why god why

[fields316_2000]

my wife has decided to leave me. after 4 years she decided to leave. i need prayer.

im in the military and have been for years. she has insecuritys and is co dependent..when i left she was writing me love letters daily and we were having the best time of our marital lives..even prior to me leaving she and i were trying to have another child. the night i left she cried her eyes out and left me a love letter about her trust in me and how much our marriage has been resurected since years back (i cheated and she left but i repented and changed)..

2 weeks into the letters and love she says god told her id be teested by females out here in South Carolina and if i failed our marriage woudl be doomed and i would stay within in the world. well she went ona fast and at the end of the fast she claims god told her the only reason she came back to reconcile with me was out of guilt. she claims he told her that she never loved me and isnt in love with me and now she has moved all her stuff out of our home, took my kids and our car and tells me on the phone with utter confidence that she knows divorce is wrong, but she wants god to support her and understand how she feels. she said she actually never meant anything n the letters she said and knows that i have manny women im sleeping with out here.

but the thing is while all this is happening ive been out here really trying to take it up a notch as a christian. i did fall off the fellowship track and did view porn in our home a few times-but after a long talk and fight my wife lovingly kissed me and told me its not how many times you go down but how many times you get up..and she said she was proud of me here because instead of me going to the strip clubs i would stay in and read my bible.

now she is gone. she said she cant believe a word out of my mouth because everything im saying over the phone now is the same thing that was said a year back when we reconciled. im hurt and confused because thats MY WIFE. MY KIDS. and im not about to let satan take them!

i went to a church and the pastor there told me that by the holy spirit he was told my test was to see if i would walk out on her and i didnt..i grabbed my bible tighter..he told me my family is going to be stronger and tighter than ever before because of my faithful ness here when it was just god watching..but while he says that..my wife was moving her stuff out and moving to her moms..im so conflicted. im confused. whywould god tell her that? what should i do ? when i fly home (wednesday ...and ive been gone a month) she was supposed to pick me up from the airport and we all go to thanksgiving dinner at her familys. now she has spread all our buisness in the street asking what she should do because she just knew i was cheating because god told her i would be tested..and she thinks in her heart i can not pass up women..but i did, and she still wont listen!

why is my wife acting like this? she is completely sounding like another person..dont worry..there is no other men..her mother and sisters still keep up with me and let me know that much..plus my family has been with her all the time and there is no one but our sons around her..

why is she acting like that? she told me this is all her decision and she prayed about it but made her own mind up that she is better without me. she put our kids in new schools while i was gone and wants nothing to do with counciling or even picking me up from the airport..what should i do and why is god's hand against me so hard? some days i dont want to live anymore over this. like i pray and pray and fast and fast but the more i do the worse life looks. why god why

 

[tapero]

Hi,

I am so sorry for the troubles you are going through. I don't think God would tell a woman to leave her husband like that. I mean - you've been faithful - why would God tell her to leave you? It sounds like she just never got over the past affair and her fears are taking over her life.

Oh Lord, I pray for this family; that their marriage would be restored. Please uphold this man in your care and grant him patience in this situation. Please protect him in the service and watch over his wife and children and keep them safe. Please help his heart and wrap your loving arms around him.
In Jesus name I pray,

Tapero

 

[Machin Shin]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can't tell you what to do, because I've never been in that situation, but I can just imagin how I would feal if my soon-to-be fiance' refused to continue our relationship. there are not enough words in our vocabulary to discribe this kind of hurt.

All I can say is that I'll be praying for you, and I'll start a thread under "prayer requests" for you.

May God's Abunant Blessings Be Upon You

 

[sandman]

2 weeks into the letters and love she says god told her id be teested by females out here in South Carolina and if i failed our marriage woudl be doomed and i would stay within in the world. well she went ona fast and at the end of the fast she claims god told her the only reason she came back to reconcile with me was out of guilt. she claims he told her that she never loved me and isnt in love with me and now she has moved all her stuff out of our home, took my kids and our car and tells me on the phone with utter confidence that she knows divorce is wrong, but she wants god to support her and understand how she feels. she said she actually never meant anything n the letters she said and knows that i have manny women im sleeping with out here.

