Why don't Catholic churches have nurseries??...

[TexasCatholic]

Hi guys,

I recently had to stop going to the Sunday 5PM mass and go to the Sunday 9AM mass (RCIA is right afterwards), and I am now really having an issue with all the crying/talking babies in mass. Right in the middle of prayer, readings adn even the consecration, the babies are "baby babbling" crying, etc. There's a "cry room" but hardly anyone uses it. The smaller kids seem to be fine -- they have clearly been given instruction as to proper behavior in mass. But, the babies... well, they're babies. Why are there no nurseries in Catholic churches?

I grew up in protestant (Baptist, Methodist, non-Denom) churches, and a nursery is a defacto standard, even in the smallest of churches. This particular parish has 7,000 attendees each week and is very wealthy. There's no reason they could not have a nursery with paid, licensed childcare professionals to take care of babies during mass. This would not only make worship more possible for all those WITHOUT kids, but would make it possible for the PARENTS to have that one hour of peace and worship each week.

I don't understand why there aren't nurseries. I know the initial response I'm going to get is "the entire family should worship together" and I will respond to that pre-emptively... Babies cannot worship. They don't know what's going on and won't for years. They have been baptized (presumeably) and have received God's graces. Until they are older and can behave and participate in some capacity in mass, rather than keeping their parents from fully participating, I don't understand why they cannot stay in a nice baby-friendly area for one hour a week.

Even if they use the 'cry room' they are still not getting the full benefit of worshipping, praying and having time with God. I just wonder if it is a standard Catholic belief not to have nurseries or if it's a parish decision??

Thanks,

Michael

 

[ps139]

I think its a parish decision, but its a really good question!!

 

[Miss Shelby]

Hi guys,

I recently had to stop going to the Sunday 5PM mass and go to the Sunday 9AM mass (RCIA is right afterwards), and I am now really having an issue with all the crying/talking babies in mass. Right in the middle of prayer, readings adn even the consecration, the babies are "baby babbling" crying, etc. There's a "cry room" but hardly anyone uses it. The smaller kids seem to be fine -- they have clearly been given instruction as to proper behavior in mass. But, the babies... well, they're babies. Why are there no nurseries in Catholic churches?

There is at my Church but it is on a volunteer basis only, and well frankly it's hard to get people to volunteer and be consistent. The people with the stake in it are those who would benefit from it, so basically your volunteers consist of other parents with babies and small children .... once the children are older and can behave themselves in Mass you don't have those folks to volunteer anymore.

You know, when you're fully received you might well have a cause to take up at your parish.

Michelle

 

[krstlros]

When asked this very question, this is what my Pastor said:

Infants and children should not be seperated from the Assembly because they are part of the Christian community. Placing the children and their parents in a seperate room or area cuts them off and seperates them from the community, possibly making them feel as if they had done something wrong. When we Baptise babies, we welcome them into the Community, why then should they be once again be seperated because they may cause a niusance or a bother. Jesus repremanded the Apostles for keeping the children away from him and welcomed the children into his arms. Should we not do the same for the children of the church?

When I first heard this, I really had to take a step back and looked at it. And then I started questioning myself: Was the "Cry Room" for my benefit, or someone elses? Was I being selfish in not having the children around me and not welcoming them as Jesus did?

So, I started looking at it in a different light. That children and babies are a joy to have around. And yes they may make noses and fidget and all of that. But if I couldn't accept these little ones in God's house, how could I accept them in life outside of church? So, now I have learned to tolerate a crying or fussy baby now and then, or a child who can't seem to sit still. Smile and say a prayer of thanks to God for his wonders and turn my mind back to the Mass.

Okay, granted, parents, and grandparents, need to take some responsibility for their children and not let them run around the place like it's a playground. Then again, what would life be like without the children around us to see the wonders of God's work.

 

[xenia]

Infants and children should not be seperated from the Assembly because they are part of the Christian community.

That's the reason! And it's a good reason, too. Well, I'm talking about the EO church, but it's the same wonderful reason. And at my church, babies receive Communion.

 

[TexasCatholic]

Well, if it was just "now and then" I wouldn't have issue. When you have about 1,500 people in mass, there's a good two dozen babies in there... it is NON-STOP the entire hour of mass. Sometimes it's even difficult to hear what the priest is saying, even with his microphone on.

