Wife is pregnant and I am depressed and a bit resentful. Help?

[xfreakazoidx]

So this is going to be a long post. I'll use AI to summarize it a bit better of its to long though. I'm also spilling my emotions on here so its going to be intense. There are so amyn details I could add but it would be a book if I did. Skip past the ____ to get to main post, if not the details are below of our situation

So I'm 43 (USA), my wife is 39 (From Philippines). Been married 12 years. Marriage is not perfect, but the love is beyond strong. Neither of us really wanted kids, me more so than her. I am disabled and have never been able to hold a job or work. She knew this going into it. Thus I lived at home. She accepted me and married me. My parents brought her here. Sadly she didn't understand how money worked and over time got herself in debt by 80k.

She learned the hard lesson and filed for bankruptcy. She on a payment plan through debt management. And still paying off some loans that weren't covered by debt management. Needless to say we barely have money for anything. We only pay $100 rent a month because it's so bad. I was on some special version of SSI so at least I had money coming in. Until she started making to much at Amazon and I lost it, I also lost my medicaid.

So as you can tell, we are NOT ready for a baby. I don't know how well my health issues will do (22 migraines a month being the biggest issue) will do with a baby. Among my other health issues. I love kids mind you, she does also, however shes grossed out by kids. Like not wanting to change diapers. She also had a very low pain threshold. Since four of us live in one house, its not even close to being baby safe. Nor is there room for. We have a spare bedroom upstairs, which will work when its older of course. Our room is small and barley could hold a baby crib.

So... I realize it takes two to have a baby of course. We seldom have sex, just because neither of us cares about it that much. When we do there is no protection as we can't afford it (I literally stopped taking some meds to save money). Without going into intimate details I will simply say we still tried to methods to not get pregnant.

She been pregnant for two months now, just found out yesterday from a test (I kinda knew when he missed her period for more than a month). To note she was pregnant four years ago and had a miscarriage.

____________________

So when she went to work (third shift) I spend most of the night crying. I am depressed. This sounds AWFUL. But I don't want the baby. I almost resent her. She's annoyed that I am not being positive. But I don't want to lie and pretend I care, when I don't. I've spent my whole life disabled, with issues. Often hoping God would take me. I also spent my life catering to others. Never asking for anything. The whole meek and humble thing. I let people walk all over me. And now we are having a baby.


I feel like being selfish now. I want what I want. I'm tired of putting up with people doing what they want and screwed up my life. I always gave her what she wanted. I let her do what she wanted (mostly). I figured being a useless disabled husband, I shouldn't ask for anything. Now I have had enough.

No, I don't believe in divorce. I do love her deeply, I'm just depressed, angry...etc right now. And no, by saying I don't want the baby I am nto talking about the A word. That is a sin and awful. However I have been praying for a miscarriage again. I can hear the comments already tearing me apart for even saying such a thing. But I don't know what else to think. We can't afford it, she's not responsible enough to handle one, my health is awful and I can't deal with one.

I also don't want to hear about "Well you shouldn't have been intimate!" That does not help as can't change the past. It's not like we don't know that of course. We only were intimate maybe 2-4 times a year as it was. Just looking for advice for the here and now. To note, while she doens't want a baby either, being pregnant of course has her emotional and now she's happy.

Meanwhile I am stressed thinking about the reality of it. And I know I can't talk to anyone. My Christian friends will judge me for feeling this way. My non-christian friends will just yap about the A word or say things like split up. I also should note I grew up homeschooled. So I was around babies, kids...etc. I love kids. I'd love to be a dad. And of course my parents live with us, so that will help. Even though they are near deaths door and have health issues themselves. Honestly I am tired of my life. If not for the fear of death and God, I'd end it currently. I'm tired of being tired and givingt up everything and getting nothing in return. Tired of being nice.

I just need advice, or comfort. Or something. I know God has things happen for a reason and a baby is a blessing of course.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

and a baby is a blessing of course.