Whenever people tell me that God told them I always ask one thing where id the profit the benefit – There is not profit to this info, basically I can assure you this didn’t come from the God and a Father of our Lord Jesus Christ

now she is gone. she said she cant believe a word out of my mouth because everything im saying over the phone now is the same thing that was said a year back when we reconciled. im hurt and confused because thats MY WIFE. MY KIDS. and im not about to let satan take them!

These are words that people use to justify their actions, on the contrary I would say that her word are the ones that cannot be trusted

i went to a church and the pastor there told me that by the holy spirit he was told my test was to see if i would walk out on her

and i didnt..i grabbed my bible tighter..he told me my family is going to be stronger and tighter than ever before because of my faithful ness here when it was just god watching..but while he says that..my wife was moving her stuff out and moving to her moms..im so conflicted. im confused. why would god tell her that?

Do I not believe God tests people like this these are words that come from a pastor who is unaware of the spiritual battle but who needs to look like they have spiritual insight. I am not saying God can’t turn your situation around but God doesn’t cause this kind of torment in a person’s marriage to test them

now she has spread all our buisness in the street asking what she should do because she just knew i was cheating because god told her i would be tested..and she thinks in her heart i can not pass up women..but i did, and she still wont listen!

She is trying to justify her actions. She has a real problem with controlling her own thinking renewing her mind to the written Word.



________________________________________________________________



Remember whatever you did in the past is forgiven and forgotten by God…end of story. Your wife {and understand I only know from what you have written from your perspective} let her unrenewed mind get the best of her, she opened the door to fear and unbelief and let it grow in her life ..to her this is real; now what about you.

First and foremost you must rise above the whole situation. In other words your right in the middle of this torment, that is where the devil wants you because the devils ultimate goal is to destroy your marriage, you, your wife, and your relationship with God. Right now you cannot think clearly, your probably not sleeping or eating well, your angry, hurt, confused and you don’t understand why God would let this happen. The reason you need to rise above it is to get a grip on the truth…the truth being Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

This may prove to be one of the toughest things you have ever done because you need to get control of your mind and to focus it on the Word; you cannot fight a spiritual battle with carnal weapons;so you need not keep asking, why God? Ephesians covers it.

Next you must understand that God does not possess so he cannot make your wife love you, or come back, however he can salt the path {arrange situations around her to help build that desire} God wants you two together, He wants your marriage to work, but it does take two willing participants. If she is unwilling all the desire and love on your part cannot make it work I know that is cold and I am sorry, but that is the truth, you cannot make this work by yourself. She has convinced herself of certain untruths because she has failed to stay focused on the truth and allowed fear to rule her life. All the effort to convince her that you have been faithful is almost futile because she has closed that door.

Finally you need to step back… this is almost like letting go and letting God. You step back because all the pushing towards her with questions like “why are you doing this” is literally pushing her further away. Stepping back is almost like being cold towards her but in your mind your letting go and letting God handle the situation. Don’t talk to her about it, don’t try to convince her about anything, if she asks a question just be straight foreword but don’t go overboard. Stepping back is not stepping away from the kids you need to be in their lives no matter what happens.

The final step is a tough one, it goes against every inclination ingrained in us, but you have nothing to loose. If she responds fantastic, is she doesn’t you didn’t loose anything because she was already gone.

In between all of this you need to pray and hold a vision of you two happily together 10 20 30 years from now……………

I am praying for the both of you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God bless

sandman

 

[John 15:13]

Dude! You're about in the same boat as me and your wife needs intercession. You're the prime candidate. THE form of intercession I'm thinking about is called travailing. Do it. I'm on day 53 since the wife split and I'm not worried. Well, in the flesh maybe. But not in my spirit! I'm a man on a mission! There's no way that I'm going to take no for an answer. There is prayer that will make God move. He is merciful but moreso when you "chase" him for answers. I praise God that I'm going to be united with my wife soon. I leave for Iraq in 2 months (for a year). God is able!

