Why is CF not working for me at the moment in the way that I hoped?

Norman70 said:

Thank you everyone for your support. Local RL fellowship is not very forthcoming for either my wife nor myself. As I have explained elsewhere, local established Church attendance is out for both of us, both physically and, dare I say, spiritually.

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Norman70 said:

I too truly believe we are in the end times, perhaps on the lines of Teilhard de Chardin's description of a so-called noosphere (this word did not originate with him). The Internet might be playing its part, I see it as another of God's gifts to man, to bring us closer to Him. But as with all of His gifts, we abuse it.
I will continue to pray to God and ask Him to guide me into wise postings. It's all I have left now, apart from loving my dear wife.

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Norman70 said:

@DennisTate. Many thanks for all of your posts, you give me lots to read! Given energy and if I can motivate myself I could particularly focus on fundamental particle physics, my ambition as a child was to become a nuclear physicist!
Not so, I became a physics teacher. In my old age my focus is now spiritual, but God’s gift of science is intended by Him to help us draw closer to Him.
With great respect I am not so enamoured by mega-church practitioners. Rick Joyner and others often deliver a great message, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your link entitled "The Great Tsunami" and, I thought, in line with my interest in Christian Anarchism. However, the early Christians described in Acts never formed a mega-church. I think this is the work of the devil! God bless.

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Science, technology, and other benefits, they told me, had been gifts bestowed on humanity by them - through inspiration. People had literally been led to those discoveries, many of which had later been perverted by humanity to use for its own destruction.

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I was in pre creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time / the First Word / the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply, I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness. When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind-expanding thought, isn’t it? Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event that created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations.

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Norman70 said:

@DennisTate. Many thanks for all of your posts, you give me lots to read! Given energy and if I can motivate myself I could particularly focus on fundamental particle physics, my ambition as a child was to become a nuclear physicist!
Not so, I became a physics teacher. In my old age my focus is now spiritual, but God’s gift of science is intended by Him to help us draw closer to Him.
With great respect I am not so enamoured by mega-church practitioners. Rick Joyner and others often deliver a great message, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your link entitled "The Great Tsunami" and, I thought, in line with my interest in Christian Anarchism. However, the early Christians described in Acts never formed a mega-church. I think this is the work of the devil! God bless.

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Pastor Rick Joyner, The Final Quest:
Angelo

“There is still someone you must meet before you return to the battle,” He said as we walked. As we did, I continued to be astonished by how much more glorious He had become than even a few minutes before.

“Every time you see Me with the eyes of your heart, your mind is renewed a little bit more,” He proceeded to say. “One day you will be able to abide in My presence continually. When you do that, all you have learned by My Spirit will be readily available to you, and I will be available to you.”

I could hear and understand everything He said, but I was so captured by His glory that I just had to ask Him, “Lord, why are you so much more glorious now than when You first appeared to me as Wisdom?”

“I have never changed, but you have. You are changed as you behold My glory with an unveiled face. The experiences you have had are removing the veils from your face so that you can see Me more clearly. Yet nothing removes them as quickly as when you behold My love.”

He then stopped, and I turned to look at those on the thrones next to us. We were still in the place where the highest kings were sitting. Then I recognized a man who was close by.

“Sir, I know you from somewhere, but I simply cannot remember where.”

“You once saw me in a vision,” he replied.

I immediately remembered, and was shocked! “So you were a real person?”

“Yes,” he replied.

I remembered the day when, as a young Christian, I had become frustrated with some issues in my life. I went out into the middle of a battlefield park near my apartment and determined that I would wait until the Lord spoke to me. As I sat reading my Bible, I was caught up into a vision, one of the first ones I ever had. In the vision I saw a man who was zealously serving the Lord. He was continually witnessing to people, teaching the Bible, and visiting the sick to pray for them. He was very zealous for the Lord, and had a genuine love for people. Then I saw another man, named Angelo, who was obviously a tramp or a homeless person. When a small kitten wandered into his path, he started to kick it but restrained himself, though he still shoved it out of the way rather harshly with his foot. Then the Lord asked me which of these men pleased Him the most.

“The first,” I said without hesitating.

“No, the second,” He responded, and began to tell me their stories.

He shared that the first man had been raised in a wonderful family, which had always known the Lord. He grew up in a thriving church and then attended one of the best Bible colleges in the country. He had been given one hundred portions of His love, but he was using only seventy-five.

The second man had been born deaf. He was abused and kept in a dark, cold attic until he was found by the authorities when he was eight years old. He had then been shifted from one institution to another, where the abuse continued. Finally, he was turned out on the streets. The Lord had only given him three portions of His love to help him overcome all of this, but he had mustered every bit of it to fight the rage in his heart and keep from hurting the kitten.

