Why do they bag marriage?

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I am so SICK of people at work making statements like 'marriage - it's not worth it - spend the money on a car instead!'...



Ok, they aren't Christians, so marriage probably doesn't have the significance it does for me. But I'm sick of hearing the 'just live together, don't mess it up' comments I get every day - why do they think marriage messes up a perfectly good relationship? I believe it has to do with how they came into their marriages - with very warped perspectives and a 'me first' mentality. It still really hurts though, when they know I'm waiting til marriage, and can't wait til I am married to my bf, yet can't respect me enough to support my endeavours, when I have always been respectful towards their lifestyles (as in I don't mock their value systems in front of them, and even if I don't agree with how the live their lives, I don't criticise them over it, as they seem to do to me - covertly or overtly).

Just need prayer right now I guess - tired of always hearing marriages crumble and a negative viewpoint towards marriage!

Sasch

 

[Ringu]

Hi
I know what you are saying but there is no way you can change it, and posts like this won't change our society. You know, Jesus didn't come to fix marriages. He came to save lives and as a result, help fix marriages. People without God will never understand your views and concepts, and even if they will understand, they will not live by them. Because it contradicts their priorities, where #1 priority is themselves. Which is also true for most christians, and thats why some christian marriages are as well messed up.

So no, I don't think our rage against these worldly concepts shall bring any result. As well as our fighing the problem of abortions, homosexuality etc. Because people without God inside their lives can't grasp these concepts. And they don't find reason not to. Even we don't have many reasons besides Bible. I am not saying Bible is the only reason why we value marriage, but for us it's most valuable. For them it's not valuable at all. So I don't think we can do anything or change their minds. Not by posts like this, for sure.

 

[Flipper]

Sasch - they are just jealous.

 

[Ringu]

Again, I understand you, but I don't think there's a simple solution. You won't get understanding from your peers, believe me. And you won't change them, too. So you either accept it and condescend it, or ignore it, or forsake the friends. Or rebuke them, and they will respect it, believe me.

 

[bkg]

Marriage is the most wonderful thing in the world - it's designed by God!

But our selfish sinful ways have screwed it up. We look at the covenant of marriage not as a convenant, but as a contract - we all know contracts protect my interests while forcing the other party to risk/maintain/meet standards. A covenant is the exact opposite: *I* risk everything for my spouse's security/happiness/salvation. Until "the world" starts looking beyond the *i want this* or *I want that* or *S/he did this* or *s/he did that*... marriage will continue to crumble. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt and scars to remember it by. And I'll say this: the selfishness that we all have w/in ourselves - that's what we need to overcome, or we'll realize too late who/what we were....

Marriage is worth every sacrifice, every laugh, every tear. Period.

Big expensive weddings on the other hand.... I'd spend that money on a house.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I LOVE being married. I love it. It's the best thing I'll ever experience in this life. I couldn't have custom made a better wife. Just wow.
I love my Holly.

 

[n u l l g a l]

when i got married, (which was two weeks ago today!!) my sister told me i will be miserable in fifteen years. she also asked, "well, when is the baby due??" because she can't fathom that a woman as young as i am would get married unless i was pregnant with a baby out of wed-lock. it hurts, it really does. but, i know that the Lord brough myself and my husband together and time will show all doubters that people really can be happy in a marriage. i'm sorry that people say that to you and i'll pray for you.

 

[alaskamolly]

Christian or not, unless a person cares about God's opinions and understands GOD'S design and intention for marraige (meaning, why God made it in the first place, what He wants Himself and us to get out of it, etc--and this goes for the concept of "family, children, parenting, education, vocation, ministry, church life, etc"), they are simply not going to be able to value it.


If someone tells me that gold is this nasty annoying metal thing that you can't eat because it doesn't taste good, you can't make a drill with because it's so soft, and it makes a really lame candle, then...I'm probably not going to think gold is very valuable.