 

[Rafael]

Does she read the Bible? Do you read and know what the Bible says about marriage? God did not tell her to do these things or He would be contradictng His Word in scripture. Tell her that if it is not written in the Bible, God did not say these things to her, but the devil did or in time her own motives will be revealed. God hates divorce and seperation of true Christians.
All you can do is trust God and remain faithful in your part. Seek out God, yourself, and if you go through a trial and are tested, don't think it stange to be refined by the fires of adversity that will not harm you, but make you stronger in faith.
When troubles come in this life, they are opportunities to trust God and the Bible even tells us to embrace them. If you want your wife and kids, fight for them and wage war by prayer, then use patience and faith in God to see the end which will come out for good to those that love God and are called to His purpose. If it comes to divorce and other things, never give up on God's will for your life, as He can restore all things in some manner while you are alive. These trials either shake us out or refine us and draw us even closer to God. No matter what happens, God is number one in your life, and if you place Him there, as first in your heart, He has promised to make all other things come into line in your life. Pray, read, cry out to God, encourage yourself in His word, claim His victory over these situations. If you have sins in your own life that have led to this, correct them in repentance by telling Him about it in confession. Do everything you can on your part and then be satisfied that God will bring things about in your best interest.
I will say a prayer for you too and hope for quick resolution. Hang in there with the Lord.

Jas 1:2 Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.
3 For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

1Pe 1:7 These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Ro 5:3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to endure.
4 And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation.

Jas 1:12 God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

 

[bubblegirl23]

" (i cheated and she left but i repented and changed).."

God forgives, but women aren't so easy

She's someone who feels insecure, and cheating would have made it worse. You're going to have to prove to her that you'll never have eyes for anyone but her.

Some men find that cheating means the relationship wasn't being properly tended to. They arrange a "date night" where nobody matters but the wife. This time is spent having an outing or quiet time together.

You might have to do something drastic to prove to your wife you won't cheat again. Get a n outfit you wore when you cheated on her and destroy it. Tell her with it's destruction goes your wandering. Tell her you wish to change your relationship so it's more stable.

Book marriage counselling with the church or family centre closest, have date nights, write love letters, call her every night just to say goodnight, spoil her, call her while you're out with your friends to tell her you missed her.

If she won't listen & continues about God supporting divorce, go and tie yourself somewhere and tell her you're not leaving.

Normally I wouldn't condone cheating either, but you did marry her and you aren't a heartless guy. If you tell her how much of a mistake this split feels, maybe she'll agree to go back to dating. Start again with her and court her.

All a woman ever wants is to feel like their the only one you'll ever want!

 

[IDS]

Soldier, it is gut-check time. Are you ready for battle? The weapons of this warfare cannot be carnal.


GOD did not create this mess. You are reaping the consequences of poor decisions and choices of the past.


When a man betrays his wife, repents and is forgiven that is not the end of the story. The restoration of trust usually takes a long time. A man who has truly repented gives his wife as much time as she needs for healing (even if it is many, many years).


There are many women who feel pornograpy is a type of unfaithfulness. In the poem, Innocent Porn, porn is looked at from a husband's view, a wife's view, and a spiritual view. I have heard many women express strong feelings about this. What you call weakness your wife calls betrayal.


L etting

O thers

V alue

E motions


Do you love your wife?


Joshua 1


Three times the instructions come to be strong and of a good courage. The opposite of good courage is discourage.


You say that you are not going to let satan have "MY WIFE. MY KIDS."


What are you going to do to stop him?


If you fight by his rules of engagement you don't have a prayer.


Micah 6:8 He hath showed thee, O man, what is good (right). And what doth the Lord require of thee but to do justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy GOD.


satan's greatest victory was also his worst defeat.


Obeying orders in the heat of battle is not an option.


