Who has the harder job?

[JRSut1000]

Working fathers or SAHM mothers? (limiting to these categories to keep from the topic becoming too broad)

 

[£amb]

Working fathers or SAHM mothers? (limiting to these categories to keep from the topic becoming too broad)

When I stayed home with my kids I always felt that it was me who was doing the harder work. And yes, I did many things my husband couldn't do and that was because I was at home doing it and he was at work providing for it. I felt I had the short end of the stick and couldn't have that time to "get away" like my husband could. That was then and now that my boys are older, I have a different perspective.

My husband did his fair share of the hard work, if not more. He would go to work full time and be an employee then come home and be the husband and father. He would pitch in to help me out even though he was exhausted as well. He worked just as hard as I did...just in a different way. I have deep respect for my husband for putting in long hours in at work and at home.

 

[Niffer]

I think it really depends.
A SAHM with 3 under 3 is practically a saint if she can even get dinner made, and the kids clean imho.
A hubby who has a cushy 9-5 job in an air-conditioned office, who has good co-workers and a not very stressful/pressure job can seem pretty easy.

That being said, my hubby welded for years! He'd work in +50 degree heat, catch on fire regularly, and had jerk co-workers.
I personally thought he deserved a medal every time he came home from another day of that, just to provide for his family!

So it's situational.
Both can be unbelievably difficult, and both can be fairly relaxed.

Peace,
- Niffer

 

[illudium_phosdex]

I'd say it's fairly equal between my DH and me. I stay at home with the kids. I home school them and then have to take them to all their activities in the evenings. I also try to keep the house relatively strait and fix most of our meals. My DH works a fairly physically demanding job 6 days a week for 10 to 14 hours a day. He doesn't do anything around the house to help but he's tired so while it does get on my nerves occasionally, I try to remind myself that he just spent all those hours moving heavy cargo around.

 

[ex-pat]

My husband's job is physically demanding, with long hours punctuated by three days off per week, which he then spends doing very strenuous work on the house we're restoring. He often gets to go to work then sleep his first shift (he alternates 6 hours shifts sleeping and waking) with a HUGE amount of relief because it's less exhausting for him than painting the house or installing eavestroughs or cutting branches.

My life is much less demanding by comparison, although just as busy.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Hmmm...well, SAHM's don't get days off or vacations. Or even sick days for that matter. lol Also, a SAHM is pretty much on-call 24 hours a day.

I work FT right now, but when I stayed at home, my days started around 7AM and didn't end until about 9PM. I tried hard to keep the kids my main priority and fit housework, tasks, errands, etc. into pockets of down-time (meals, naps) around their schedule.

My schedule hasn't changed much compared to now, though. I am up before 7 to get myself and the older two ready for school. I work until 5, then am typically the one to make dinner when I get home (hubby will do it if I ask, but I actually *like* to cook), then review homework, supervise bath times, tuck 3 kids in (they all want Mommy, poor hubs), and then get to relax. I am "done" anywhere between 9-10PM depending on what time DD goes down, whether or not laundry needs to be flipped, and whether hubby was home that evening to help with after dinner kitchen clean up.

 

[JRSut1000]

Thanks for the input ya'lls!

I'm glad I got a variety of answers. I definitely agree it depends on a lot of factors including the type of work the husband does and how old the children are in the home.

I would be a hypocrite if I didn't reveal the reason for asking this. I was rather frustrated at the time because it felt like for sure, I surely must have the harder job because my baby needs and wants me every waking hour. She is just turning a year old soon and she's a mama's girl for sure (not that she doesn't love daddy, but she needs me more and I find that natural). I agree with the respondant who mentioned that men typically have a certain schedule, while mothers are on call at all times.

I was going to say just how unfair it was that mothers do not really get a break in her job and then was going to ask, why do you think God made it that way? And I'm still curious about that, but not upset at the moment.

I do love my job, it's my nich and I'm finding that I'm [becoming] good at it! Keeping my home neat, making (or buying) nice healthy meals, and caring for my baby - these are all things that I can be good at and enjoy.

It took more than a year for me to be reluctantly resigned to role as mother, to actually proud of it and feeling more comfortable in my vocation. But some days, I still want to kick and scream and hold up the "It's unfair!" sign. But those days are getting less.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I began a Bible study for SAHMs some years ago now and we named the group the Leah Circle. Our pastor was promoting the group one Sunday morning and mused about the name that we chose. Unbeknownst to us, Leah means "weary"!

