Who have you lost and how have you dealt with it?

I lost my son. My first child. I was 13 weeks pregnant and he went to be with the Lord. I miss him dearly but i know he is where God wants him to be. I know that God had a purpose in why things happened the way they did. I will praise the Lord until my dying day.


~~Stacy

I lost my father on May 23 to heart failure. He was 65 years old and there were only three more days until his 66th birthday. His funeral did take place on his birthday, and I put birthday cards and a letter in his casket. I still have two more years of high school left and I wish he could be there to see me through them. My parents were divorced, I was living with him for three years until he died, now I am living with my mom. It's been weeks now and I just cried again this morning because of a very lucid dream I had about my dad.

It's been al ittle over 3 months now (edit) that my husband passed away. Yesterday (Sunday) was father's day and it would have also been my brother's 25th birthday, Saturday was 9 years now that he has not been with us.

I lost my oldest brother to suicide, and my aunt to what the coroner calls "unknown causes"... no one really knows how she died

I lost my brother two years ago, and just before that my boyfriend passed away, I had two other friends die in hiking accidents. Me and grief I don't think everything has really hit me. I'm more the type of person to keep everything inside. Right now my Dad has alzihiemers so He's slowly slipping away. I think on the most part I try to keep everyone at arms length... I know somedays i'm not okay.

I lost my dad when I was four. He killed himself. For years I wasn't able to deal with it but just after I turned 14 I began to struggle with his death. I'm now 17 and I know I've gotten through a lot but I have a long ways to go. I still cry when I think about my wedding day and how he won't be there to walk me down the aisle. As I've gotten older I've realized more and more how much his absence has effected my life. I was so careful to let any guy close to me growing up because I was so afraid they'd leave me, just like my dad did. I have always felt like I wasn't worth it because my own dad, who loved me so much, gave up on me...thought I'd be better off without him and left me. I needed him! I finally let a guy close to me and began to date for the first time, that was just about 5 months ago. This guy promised not to leave me like my dad did, for almost five months he did nothing but encourage me and build me up. But like my dad, he left. This time for another girl. Since then (just this week) he has hurt me so much...he's called me names, told me he hates me...then said he still cared about me...I finally told him that I didn't want to talk to him again, just today. I know I loved this guy the way true love should be, but he didn't love me back in that same way. It seemed like he did, but in the end it turned out he didn't. He chose not to love and I chose to love, even when he called me those names and said he hated me...I never responded in hate, but only in love. I have to choose not to love him like that anymore and wait for the person God has for me at this point. I really hope that my future husband won't have called me those names and said he hated me...I don't think that is the kind of person God wants for me. So as hard as it is I have to turn to God and trust that He'll bring someone my way in His timing. It is hard for me to say that because part of me just wants to go "I hate guys" and that's the end...but I know God has someone for me...it's just hard not to have someone who tells me I'm beautiful, smart, etc. anymore like my ex boyfriend did. I had never had that until he came into my life and since he left I've been worse than ever before when it comes to how I feel about myself. I have no one to turn to when I need them most and now that I need someone to care and love me the way God would everyone turns and runs away because I say I want to die or hurt myself somehow. I don't really want that, I just want someone to love me...I need someone to love me!

Princess

I really feel for you, it must be incredibly difficult to live with the hurt that has been dumped upon you by others.

I just want to say, it was not you that these men are rejecting but life and all its struggles, you are not responsible for your Dad's death and you are not responsible for the decision of this latest boy.

I know you will feel hurt and betrayed right now, but that is the price we all pay for love. To love someone is to risk losing them! But to not love is to die yourself and be left an empty shell.

Hang on to God, hold on to your friends and family and I know it is a cliche, but time is a great healer.

I will keep you in my prayers,

God bless and keep you

Pete

i lost my grandmother when i was 12. i was really close to her.

this is kinda different but, i just returned home from a eating disorder treatment center, and my dietician, Kim, was so special to me, and when you leave the place you can write the staff, but they can not contact you in any way. so i will never hear from Kim again, which makes me start crying right now. she was so special to me, and taught me so much about god and about life. i love you Kim. you are my angel.

for all of you with losses...i'm sorry and i hope you will know always that your loved ones are angels in heaven looking down on you and protecting you.

this makes me sad.

love to all of you--holly

I don't know if this counts--I lost my baby boy on the day he was born, because I gave him up for adoption. I'll never see him again unless he chooses to try to find me, since I am not allowed to even try to find him. He wasn't taken from me because of some awful thing I'd done, nothing like that. I had to give him up--because I would be a terrible mother if I had not admitted to myself and to everyone that I was not the best mother for him, and that my life was not a good one for any child to have to live. So now I'm grieving, even though I know what I did was right--why does the right thing have to hurt so much?? I'll always have a baby-shaped hole in my heart, I have from the day I laid him in that other woman's arms and walked away...