Focus on this .
Blessings

 

[chevyontheriver]

So this is going to be a long post. I'll use AI to summarize it a bit better of its to long though. I'm also spilling my emotions on here so its going to be intense. There are so amyn details I could add but it would be a book if I did. Skip past the ____ to get to main post, if not the details are below of our situation

So I'm 43 (USA), my wife is 39 (From Philippines). Been married 12 years. Marriage is not perfect, but the love is beyond strong. Neither of us really wanted kids, me more so than her. I am disabled and have never been able to hold a job or work. She knew this going into it. Thus I lived at home. She accepted me and married me. My parents brought her here. Sadly she didn't understand how money worked and over time got herself in debt by 80k.

She learned the hard lesson and filed for bankruptcy. She on a payment plan through debt management. And still paying off some loans that weren't covered by debt management. Needless to say we barely have money for anything. We only pay $100 rent a month because it's so bad. I was on some special version of SSI so at least I had money coming in. Until she started making to much at Amazon and I lost it, I also lost my medicaid.

So as you can tell, we are NOT ready for a baby. I don't know how well my health issues will do (22 migraines a month being the biggest issue) will do with a baby. Among my other health issues. I love kids mind you, she does also, however shes grossed out by kids. Like not wanting to change diapers. She also had a very low pain threshold. Since four of us live in one house, its not even close to being baby safe. Nor is there room for. We have a spare bedroom upstairs, which will work when its older of course. Our room is small and barley could hold a baby crib.

So... I realize it takes two to have a baby of course. We seldom have sex, just because neither of us cares about it that much. When we do there is no protection as we can't afford it (I literally stopped taking some meds to save money). Without going into intimate details I will simply say we still tried to methods to not get pregnant.

She been pregnant for two months now, just found out yesterday from a test (I kinda knew when he missed her period for more than a month). To note she was pregnant four years ago and had a miscarriage.

____________________

So when she went to work (third shift) I spend most of the night crying. I am depressed. This sounds AWFUL. But I don't want the baby. I almost resent her. She's annoyed that I am not being positive. But I don't want to lie and pretend I care, when I don't. I've spent my whole life disabled, with issues. Often hoping God would take me. I also spent my life catering to others. Never asking for anything. The whole meek and humble thing. I let people walk all over me. And now we are having a baby.


I feel like being selfish now. I want what I want. I'm tired of putting up with people doing what they want and screwed up my life. I always gave her what she wanted. I let her do what she wanted (mostly). I figured being a useless disabled husband, I shouldn't ask for anything. Now I have had enough.

No, I don't believe in divorce. I do love her deeply, I'm just depressed, angry...etc right now. And no, by saying I don't want the baby I am nto talking about the A word. That is a sin and awful. However I have been praying for a miscarriage again. I can hear the comments already tearing me apart for even saying such a thing. But I don't know what else to think. We can't afford it, she's not responsible enough to handle one, my health is awful and I can't deal with one.

I also don't want to hear about "Well you shouldn't have been intimate!" That does not help as can't change the past. It's not like we don't know that of course. We only were intimate maybe 2-4 times a year as it was. Just looking for advice for the here and now. To note, while she doens't want a baby either, being pregnant of course has her emotional and now she's happy.

Meanwhile I am stressed thinking about the reality of it. And I know I can't talk to anyone. My Christian friends will judge me for feeling this way. My non-christian friends will just yap about the A word or say things like split up. I also should note I grew up homeschooled. So I was around babies, kids...etc. I love kids. I'd love to be a dad. And of course my parents live with us, so that will help. Even though they are near deaths door and have health issues themselves. Honestly I am tired of my life. If not for the fear of death and God, I'd end it currently. I'm tired of being tired and givingt up everything and getting nothing in return. Tired of being nice.

I just need advice, or comfort. Or something. I know God has things happen for a reason and a baby is a blessing of course.

You are a father now. Own it. Grow into it. You were made for this.

 

[PloverWing]

You seem to have very mixed feelings. You "love kids", and you'd "love to be a dad", but you "don't want the baby". I suppose that's fair. Being a parent is a mix of delightful days and terrible days and mundane days where you're just trying to get them onto the school bus on time. And you've just found out about the pregnancy, so it's all very fresh. Go ahead and feel all the things you need to feel.

