I dated a woman who might not have been interested in marriage. After a while I found out she might have other things going on. One day I drove to where she said she was not visiting someone. And her car was there, early in the morning, if I remember right. I passed the driveway, and in my mirror, already her car was backing out and she took off pretty fast. I pursued her, but she was speeding through two rows of cars and it was narrow. But I kept after her until she stopped, and she was dressed in a nighty.
Why were you driving so fast?
I was in a hurry.
Then why aren't you hurrying, now, to go somewhere? And you could have hit a kid coming out between cars.
I had proof she was not real with me, and I got out of it.
And I stayed out. Later she phoned me and said she wanted me to show up to visit her, at times, at her workplace, just so she could say I was a friend. I suspected she wanted to use me for cover. Then I got hepatitis where we had worked, and someone phoned me to say it was cruel of the person who got me infected.
Did she have eyewitness proof that someone had on purpose infected me? No comment. I suspected she was trying to get me to suppose the hepatitis was revenge for leaving the woman and not letting her use me. But I defused that, I think I remember, by saying that without a legal report to the police I could not accept that that was true.
And I got free of it, by just forgiving a debt that she was going to use to keep me involved with her by giving me tiny payback checks.
And a seminary brother commented that I had taken advantage of her, too. I, of course, did not want to admit that. By being able to take advantage of someone else, I was open to it coming upon me, too.
Now, it seems to me, often enough, that my lady friend might break up with me. There are times when she does not answer her phone for longer than I think could rightly be expected. But I do understand that things can be past finding out, in a relationship. God's ways are "past finding out" (Romans 11:33), and "God is love" (in 1 John 4:8&16); and so relating in God's love can involve things which I will not be able to figure out and predict; so I know that she can do things in ways which are not what I would expect . . . doing better, often enough, than I could hope, and this has been a good example for me, and meaning I keep needing to grow up and get correction in order to stay with her.
When she gets back to me and tells me what was going on . . . yes, it is always how loving people has gotten her busy
But I get worried. But I pray, and I feed on how she has been good for me. But . . . also . . . I do break-up drills . . . like fire drills, as if it really is happening . . . in case she were to want to break up. Be ready, in prayer, how God's peace ruling in me has me be and do things and ready to relate with her > Colossians 3:15; be ready to offer an apology, but also ready for her to find she needs to break up, for a reason or not. Be ready to hear a reason or for her not to want to give a reason > don't try to lord it over her to get her to answer to me > 1 Peter 5:3; and love her and appreciate all she has let me share with her.
But she always surprises me with better than I was considering, and she can smother and gift-wrap me when I tell her I was worried that she might be done with me. But she often says she can't understand why I stay with her, that she is the real issue and not me, at all, it seems; so I tell her I was worried, partly in order to help her know I do so appreciate her, and she is not the one who needs to worry so much
