Why isn't God leading a spouse to me?

[2013womanofGod]

I'm confused. I always thought that God sent someone a husband or wife if they prayed and waited on him and put themselves in social situations where guys would be.

But I am almost 29 and I havent had any success. Part of this is due to the fact that fr whatever reason I just don't have strong feeling for many people in my life. Of course I like everyone but there are only a few people that I love - including friends. I don't know why I'm like this but I just am. This is not a superficial thing either. I don't fall for guys because they super attractive or super intelligent etc etc etc. I seem to fall for ones that are very real and down to earth.

But it's rare I even like a guy. I probably have strong feelings for a guy every 4 or 5 years. I don't know what to do about this at all. I thought for sure God would lead me to the right one. I didn't think that it was a problem that I was looking for a needle in a haystack because God knows exactly where the needle is! But He doesn't seem to be leading me.

I have prayed for my future spouse since I was 13. Prayers don't seem to be working. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong? Advice needed.

Also to the people who are going to say "you need to stop thinking about a guy and just get involved in your interests." I'm already doing that. I have many things I am passionate about and involved in, but I still feel the desire for a companion.

 

[znr]

Maybe he's not out of the oven yet. Could be in prison and out in a year. Or maybe he's on his way over now. Or maybe he's a shy math nerd and he's wracking his brain trying to figure out how to approach you. He could also be in Indonesia on a mission trip and be praying to meet you too. He might even be the cute guy eating a burger and showing off his muscle car over at the diner, in which case you're going to have to wait for his temporary infatuation with his car to pass. Give it about a year. It'll wear off.

 

[Spunkn]

Maybe it's not the right time yet. Just because we pray for certain things, doesn't always mean God is going to give us the answer we always want.

I prayed for God to lift my depression for over about 12 years. He never once fully lifted it and made it go away. But He did see me through it.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Your desire for a husband will probably not go away, but just keep trusting in God that He will give you somebody when the time is right. For now I would say, use this time to further your relationship with Christ. Use the "gift of being" single to do things that you won't be able to do when you are in a relationship later on.

I'm not saying "stop thinking about it", but the more you think about it, and the more you want it -now- the more frustrating it will be. God's timing and purpose is often different than what we want it to be.

 

[xxxxxxtra]

Are you still chasing after a man? Lol.. Lol.. How many threads is this.. Hey i have an idea that the reason God has not sent some fellow into your life is for several reasons.. The first being obedience. Next might be patients. Another might be that He wants you to experience who you as an individual are.. Like maybe His plan for you doesn't include a husband.. Just look at joan of arc.. If she got the man she was praying for.. Things would have turned out alot different for all women.. I mean, you don't actually think that God creates each of us without a purpose or plan do you? Like the cookie cutter theory... Ouch.. I certainly hope not..
Trust God.. Draw close to Him, and He not only will reveal Himself. But, also a marvelous plan for your life. One that will glorify Him.. Not your worldly desires.. Then my dear, your payoff will be eternal joy.. Rejoicing in your true love.. Our Husband Jesus Christ.. I think that if you just relax and have patience.. Enjoy a courtship with Christ Jesus first and foremost.. In the end you will find that He really has given you the dezires of your heart.. Blessings dear sister...

 

[HIS Geeky Girl]

If you're still single, there's a reason why. 29 is not "old" by any stretch, now is not the time to give up or decide that God is ignoring your wish for a husband. It's perfectly normal to have times where you feel ignored or invisible or like your desires must simply not matter to Him; none of those are EVER true! You need to rebuke those thoughts and replace them with assurances from God's Word, that He knows where you are in life, He knows exactly what He's doing, and He isn't finished with you yet. I speak from experience here. I was older than you are now when I met the love of my life Hang in there.

 

[tbogunro]

