Why do I have doubts?

[dabro]

I can't seem to get over the doubt that I have BP. It is either God's peace that lifted me out of all my pain of a seperation or it was BP. Now If I do have it. I have felt some what of what mania feels like but....I just can't get over how productive I was. PPl back then in 07 and 08 said I was hyper religious which I could see.....I think if I do have this illness it was in hypomania from what I have read....You can live a productive life with that....Now it was either that or another name.....I do have voices and I do have OCD....disorder of doubts and it's by far the most challenging. What I experienced when I got saved was the most explosive experience I have ever had....and, I always thought it was God that was giving me this amazing peace.....I talk to some of my christian friends who have experienced a peace in there life and they say alot of what I went thru. Now it can't be just one of those things...Not everybody had BP. I was working a 42-45 hour job. Preaching anybodies head off.....Filled with this nastalgic joy that is beyond me....Anybody can have up's and down's in a day mainly caused by external things.....I have noticed the time I have been off of klonopin that I'm much happier.....But some times the OCD spike is too much for me to handle and I have to take one PRN...but, most times it doesn't stop there and I take more until I run out.....I want to be able to take it PRN!

 

[Loven God]

You may have bipolar but th does not mean what you felt when you got saved was not real . Not very feeling we have is from bipolar , we need to learn what ones are and are not . Keep loving God and He will show you what is and is not bipolar .

 

[redblue22]

Why could life not be both?

With or without this particular struggle, God is real and our experience of him is. Those without mental illness do not have some greater contact with the truth or God that we do not. Being in the dark at times is part of being a person here.

It is hard to accept that one might struggle with a mental illness and yet be healthier in the mind and heart than many people who do not have your particular illness. We are all gifted with gifts that not all possess.