I now looked at that man, a king sitting on a throne far more glorious than Solomon could have even imagined. Hosts of angels were arrayed about him, waiting to do his bidding. I turned to the Lord in awe. I still could not believe he was real, much less one of the great kings.

“Lord, please tell me the rest of His story,” I begged.

“Of course, that is why we are here. Angelo was so faithful with the little I had given to him that I gave him three more portion of My love. He used all of that to quit stealing. He almost starved, but he refused to take anything that was not his. He bought his food with what he could make collecting bottles, and occasionally he found someone who would let him do yard work.

‘Angelo could not hear but he had learned to read, so I sent him a gospel tract. As he read it, the Spirit opened his heart, and he gave his life to Me. I again doubled the portions of My love to Him, and he faithfully used all of them. He wanted to share Me with others, but he could not speak. Even though he lived in such poverty, he started spending over half of everything he made on gospel tracts to give out on street corners.”

“How many did he lead to you?” I asked, thinking that it must have been multitudes for him to be sitting with the kings.

“One,” the Lord answered. “In order to encourage him, I let him lead a dying alcoholic to Me. It encouraged him so much that he would have stood on that corner for many more years just to bring another soul to repentance. But all of heaven was entreating to bring him here quickly, and I, too, wanted him to receive his reward.”

A Different Kind of Martyr

“But what did Angelo do to become a king here?” I asked.

“He was faithful with all that he was given. He overcame all until he became like Me, and he died a martyr”

“But what did he overcome, and how was he martyred?”

“He overcame the world with My love. Very few have overcome so much with so little. Many of My people dwell in homes with conveniences that kings would have envied just a century ago, yet they do not appreciate them. Angelo, on the other hand, would so appreciate even a cardboard box on a cold night that he would turn it into a glorious temple of My presence.

He began to love everyone and everything. He would rejoice more over an apple than some of My people do over a great feast. He was faithful with all that I gave him, even though it was not very much compared to what I gave others, including you. I showed him to you in a vision because you passed by him many times. Once you even pointed him out to one of your friends and spoke of him.”

“I did? What did I say?”

“You said, ‘There is another one of those Elijah’s who must have escaped from the bus station.’ You said he was ‘a religious nut’ who was sent by the enemy to turn people off to the gospel.”

This was the worst blow I had yet suffered in this whole experience. I was more than shocked, I was appalled. I tried to remember the specific incident, but couldn’t—simply because there were so many others like it. I had never had much compassion for filthy Street preachers, considering them tools of Satan sent to turn people off to the gospel.

“I’m sorry, Lord. I’m really sorry.”

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Pastor Rick Joyner, The Final Quest:
“You are forgiven,” He quickly responded. And you are right that there are many who try to preach the gospel on the streets for wrong or even perverted reasons. Even so, there are many who are sincere, even if they are untrained and unlearned. You must not judge by appearances. There are as many true servants who look like he did as there are among the polished professionals in the great cathedrals and organizations that men have built in My Name.” He then motioned for me to look up at Angelo. When I had turned, he had descended the steps to his throne and was now right in front of me. Opening his arms, he gave me a great hug and kissed my forehead like a father. Love poured over me and through me until I felt that it would overload my nervous system. When he finally released me, I was staggering as if I were drunk, but it was a wonderful feeling. It was love like I had never felt before. “He could have imparted that to you on earth,” the Lord continued. “He had much to give to My people, but they would not come near him. Even My prophets avoided him. He grew in the faith by buying a Bible and a couple of books that he read over and over He tried to go to churches, but he could not find one that would receive him. If they would have taken him in, they would have taken Me in. He was My knock upon their door.” I was learning a new definition of grief. “How did he die?” I asked, remembering that he had been martyred. Based on what I had seen so far, I was half expecting that I somehow was even responsible for that. “He froze to death trying to keep alive an old wino who had passed out in the cold.”

The Unlikely Overcomer

As I looked at Angelo, I could not believe how hard my heart had been. Even so, I did not understand how dying in this way made him a martyr, which I thought was a title reserved for those who died because they would not com promise their testimony of the lordship of Christ.

“Lord, I know that he is truly an overcomer,” I remarked. “And it truly is warranted for him to be here. But are those who die in such a way actually considered martyrs?”

Angelo was a martyr every day that he lived. He would only do enough for himself to stay alive, and he gladly sacrificed his life to save a needy friend. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, even if you give your body to be burned, but do not have love, it counts as nothing. But, when you give yourself with love, it counts for much. ‘Angelo died every day, because he did not live for himself but for others. Even though he always considered himself the least of the saints, he was truly one of the greatest. As you have already learned, many of those who consider themselves the greatest, and are considered by others to be the greatest, end up being the least here. Angelo did not die for a doctrine, or even for his testimony, but he did die for Me.”

“Lord, please help me to remember this. When I return, please do not let me forget what I am seeing here,” I begged.