Once you've taken a few trips around that emotional roller coaster, sit down, take a breath, and decide what you're going to do.

If you really really can't raise a child, you can let the child be adopted.

If you decide to keep and raise the child, you have seven months to prepare. It sounds like you are at home (due to your disability) and your wife works outside the home, so you are the obvious one to shoulder most of the baby-care duties. Learn how to change a diaper, if you don't have that experience already. Read a couple of baby-care books. Baby-proof your house. If your parents are living with you, they can help with the baby when you're going through the migraines. And of course your wife will help care for the baby when she's home from work. Again, you have seven months to prepare and plan. You can figure out a lot in seven months.

 

[xfreakazoidx]

You seem to have very mixed feelings. You "love kids", and you'd "love to be a dad", but you "don't want the baby". I suppose that's fair. Being a parent is a mix of delightful days and terrible days and mundane days where you're just trying to get them onto the school bus on time. And you've just found out about the pregnancy, so it's all very fresh. Go ahead and feel all the things you need to feel.

Once you've taken a few trips around that emotional roller coaster, sit down, take a breath, and decide what you're going to do.

If you really really can't raise a child, you can let the child be adopted.

If you decide to keep and raise the child, you have seven months to prepare. It sounds like you are at home (due to your disability) and your wife works outside the home, so you are the obvious one to shoulder most of the baby-care duties. Learn how to change a diaper, if you don't have that experience already. Read a couple of baby-care books. Baby-proof your house. If your parents are living with you, they can help with the baby when you're going through the migraines. And of course your wife will help care for the baby when she's home from work. Again, you have seven months to prepare and plan. You can figure out a lot in seven months.

Yeah, I also told my wife maybe give me time. This is terrifying and because I'm also kinda of autistic, I tend ot overthink things and think of all the problems that come along with anything in life.

Good news is as you said, I'd be the at home dad. I'm already the at home husband who does everything else. And since I do love kids, I'm really not to worried about me caring for a baby. I am kinda worried about my wife as she works 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. So I don't know if she can handle having a baby.

I also know a the first two years people joke are the years you never sleep. But once past them, things get a bit easier. Especially once your child is potty trained, learns to talk, can be trusted (more or less) and you don't have to spend every second watching them.

My mom is thrilled to be a grandma, she knew we didn't want any so its a surprise to her. And it may be good for her. My dad also is a wonderful dad. I know deep down things will probably work out, God has always provided. I think its just the financial end of things that has me worried.

 

[timf]

Parenthood should teach selflessness. Become the father one can respect. Grow in wisdom and Christ-likeness.

 

[LizaMarie]

Yes, children are a blessing. Since you are home, you will be the day -to- day caregiver, but it sounds like your parents will be right there to help, and are happy about it. Even those of us who planned for children felt overwhelmed when we became pregnant the first time and looked into the future. I was 37 with my first child, and very much wanted children, but had worries that I wouldn't be a good parent, and had been on my own for a long time, etc. That was over 30 years ago and I'm so glad God blessed me with children and grandchildren.
The truth is, God sent you this child, and you can ask for God's help in being a Godly father.
I prayed all the time and still do for my kids and grandkids.
Does your wife's job allow for maternity leave? Hopefully it does and she will also be there the first couple of months at home.
I know it's hard- but don't stress or worry.
God will help you. Further, there is WIC, and other programs to help with expenses.
Back then(no internet) I got pregnancy books such as what to expect when you are expecting which had great advice and good advice for the father, too.

 

[xfreakazoidx]

Yes, children are a blessing. Since you are home, you will be the day -to- day caregiver, but it sounds like your parents will be right there to help, and are happy about it. Even those of us who planned for children felt overwhelmed when we became pregnant the first time and looked into the future. I was 37 with my first child, and very much wanted children, but had worries that I wouldn't be a good parent, and had been on my own for a long time, etc. That was over 30 years ago and I'm so glad God blessed me with children and grandchildren.
The truth is, God sent you this child, and you can ask for God's help in being a Godly father.
I prayed all the time and still do for my kids and grandkids.
Does your wife's job allow for maternity leave? Hopefully it does and she will also be there the first couple of months at home.
I know it's hard- but don't stress or worry.
God will help you. Further, there is WIC, and other programs to help with expenses.
Back then(no internet) I got pregnancy books such as what to expect when you are expecting which had great advice and good advice for the father, too.

