Why don't women understand!

[Koop]

Why don't women understand that a close male freindship is detrimental to your relationship with your signifigant other. I'm completely convinced now, that the reason my ex left me was because the doubts she started having were related to the guy she was getting to be very close friends with. She went and did things we had agreed not to do. She never cheated on me, but we had a no alone time polocy with freinds of the oposite sex, and she totaly threw that out the window! They spent more time together than she and i did. Now would you believe it or not, three weeks after we break up they are getting together. If she would have followed the rules we had agreed to and heeded my warnings of getting to close to this guy this never would have happend! She left me because her doubts spawned because she was emotionaly bonded to another man. What woman out there is trustworthy? Where is there a woman whom i can have faith in. I want someone i can count on forever. She was perfect for me. God's true blessing in my life, but she left me unintentionaly for another man. She was just too blind and nieve to see it comming. Oh Lord in all your creation can you show me one woman who will listen to her mans warnings, who will respect and honor him in everything. I died for her as Christ died for the church. I offered my life, just as Christ did to this woman. Why did she not honor me as the bible commands? Oh Lord show me a woman who will love me as i know i can love them. Please Lord relieve my pain, and show me this woman. I am ready to marry, and i know it is your will for me. Please don't let my desires go unanswered. Please give me this woman who is worthy of diying for. Lord I love you more than anything, but I ask for another to share my life with that I can share yours and my love with. Lord I plead with to answer these requests. In your mighty name.... Amen.

 

[mina]

You know, not all women are like this. Some men are just the same way.

 

[piggytail]

Why don't men understand that women can have platonic relationships with men and there is NOTHING going on between them? Jealousy is an ugly, ugly trait. THAT is probably what drove your girlfriend away--not her friendship with another man.

 

[Koop]

Perhaps they are, but I am not. I am sure there is at least one woman out there who is not like this, but after this it will be so amazingly hard for me to trust any woman, even one who may be worthy of my trust. I nor my future wife deserved this. She deserves my trust, but how long will it take before i am ready to give it to her? This relationship lasted three wonderful years. All thrown away in a matter of three months. My ex served me and honored me very well up until this started. How can i have faith that the next woman I am with won't do the same thing when a cool guy comes along? What would poses a woman to so such a thing? Help me to understand please.

 

[Koop]

Why don't men understand that women can have platonic relationships with men and there is NOTHING going on between them? Jealousy is an ugly, ugly trait. THAT is probably what drove your girlfriend away--not her friendship with another man.

Oh how young nieve and insulting we are. I was trusting! I gave her room. I sent warning twice in three months! Do not be so quick to judge sister. It was not my jelousy. For i did not desplay anything, but trust and love for her. Please take heed to ask questions before isnsiting your assumption.

 

[piggytail]

My ex served me and honored me very well up until this started.

This says it all, I do believe. You are twenty years old. I assume you're not married, and since you are not married, you should NOT be "served and honored." Until you put a ring on a woman's finger, she is not required to submit to you.

 

[piggytail]

I was trusting! I gave her room. I sent warning twice in three months!

Warning? Of what? That she couldn't have a friend? I dated a guy like you once. I became severely depressed and nearly killed myself over it. Luckily, I realized that I did not have to be with a jealous guy who wouldn't respect me or my friends (who were JUST FRIENDS, BTW) I have to ask--this guy that you were so threatened by...is she dating him now?

 

[mina]

Getting hurt is a risk you take when you give away your heart. I'm sorry this happened to you. Not all women are like this. Yes it will take some time for you to heal, but hopefully you will be a wiser more gracious person for it. I can't tell you why your ex did this to you, because I don't understand why people act like this. Men do it too, it isn't just women that do things like this. Have you asked her why she did this? Trust in a person is a very scary thing, because people will most often let you down. Don't give your heart to just anyone, be selective and picky. Make sure that that is a trustworthy persom by observing thier behavior over time before you trust them with your most precious possession. Do not throw your pearls before pigs. Ask God to keep your heart until it's ready for the person He wants you to be with.

 

[Koop]

I totaly disagre with that. Especialy in a long term relationship where mariage was intended and a proposal was very near. How can any relationship work if we do not serve and honor one another? I guess cheating on you bf or gf isn't a big deal then. I supose perhaps you can claim that i am not worthy of being honored. Why? Because we are not married? Or because i'm am undeserving? She had vowed to honor me and had always respected me as the leader in our relationship. I earned her trust and respect. For that i derserved to be served and honred. Furthermore, we had a comitment to one another. We had agreed on cirtain principals. They were broken. I don't mean to come off as bitter agains her. We have talked, and i have forgiven her for what has happend. I do not completely blame her for everything that happend either. This post was more about finding how to trust again after being hurt. I wish you understood how this can go. I have had female friends, and she had male friend in the past. Platonic relationships are fine. But when that realationship is devoloped to a point where it is of equal priority to your relationship with your SO that is a problem. I hope you can at least atempt to understand what i am getting at.

 

[Koop]

Thank you for being understanding and suportive mina. It's nice to have soneone who is there and understands.

 

[Koop]

Warning? Of what? That she couldn't have a friend? I dated a guy like you once. I became severely depressed and nearly killed myself over it. Luckily, I realized that I did not have to be with a jealous guy who wouldn't respect me or my friends (who were JUST FRIENDS, BTW) I have to ask--this guy that you were so threatened by...is she dating him now?