“That is why I am with you here, and I will be with you when you return. Wisdom is to see with My eyes, and to not judge by appearances. I showed you Angelo in the vision so that you would recognize him when you passed him on the street. If you had shared with him the knowledge of his past that I had shown you in the vision, he would have given his life to me then. You could have then discipled this great king, and he would have had a great impact on My church.

“If My people would look at others the way I do, Angelo and many others like him would have been recognized. They would have been paraded into the greatest pulpits. My people would have come from the ends of the earth to sit at their feet, because by doing this they would have sat at My feet. He would have taught you to love, and how to invest the gifts that I have given you so that you could bear much more fruit.” I was so ashamed that I did not want to even look at the Lord, but finally I turned back to Him as I felt the pain driving me toward self-centeredness again. When I looked at Him, I was virtually blinded by His glory. It took a while, but gradually my eyes adjusted so that I could see Him.

“Remember that you are forgiven,” He said. “I am not showing you these things to condemn you, but to teach you. Always remember that compassion will remove the veils from your soul faster than anything else.”

As we began to walk again, Angelo entreated me, “Please remember my friends, the homeless. Many will love our Savior if someone will go to them.”

His words had such power in them that I was too moved to answer, so I just nodded. I knew that those words were the decree of a great king, and a great friend of the King of Kings.

“Lord, will you help me to help the homeless?” I asked.

“I will help any who help them,” He responded. “When you love those whom I love, you will always know My help. They will be given the Helper by the measure of their love. You have asked many times for more of My anointing; that is how you will receive it. Love those whom I love. As you love them, you love Me. As you give to them, you have given to Me, and I will give more to you in return.”

Living like a King

My mind drifted to my nice home and all the other possessions I had. I was not wealthy, yet I knew that by earthly standards I lived much better than kings had just a century before. I had never felt guilty about it before, but I did now. Somehow it was a good feeling, but at the same time it did not feel right. Again I looked back to the Lord, for I knew He would help me.

“Remember what I said about how My perfect law of love made light and darkness distinct. When confusion such as you are now feeling comes, you know that what you are experiencing is not My perfect law of love. I delight in giving My family good gifts, just as you do yours. I want you to enjoy them and appreciate them. Nevertheless, you must not worship them, and you must freely share them when I call you to.

“I could wave My hand and instantly remove all poverty from the earth. There will be a day of reckoning when the mountains and high places are brought down, and the poor and oppressed are raised up, but I must do it. Human compassion is just as contrary to Me as human oppression. Human compassion is used as a substitute for the power of My cross. I have not called you to sacrifice, but to obey. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice in order to obey Me, but if your sacrifice is not done in obedience, it will separate us.

“You are guilty for the way you misjudged and treated this great king when he was My servant on earth. Do not judge anyone without inquiring of Me. You have missed more of the encounters I have set for you than you have ever imagined, simply because you were not sensitive to Me. However I did not show you this to just make you feel guilty, but rather to bring you to repentance so you will not continue to miss such opportunities.

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Norman70 said:

@DennisTate. Many thanks again for your informative posts and interesting links.
Rick Joyner is a very well educated, informed, experienced and intelligent man, all qualities for which I have great respect. Neither do I doubt he had his visions.
But we all have our dreams and experiences, many of them spiritual, and will be of equal impact on ourselves at least. Very few of us then make a profitable, money-wise, business out of them. I have great respect for those who invented ice-cream, but not their legacy living on putting the profits in share-holders pockets. With great respect to you, Dennis, I cannot help but describe Joyner's wealth as ill-gotten gains, capitalising on the spiritual needs of ordinary people. It is, of course, called the God business.

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Norman70 said:

@Paidiske. I guess you are addressing me and the title of my thread. Many thanks for your penetrative question.
I have not been posting in CF recently due to my medical infirmities, my doctor is visiting me tonight. I thank everyone for their prayers, and my family and friends. I hope and pray that my doctor will make an encouraging diagnosis.
The reasons why I opened this thread are to share my distress with fellow Christians, the likes of which are not readily come by in RL. Going to Church has been recommended by many here, but as explained in other threads my wife and myself are unable to attend a local Church. Nor are we spiritually moved to do so in this corrupt world.
We have each other, and Jesus.
My doctor is a wonderful Christian man. He does voluntary work with the homeless and does not want to accept payment from us. We try to give him something, we only have our small pensions to live on. I have had three extended NHS hospital stays during the last six years. The local NHS Clinics are crowded and often not very competent, we have to purchase our own dressings and medications. If specialist treatment is advised we would not be able to afford it. The NHS treatment has not been successful.
I apologise, this is a catalogue of woes. I can read, write and talk, and I am inspired by others with far worse physical disabilities than my own, and it pains me profoundly to contemplate the suffering in the world. On the few occasions I feel a little better, I am studying the book of Job!

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