I applied to study law at Cambridge and was given an A*AA offer. Most parents would be happy to have a child who could apply to Cambridge with a realistic chance of getting in, but my dad was furious. He said he wanted me to stay in London because then hed be able to contribute more towards my costs, but claimed he wouldnt be able to contribute ANYTHING if I went to Cambridge. I suspect not because he couldnt, but because he just didnt want to. This was incredibly odd to me as I would assume that any parent who wanted the best for their child would want them to get the best education possible, especially if they knew their child was capable. We argued for weeks about it, until he apparently told my mum during a row that he was washing his hands of the situation. I showed him my final 5 university choices, and he flipped out as soon as he saw Cambridge at the top of the list, so I doubt he even knew which other universities I applied to. I decided as a compromise to choose SOAS as my insurance choice just to show that I wasnt completely ignoring him, even though I really did not want to go to SOAS. Looking back now that was definitely a mistake, as it will be ME going to university, and ME footing the bill for it eventually, but I did this because my culture places a lot of emphasis on rightly or wrongly obeying your parents, particularly your father. All this was in vain as he had already decided he wanted nothing to do with it, so I had come to terms with the idea of going to university with no financial support from him.
I unfortunately did not get the A*, and was accepted by my insurance choice, SOAS. I am not knocking anyone who studies law at SOAS, or aims to do so, but having researched the place and the types of universities lawyers at the magic circle firms went to, I have decided I would rather take a gap year and apply to a Russell Group university which will accept me with 3 As. During this gap year I plan to retake and exam, and increase my work experience at law firms, as well as doing some travelling and volunteering in the UK and abroad. I told my mum my plans first, and although she was wary of a gap year, she was at least willing to listen, and understands how valuable they can be if they are spent well. I also discussed my plans with my head of year at school, who agreed that it would be a good idea. I came home and told my dad and he told me outright that I wasnt taking a gap year whilst living under his roof. He rightly asked why I applied to SOAS if I had no intention of going, and I reminded him that he was pressurising me to stay in London. I left my house to join my mum who was out at the time, but by the time I had met with her, he had already called her, telling her that if I was going to be disobedient like her then we would both have to find somewhere else to live. Later when we arrived home the whole debacle stared again, and I asked him to tell me why I couldnt take a gap year. This is the thing about him, he refuses to listen to anybody who doesnt agree with him, yet doesnt give rational enough argument for anyone to agree with him. He just yelled in my face because I said so, and told me again that if I wanted to be disobedient my mum and I could go and live elsewhere.
Looks like Im homeless, because Im taking a gap year.
Anyway, I assume he called his mum to tell her that I was taking a gap year because she called when my mum and I got back asking specifically to speak to us. My mum told her she didnt want to speak about it right now, so my grandmother spoke to me first. Naturally, she sided with her son. She told me that a gap year is a waste of time, and that there is not guarantee that any of the universities I apply to for entry next year will take me. I explained to her that I plan to retake one of my exams in January to see if I can get an A* (even though I dont need one to get in to any of the universities I want to apply to), and that I also want to do some work experience and travel. She basically just sided with my dad and said that I would be wasting a year. She told me that I should not me the one dictating to my parents what I want to do, but that they should be telling me what to do and I should just obey. She went on to tell me that this was my fault for not working hard enough and getting the A* I needed. I can accept that not getting an A* was a failure on my part, but I dont think ANYBODY can tell me I didnt work hard enough if they didnt see just how much work I put into my exams. She told me I should just listen to my dad because he went to university (albeit an average one). Maybe a few years ago I would have just bowed down to their requests and obeyed because Im supposed to, but after the way he reacted to me applying to Cambridge something most parents would be proud of - I decided that my dad is probably not someone acting with my best interests at heart. I told this to my grandmother and she told me that that was not a nice thing to say about my dad, but I was only saying what was apparent to me. Towards the end of the conversation she told me again that I should just go to SOAS and asked me if I agreed. I told her that I still need to discuss it with my teachers, and she got angry, asking why I needed to speak to a teacher before agreeing with her or my dad. She asked to speak to my dad again and he said some things in his language, before adding, in English that if I dont go to SOAS Im being stupid, and that my mum and I should just pack our bags and live somewhere else. Ive learned to remain calm when he gets like this because no amount of arguing will ever change his mind. My head of year even offered to speak to my dad and my dad has refused.