THanks. Yeah, we will definitely look into getting some help. Looking up Amazon it says:

"Amazon offers 20 weeks of fully paid parental leave for birth parents, including four weeks pre-partum and 16 weeks post-partum. "

Not sure if thats great or bad. I assume pre and post is before and after the delivery right?

Honestly, I want a daughter. I have always wanted one. It's really hard for my mind ot focus on the positive things sometimes. I'm a glass half empty kind of person. Not sure if that is because of my health issues like Autism, brain injury, anxiety or what.

 

[PloverWing]

"Amazon offers 20 weeks of fully paid parental leave for birth parents, including four weeks pre-partum and 16 weeks post-partum. "

Wow, I had no idea. Good for Amazon! (I was afraid they wouldn't give her any paid time off. Apparently they're a better employer than I thought.)

 

[LizaMarie]

THanks. Yeah, we will definitely look into getting some help. Looking up Amazon it says:

"Amazon offers 20 weeks of fully paid parental leave for birth parents, including four weeks pre-partum and 16 weeks post-partum. "

Not sure if thats great or bad. I assume pre and post is before and after the delivery right?

Honestly, I want a daughter. I have always wanted one. It's really hard for my mind ot focus on the positive things sometimes. I'm a glass half empty kind of person. Not sure if that is because of my health issues like Autism, brain injury, anxiety or what.

Having 4 weeks before the birth is good, and so is 16 weeks after, that means your wife will not have to work right up to delivery.

 

[xfreakazoidx]

Wow, I had no idea. Good for Amazon! (I was afraid they wouldn't give her any paid time off. Apparently they're a better employer than I thought.)

Good to know then. I mean it's a super hard job and they don't care about you at work, but the insurance is great and the pay is great.

 

[Zceptre]

Someone very mighty is telling me everything is going to work out just fine and this is a blessing in disguise.

 

[Muhan]

So this is going to be a long post. I'll use AI to summarize it a bit better of its to long though. I'm also spilling my emotions on here so its going to be intense. There are so amyn details I could add but it would be a book if I did. Skip past the ____ to get to main post, if not the details are below of our situation

So I'm 43 (USA), my wife is 39 (From Philippines). Been married 12 years. Marriage is not perfect, but the love is beyond strong. Neither of us really wanted kids, me more so than her. I am disabled and have never been able to hold a job or work. She knew this going into it. Thus I lived at home. She accepted me and married me. My parents brought her here. Sadly she didn't understand how money worked and over time got herself in debt by 80k.

She learned the hard lesson and filed for bankruptcy. She on a payment plan through debt management. And still paying off some loans that weren't covered by debt management. Needless to say we barely have money for anything. We only pay $100 rent a month because it's so bad. I was on some special version of SSI so at least I had money coming in. Until she started making to much at Amazon and I lost it, I also lost my medicaid.

So as you can tell, we are NOT ready for a baby. I don't know how well my health issues will do (22 migraines a month being the biggest issue) will do with a baby. Among my other health issues. I love kids mind you, she does also, however shes grossed out by kids. Like not wanting to change diapers. She also had a very low pain threshold. Since four of us live in one house, its not even close to being baby safe. Nor is there room for. We have a spare bedroom upstairs, which will work when its older of course. Our room is small and barley could hold a baby crib.

So... I realize it takes two to have a baby of course. We seldom have sex, just because neither of us cares about it that much. When we do there is no protection as we can't afford it (I literally stopped taking some meds to save money). Without going into intimate details I will simply say we still tried to methods to not get pregnant.

She been pregnant for two months now, just found out yesterday from a test (I kinda knew when he missed her period for more than a month). To note she was pregnant four years ago and had a miscarriage.