Micah 6:8 He hath showed thee, O man, what is good (right). And what doth the Lord require of thee but to do justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy GOD.


.....peace.....

 

[fields316_2000]

my wife does read the bible and the more she goes to this church the meaner she gets toward me. it reminds me of the arrogance that satan had when he tried to overthrow god. she doesnt want me as the head of the house anymore and is arrogantly trying to show me how much better off she is without me..she even says she found a verse that backs up her divorce decision..which is false because with reconciliation and repentance im cleansed...and forgiven from all wrong doings from christ..she is taking this as a way out for some reason. she needs a renewed mind because of all the past pains, but she still claims she didnt and doesnt love me. in fact its a lot of fear because she wont be alone with me - should she pick me up from the air port she insisted that one of her family members comes along because she wont feel comfortable..i hope god gets her!

 

[Rafael]

my wife does read the bible and the more she goes to this church the meaner she gets toward me. it reminds me of the arrogance that satan had when he tried to overthrow god. she doesnt want me as the head of the house anymore and is arrogantly trying to show me how much better off she is without me..she even says she found a verse that backs up her divorce decision..which is false because with reconciliation and repentance im cleansed...and forgiven from all wrong doings from christ..she is taking this as a way out for some reason. she needs a renewed mind because of all the past pains, but she still claims she didnt and doesnt love me. in fact its a lot of fear because she wont be alone with me - should she pick me up from the air port she insisted that one of her family members comes along because she wont feel comfortable..i hope god gets her!

We have cleansing from sin in Christ but we cannot harbor vengeance in our hearts towards flesh and blood and still receive that grace. Be careful for your heart. Guard it against hatred and vengeance because except for the grace of God, there goes you or even worse. Don't play with those feelings of anger, but cast them away and repent of them as quickly as you can. The Bible says that it is principalities and powers in high places that have gotten control of the situation with your wife so continue to love her but hate the evil that has gotten control and pray against it - not her. We overcome evil with love and good, so do not go off berserking or enraged. Humble yourself before God and wait upon Him, throwing yourself before His mercy and asking Him to fight for you. Vengeance belongs to God, not man, and all we can do is make things worse or join into the chaos that helps evil have victory. Calm down and be patient. Regain your peace with God, and begin again with Him. If that is all you have left, then you have more than enough because His grace is suffiecient for us all to continue in faith and good works. Instead of "getting her", do as the Bibles says, and bring down fire on her head by loving her and doing the good works God created you to do with the new birth.

Ro 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Ro 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Lu 6:27 "But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Php 4:7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Eph 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

 

[Los]

I don't think I can even compare to the notes and thoughts that many have already written on this thread. But I ask you to keep praying and not dwell in the madness that the world can cause. The reality is that God has a plan for all of us and sometimes, in order to reach the goal, we must suffer terrible losses and even get to the point where we don't know why we even try.

There is a song that I listen to by some christian guy, titled "Bring it on", which he goes to say, "... let me cling to the one who's strong, bring it on." Its a humble attitude that we take to God every time we pray, every time we rejoice in our victories and losses. Maybe its not what you need to see for yourself but what your estranged wife has to see. Because of the way we are, we tend to think narrow-minded and just assume that the wrongs happening to us is because of we might have or not have done. Thus, in this respect, we might tend to think that God is testing us when in fact, we were only the catalyst for something much more grander, something much more personal.

Love is so hard to completely understand, and when you truly do, you'll realize this and you'll accept what God has done for you, for both of you, and if its meant to be, then she will come back, willingly, lovingly.

I hope nothing but the best for you and your family.

 

[BlessedVegan]

Fields..I read somewhere that while you are cleansed in christ..your wife is not required to take you back. Because adultery is the one reason for divorce..adn while she's supposed to forgive you, she doens't have to stay married. Honsetly I'm not sure if this is Biblically sound...I just read it randomnly on the internet..anyone know? But it sounds like you harbor lots of vengence and anger towards her..which is understandable but if you want to make peace with her you need to be calmer. Even if she changed her mind and wanted to come back she may see you as unapproachable becasue of your anger. And I wasn't too clear..after teh first time you cheated and repented..did you cheat again? Someone please tell me if what I said is Biblically suond or not.