I don't think having it be completely volunteer would work. You'd need at least one paid staff member (not as if a parish this size doesn't already have A LOT of paid staff -- someone could coordinate the volunteers) to coordinate the volunteer effort, recruit people, etc. Why not try go get some of the 17-18 year old teenage girls who normally don't attend 9am or 11am mass anyway? (they go to Lifeteen at 5PM)

I understand (and already predicted -- see my initial post) that I would get a response like "we should worship as a community"... and I agree. Except babies don't worship. And as all would agree, mass has some for solemn moments in which crying/talking/babbling/screaming is inappropriate and it seems that babies pick the quietest moments of all to do these things. It distracts me from worship, and I will openly say I don't want them in there. I'm not suggesting "punishing" parents for having babies... that's why you have a nursery. You REWARD the parents with thankfulness for bringing a life into the world by giving them an hour of time to concentrate completely on WORSHIP rather than spending that hour trying to ineffectively shush their baby... not being able to kneel, pray, concentrate, contemplate and fully particpate in mass at all. If I am so blessed with a baby, I will be looking for a parish with a nursery or hiring a babysitter every sunday morning, because I cannot imagine successfully worshipping God while trying to keep a baby occupied, and I also don't think it would be fair for me to disturb the worship of others.... (this same rule applies to movie theaters and quiet/romantic restaurants, where babies also should not attend... this is why God invented neighborhood babysitters)

-Michael

 

[Miss Shelby]

That's the reason! And it's a good reason, too. Well, I'm talking about the EO church, but it's the same wonderful reason. And at my church, babies receive Communion.

Hi xenia. Are you the same xenia from ezboard? Or do you have another name at ezboard?

Michelle

 

[ukok]

1. Babies might not 'worship' in the same way as older children and adults, but who can tell the graces recieved by being before Christ Truly Present in the Eucharist! Who can tell the graces that we receive for persevering throughout a noisy mass!

2. I don't have young babies, but a lot of them sit nearby me at Mass and make a noise...i smile at them..and think of how much God loves them...why wouldn't He want them in Mass ? Suffer little children!

3. How would you feel about going to Mass if you knew that others were going to frown upon your babies crying? How would you feel about rude stares, tut-tut's and a general wish for you to take your baby to some room where it couldn't be heard? Think about it...what greater right do you have to stand before Christ Truly Present in the Eucharist, than a baby that is being led through the faith of it's parent's to attend the Holy Catholic Church that Christ Himself founded ?.....we should be encouraging such families, offering our support to such families...those babies could grow up to be fine Catholics, maybe even priests and nuns.

God Bless.

 

[xenia]

Hi xenia. Are you the same xenia from ezboard? Or do you have another name at ezboard?

Yep, that's me.

On ezboard I am Girl of the Limberlost.

 

[Miss Shelby]

Yep, that's me.

On ezboard I am Girl of the Limberlost.

Okay that's right, I thought that was you.... I recognize you. You sent me a very nice pm once at ezboard. It's good to see you around here.

Michelle

 

[xenia]

Our little church has three babies who attend regularly. If they get too noisy, their moms always carry them out to the narthex, where you can still hear 'em, but not so loud.

 

[xenia]

You sent me a very nice pm once at ezboard.

That's because your posts are terrific!

It's good to see you around here.

Thank you! I think CF is probably the best-run, most fun, well done system of forums around.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

I gotta say that the whole notion that babies oughtn't be at Mass disturbs me so greatly I ought to apologize ahead of time if I fail to be charitable.

My 4 year old daughter was at Mass on Thursday when we had to sit right next to the altar in this tiny little chapel- she is rather exuberant in her prayers and is often a word ahead or behind. After Mass the priest came up to me and said "How wonderful that your little girl knows all of the prayers at Mass- there are people who are 25 who don't know them!" She wholeheartedly said her Confietor and the Gloria and SAnctus, etc- it was probably distracting as all get out to the priest- but he recognized the value in what she was doing.

Children should be at Mass because they are little sponges-- and will never learn about the faith or how to properly attend Mass if they are suddenly expected to go at some random age (six or seven). Babies remind us that we are all infants resting in the Hands of God totally dependent upon his grace.

If you can't hear- I recommend sitting up front (though me and my kids might be there annoying you)- and most of all prepare for Mass ahead of time. Read the readings before you go- get there early and prepare your heart- and learn the parts of the MAss. The Mass is the same day in and day out with only a few differences- if you read the readings there is nothing to miss, except the homily- and ofte parents will take their chilred out then if they are loud.

At the Mass we are at the foot of the Cross- present at the very same sacrifice of Calvary- why should we banish our children from being there?? It is said that the most glorious beings are the pure of heart- those who have never commited mortal sin- can you imagine the great Joy of Jesus on the Cross to have such souls to help HIm in His agony to perservere in the torment of the Cross??