____________________

So when she went to work (third shift) I spend most of the night crying. I am depressed. This sounds AWFUL. But I don't want the baby. I almost resent her. She's annoyed that I am not being positive. But I don't want to lie and pretend I care, when I don't. I've spent my whole life disabled, with issues. Often hoping God would take me. I also spent my life catering to others. Never asking for anything. The whole meek and humble thing. I let people walk all over me. And now we are having a baby.


I feel like being selfish now. I want what I want. I'm tired of putting up with people doing what they want and screwed up my life. I always gave her what she wanted. I let her do what she wanted (mostly). I figured being a useless disabled husband, I shouldn't ask for anything. Now I have had enough.

No, I don't believe in divorce. I do love her deeply, I'm just depressed, angry...etc right now. And no, by saying I don't want the baby I am nto talking about the A word. That is a sin and awful. However I have been praying for a miscarriage again. I can hear the comments already tearing me apart for even saying such a thing. But I don't know what else to think. We can't afford it, she's not responsible enough to handle one, my health is awful and I can't deal with one.

I also don't want to hear about "Well you shouldn't have been intimate!" That does not help as can't change the past. It's not like we don't know that of course. We only were intimate maybe 2-4 times a year as it was. Just looking for advice for the here and now. To note, while she doens't want a baby either, being pregnant of course has her emotional and now she's happy.

Meanwhile I am stressed thinking about the reality of it. And I know I can't talk to anyone. My Christian friends will judge me for feeling this way. My non-christian friends will just yap about the A word or say things like split up. I also should note I grew up homeschooled. So I was around babies, kids...etc. I love kids. I'd love to be a dad. And of course my parents live with us, so that will help. Even though they are near deaths door and have health issues themselves. Honestly I am tired of my life. If not for the fear of death and God, I'd end it currently. I'm tired of being tired and givingt up everything and getting nothing in return. Tired of being nice.

I just need advice, or comfort. Or something. I know God has things happen for a reason and a baby is a blessing of course.

How to Bless Yourself Without Measure!
Love the Lord God who created all the heavens and the heaven and the Earth.
With all your heart
With all your mind
With all your soul
With all your strength
Everyday
All day long
And forsake
And deny yourself
Of all else
That does not
Bless the Lord.

 

[Richard T]

So this is going to be a long post. I'll use AI to summarize it a bit better of its to long though. I'm also spilling my emotions on here so its going to be intense. There are so amyn details I could add but it would be a book if I did. Skip past the ____ to get to main post, if not the details are below of our situation

So I'm 43 (USA), my wife is 39 (From Philippines). Been married 12 years. Marriage is not perfect, but the love is beyond strong. Neither of us really wanted kids, me more so than her. I am disabled and have never been able to hold a job or work. She knew this going into it. Thus I lived at home. She accepted me and married me. My parents brought her here. Sadly she didn't understand how money worked and over time got herself in debt by 80k.

She learned the hard lesson and filed for bankruptcy. She on a payment plan through debt management. And still paying off some loans that weren't covered by debt management. Needless to say we barely have money for anything. We only pay $100 rent a month because it's so bad. I was on some special version of SSI so at least I had money coming in. Until she started making to much at Amazon and I lost it, I also lost my medicaid.

So as you can tell, we are NOT ready for a baby. I don't know how well my health issues will do (22 migraines a month being the biggest issue) will do with a baby. Among my other health issues. I love kids mind you, she does also, however shes grossed out by kids. Like not wanting to change diapers. She also had a very low pain threshold. Since four of us live in one house, its not even close to being baby safe. Nor is there room for. We have a spare bedroom upstairs, which will work when its older of course. Our room is small and barley could hold a baby crib.

So... I realize it takes two to have a baby of course. We seldom have sex, just because neither of us cares about it that much. When we do there is no protection as we can't afford it (I literally stopped taking some meds to save money). Without going into intimate details I will simply say we still tried to methods to not get pregnant.

She been pregnant for two months now, just found out yesterday from a test (I kinda knew when he missed her period for more than a month). To note she was pregnant four years ago and had a miscarriage.

