Will she ever admit it?

[Moose6149]

When I was 15 my mom started abusing me physically. She emotionally abused my sisters And I all our lives, but I was the only one she got physical. I just don't know what I did wrong to make her hate me so much. I am still trying to fix my relationship with her now that I am living with my dad, but she blames me for everything and sometimes I believe her. She acts like she didn't do anything wrong. I need a mom in my life but I don't really feel like I have one. I just wish she would admit to it. Maybe that would helps us work it out...I don't know.

 

[joey_downunder]

I know this will be hard to read, but if she has such a poor conscience that she is capable of abusing you, never admitting she is wrong AND on top of that blaming you for this abuse SHE is choosing to do.....

...unless there is a miracle and God completely changes her inside and out, your mother will continue to do that to you as long as you try to keep a normal mother/daughter relationship going. You will never get the relationship you deserve from your mother.

That is not your fault. Like all daughters of abusive mothers (like myself) you will grieve for the mother you deserved, the mother you should have had, the mother you wish for when you see female friends and their mothers together.

You did nothing to deserve this abuse EVER, no matter how young, stupid, frustrating, annoying you may have acted or said at the time. You are the CHILD. She is supposed to be the mother but she isn't.

I am glad you are living with your father. Have you talked to your father about what you have been put through yet? Your safety should come first. You should definitely avoid being alone with her at all.

Do you have any female relatives for female support? Give yourself the chance to grieve and take as long as you need to do that. God bless you and I pray He keeps you safe and at peace during this difficult time.

 

[Moose6149]

My daddy does know about everything. I moved out when I was sixteen and he knew everything.
I do have older females to look up to. I attach to my friends moms and I can't help it. I think I do it because I want to have that mother figure but no matter how many people I attach to, I never get that. I feel like I am driving everyone insane because of it. I just wish I could find someone who could fill that void.

 

[joey_downunder]

I really do understand. How do your friends' moms respond to what you say and do?

 

[Moose6149]

Some of them are very understanding, but I feel like I annoy them and others will deal with me for awhile and then pretend I don't exist. It's hard to know who I can trust. I don't know why I keep tying with them though. It never makes me feel any better long term..only short term.

 

[joey_downunder]

It can be hard to tell if people are ready or able to be "a shoulder to cry on". That's why finding a*Christian* counsellor or therapist might be very helpful in your case.

You probably should only tell little bits of your story at a time and watch how the mother responds (or doesn't respond). That way you are less likely to get disappointed etc. You can also keep talking here on this forum or PM me.

 

[cocolovelord]

I can definitely relate to this.

Matthew 10:35 (KJV)
For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

God knows what you are going through. It is good that you are now in a safe environment, because physical abuse is never okay.. I know my mother will never change, and the emotional scars she has given and ones that may continue, you just have to forgive. Some of the things that have been done to me I will never forget in a lifetime to come. Sometimes God is trying to change you, not the other person. I found the commandments so difficult simply because of the "Honor thy mother..." part. I knew there would never be complete peace in life until I'd just learn to suck it up and be the bigger person even though I am her offspring. It would be great if we all experienced a happy home and family...I don't know what motherly love feels like, and that's okay, because Jesus Christ fills the void of all the lack of love I've ever had. I can't trust anyone in my family anymore, and that's okay. They have manipulated me, and that's fine. It's my duty as a follower of the Lord to Love them and forgive them. You don't have to like them. Just be kind and love them with God's love. God knows what you are going through...it is easy to tell someone to get counseling, but Jesus is the best counselor. Just take some verses and learn how to handle these difficult people. I hope the best for you.

 

[Johnnz]

Some parents are so unkind. Hopefully you can find someone trustworthy and wise who you can talk to openly and get some real support. Pain shared can become pain healed in some measure.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[GreatSpeckledBird]

When I was 15 my mom started abusing me physically. She emotionally abused my sisters And I all our lives, but I was the only one she got physical. I just don't know what I did wrong to make her hate me so much. I am still trying to fix my relationship with her now that I am living with my dad, but she blames me for everything and sometimes I believe her. She acts like she didn't do anything wrong. I need a mom in my life but I don't really feel like I have one. I just wish she would admit to it. Maybe that would helps us work it out...I don't know.

I come from a very abusive background too but I'm 57 now. I've been struggling with depression and I know it's associated with my background of abuse. I am starting to get some victory over the depression & over the pain of the abuse I think too. I think there's hope for both of us, you and me. I'm going to pray for you. Maybe it won't take as long for you to figure things out as it has me. I've got a lot of catching up to do in my life now. I feel like I'm finally getting free. I want you to start much younger. Look to God. Our mothers may forsake us or even harm us; but God never will. If you ever want to talk about things feel free to contact me via pm or email.

God bless,
Speckle