With only respect to you intended. You do not know me at all. So I ask you to not judge me. If you wish to continue this debate/discusion i would be happy to do so with you via pms, or on aim/msn. I do not feel the board needs to view this and it was not the intended topic of this thread. I would like this thread to stay on topic so please let me know how you feel outside of this thread. I aprecieate you sharing your heart and opinion openly with me, and hope you will see my heart and hear me out on this issue as i am doing my best to do for you. Most sincerely to you piggytall,

Koop

 

[mina]

Thank you for being understanding and suportive mina. It's nice to have soneone who is there and understands.

You are welcome. I want to implore you not to lump all women together in one big group and say that all of them are like the one that hurt you. This will only make y ou bitter and resentful towards all women and you could miss the one that God has for you by being stagnant. I know you are hurt but look at this as a learning experience. Use this time to grow in the Lord and to grow closer to Him. You will be all the better for it.

 

[Koop]

I will do my best. I know exactly what you are saying, and it has always been a struggle for me. I have been hurt kind of like this before too. But it had nothing to do with another guy. It took me forever to open up to my ex and i finaly let her in. I did my best to guard my heart until i saw it fit to give away. I finally did as i was getting ready to propose and this happend. It has been just three women who have hurt me and i should not lash out at an entire gender. I will do my best to not lump all women together. I just really don't want this to happen again, but right now my eyes are so full of tears i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Your advice is very wise and i will be doing my best to head it. Thank you again.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I have to butt in here. If you're going to ask for advice, you have to take the good with the bad. You cannot ask people who disagree with your opinion to stop posting on this thread.

 

[mina]

Turn to God, He will always always always protect us. He will always always always rescue us. Who knows He may have ended this for your own good. Perhaps He has something better in store for you. Perhaps He knew that something like this would happen down the line if you two were married and He's trying to save you both the hurt of that. God is in control. And believe me i'm not trying to preach at you but encourage you and to remind myself too!

 

[erinm]

I strongly agree with you. I don't think God intended us to have intimate relationships with those of the opposite sex other than your spouse when you get married. If you think about it, it only makes sense--IMO

god speed~!

 

[jhessel]

Oh Lord in all your creation can you show me one woman who will listen to her mans warnings, who will respect and honor him in everything. I died for her as Christ died for the church. I offered my life, just as Christ did to this woman. Why did she not honor me as the bible commands? Oh Lord show me a woman who will love me as i know i can love them. Please Lord relieve my pain, and show me this woman. I am ready to marry, and i know it is your will for me. Please don't let my desires go unanswered. Please give me this woman who is worthy of diying for. Lord I love you more than anything, but I ask for another to share my life with that I can share yours and my love with. Lord I plead with to answer these requests. In your mighty name.... Amen.

great post, very dramatic, a work of art! I can only hope your prayers are answered and you do find the right woman.

I blame this on feminism.

There is no such thing as caring anymore in relationships. All they want to do is have fun fun fun! like that evil feminist satanic propaganda song "girls just wanna have fun" and that translated = guy's wallet being depleted.

relationships are not emotional anymore, it is all about entertainment. This is why marriages are breaking up, people can't find a husband/wife because they don't understand their roles as a man/woman. The girl just wants to have fun while the guy sits on the couch and watches sports all day! THIS IS WHAT THEY HAVE REDUCED PEOPLE TO! THERE IS NO EMOTIONAL CONNECTION, NO LOVE! PEOPLE DON'T FOLLOW GOD'S COMMAND FOR THE ROLES OF A MAN/WOMAN!

koop I would like to refer you to my classic thread which deals with this issue.

http://www.christianforums.com/t75853

 

[msjones21]

Koop, my heart honestly breaks for you. From someone who has been hurt and betrayed in the past I know how hard it is, I truly do. You know that I share the same prayer for God to send me a godly man. It gets difficult to be patient but I also worry about the trust issues, but I am ready to serve and honor that special man God has for me.

I do not believe at all that your attitudes towards her friend drove her away. You were acting out in godly love trying to protect her feelings and guard her heart. Sometimes though the people we care about the most don't want to heed the warnings we give them, but she's an adult and knows what she is doing. It is no longer your obligation to guard and protect her even though it is admirable that you still care about her feelings as your sister in Christ. Sometimes things happen that we don't understand, things that we're not meant to understand. My prayer is that God will heal your heart and work quickly in your life in response to your prayers. I truly believe that with God's assistance, trust won't be an issue when you meet that special woman.

Just as an afterthought, I agree with you about the friendship thing. When we meet someone we're planning on spending the rest of our lives with, even though the ring isn't on our finger we are to still guard ourselves and our partner. I personally wouln't be hanging out with guy friends, plantonic or not, because I would expect my significant other to respect those boundaries. Not to mention, if the intent is to wed someday, what are you going to do? Continue an inappropriate friendship with a member of the opposite sex while you're married or just ditch them the day before your wedding? A true godly friend will understand the need for you to pull away when you are looking towards a future with someone. Seeing them at church and so forth is one thing, talking on the phone and hanging out all the time is quite another.

Koop, you may not want to hear this but maybe God put this guy in her life for a reason. Maybe God wanted to remove her from your life to make way for something even better. A relationship that you have earnestly been praying for. God knows the desires of your heart, He'll give you what you are praying for. God bless you.

 

[msjones21]

I dated a guy like you once. I became severely depressed and nearly killed myself over it.

Geez...I'd be thanking God if He put a man in my life who cared that much about me. It's one thing to become possessive, it's quite another to act out of love and ask that your partner respect you and cease (what I consider to be) inappropriate relationships with members of the opposite sex.

 

[mina]

Geez...I'd be thanking God if He put a man in my life who cared that much about me. It's one thing to become possessive, it's quite another to act out of love and ask that your partner respect you and cease (what I consider to be) inappropriate relationships with members of the opposite sex.

Well we have no way of knowing what went on in her relationship and her feelings are as valid as yours.