Why Does It Hurt So Much?

[madison1101]

I have bipolar and so does my Mom. Mom has rejected me, and the things I give her for decades, pretty much all my life. Yet, I still get hurt by her words.

Last night, I learned she is not on mood stablizers. She is on Welbutrin and Paxil, and neither is for bipolar mania.

Prior to learning that, I told her I was hurt by her decision to give a gift I made her to my sister. When I said I was hurt, she made fun of me, and mocked me. I have had it with her painful remarks. I don't abuse my children the way she abuses me.

I try to have empathy, but I am incapable of developing the thick skin my sister has.

Trish

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

I have bipolar and so does my Mom. Mom has rejected me, and the things I give her for decades, pretty much all my life. Yet, I still get hurt by her words.

Last night, I learned she is not on mood stablizers. She is on Welbutrin and Paxil, and neither is for bipolar mania.

Prior to learning that, I told her I was hurt by her decision to give a gift I made her to my sister. When I said I was hurt, she made fun of me, and mocked me. I have had it with her painful remarks. I don't abuse my children the way she abuses me.

I try to have empathy, but I am incapable of developing the thick skin my sister has.

Trish

Always remember that your mom is sick and that her behaviour, most likely, is a direct result of this. I know you probably been through much in this situation but try to further your patience with your mother. And intimately talk to her about the subject. Try to make her understand your point of view and what about her behaviour affects you.

 

[madison1101]

Always remember that your mom is sick and that her behaviour, most likely, is a direct result of this. I know you probably been through much in this situation but try to further your patience with your mother. And intimately talk to her about the subject. Try to make her understand your point of view and what about her behaviour affects you.

I have done those conversations in the past, but they get nowhere fast. She is always in denial, and never admits to saying or doing anything inappropriate. She has an entitlement attitude where she believes she can treat us like dirt, but we are supposed to revere her no matter what, because she is the Mother.

I am fragile at this time, because I was in the hospital and a rehab for alcoholism in January, and am terrified of drinking. I will have nine months sober of Friday, Lord Willing.

Mom's toxicity is not safe for me at this time. Friends and therapists have advised me to avoid her at this time.

Thanks.
Trish

 

[SinkingShip]

I have done those conversations in the past, but they get nowhere fast. She is always in denial, and never admits to saying or doing anything inappropriate. She has an entitlement attitude where she believes she can treat us like dirt, but we are supposed to revere her no matter what, because she is the Mother.

I am fragile at this time, because I was in the hospital and a rehab for alcoholism in January, and am terrified of drinking. I will have nine months sober of Friday, Lord Willing.

Mom's toxicity is not safe for me at this time. Friends and therapists have advised me to avoid her at this time.

Thanks.
Trish

I would agree with your friends and therapists. I've seen that kind of behavior in people who have BiPolar before (my Mother-in-Law) and the only thing we can do is avoid her and let the cycle pass. The other place I've seen that "entitlement attitude" is with MY mother. She's not BiPolar, but several therapists I've talked to about her have suggested she may have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a "Cluster B" disorder that can be comorbid with BiPolar. This is something you may want to discuss with therapists some more as there are behavioral "stratetgies" that you can learn in dealing with NPDs.

Regardless, if you feel that she is toxic, then I agree that you should keep your distance. Focus on your own treatment and well being for the moment. She is ultimately responsible for her behavior regardless of its cause and if she doesn't understand/accept this, then maybe she needs a little "time out" from contact with you.

Hope this helps.