*hugs anyone who needs one*


for everybody, we've all lost something that matters a lot to us. God be with you all

Lost my wife of 4 years last August. Its been hard....hard to care about anything really. I know I have let just about every aspect of my life go downhill some of it to the point of ruin yet I just don't care. Its gotten a bit better the last few months, I can almost imagine my life going on without her. Almost. I mean you look all your life for someone and then you find them and then its taken away leaving you alone again. God.....I don't hate Him for it, though I must admit to feeling more than a little cross with Him sometimes over it.....I hope He understands and can forgive me.

As far as how I have dealt with it, not much has really helped but when I'm feeling really bad I tell myself "tommorrow is another day, maybe it won't be so bad". I mean, you never know what tommorrow will bring, and that honestly gives me hope.

Hello,
I am new here,
My son was taken to be with the Lord one month after he just turned 20.
He is so missed and at times I feel I can not bear this one more minute.
Has God been faithful? Yes!!! God has been my strength and comfort but that does not ake away the longing of wanting to see and talk with my son...Every breath I take cries out for my son.
An Unexpected auto wreck on an unlit back road.
So sorry to all of you who have suffered this pain.

roses said:

Hello,
I am new here,
My son was taken to be with the Lord one month after he just turned 20.
He is so missed and at times I feel I can not bear this one more minute.
Has God been faithful? Yes!!! God has been my strength and comfort but that does not ake away the longing of wanting to see and talk with my son...Every breath I take cries out for my son.
An Unexpected auto wreck on an unlit back road.
So sorry to all of you who have suffered this pain.

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I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my 15 year old son this last December to a tragic accident and feel much of the same way you feel, Today would have been his 16th birthday,
so it has been awful for me, My prayers are with you, and God Bless

GMRELIC said:

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my 15 year old son this last December to a tragic accident and feel much of the same way you feel, Today would have been his 16th birthday,
so it has been awful for me, My prayers are with you, and God Bless

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I am so sorry that this tragedy has hit your family...just hold on to God as tight as you can, and when you feel you can't go on just say "help", God knows the rest, He is only a whisper away.

Hi, I just joined this forum. I found this place as I was browsing online articles on how to deal with grief and bereavement.

My daddy went home to the Lord on June 5, 2004. The experience is so recent that until now I still find it hard to believe that he passed away. He was only 52, very healthy and exercised regularly. He did not have any medical conditions but yet he died shortly (within the hour) of suffering a massive heart attack. I find it hard to believe and understand why God would take my dad away at this point in his life. My dad was beginning to work less and spend more time with family and church. He was an honourable person, a loving father and husband. I can't help but ask WHY! What makes it harder is that I have been away from home for 5 years for college and work. About 2 months ago I decided to move home to Singapore to work so that I could be with family. The 5 of us were to be reunited really soon by the end of July. Among all my family members, my dad was the happiest. He really looked forward to my return. I was looking forward to being with my family again.

Now, it's just the 4 of us. I'm the eldest child and I worry for my sister and brother who are 16 and 18 respectively. I am saddened that they have to experience such a great loss in their teens. I also feel for my mum. I don't know how to comfort her as I am grieving too. I can't begin to imagine how it is like to lose the love of your life, your soulmate, your lover.

I have found peace and comfort in God's Word. I believe He will give us strength and provide us with all we need. But I miss my dad so much...the last time I saw him was on February 1 2004 and the last time we talked was June 3 2004.

Grieving the loss of my father,

Steph

Daddy'sGirl said:

Hi, I just joined this forum. I found this place as I was browsing online articles on how to deal with grief and bereavement.

My daddy went home to the Lord on June 5, 2004. The experience is so recent that until now I still find it hard to believe that he passed away. He was only 52, very healthy and exercised regularly. He did not have any medical conditions but yet he died shortly (within the hour) of suffering a massive heart attack. I find it hard to believe and understand why God would take my dad away at this point in his life. My dad was beginning to work less and spend more time with family and church. He was an honourable person, a loving father and husband. I can't help but ask WHY! What makes it harder is that I have been away from home for 5 years for college and work. About 2 months ago I decided to move home to Singapore to work so that I could be with family. The 5 of us were to be reunited really soon by the end of July. Among all my family members, my dad was the happiest. He really looked forward to my return. I was looking forward to being with my family again.

Now, it's just the 4 of us. I'm the eldest child and I worry for my sister and brother who are 16 and 18 respectively. I am saddened that they have to experience such a great loss in their teens. I also feel for my mum. I don't know how to comfort her as I am grieving too. I can't begin to imagine how it is like to lose the love of your life, your soulmate, your lover.

I have found peace and comfort in God's Word. I believe He will give us strength and provide us with all we need. But I miss my dad so much...the last time I saw him was on February 1 2004 and the last time we talked was June 3 2004.

