- Oct 13, 2012
- 111
- 6
- 33
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Greetings Everybody!
How are all of you?
I really need everybody's help to help figure out why am I still somewhat very afraid to, very emotionally immature, and very emotional unstable to not be able to date, court, or get married, are there some people out there who are just like me, how are they able to overcome and defeat this, and am I doing the right things about this? Thanks so much reading this very long thread and answering all of my questions before hand! I really appreciate it!
I am a devout Christian young woman and I really believe that God really wants all of us to stay 100% pure, chaste, faithful, modest, and etc spiritually, psychologically, and physically before, during, and after marriage. If I really want to court and get married one day, I would I really want to court and get married God's Way/the Biblically/Messianic Jewish/Christian way to a true and a very devout Messianic Jew or Christian. I really think we should all really try our very best to read, understand, follow, and obey what God saids about celibacy, abstinence, courtship, marriage, widowhood, remarriage, and etc in the Holy Bible whatever we truly agree with God or not and/or like it or not and/or think it is good or not because God is always right (Including morally right.), knows what is best, and etc. One of the reasons I will not "date", court, or get married because I am way too young to get married, I am not emotionally and financially ready to get married and I am still waiting to really know if God truly wants me to remain celibate and practice abstinence for the rest of my life or to get married, if God truly wants me to do recreational dating (I really think recreation dating is truly unbiblical.) or to do courtship, when God truly wants me to court/get married, if God truly wants me to court/marry a Messianic Jew or a Christian, if God truly wants me to get married in a Messianic Jewish Synagogue or in a Church, if God truly wants me to have children if I get married, and etc.
I sometimes also really wish I was not single or was married because I really love the romantic thoughts and feelings that I get sometimes when thinking about romance and romantic relationships. But, at the very same time I am really afraid of getting rejected, being cheated on, having a abusive romantic relationship, getting broken up with, and/or getting into a divorce. I am also really afraid of me dating and/or getting married one day because my feelings are a little bit more sensitive than most people's feelings (Even though I am becoming more better about controlling my feelings.) and I have major depressive disorder and I can easily become very depress and sometimes even suicidal when bad things happen (I am extremely afraid that I might become very depressed and maybe even suicidal if I dated or got married and something bad happens within the dating relationship or marriage like the just things that I just mentioned above.) and that is part of the reason I will not date or get married to someone.
I get really flattered when people say that they have a crush on me, that they want to be my boyfriend, and that they want to date me but, at the very same time I get really anxious, disgusted, angry, and even suicidal whenever people tell me that they have a crush on me (I normally do not have a crush on them.) because I really feel like they really violated/dishonored me (They violate/dishonor me in their minds because I normally do not have a crush on them and really do not want to do these romantic/sexual activities with them because I do not have a crush on me and I am not their girlfriend.) in such a way (Just by using their minds to entertain their romantic/sexual desires.) just by wanting to hold hands with me, fondle me, hug me, cuddle with me, kiss me, and possibly wanting to have sexual intercourse with me because they have a crush on me. For a example, most people would most probably would get really "freaked out" if a person that they did not have a crush one actually did the stuff to them physically that I just mentioned above. But, I would get really "freaked out" if a person that I did not have a crush on did things to me in their mind. It is just like they committed all these sexual crimes against me in their minds by just using their minds. What is worse, is when I am around people who have a crush on me and when I do not have a crush on them. I get really scared, anxious, nervous, angry (I really do not show that I am really angry with them for "dishonoring" me but, I really try not be angry with them because they are just doing what God and Mother Nature intended them to do.) shy, depressive, suicidal, and etc around them because of what I just mentioned above. When I start feeling and/or acting this way. I really try my very best to act normal, calm down, stay calm, be happy, and etc even though it is really hard sometimes. I really wish sometimes I could just avoid them at all cause, turn invisible, turn into a Medieval knight and/or a Viking warrior to just to scare them away, or to go back in time to the Viking Age and/or to the Middle Ages or have Medieval knights and/or Viking warriors to be in the twenty first century with me so that I can be surrounded by Medieval knights and/or Viking warriors as a protection and comfort from them at times (In the Viking Age, the Vikings strongly honored, respected, and protected women and strongly disfavored and discourage men to court women because men could easily dishonor a woman and her family because of various reasons in courtship and this very often lead to blood feuds and even death. In the Middle Ages, Medieval knights were "suppose" to treat noble women chivalrously and to protect noble women.). Whenever I really feel really anxious, nervous, angry, shy, depressive, suicidal and etc because somebody has a crush on me and I really do not like them having a crush on me because I really do not have a crush on them and because of the reasons that I just mentioned above. I always (Sometimes immediately.) tell my parents, my psychiatrist, my psychologist, and sometimes my family, relatives, and friends and all of them really help me calm up, comfort me, support me, tell me how to appropriately deal with the situation, and sometimes give me anti anxiety medicine (Temporary lasting.) if really needed. I also always pray to God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, tell them what is happening, how I feel, ask them to really give me all the comfort, love, support, advice, courage, strength, peace of mind, their love, and etc that I really need to get through the situation, ask them what I should do to get though this situation, and etc.