____________________

So when she went to work (third shift) I spend most of the night crying. I am depressed. This sounds AWFUL. But I don't want the baby. I almost resent her. She's annoyed that I am not being positive. But I don't want to lie and pretend I care, when I don't. I've spent my whole life disabled, with issues. Often hoping God would take me. I also spent my life catering to others. Never asking for anything. The whole meek and humble thing. I let people walk all over me. And now we are having a baby.


I feel like being selfish now. I want what I want. I'm tired of putting up with people doing what they want and screwed up my life. I always gave her what she wanted. I let her do what she wanted (mostly). I figured being a useless disabled husband, I shouldn't ask for anything. Now I have had enough.

No, I don't believe in divorce. I do love her deeply, I'm just depressed, angry...etc right now. And no, by saying I don't want the baby I am nto talking about the A word. That is a sin and awful. However I have been praying for a miscarriage again. I can hear the comments already tearing me apart for even saying such a thing. But I don't know what else to think. We can't afford it, she's not responsible enough to handle one, my health is awful and I can't deal with one.

I also don't want to hear about "Well you shouldn't have been intimate!" That does not help as can't change the past. It's not like we don't know that of course. We only were intimate maybe 2-4 times a year as it was. Just looking for advice for the here and now. To note, while she doens't want a baby either, being pregnant of course has her emotional and now she's happy.

Meanwhile I am stressed thinking about the reality of it. And I know I can't talk to anyone. My Christian friends will judge me for feeling this way. My non-christian friends will just yap about the A word or say things like split up. I also should note I grew up homeschooled. So I was around babies, kids...etc. I love kids. I'd love to be a dad. And of course my parents live with us, so that will help. Even though they are near deaths door and have health issues themselves. Honestly I am tired of my life. If not for the fear of death and God, I'd end it currently. I'm tired of being tired and givingt up everything and getting nothing in return. Tired of being nice.

I just need advice, or comfort. Or something. I know God has things happen for a reason and a baby is a blessing of course.

Matthew 12:20-21 (KJV)
20 A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.
21 And in his name shall the Gentiles trust.

I think it is all about trusting God that you can face your fears. Life is not ever going to be perfect. You seem to manage with your disability OK, so I think you are going to be graced by God to manage also with a baby. I might add successfully manage to the point where the baby will be a blessing. Your Filipina should understands this. Their culture rarely has anything easy. Still, on her part, it sounds like she is going to have to step up in learning to love and care for an infant.

You too seem to be making a curse out of a blessing as a previous poster suggested as well. This child could be exactly what you need. That any short-term issues will be small in comparison to the long-term gains. All things are possible to those who believe has to be your mantra. God too can work in ways you may not have thought of. Others, for instance may give help to the raising or even financing of this child.
I will say too that often we may have an idea of exactly what it is that we seek in life. Your present goals and living situation do seem incompatible with raising a child. But in no way can you be sure of the goals and hopefully your living situation can change as well. I suppose if it is a total bust, then maybe you could send it to the Philippines for a time or get help some other way? Lots of Filipino families have relative's kids living with them because one or both family members work overseas, are deceased or unable to care for them. So, I pray you come out of panic mode. That you both can begin to warm up to the idea of a child. That through Christ you can be given the tools to be successful parents and that the child will be seen as a blessing and not a curse. That the pregnancy will go to full-term and that the baby will be healthy. God bless.

Ako po ay kaibigan ni Richard sa Philippines. Nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos dahil ang asawa mo ay nagpahayag ng kanyang damdamin o pananaw dito. Ang panalangin ko ay Panginoon ay punan ang lahat ng inyong mga pangangailangan sa inyong mag asawa. Pagpapalain po kayo ng Panginoon.

 

[Godcrazy]

So this is going to be a long post. I'll use AI to summarize it a bit better of its to long though. I'm also spilling my emotions on here so its going to be intense. There are so amyn details I could add but it would be a book if I did. Skip past the ____ to get to main post, if not the details are below of our situation

So I'm 43 (USA), my wife is 39 (From Philippines). Been married 12 years. Marriage is not perfect, but the love is beyond strong. Neither of us really wanted kids, me more so than her. I am disabled and have never been able to hold a job or work. She knew this going into it. Thus I lived at home. She accepted me and married me. My parents brought her here. Sadly she didn't understand how money worked and over time got herself in debt by 80k.

