Working with others

[akmom]

Our church decided to put on a special week-long children's program. Due to ongoing renovation work, we are holding it at a larger church, and working together with them to host the event. I registered to help weeks ago, and was assured that the leader of the group to which I was assigned would call me.

This did not happen. So at one of the meetings I attempted to join another group who was in need of more volunteers. The director told me I needed to stay in my original group, so I asked her to show me who was leading that one so I could introduce myself. She did. However, this woman seemed very confused, so I asked the director to introduce me, since I seemed to have located the wrong person. I hadn't. My group leader kept avoiding me and the director as we approached, walking away briskly and avoiding eye contact. With much persistence, we got acquainted. She was from the host church, so I did not know her before this.

I asked her about her plans and what she needed, and she kept telling me that she was too frazzled at the moment to handle anything. But we exchanged numbers and she assured me that she would call the next day.

She did not. So I called her two days later and got the same run-around. She described a long list of family issues, health problems, financial woes and other reasons why she simply could not get to it yet, but assured me everything would be handled in time. I said, "Perfect. I've got lots of ideas and would love to help you out. I can run them past you, or just get started and hammer out details when you're ready." She said no. That she had a pile of supplies that she had hoarded over the years and would use those for kids activities.

I asked if we could browse them together, and she hesitantly set up a time to meet. Every day she'd call and cancel, and reschedule it for the following day. For two weeks. One day before the event, she finally showed me her "supplies." A pile on her bed, like a scene from Hoarders. Oh dear.

I asked her what we should do for Day One. She said she'd have it all laid out and ready that morning. Literally... in 12 hours. I was very skeptical, so I said, "Do you have like a top 3 choices that you're considering? I'm really excited about this." She said no, it's easier for her to plan each activity that morning. I said, "Is there a reason we can't plan tomorrow's activity tonight?" Yes, she said: "Because I bought all of this stuff with my own money! So I get to decide what we do! I like to do it this way so that's just how it's gonna be. It's not up for debate. Okay??" (Mind you, our church had a budget for supplies, so this was not necessary. Also, she repeatedly told me not to buy anything, as she had "plenty" of things.)

I went back to the church to decorate. She assured me she would do it, but I figured she could easily pull down my decorations if she didn't like them. So no harm. (She didn't. The room was exactly like I had it.) The next morning she texted me that she was sick and couldn't come. She said the activity was set up for me and it would super easy for me to step in and take her place.

I got there and the "activity" was a coloring sheet. Wow.

How do I work with this person?? I don't claim to be a people person. But I don't get it. I gather that she doesn't want to work with anyone. I wish she'd been upfront about that so I could make a better case to the director to move me. But at this point I just want to have a good program for the kids. But I don't "get" to know what any activity is until the morning of. And now it's too late for me to plan much else myself. I know she is going to call in sick every day, but she won't just admit that, so I'm stuck with her crummy plans.

 

[snoochface]

I'd tell the director everything you said here. Maybe it's not too late for him to speak with the other church leader and get a redirection going, because it sounds like that woman is completely out of her depth.

 

[mina]

Definitely call the person in charge or the onsite director and tell them what happened. If it were me, I would try to throw together something better than a coloring sheet for each day. it might be something simple but kids deserve better at a church event. I would not try to work with her anymore; especially if she's not even going to be there. Go to dollar tree and get just basic craft stuff if needed in a pinch and try to tie it into whatever the theme or lesson is for the week.

 

[akmom]

I know that she spoke with the director, and then apologized to me for screaming at me earlier in the week. But she still isn't telling me what the plan is until 1/2 hour before the program starts. And she is still not showing up. So nothing has changed.

I don't know why she's so opposed to working with anyone. I mean, I know she is technically calling in sick, but I don't really believe that. I think it's part of a pattern of refusing to work with anyone. I encouraged her to come, and even told her that she could just pop in briefly if she wasn't feeling up to staying. I thought if she'd just give it a shot, she'd see that it's not so bad and drop the illness charade. But she hasn't. I've got a backup activity for tomorrow, so if it's another dud and she isn't there, well that's an option.