I really think kissing is really gross (Even though I had never ever kissed a boy or a man on this lips before.) because people can exchange saliva and can smell each other's breath. I really get really disgusted when I accidently touch other people's saliva and thought of exchanging other people's salvia is even more disgusting. Also, when people accidently spit on me, I have to apply water, soap and water, hand sanitizer, and/or disinfectant wipes to the contaminated area (Even when the contaminated area is on my lips or inside my mouth.). I also get really disgusted when I accidently smell other people's breath and the thought of smelling other people's breath while kissing is even more disgusting. Whenever I accidently smell other people's breath no matter how nice or how bad their breath smells...I still really think that their breath stills smells really bad just because it has a distinct smell to it that I just do not like. What is worse, whenever I smell I have to immediately stop inhaling and start exhaling as long as I can to get that person's breath out of my lungs, mouth, and nose. Then I (A lot of times depending on and whatever the situation is appropriate or not.) have to shake my hand around my face to diffuse that person's breath that just can out of my lungs. And then I (A lot of times depending on and whatever the situation is appropriate or not.) either have to go outside, drink water, rinse my mouth and my nose, and/or put something sweet/nice smelling near my nose. I can usually kiss a cat, a dog, a stuff animal, or a doll on this lips because I can tolerate a cat's and a dog's breath and I can tolerate a stuff animal's and a doll's "saliva" and "breath" because they do not salvia and they have a "breath" the only smells nice. If I ever wanted to kiss somebody on the lips, I would have to kiss them wearing a surgical mask and/or with a saliva/breath proof barrier between us (I would most probably get broken up with really quickly because I really hate kissing without wearing surgical masks.).
But despite me being still somewhat very emotionally immature and very emotional unstable for my age and me a lot of times really wishing I not single and/or unmarried...I really love and enjoy being single/unmarried/a virgin because of all the benefits, the freedom, the happiness, and the fun that comes with it.
I was just really wondering ,does Mother Nature want me to get married and reproduce for the survival of the Human race or not? Why did Mother Nature made me somewhat still very afraid to, very emotionally immature, and very emotional unstable to not be able to date or get married? What does God truly want me to do in my "love life." now and in the future? Why am I still somewhat very afraid to, very emotionally immature, and very emotional unstable (Despite me being twenty one years old.) to not be able to date or get married (Is it because personality which is determine by my genetics and my biology (Mother Nature.) and/or my environment and my experiences, my psychological disorders like my major depressive disorder and my obsessive compulsive disorder (Mother Nature.), God made me this way, or all three of these factors.)? Thanks so much everybody for reading this extremely long thread, for supporting and comforting me, and for trying your very best to answer all of my questions! I really appreciate it!
Love, VikingGirlTBird!
PS: I am a twenty one year old young woman, I really do not like to wear very fashionable/popular clothing, I really do not like to wear cosmetics, I always wear my hair up into a ponytail. I was also single all of my life, I never ever dated in all of my life, (Because I never ever had a crush on anyone who had a crush on me.) and I am still a virgin but, (Extremely ironically!) I got asked out and still keep on getting asked out in real life and on Facebook (Always say no to people who ask me out on Facebook just to be safe and because I really do not have a crush on them.) by a lot of people. Also, my Mom even wants me to have a boyfriend and date because she really thinks I will make more friends, have fun, go out of the house, and etc but, I always tell that I really do not want to have a boyfriend and date because I am extremely happy being single and because of the reasons that I just mentioned above. Also, I have never been (Only verbally sexually assaulted but, not often in my whole life.) physical sexual harassed and sexual assaulted in my life.