Grieving the loss of my father,

Steph

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Yes, Steph, it is way too soon...death is like that I'm afraid, it can barge in without any warning, not giving a thought to age, or person...we will always ask the "why" question...death leaves behind such devestation for all of us to bear...our lives shattered in billions of pieces just lie their before us and we trying to put them back together which is really impossible...life will never be the same again...I know you are hurting, your whole family has been crushed...all I know is we just have to each find our own way to get through...what works for one may not work for another...all you can do is be there for your mom and brother and sister as they will be there for you.
I can not say time heals, because no matter how much time passes you will always wonder "why"....I am glad you are able to write about it that does seem to help some...having a journal has helped me...when I do not know what to do with my feelings I can grab the journal and just start to write...and yes, going to God who knows all and has the peace we all need...there is a grief site called Groww.com, it is for all grief...they have message boards for widows and loss of children and loss of siblings, it's a great place to run and pour out your heart to people who understand and have been there and are going through it too. Maybe your mom will benefit from that in time.
So sorry you are so young to bear such a tragedy...continue to run to Jesus, allow Him to hold you.

This is the first time I have ever gone on-line for support - of any kind. I have just suffered the loss of my best friend and soulmate who had just turned 44 two weeks ago. He committed suicide this past Friday in a hotel. I just don't understand. I'm having a difficult time understanding why this happened. I knew he was depressed about losing his business, I knew he was selling items and giving things away. I didn't make the connection - thought he just needed the money for rent. I love him and I know that he loved the Lord. He was Christian, non-denominational. Read the Bible. He was always so happy when I was with him. He left a long note to the police explaining his life and how he thought he had lost everything -- but in the final words, he also stated that what made this so difficult was the fact that he found the love of his life. So, why, why, did this happen? I don't mean to be selfish. I loved him with all my heart. He's gone. Now I need to hear from others as to what I can do to assure his assension into Heaven. I've prayed on it, cried on it...It's just so new. I found out about it this past Friday. I read some of the other posted messages about where does a Christian soul go? To Heaven? To Hell? In his letter, he states that he prays the Lord God forgives him... I pray He has. I would like to hear from others who have had experiences like this and how I can help him enter into the Kingdom of God. Please pray for him.

Sand said:

This is the first time I have ever gone on-line for support - of any kind. I have just suffered the loss of my best friend and soulmate who had just turned 44 two weeks ago. He committed suicide this past Friday in a hotel. I just don't understand. I'm having a difficult time understanding why this happened. I knew he was depressed about losing his business, I knew he was selling items and giving things away. I didn't make the connection - thought he just needed the money for rent. I love him and I know that he loved the Lord. He was Christian, non-denominational. Read the Bible. He was always so happy when I was with him. He left a long note to the police explaining his life and how he thought he had lost everything -- but in the final words, he also stated that what made this so difficult was the fact that he found the love of his life. So, why, why, did this happen? I don't mean to be selfish. I loved him with all my heart. He's gone. Now I need to hear from others as to what I can do to assure his assension into Heaven. I've prayed on it, cried on it...It's just so new. I found out about it this past Friday. I read some of the other posted messages about where does a Christian soul go? To Heaven? To Hell? In his letter, he states that he prays the Lord God forgives him... I pray He has. I would like to hear from others who have had experiences like this and how I can help him enter into the Kingdom of God. Please pray for him.

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I am sorry about your loss...I hope someone will respond to your post who has the right words for you...I can say that God is willing to be our help and strength even when we don't understand God at times...hope you find what you are seeking for.

I lost my husband on Feb. 14 1998. He was in the hospital. He had back surgery the day before and was on a mophine pump. The dr. did not order a lock out on the pump, so my husband got an overdose of morphine. He was a very good christian man and I miss him dearly. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him.

Tams

roses said:

Yes, Steph, it is way too soon...death is like that I'm afraid, it can barge in without any warning, not giving a thought to age, or person...we will always ask the "why" question...death leaves behind such devestation for all of us to bear...our lives shattered in billions of pieces just lie their before us and we trying to put them back together which is really impossible...life will never be the same again...I know you are hurting, your whole family has been crushed...all I know is we just have to each find our own way to get through...what works for one may not work for another...all you can do is be there for your mom and brother and sister as they will be there for you.
I can not say time heals, because no matter how much time passes you will always wonder "why"....I am glad you are able to write about it that does seem to help some...having a journal has helped me...when I do not know what to do with my feelings I can grab the journal and just start to write...and yes, going to God who knows all and has the peace we all need...there is a grief site called Groww.com, it is for all grief...they have message boards for widows and loss of children and loss of siblings, it's a great place to run and pour out your heart to people who understand and have been there and are going through it too. Maybe your mom will benefit from that in time.
So sorry you are so young to bear such a tragedy...continue to run to Jesus, allow Him to hold you.

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Dear Roses,

You are so kind and I thank you for your words of sympathy and encouragement. Thanks also for the practical tips such as journaling (which I do sometimes) and the website. I'll get my mum to check it out. It's amazing how God's love allows strangers to connect with each other, even on an online forum. From your words, it sounds like you've also been through some trying times. Would you be willing to share?

You're right, death can happen anytime, to anyone. And we are in no position to question God's plan for our lives. Job questioned God but instead of answering his "why" questions, God just reminded Job that HE IS GOD. All we have to do now is turn our eyes upon Jesus and trust him whole heartedly.

Thanks again for your thoughtful response to my post. Let's keep in touch.

Steph