She learned the hard lesson and filed for bankruptcy. She on a payment plan through debt management. And still paying off some loans that weren't covered by debt management. Needless to say we barely have money for anything. We only pay $100 rent a month because it's so bad. I was on some special version of SSI so at least I had money coming in. Until she started making to much at Amazon and I lost it, I also lost my medicaid.

So as you can tell, we are NOT ready for a baby. I don't know how well my health issues will do (22 migraines a month being the biggest issue) will do with a baby. Among my other health issues. I love kids mind you, she does also, however shes grossed out by kids. Like not wanting to change diapers. She also had a very low pain threshold. Since four of us live in one house, its not even close to being baby safe. Nor is there room for. We have a spare bedroom upstairs, which will work when its older of course. Our room is small and barley could hold a baby crib.

So... I realize it takes two to have a baby of course. We seldom have sex, just because neither of us cares about it that much. When we do there is no protection as we can't afford it (I literally stopped taking some meds to save money). Without going into intimate details I will simply say we still tried to methods to not get pregnant.

She been pregnant for two months now, just found out yesterday from a test (I kinda knew when he missed her period for more than a month). To note she was pregnant four years ago and had a miscarriage.

____________________

So when she went to work (third shift) I spend most of the night crying. I am depressed. This sounds AWFUL. But I don't want the baby. I almost resent her. She's annoyed that I am not being positive. But I don't want to lie and pretend I care, when I don't. I've spent my whole life disabled, with issues. Often hoping God would take me. I also spent my life catering to others. Never asking for anything. The whole meek and humble thing. I let people walk all over me. And now we are having a baby.


I feel like being selfish now. I want what I want. I'm tired of putting up with people doing what they want and screwed up my life. I always gave her what she wanted. I let her do what she wanted (mostly). I figured being a useless disabled husband, I shouldn't ask for anything. Now I have had enough.

No, I don't believe in divorce. I do love her deeply, I'm just depressed, angry...etc right now. And no, by saying I don't want the baby I am nto talking about the A word. That is a sin and awful. However I have been praying for a miscarriage again. I can hear the comments already tearing me apart for even saying such a thing. But I don't know what else to think. We can't afford it, she's not responsible enough to handle one, my health is awful and I can't deal with one.

I also don't want to hear about "Well you shouldn't have been intimate!" That does not help as can't change the past. It's not like we don't know that of course. We only were intimate maybe 2-4 times a year as it was. Just looking for advice for the here and now. To note, while she doens't want a baby either, being pregnant of course has her emotional and now she's happy.

Meanwhile I am stressed thinking about the reality of it. And I know I can't talk to anyone. My Christian friends will judge me for feeling this way. My non-christian friends will just yap about the A word or say things like split up. I also should note I grew up homeschooled. So I was around babies, kids...etc. I love kids. I'd love to be a dad. And of course my parents live with us, so that will help. Even though they are near deaths door and have health issues themselves. Honestly I am tired of my life. If not for the fear of death and God, I'd end it currently. I'm tired of being tired and givingt up everything and getting nothing in return. Tired of being nice.

I just need advice, or comfort. Or something. I know God has things happen for a reason and a baby is a blessing of course.

I am so sorry about your situation. Hugs.
Could you work online? do some training online and work online or just get something online?
Or maybe she could, that might be easier?
Can you apply for housing? from the authorities, different programs? they should be helping now a baby is coming.
you could also get assistance for food and baby stuff and rent don`t knock any of it until you have tried
you might actually get more help that way than staying with your parents
you might even get help for nursery
or for assistance taking care of the baby
again don`t knock it until you have tried
seems you also need more help with your health
they might be able to assist
she might have to do some more training, apprentice ship earn while you learn or school in order to get you a better future.
Remember God will not leave you or forsake you

 

[Godcrazy]

Someone very mighty is telling me everything is going to work out just fine and this is a blessing in disguise.

you should qualify for child support at least
maybe one of her family members could come over to help
more income too
maybe get in touch with filipino communities around. search they should be able to help
as well your child might become something great and also able to take care of you when you age