How are all of you?
I really need everybody's help to help figure out why am I still somewhat very afraid to, very emotionally immature, and very emotional unstable to not be able to date, court, or get married, are there some people out there who are just like me, how are they able to overcome and defeat this, and am I doing the right things about this? Thanks so much reading this very long thread and answering all of my questions before hand! I really appreciate it!
I am a devout Christian young woman and I really believe that God really wants all of us to stay 100% pure, chaste, faithful, modest, and etc spiritually, psychologically, and physically before, during, and after marriage. If I really want to court and get married one day, I would I really want to court and get married God's Way/the Biblically/Messianic Jewish/Christian way to a true and a very devout Messianic Jew or Christian. I really think we should all really try our very best to read, understand, follow, and obey what God saids about celibacy, abstinence, courtship, marriage, widowhood, remarriage, and etc in the Holy Bible whatever we truly agree with God or not and/or like it or not and/or think it is good or not because God is always right (Including morally right.), knows what is best, and etc. One of the reasons I will not "date", court, or get married because I am way too young to get married, I am not emotionally and financially ready to get married and I am still waiting to really know if God truly wants me to remain celibate and practice abstinence for the rest of my life or to get married, if God truly wants me to do recreational dating (I really think recreation dating is truly unbiblical.) or to do courtship, when God truly wants me to court/get married, if God truly wants me to court/marry a Messianic Jew or a Christian, if God truly wants me to get married in a Messianic Jewish Synagogue or in a Church, if God truly wants me to have children if I get married, and etc.
I sometimes also really wish I was not single or was married because I really love the romantic thoughts and feelings that I get sometimes when thinking about romance and romantic relationships. But, at the very same time I am really afraid of getting rejected, being cheated on, having a abusive romantic relationship, getting broken up with, and/or getting into a divorce. I am also really afraid of me dating and/or getting married one day because my feelings are a little bit more sensitive than most people's feelings (Even though I am becoming more better about controlling my feelings.) and I have major depressive disorder and I can easily become very depress and sometimes even suicidal when bad things happen (I am extremely afraid that I might become very depressed and maybe even suicidal if I dated or got married and something bad happens within the dating relationship or marriage like the just things that I just mentioned above.) and that is part of the reason I will not date or get married to someone.
I get really flattered when people say that they have a crush on me, that they want to be my boyfriend, and that they want to date me but, at the very same time I get really anxious, disgusted, angry, and even suicidal whenever people tell me that they have a crush on me (I normally do not have a crush on them.) because I really feel like they really violated/dishonored me (They violate/dishonor me in their minds because I normally do not have a crush on them and really do not want to do these romantic/sexual activities with them because I do not have a crush on me and I am not their girlfriend.) in such a way (Just by using their minds to entertain their romantic/sexual desires.) just by wanting to hold hands with me, fondle me, hug me, cuddle with me, kiss me, and possibly wanting to have sexual intercourse with me because they have a crush on me. For a example, most people would most probably would get really "freaked out" if a person that they did not have a crush one actually did the stuff to them physically that I just mentioned above. But, I would get really "freaked out" if a person that I did not have a crush on did things to me in their mind. It is just like they committed all these sexual crimes against me in their minds by just using their minds. What is worse, is when I am around people who have a crush on me and when I do not have a crush on them. I get really scared, anxious, nervous, angry (I really do not show that I am really angry with them for "dishonoring" me but, I really try not be angry with them because they are just doing what God and Mother Nature intended them to do.) shy, depressive, suicidal, and etc around them because of what I just mentioned above. When I start feeling and/or acting this way. I really try my very best to act normal, calm down, stay calm, be happy, and etc even though it is really hard sometimes. I really wish sometimes I could just avoid them at all cause, turn invisible, turn into a Medieval knight and/or a Viking warrior to just to scare them away, or to go back in time to the Viking Age and/or to the Middle Ages or have Medieval knights and/or Viking warriors to be in the twenty first century with me so that I can be surrounded by Medieval knights and/or Viking warriors as a protection and comfort from them at times (In the Viking Age, the Vikings strongly honored, respected, and protected women and strongly disfavored and discourage men to court women because men could easily dishonor a woman and her family because of various reasons in courtship and this very often lead to blood feuds and even death. In the Middle Ages, Medieval knights were "suppose" to treat noble women chivalrously and to protect noble women.). Whenever I really feel really anxious, nervous, angry, shy, depressive, suicidal and etc because somebody has a crush on me and I really do not like them having a crush on me because I really do not have a crush on them and because of the reasons that I just mentioned above. I always (Sometimes immediately.) tell my parents, my psychiatrist, my psychologist, and sometimes my family, relatives, and friends and all of them really help me calm up, comfort me, support me, tell me how to appropriately deal with the situation, and sometimes give me anti anxiety medicine (Temporary lasting.) if really needed. I also always pray to God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, tell them what is happening, how I feel, ask them to really give me all the comfort, love, support, advice, courage, strength, peace of mind, their love, and etc that I really need to get through the situation, ask them what I should do to get though this situation, and etc.