You're title already says what you believe and it will be done according to your believe. Also when you asked if you're doing something wrong shows that you think it's based on anything you do. God does ALL the work and all you do is believe. Believe is just a matter of realizing it's NEVER based on how good you are, how many times you pray or read the Bible, what you do, but on God's LOVE for you . Think about this, if you have a daughter and all she wanted to do was get married since she 13 and she asked for your help, what will you do? Every time you try to help her she wonders off or as you're helping her by giving her advice or setting dates up she still keeps asking like you're not doing anything, how would you feel? Lucky for us, God = love so its impossible for Him not to give you the best despite anything you do. Acknowledge that God doesn't need your help, God is love, God's nature is to make us happy, we have human love but yet know what to do when our kids really want something and you think our love for our kids even comes close to how God loves us? YES you'll get married when you finally decide and acknowledge that God isn't going to be upstaged by human love lol. YES marriage is in your future or you wouldn't even have this desire. YES you'll get married once you begin to go out and have fun! Don't sit at home all day, go out, go on dates who cares either way RELAX and have fun that each day is another day where you and your husband will get closer meeting. God wants to work but as long as you say things like "Why isn't God leading me or I keep trying" then God will step aside. No more praying about this and asking for a husband, but go crazy and have fun in life, THANK God for your husband right now instead of waiting till you see him. THANK God now for this man you'll marry while you go out on dates, club's, movies, or whatever. Have fun with friends and God. Have fun with the life you have because trust me if God wasn't leading you would have been dead already. RELAX and ENJOY being single while you can lol. Marriage will happen so either start preparing or enjoy this season in life with God, friends, and family.

 

[theophilus40]

I have prayed for my future spouse since I was 13. Prayers don't seem to be working. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong? Advice needed.

Perhaps instead of praying for a spouse you should ask God if he wants you to get married. God wants some people to remain unmarried so they will be better able to carry out the work he has for them. Jeremiah was one of these people.

The word of the LORD came to me: “You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place."
(Jeremiah 16:1-2 ESV)
​

The best thing you can do is simply focus on carrying out whatever God has given you to do. If God wants you to marry he will bring you in contact with the person he wants you to marry if you are carrying out his work.

 

[BFine]

I don't think you are necessarily doing anything wrong by praying for a husband
but have you invested the same amount of time praying for folks who aren't saved?

What is your ministry for reaching the lost in your area?

A man at my old church in NC told me to stop focusing so much on a husband
and be about the Lord's work. That offended me at first but the more I thought
about the matter, I found he was right. It was maybe a year later that I met the
man I married...we met online and married within 3 months, that happened 10
years ago.

 

[MattTheStampede]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married. There's nothing wrong with longing to be with the person God made for you. It's pretty natural to want that partnership. God made us that way. So if God put that in you, then there's a fulfillment for that desire somewhere in His plan for you.

Personally, I would ignore the so-called advice of most singles ministries which advise you to raise your standards and focus on your relationship with God while neglecting the practical wisdom of putting yourself in situations where you'll meet Godly men and - most importantly - getting the fable of the perfect man out of your head. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having standards or seeking His kingdom first. But God's plan isn't contingent on you reaching a certain level of spiritual maturity and it's not some Rube Goldbergian device where all these complex things have to come to fruition before you meet the right man. You play a HUGE part in meeting and settling down with the right man. So my advice to you is threefold:
1.) Realize that there are no Disney princes in the real world. All men are imperfect and no man is going to hit every one of your top 10 non-negotiables for a husband. Be open to the possibilities and realize that love can develop over a period of time. That instant click is exceptionally rare and if you write off every man you don't feel that with, you'll be missing out on some real winners.

2.) Put yourself in situations where you'll meet Godly men. Go to Christian social events. Hang out in the singles ministry. Go to where the men are and be yourself. All you have to do is put a line in the water where the fish are and see who bites.

3.) Focus on friendships. Take it easy. There's no rush to be married. Once you are, everything changes (from what I'm told). Have fun with the guys you date and date a lot of guys. Don't go into it looking for your soul mate. When the time is right, you'll know. For now, relax and have a good time. Save the seriousness for when the relationship gets serious.

 

[Spunkn]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married. There's nothing wrong with longing to be with the person God made for you. It's pretty natural to want that partnership. God made us that way. So if God put that in you, then there's a fulfillment for that desire somewhere in His plan for you.

Personally, I would ignore the so-called advice of most singles ministries which advise you to raise your standards and focus on your relationship with God while neglecting the practical wisdom of putting yourself in situations where you'll meet Godly men and - most importantly - getting the fable of the perfect man out of your head. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having standards or seeking His kingdom first. But God's plan isn't contingent on you reaching a certain level of spiritual maturity and it's not some Rube Goldbergian device where all these complex things have to come to fruition before you meet the right man. You play a HUGE part in meeting and settling down with the right man. So my advice to you is threefold:
1.) Realize that there are no Disney princes in the real world. All men are imperfect and no man is going to hit every one of your top 10 non-negotiables for a husband. Be open to the possibilities and realize that love can develop over a period of time. That instant click is exceptionally rare and if you write off every man you don't feel that with, you'll be missing out on some real winners.