 

[bubblegirl23]

I saw it said in the singles ministry that the cheater breaks the marriage contract, leaving the cheatee free to move on and find a new love. It may have been just opinion.

 

[forgivenmuch]

When A Woman Gets Cheated On Its So Hard. Im Talking To You Because I Was Cheated On Myself By My Husband. Let Me Explain A Few Things. At First I Wanted To Make It Work. I Wanted Him To Love Me. And He Cryed And Changed And I Wanted To Do The Goldly Way. So I Stayed And I Forgave. Then It All Hit Me. I Was Depressed And I Was Crying And It Started To Eat Me Up. How Could He Do Me That Way.. And Then I Just Stopped Caring So Much. My Self Esteem Was Gone. Woman Are So Personally. They Take Things To The Core. It Only Takes Time And God To Heal. Sometimes We Cant Seem To Find The Total Healing. And Eventually It Breaks The Home Up. I Am Just Saying That Shes Going Thru Alot Of Pain. Although You May Not Know It. Nothing But God Can Heal That. She Has Dealt With Shame And Alot Of Other Feelings Because Of What You Did. We Are Not Perfect By Any Means. However I Could See How She Feels. I Understand It. If You Have Not Been There ..you Cant Understand. Anyone Can Just Say... God Wants You To Forgive And Stay.. And Yes ..if One Changes I Could See That. My Husband Changed..but The Pain Is Still There.. Am I Not Leaning On God.. Yes I Am 100% Always Have. But When A Spouse Breaks That Bond .. Its Very Hard To Recover From It. Theres Really Nothing You Can Do But Pray. My Advice I Give You Is Try Again .. Its Really Her Choice.. Just Understand That There Is Feelings In Her That May Never Go Away.. We Are Flesh And We All Get Weak .. And Satan Has A Way To Get To Your Mind To Work Against It. I Am With My Husband Still But Let Me Tell You Its Not Easy. Knowing What He Done. And I Am A Christian .. But Sometimes I Think Its Better That We Are Not Together. But Our Love Pulls Us Thru. I Hope You And Her Can Make It. She Is Still Hurting From It All. I Would Suggest Some Counsling ... Tell Her You Are Willing To Go To Counsling. Maybe That Could Help.

 

[fields316_2000]

well to answer the question - no i have not cheated in years. i have only been sexual with my wife and i have not had any torrid affairs of any kind. even the girls here that like me i tell them to pray for me instead of date me.

yes i broke the contract...and she left after that. only we went to church and both recommited AND reconciled last year. we were even trying to have our third child. so if it happend right after i could understand. but she said on some days she trusts me and knows ive changed for the better and loves me for it - my actions say im a new man.

other days she says she NEVER forgave me and thats why she wants out. alot might have to do with the idea that im out cheating right now thats eating her up..which im not, but she is expecting that to happen..

i have a christian pastor that im trying to get her to talk with because she trusts him and he wants to restore our marraige..but she is running from that..says its too little too late and her mind is made up. only i would rather get everything out in the open before we go...she wants to STAY mad rather than hear everyone out and try her councile out...

 

[fields316_2000]

i just got off the phone with her and she told me she is done over all..we talked for 45 mins. it was something devistating that i did awhile back that she found that made her mind up to give it up. and she has bible verses to back her up. its dissappointing to write this, but awhile back i had alot of sex clubs i was assigned to my email account and porn on my computer. only thing is i repented from that stuff and deleted it..only it was 2 little 2 late..she found the residue AFTER i already broke free. she wants to show me this and that to make sure i understand where she is coming from...but i already know. what should i do now? she has her mind made up, but at the same time her pastor wants to talk with me and talk with her. i already gave up the porn and all that, however she is finished - not that i blame her. every time i say im doing good something pops up that causes her more hurt. she wont go to the marriage counciler, and will not pick me up from the airport..i deserve it in alot of ways , but in another way all together i cleaned up my act but the searching on my home comp is what got me here..do you think that jesus can save me from this?

