am so sorry that you have had your life turned upside down and this has happened to you..
I cannot even imagine.
I'll certainly be praying for you and the kiddies.
 
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DZoolander

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Oh absolutely! I know and have known for quite a few months she was no good. I gave up our relationship in January.

Good

I remember you were having a lot of angst about it around December - despite how crazy it seemed to be back then. It's amazing that it only got crazier...and I'm glad that you've come to the decision that *truly* leaving is the right thing to do.

God bless.
 
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fields316_2000

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he has been an example to me about letting god handle it. however, even the deciples swung a sword when jesus was being arrested
 
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eatenbylocusts

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Prayed.
 
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spencerian

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An update...

I did get full custody in the divorce.
It was a long, hard battle.
I did what I could do, and let God handle the rest.

My ex wife stole my identity in an attempt to find my whereabouts.
She was arrested of that in November 2011.
In February 2012, she was released on house arrest pending her trial.
During her home confinement she made a fake Facebook account and began to "friend" my family.
She was re-arrested in March 2012, and held without bail.
The prosecutor thought she was stalking me again.
She got out of jail in August 2012.

I hadn't seen or heard from her since.

Until... 2 weeks ago.

Her sister called me to tell me my ex wife died.
I broke the news to my kids. They hadn't seen their mother in almost 3 years.
There were a few tears, but overall, they handled it well.
They were so distant from her it was hard for them to grieve.

I got to say goodbye to her too.
After all she had put me through, it saddened me that she was gone.
She died lost, without God.
That was the hardest thing to take.

I had no glory in her passing. But God gave me grace.
I prayed for her many times.

And most of what you have read is not ME doing anything, it was God.
He softened my heart to love her. At one time I would never have prayed for her.

God has been so good to me.
 
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ValleyGal

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I'm too new to know all that's gone on, but it looks like a nightmare! Are you sure she has died? Personally, I'd be skeptical. She did try to steal your identity - maybe she has stolen someone else's. Or maybe she got her sister to say that in attempt to get you to let your guard down. I would not trust any of that without proof.

Did your children have a chance to go to the funeral? Have they been to the cemetery? That would be the kind of proof I'd be looking for... Just be careful until you do have proof....
 
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JCLover779

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Wow. I don't know what to say but that I'm sorry. In reference to your opening statement, I'd say that yours DID rank right up there with worst divorce ever. It's like a made-for-Lifetime-TV plot...just unbelievable. But, I guess since there were drugs involved, their minds weren't thinking staright and their actions reflected that.

How are your kids doing?

VG - He did say he got to say goodbye to her, so I'm guessing he got to spend time with her body after she passed away.
 
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SAT

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Oh my goodness "spencerian", that man with the gun could have left your children Fatherless! A cocktail of drugs, guns, and total disregard for children and their well-being is astonishing isn't it? not blaming you, but society! it seems to me looking from the outside that you could just remove guns from society that would help, they have no purpose in a society where children are at large! I have never seen a gun in my life, yes perhaps because I am a woman I would not have but neither has my husband! I would even remove guns from the police!
Now your wife has not only been unfaithful, but she has been neglectful of her children, she is their mother and they should have come first in her life! I fearlessly defend mothers as often they are the most maternal of problem family’s, there are lots of single mums by comparison to single dads aren’t there? its often easy for a man to walk away they have not felt that child grow in them! But this mother!!!!!!!!
 
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