2.) Put yourself in situations where you'll meet Godly men. Go to Christian social events. Hang out in the singles ministry. Go to where the men are and be yourself. All you have to do is put a line in the water where the fish are and see who bites.

3.) Focus on friendships. Take it easy. There's no rush to be married. Once you are, everything changes (from what I'm told). Have fun with the guys you date and date a lot of guys. Don't go into it looking for your soul mate. When the time is right, you'll know. For now, relax and have a good time. Save the seriousness for when the relationship gets serious.

This I would agree with. Putting Christ / God first doesn't mean you have to completely forget about it, and anyone who tells you that is not giving good advice either. Both extremes are bad. Both "you can't think about it" and "always thinking about it" are places you don't want to be in, but I think there's a good middle ground.

As the above said, don't make it the focus of your life, but still allow yourself to be in places where God -could- open a door for you.

 

[Girder of Loins]

Who is to say that you won't find him after sixty years of searching? I think of the parable of the lost coin. The woman frantically searches for it until she finds it, no matter how long. If she had just seen it sitting on the counter, she wouldn't have celebrated. But because she was forced to wait, when she finally found it, she rejoiced greatly. The same can be said here. Keep persevering, keep waiting, keep searching, and when you find him, you will be happy.

 

[spr]

Instead of praying for something for yourself, pray that God will lay on you the desire to give of yourself. It is better to give than to receive.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

I'm confused. I always thought that God sent someone a husband or wife if they prayed and waited on him and put themselves in social situations where guys would be.

But I am almost 29 and I havent had any success. Part of this is due to the fact that fr whatever reason I just don't have strong feeling for many people in my life. Of course I like everyone but there are only a few people that I love - including friends. I don't know why I'm like this but I just am. This is not a superficial thing either. I don't fall for guys because they super attractive or super intelligent etc etc etc. I seem to fall for ones that are very real and down to earth.

But it's rare I even like a guy. I probably have strong feelings for a guy every 4 or 5 years. I don't know what to do about this at all. I thought for sure God would lead me to the right one. I didn't think that it was a problem that I was looking for a needle in a haystack because God knows exactly where the needle is! But He doesn't seem to be leading me.

I have prayed for my future spouse since I was 13. Prayers don't seem to be working. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong? Advice needed.

Also to the people who are going to say "you need to stop thinking about a guy and just get involved in your interests." I'm already doing that. I have many things I am passionate about and involved in, but I still feel the desire for a companion.

There is no time limit on God . Plus, he gives us what we TRULY need according to his will and since he knows our life from start to finish, it is very good to trust him with this most important issue . God may call you to marriage later on in your life, or, he may not have marriage for you ... as hard as that may be to accept. But, to find contentment in life, its all about really wanting what God wants for your life because he can be trusted .

Marriage today, is very very tough on both Spouses..even if they both love the Lord. About 40% of professed Christians fail in marriage and get divorced. Marriage is a great Godly institution for some, but, the reality is that MANY people should not have gotton married / should not get married because they lack some very key ingredients including not having the commitment to stick it out , not being able to handle adversity in marriage (or life) very well, not being willing or able to surrender to Another all the time, not being able to communicate effectively , or not able to be faithful for life to Another. Another sad reality is, many people believe that God has brought them a Spouse so there will be no major problems in the marriage -- even when God actually orchestrates two CHristians to be married ... it is still a very hard journey. I know for someone whos never been married before , you may not be able to grasp any of what im saying...but, there are precious few good workable marriages occuring within Christian circles today. Its great when you see one, but, sadly they are not the norm.

Until God reveals a person to you , I would not fret about it ...instead I would continue serving God enthusiastically and choose to be happy with your life regardless of your status. In HIS will is our peace .

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I prayed since I was around 13 too, if not earlier. Got my first date at 27. Met my fiance at 30. Getting married in a month at 31.

Someone will appear in Gods time. However if its true what someone said about you have posted this before then the answer becomes you are holding yourself back from finding someone. BY that I mean you can't turn wanting someone into your idol you worship. God should always be first in our lives. Its way to easy to turn finding someone into the thing we focus on most of the time. I know so because its how I was.

It wasn't until I stopped thinking about it and let God handle it that I found my fiance. And maybe thats the whole point. God is testing us to see how long it takes for us to realize we should be giving it up to him instead.