 

[Rafael]

Get a hold of yourself and trust God. The Lord is not bound by anything she says, and if you show yourself as truly changed, in time, this will turn around for the good. This is a test of your faith. You can either meet if head on with joy and faith or you can wither under the sun like a weed and let this defeat you. If you are willing to fihgt and she sees you fight for her against the devil, God will back you up and restore, but can't you see that this is in your hands? And you are not left alone in your weakness to go through this either. The Lord will go through with you IF you decide and confess the better and then work out your salvation with fear and trembling - not taking the blood of God lightly. We all sin, but there is always that day that God requires us to grow up and not willfully sin. I know that I have paid consequences in my life for making excuses in my life about sin, and had to learn the hard way. I have no complaints though, even the hand of chastisement is a comfort, as the Bible says thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Every Son of God is chastised for sin or the Bible says they are illegitimate - not His children. So lift up your head in hope because God is not done with you. If you give up, it is not because God was not there for you. Things may look dark right now, but the eyes of faith see the victory ahead. Maybe not very far ahead a all, if you will dedicate yourself to the Lord in finding and staying in His will for your life. Please, trust in the Lord and grow up in Him. This is the critical time to do it. I'll pray again for you and hope that you will have the faith to see those better days ahead where you are happy and secure in the Lord.

Heb 10:35 Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you!

 

[fields316_2000]

i thank you for your advice. i look at my life and realize ive always been at odds with the devil. i take pride in fighting human wars and battling people but now im going to take this to the spiritual side. im going to attack each and every strong hold i can find..i want to see god move around me and i want to hear his voice. my wife and kids are in good hands at this point because god is waiting on me to get right..thank you for the support..my head is on straight!

 

[forgivenmuch]

May I Tell You That It Was 10 Yrs Ago When My Husband Cheated On Me?
It Never Gets All The Way Better.. It Was Not Yesterday As You Thought.
I Cant Explain How Deeply I Am To Hear That She Wants The Divorce. You Can Not Put Guilt And Shame On Yourself. You Are Human And We All Sin. I Can Understand Completly How She Feels. You Are Going To Have To Trust In God.
We All Fail In Some Ereas Of Life. We All Have Temptations That We Have To Face. And We Give Into Them Sometimes. You Are Human In A Sinful World.
Going To Church Does Not Give To Much Merit To Me.. Its How You Live Your Life From Day To Day. Its How You Treat Your Wife And How You Treat Others Around You.
You Have To Get To The Root Of Your Problem. Cry Out To God With Sorrow. Whole Heartingly. You Need It. You May Or May Not Lose Your Wife Thru A Divorce .. And I Hope Not.. But Whatever The Outcome Jesus Will Be There For You Still. You Are His Child. And You Need To Lean On Him.

 

[IDS]

Secret fantasies, forbidden fruit
Dangerous seeds are taking root

Pleasant to the eyes, poison to the soul
Weeds and thorns are beginning to grow

"Victimless" lust, "harmless" sin
Persuasive words for many men

Selfish personal gratification
Spiritual, marital desecration

In the midst of the garden a tree of life
Nearby a lovely flower called a wife

But the flower struggles among the weeds
Of a man who does not account for his deeds

Thorns prick and pierce flower's tenderness
What a man does is his own business

Captivated by pretend ignoring the real
Not understanding what the flower may feel

Placing blame but avoiding responsibility
Man continues to lose his credibility

Sin seperates as it always does
Unable to revive what once was

With trust destroyed intimacy is lost
Was it really worth the cost

Man watched and paid for just one hour
The serpent slithers over a fallen flower

What harm can there be in just one taste
The beautiful garden lies in waste


.....peace.....