I really think kissing is really gross (Even though I had never ever kissed a boy or a man on this lips before.) because people can exchange saliva and can smell each other's breath. I really get really disgusted when I accidently touch other people's saliva and thought of exchanging other people's salvia is even more disgusting. Also, when people accidently spit on me, I have to apply water, soap and water, hand sanitizer, and/or disinfectant wipes to the contaminated area (Even when the contaminated area is on my lips or inside my mouth.). I also get really disgusted when I accidently smell other people's breath and the thought of smelling other people's breath while kissing is even more disgusting. Whenever I accidently smell other people's breath no matter how nice or how bad their breath smells...I still really think that their breath stills smells really bad just because it has a distinct smell to it that I just do not like. What is worse, whenever I smell I have to immediately stop inhaling and start exhaling as long as I can to get that person's breath out of my lungs, mouth, and nose. Then I (A lot of times depending on and whatever the situation is appropriate or not.) have to shake my hand around my face to diffuse that person's breath that just can out of my lungs. And then I (A lot of times depending on and whatever the situation is appropriate or not.) either have to go outside, drink water, rinse my mouth and my nose, and/or put something sweet/nice smelling near my nose. I can usually kiss a cat, a dog, a stuff animal, or a doll on this lips because I can tolerate a cat's and a dog's breath and I can tolerate a stuff animal's and a doll's "saliva" and "breath" because they do not salvia and they have a "breath" the only smells nice. If I ever wanted to kiss somebody on the lips, I would have to kiss them wearing a surgical mask and/or with a saliva/breath proof barrier between us (I would most probably get broken up with really quickly because I really hate kissing without wearing surgical masks.).
But despite me being still somewhat very emotionally immature and very emotional unstable for my age and me a lot of times really wishing I not single and/or unmarried...I really love and enjoy being single/unmarried/a virgin because of all the benefits, the freedom, the happiness, and the fun that comes with it.
I was just really wondering ,does Mother Nature want me to get married and reproduce for the survival of the Human race or not? Why did Mother Nature made me somewhat still very afraid to, very emotionally immature, and very emotional unstable to not be able to date or get married? What does God truly want me to do in my "love life." now and in the future? Why am I still somewhat very afraid to, very emotionally immature, and very emotional unstable (Despite me being twenty one years old.) to not be able to date or get married (Is it because personality which is determine by my genetics and my biology (Mother Nature.) and/or my environment and my experiences, my psychological disorders like my major depressive disorder and my obsessive compulsive disorder (Mother Nature.), God made me this way, or all three of these factors.)? Thanks so much everybody for reading this extremely long thread, for supporting and comforting me, and for trying your very best to answer all of my questions! I really appreciate it!
Love, VikingGirlTBird!
PS: I am a twenty one year old young woman, I really do not like to wear very fashionable/popular clothing, I really do not like to wear cosmetics, I always wear my hair up into a ponytail. I was also single all of my life, I never ever dated in all of my life, (Because I never ever had a crush on anyone who had a crush on me.) and I am still a virgin but, (Extremely ironically!) I got asked out and still keep on getting asked out in real life and on Facebook (Always say no to people who ask me out on Facebook just to be safe and because I really do not have a crush on them.) by a lot of people. Also, my Mom even wants me to have a boyfriend and date because she really thinks I will make more friends, have fun, go out of the house, and etc but, I always tell that I really do not want to have a boyfriend and date because I am extremely happy being single and because of the reasons that I just mentioned above. Also, I have never been (Only verbally sexually assaulted but, not often in my whole life.) physical sexual harassed and sexual assaulted in my life.
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