I despise the whole "I don't get anything out of Mass" attitude- you most certainly do- you are gifted with Mary, MAry Magdalene, and John- to be at the foot of the Cross, to receive the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity into your body and soul-- in a sense a renewal of the awesome and unfathomable Love of the INcarnation-- who dwells within you. You are cleansed of all venial sin. You are in the presence of all the angels and SAints. You are given the grace to fight against future temptation and sin.

And you know what-- all of this still happens whether or not there are babies crying. The whole attitude towards children in America is ridiculous- in places where people are dying for there faith- there is not one single person concerned with a baby crying at MAss.

I also think it very appropriate for babies to be crying at the Consecration- shouldn't we weep, too, as we kneel at the foot of the Cross gazing on our beloved Lord- mangled for our sin? If we could see with our eyes the invisible reality we too would be sobbing.

God gave babies and toddlers the nature that they have- perhaps it is so we must grow in our acceptance of others- knowing that we must approach God in the midst of the world- we must be ever seeking the will of Jesus in the loud, chaotic world. WE must ever find peace despite the noise and clamor that befalls us-- what better place to begin to learn this than at the Holy Sacrifice of the MAss-- I am sure the foot of Calvary is far from silent- it is dusty, bloody, loud, and filled with weeping....

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

One last thing- my son , when he had just turned three, said the entire Eucharistic prayer one night as his bedtime prayer. My oldest daughter has known the entire Gloria since she was two. And my youngest daughter (20 mos.) knows how to make the sign of the Cross and blows kisses to the tabernalce.

You cannot tell me that kids don't "get" MAss until they are older. The more you take them- the more it becomes a part of their essential being!

 

[Carrye]

^ What Shannon said.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

LOL! This is obviously something very close to my heart...( that can be bad for charitable expression, though!)

 

[Veritas]

I agree that young children should be allowed to participate at Mass. However, when they become very loud and distracting to everyone, they should be taken out temporarily until they calm down. It is also incumbent upon parents to teach their children how to behave at Mass. There is a young family with 3 little boys (no less!) in my parish who never make a sound or run around, etc. You can see the parents gently correcting them and setting a good example for them to follow. They are such a pleasure to have at Mass and see them so pious! Nothing is more irritating than parents who allow their children to do what they want or make any noise they want. This is disrespectful to the Sacrament, fellow parishoners and the priest. My priest has been known to cast a glare to a permissive parent (as well as to someone who's cell phone rings) during Mass. It's just common sense. I wouldn't even consider letting my kid scream or cry for an extended period of time during Mass. I just couldn't subject other people to that.

 

[Ann M]

Southcoast,

Just out of curiosity at what age do you think that children should be welcomed into the church to celebrate Mass with us.

When I first started attending a Baptist Church, i was amazed to find out that the kids didn't go anywhere near the service unless it was school holidays. They rolled up at 9am for Sunday School and stayed there the whole time. This was all the school-aged 'children' up to the age of 18 (ie finishing Year 12. The younger children were placed in a creche underneath the church building with a pa system tuned in so the carers can listen.

At the other Baptist Church the children stayed until the sermon.

To me this is sadder. Back to the old 'Children ahould be not seen or heard'

 

[panterapat]

In my town there are two Catholic churches. The university parish has a large cry room, yet the "family" parish has a tiny cry room. Someone asked our pastor why his newly built church had such a small cry room. He replied that he wanted the parents and children out with the general community as soon as possible.

(There was most likely much noise from children etc. when Jesus preached)

 

[Maggie893]

I'm in total agreement with Shannon. Additionally we can't begin to understand the graces that are received through attending Mass. Traditionally it has been accepted that each Mass attended is filled with graces that will carry with us into our eternal home. Obviously parents must teach their children from day one how to be quiet for an hour and how to honor God in church. I don't have children but I have many friends who do who struggled with this very issue as they are the ones expected to reduce their prayer time at Mass in order to instruct their children. One friend put it quite well when she said, "I finally came to understand that the graces I receive in developing virtue are as potent in the time I take for my children as I sacrifice my own time with God as if I had spent 24 hours straight in adoration!" I also choose to go to a 5 p.m. Mass as it allows me to focus more and our "family" Mass at 10 a.m. is more difficult for me prayerwise. But honestly the majority of the distraction I find at the family Mass is older people talking to one another throughout the Mass in French!

Speaking of 5 pm Mass.....I better get going!