Worrried :(

[pastellee]

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[Sam91]

(Edit: Hi and welcome to CF, I just realised this is in young adults. I didn't know at the time I replied)

Repent. Fix your eyes on God. Put Him first in your life and stop living in the flesh.

You need to forget about this guy. He told you at the beginning that he wasn't interested in you and told you that he liked someone else. You should have listened to what he had said.

What is done, is done. You have told him what you think of his actions. He has said he wants space. He doesn't need to answer to you. He has to answer to the Lord.

You need to forgive him but redefine the boundaries. He does not seem like a good long term option for you. Wait for someone who loves God, respects you and will act rightly towards you.

God bless you, I hope that you feel better soon. *hugs*

 

[salt-n-light]

Hello
i'm a girl who has been feeling troubled, ever since i found out about a guy friend's secret sins.
i used to like this guy friend, and he told me that he believed in Jesus and God. I thought we were meant to be, and grew very attached to him. initially, he told me that he had a crush on someone else, and that he only liked me as a friend. but that we could still go out together. so we did, but i began to notice that he would often meet that other girl he liked after meeting me. It made me realize that he was using me as an ego boost so that he could feel confident enough about himself to go out with someone else he really liked.

i've confronted him about this issue, but he has only begun to avoid me.

other than that, he also began covering up the fact that he had been getting to know that girl, too, even to the point of gas-lighting me so that i would believe whatever he told me. i managed to find out that he had been actively engaging in conversation with the girl, even going out on dates and trips with her, possibly being intimate with her too, though she ALREADY had a boyfriend. Perhaps that was why he tried to hide his relationship with her. cos it was not ethical.

ever since i found out about all of these and confronted him about it yet again, he began to ignore me altogether.

the last time we spoke, he told me that we should stop seeing one another for some time. but he did not know for how long.

this had been tormenting me a lot, since it has been pretty traumatic to find out about all his dirty secrets.

to know that he has been using me, feeling justified about it, and even engaging in cheating behaviors with someone else's girlfriend. Though i felt very upset with him, i too felt bad for having tried to use intimacy to please him and make him like me back.

during those times that i went out with him, i saw that he was physically attracted to me. And i eventually used that to get him to like me more. I held hands with him and allowed him to kiss me. i found out later that these were wrong, and therefore had been trying my best to atone for my mistakes.

i'd been posting bible verses on how sensuality is actually wrong, and about how his acts of cheating with that girl on her boyfriend, is wrong as well. sometimes my posts would be very personal, and i would even fear that he would get offended by those posts and therefore try to get back at me behind my back, together with the girl.

all of these thoughts have been affecting and troubling me greatly.

how do i carry on?

All the time you're spending thinking and contemplating on what he's up to, you could be spending working out your own salvation.

No worries, I too have that problem of contemplating on the past. But what has helped me was to spend time with God, and sort out why I felt so strongly the way I felt. Things started to unpack for me, and God has led me to put my energies on people that actually need my help, my attention, and by doing so, it highlighted how sucked into my own self-desires I really was.

Before I only focus time on looking over the shoulder of the person I wanted and try to find ways to be around them, even if they didnt want me, and the times that I'm idle, and I get myself into doing mindless stuff to ease the loneliness through porn. I felt empty and as if there was no use to me. But when I put my own thoughts aside, and started to meditate on God's words and actually listen to God, my mind transform, and I find myself now spending time with others, focusing on enriching other people, improving myself for the sake of being able to help others and witnessing, and it has opened up a world of opportunity and hope for me that I wouldn't have seen if I have zoomed into this one person and one problem.

I share this to encourage you to step back and see the bigger picture of this life. What he's doing yes is bad, and God will deal with him, do not fret. But under that same umbrella of wrath, you have to deal with your inner demons as well and deepen your relationship with God and focus on the task He has commisioned us, to go out and make disciples.

Prayer for you and your healing, but don't get distracted. This life is a vapor, so be wise with the time given.

 

[section9+1]

You are extremely fortunate! Now is the time to realize these things and not later after the damage is done and things get really messy. A clean break is very good and a golden opportunity.

 

[pastellee]

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[pastellee]

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[pastellee]

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[Sam91]

Hi.

I think you are overthinking and still very naive. Each of us is responsible for our own behaviour. You are not responsible for his. He had already commited these types of sins and needed no temptation by you to feel any urges. Had you been all prim and proper he would have felt the same.

Stop letting all this getting in the way of your relationship with God. Repent and live your life as a living sacrifice to the Lord. Be obedient to Him, and draw a line in the sand. He knew what he was doing. He knows deep down too (all the thing that you said to Mskriskris) ard wrong. He may try to rationalise it but that is what people who want to keep sinning do. Pray for him, but steer clear.

As Jesus said the the woman caught in adultery "Go, sin no more"