It's all in who's doing the defining. Definitions MATTER. Comprehension of the definition MATTERS. And if you have a wrong definition or don't comprehend a right one, it is going to severely effect your outlook on that issue.




Blessings,
Molly
...Who wants Yahweh's definitions to define her life (and who prays for a comprehension of Him--Eph.1--because without the eyes of my heart being opened, there is NO way I can begin to understand His thoughts!)





~

 

[sukiesue]

when i got married, (which was two weeks ago today!!) my sister told me i will be miserable in fifteen years. she also asked, "well, when is the baby due??" because she can't fathom that a woman as young as i am would get married unless i was pregnant with a baby out of wed-lock. it hurts, it really does. but, i know that the Lord brough myself and my husband together and time will show all doubters that people really can be happy in a marriage. i'm sorry that people say that to you and i'll pray for you.

Don't let someone else's bad experience with marriage get to you. She could have had a very painful experience, but your marriage is going to work as long as you remember a marriage is like a garden, you have to tend it, there will be weeds to pull and rows to hoe, plants to water. If you leave a garden untended it will go to pieces faster than you realize, but if you do a little work daily it will flourish. You get out of it what you put in it. A marriage takes love, respect, honor, and God needs to be in it. A man needs to love his wife as Jesus loves the church. He puts her before everything except God. She comes before kids, job, house, money, friends and family. And a wife is to do the same for her husband. I want to wish you congratulations on your marriage and a very long, happy life together.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

What's funny is I never followed any of the rules. I messed around with girls with no intention of marrying them. When I started dating Holly, I had no intention of getting married either. After seeing my parents there was no way I was going to get married.
I never so much as gave a thought to any person labeled as my future spouse. I never considered my spiritual condition nor anyone else's when it came to dating material. I did nothing at all to "insure a strong and healthy marriage" or whatever jingle you can attach to whatever literature is out there on marriage these days.
And I came out like a bandit. I love being married.
This whole deal is 100 percent grace.

 

[Busybee]

Unfortunately, it's that mentality that leads so many into divorce. People don't seem to want to "work" on anything. If it's not an easy path for them they just refuse to travel any farther on it.

Perhaps you can show them through your joy in your marriage and through your love of the Lord what a marriage can truly be like.

I don't doubt they've had their share of problems in marriages, but when the Lord isn't the center of it, then there will be.

I congratulate you on your upcoming marriage and don't let anything they say discourage you. If they make a statement directly to you, just lovingly tell them that you can do all things through the Lord who strengthens you and that includes having a wonderful, life long marriage. Tell them, that on your on, you know you can't do it, but that's where faith in the Lord will come in.

God bless you and give you the right words to say to address the issue.

 

[mina]

I don't see why this is a surprise. Non-Christians don't have truth and they don't recognize truth. They are in constant struggle against the things of God: one of which is something created and designed by God- marriage. Don't get discouraged by what the world tells you. If you know God and are serving Him and know that you are in His will with your relationship, why does it matter that people who don't know Him are down on something you know as good? The world is selfish and exceedingly wicked ( just like all human hearts w/o Jesus). Marriage from the world's view is seen as something that if it can't be worked out, then it's disposable. But you know the truth of marriage as a beautiful service to your spouse, so don't listen to the world.

 

[hazeleyes80]

One thing that I've noticed in people (myself included, of course) is that when we feel very strongly about something, our views tend to become somewhat (or very) egocentric. For instance, right now I'm strongly thinking that marriage isn't for me. It sometimes leads me to wonder why anyone would want to get married. I've seen so many bad marriages that I guess I'm sort of jaded against it. I have to keep reminding myself though that just because marriage might not end up being for me, it doesn't mean that it isn't right for others. Maybe that's what the people you work with are doing. Maybe you could try gently reminding them that just because marriage isn't right for them doesn't mean that it isn't right for you and many other people.

 

[Southern Cross]

Sasch - definitely, prove them wrong by showing them how great a marriage can be.