Bear in mind that I will be 19 years old in about 2 weeks time. I have done my research, this isnt just an impulsive decision Ive made because Im upset about not getting into Cambridge. I dont plan to be sat at home during my gap year, I have plans, and those who have actually listened to them think it would be a good idea. My mum understands that I only want to take a gap year to improve my prospects, but my dad is having none of it. Ive already made up my mind so Im not really asking for advice on what to do about reapplying, I just want to know if its normal for someone to behave like this, from a Christian perspective.
I unfortunately did not get the A*, and was accepted by my insurance choice, SOAS. I am not knocking anyone who studies law at SOAS, or aims to do so, but having researched the place and the types of universities lawyers at the magic circle firms went to, I have decided I would rather take a gap year and apply to a Russell Group university which will accept me with 3 As. During this gap year I plan to retake and exam, and increase my work experience at law firms, as well as doing some travelling and volunteering in the UK and abroad. I told my mum my plans first, and although she was wary of a gap year, she was at least willing to listen, and understands how valuable they can be if they are spent well. I also discussed my plans with my head of year at school, who agreed that it would be a good idea. I came home and told my dad and he told me outright that I wasnt taking a gap year whilst living under his roof. He rightly asked why I applied to SOAS if I had no intention of going, and I reminded him that he was pressurising me to stay in London. I left my house to join my mum who was out at the time, but by the time I had met with her, he had already called her, telling her that if I was going to be disobedient like her then we would both have to find somewhere else to live. Later when we arrived home the whole debacle stared again, and I asked him to tell me why I couldnt take a gap year. This is the thing about him, he refuses to listen to anybody who doesnt agree with him, yet doesnt give rational enough argument for anyone to agree with him. He just yelled in my face because I said so, and told me again that if I wanted to be disobedient my mum and I could go and live elsewhere.
Looks like Im homeless, because Im taking a gap year.
Anyway, I assume he called his mum to tell her that I was taking a gap year because she called when my mum and I got back asking specifically to speak to us. My mum told her she didnt want to speak about it right now, so my grandmother spoke to me first. Naturally, she sided with her son. She told me that a gap year is a waste of time, and that there is not guarantee that any of the universities I apply to for entry next year will take me. I explained to her that I plan to retake one of my exams in January to see if I can get an A* (even though I dont need one to get in to any of the universities I want to apply to), and that I also want to do some work experience and travel. She basically just sided with my dad and said that I would be wasting a year. She told me that I should not me the one dictating to my parents what I want to do, but that they should be telling me what to do and I should just obey. She went on to tell me that this was my fault for not working hard enough and getting the A* I needed. I can accept that not getting an A* was a failure on my part, but I dont think ANYBODY can tell me I didnt work hard enough if they didnt see just how much work I put into my exams. She told me I should just listen to my dad because he went to university (albeit an average one). Maybe a few years ago I would have just bowed down to their requests and obeyed because Im supposed to, but after the way he reacted to me applying to Cambridge something most parents would be proud of - I decided that my dad is probably not someone acting with my best interests at heart. I told this to my grandmother and she told me that that was not a nice thing to say about my dad, but I was only saying what was apparent to me. Towards the end of the conversation she told me again that I should just go to SOAS and asked me if I agreed. I told her that I still need to discuss it with my teachers, and she got angry, asking why I needed to speak to a teacher before agreeing with her or my dad. She asked to speak to my dad again and he said some things in his language, before adding, in English that if I dont go to SOAS Im being stupid, and that my mum and I should just pack our bags and live somewhere else. Ive learned to remain calm when he gets like this because no amount of arguing will ever change his mind. My head of year even offered to speak to my dad and my dad has refused.
Bear in mind that I will be 19 years old in about 2 weeks time. I have done my research, this isnt just an impulsive decision Ive made because Im upset about not getting into Cambridge. I dont plan to be sat at home during my gap year, I have plans, and those who have actually listened to them think it would be a good idea. My mum understands that I only want to take a gap year to improve my prospects, but my dad is having none of it. Ive already made up my mind so Im not really asking for advice on what to do about reapplying, I just want to know if its normal for someone to behave like this, from a Christian perspective.
Is there anyway to take maybe the first 2 years of college where you dad wants you (because most Uni's first 2 years are about the same) ... and then move to Cambridge??? It's really nice to have dad helping, trust me... there are expenses you don't realize...plus you'd have your dad's pat on the back. By the 3rd year you will have your thoughts well in hand... and then can make your move (especially if dad's footed the bill so far, you can put any monies you have aside... 