 

[Ringu]

Guys, I think you don't understand the initial question.

Some of you say " I love being married ". It is a really good thing, I love being married too, but the question is about common-law marriage. They also can say they love each other and love being civilly married. So basically the issue is why don't people want to have a legally acknowledged marriage ceremony.

And how can you prove it wrong by even a perfect picture of a marriage? They will say that they have all these things without a marriage certificate. So the issue you all should be discussing here are why it is important to be married with witnesses and the way your marriage is recognized by the State. Just to show them a great marriage won't do it.

And what is a picture of a great marriage? Love, romance, understanding, faithfulness to each other, helping each other, sharing work around house, good children etc. But this is a better witness of God in your life and not of how wedlock is a good thing.

 

[LiberatedChick]

When my husband and I started planning our wedding I had people who barely knew me (online "friends") slating marriage and also slating young marriage. Over here the common perception is that if you marry at any age before 25-27 you're "throwing your life away". But that's the non-Christian perception for you....they think younger folks should be out drinking, partying and sleeping around. They think that if you do those things you'll turn out as a well rounded individual who has "life experience" and that getting married young is throwing your life away and will ultimately screw you up. Personally, I think it's the other way around!

So I had people slating it and saying things like "why bother...nothing will change besides your name and an extra ring on your finger" as we'd been engaged for sometime and were living together. Non-Christians just don't see the point. Before I got married I was non-Christian but I had been Christian before and drifted so many of my views were still Christian based. From this I could see that marriage meant so much more to me than the non-Christians around me. Like much of our beliefs...they just don't get it.

 

[Ringu]

Like much of our beliefs...they just don't get it.

So how do you think can they get it?

 

[LiberatedChick]

So how do you think can they get it?

That is a good question but one I do not know the answer to. The main time I attempted to explain my beliefs to someone who questioned them I was met with hostility. On this occasion I believe it was this persons inability or unwillingness to set aside his beliefs for a moment and listen to mine that caused the problem. I think this may be a problem in many situations, people often become defensive if they're challenged and others explaining their beliefs can make someone feel as though you're challenging theirs. Maybe unless they let Christ into their hearts they won't fully understand.

 

[karla]

I am so SICK of people at work making statements like 'marriage - it's not worth it - spend the money on a car instead!'...

They are getting the wedding and marriage mixed up.

Marriage is great - not all the time - but great nonetheless. I love my husband and yes there can be times that I don't particularly like him, but I love him. Marriage is designed by God and how could anything that God designed be bad. I think that a lot of people have a negative outlook on marriage because either they haven't been married and have based it on how they view other people's relatioships, or have been married and didn't see it as a covenant with God. It's was made to be easy, it's work, and you have to put the effort in to get the results you want. Don't let other people and their poor attitudes bring you down - instead try to use your positive attitude to show them what it is really all about

 

[InTheFlame]

Marriage is something which affects us very deeply. It's about setting out to share your life, your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your failures with another human being. The very concept speaks to our greatest needs (companionship, love, approval) and our greatest fears (rejection, betrayal, abandonment). When a marriage goes wrong (and I hope a couple of people who've been in this position are willing to share a little), it is one of the most heart-wrenching, agonising, wounding things that can happen to a person. It's a person's worst fears come to life.

When you've been through such an experience - especially if you went into it with the sort of disneyesque 'happily ever after' that society encourages - you're likely to come out of it disillusioned and in a lot of pain. And in many people, that disillusionment and pain will turn into anger and bitterness, against their former spouse, the institution of marriage, sometimes the church that married them. I believe THAT's what you're hearing at work - overwhelming pain from deep wounds to their hearts, with anger and bitterness overflowing like infection.

*hug* I know it's tough to hear such things. Maybe the solution is to try and understand where they're coming from, the pain they've gone through (even if it was largely self-induced), and the suffering they're still feeling because they just don't know how to forgive, or know the healing it could bring to them.

(wow - I'm wordy today! Hope that makes sense)