It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by the constant demand on your attention that being a SAHM can require. I'm sure it's also completely normal to struggle to find the joy in that role. A good friend of mine recently shared about her struggle with it and told me that she had begun praying for God to help her be joyful about her role and to embrace it, rather than struggle against it. She wants to be home, but she gets overwhelmed easily - so finding balance has been key for her.

I think SAHMs definitely need to carve out some "me" time. Either during nap time or during a time when dad is home and can take over for a bit. It is necessary to restore oneself regularly when in a full-time caregiving role.

Maybe the next time you get frustrated and feel like you have the harder job, a quick prayer asking God to help you find some balance and working in some down time/"me" time will help. Even if you take 10 minutes to sip some hot tea (if you like it) and do a short devotional - or whatever other things help relax you - it will make all the difference.

 

[Satt]

It's not a competition. If "the two become one", they are acting as a team and are both equally important. If they both realize this, they will do all they can to relieve each other when it's needed and will learn to communicate and read each other's needs. Just my $0.02

 

[wanderbloom]

I think it really depends.
A SAHM with 3 under 3 is practically a saint if she can even get dinner made, and the kids clean imho.
A hubby who has a cushy 9-5 job in an air-conditioned office, who has good co-workers and a not very stressful/pressure job can seem pretty easy.

That being said, my hubby welded for years! He'd work in +50 degree heat, catch on fire regularly, and had jerk co-workers.
I personally thought he deserved a medal every time he came home from another day of that, just to provide for his family!

So it's situational.
Both can be unbelievably difficult, and both can be fairly relaxed.

Peace,
- Niffer

Exactly! It totally depends. Right now I would say without any hesitation that my husband has it harder. There have definitely been times when my job was harder, but with the job my husband has now there's no question. Of course, I thanked him a couple weeks ago for working so hard and he looked at me like I was crazy and said "You're the one who's stuck here all day!" lol...

 

[white dove]

It's not a competition. If "the two become one", they are acting as a team and are both equally important. If they both realize this, they will do all they can to relieve each other when it's needed and will learn to communicate and read each other's needs. Just my $0.02

I like this answer. The question itself is divisive and actually needs to be broadened to be a fair question. But, Satt said it best here.

 

[EmilyF]

I also agree that it's not a competition. There are going to be times when one has a harder job than the other and it's going to fluctuate.

The last 4 years have been incredibly hard on both my husband and I. He works very long hours in a job that he hates. I've been alone for those long hours without any real friends. I've been alone 12 hours a day or more. I've been very lonely.

We are working hard to ease the burden on both of us. Having the boys in school is a huge lift to that.

 

[Godsgirl79]

I think SAHM for sure.

 

[JRSut1000]

Some days I wish I could go back to school, something adventurous, educational, adult-like in nature that doesn't include baby talk (either to the baby or about the baby). But then again, I'm staying home doing what I always wanted to do, and she's such a sweetheart. Meanwhile so many people with a career arent actually doing what they want to be doing, at least thats the case for my husband.

 

[katautumn]

I like this answer. The question itself is divisive and actually needs to be broadened to be a fair question. But, Satt said it best here.

I tend to agree with this. My husband and I work equally hard for various reasons. His job is, hands down, more physically demanding. I get breaks. I can sleep in if my son does. If I'm sick, I can take it easier than usual. On the other hand, when my husband gets off work, unless there's some sort of project he needs to do, he is free from responsibility. My day continues.

In my experience, it's when I try and mentally assess whether or not I work harder than my husband, that's when I not only begin to feel discontent about the work I do as a SAHM, but also lack appreciation for how hard my husband works to provide for his family.

 

[zaksmummy]

But some days, I still want to kick and scream and hold up the "It's unfair!" sign. But those days are getting less.

When they are in a good routine and have an afternoon nap things can get easier until they stop having that nap and it gets hard again, until they go to school, and then you'll have the house to yourself for a good few hours, unless of course you decide to home school - something I would never consider doing with my kids, but some people like it!

 

[Lena75]

It does get easier as they get older. I homeschool all my kids and my oldest is moderately autistic. Takes alot of getting used to a routine but that's the nice thing about homeschooling. Flexibility. It can be done ANY time.

These past couple weeks I've been feeling sorry for my husband and his job. He has to get up super early, start work around 6am and he gets home around 5pm and he just looks SO wore out. I often think he has it harder because he's on his feet all day, pushing heavy things around and it leaves him physically strained and drained. Me, with older kids now, I can go and close the bedroom door and nap for 20 minutes or so and it gives me a fresh burst of energy for the rest of the day. Hubby doesn't have that option.

 

[ChildByGrace]

I'm not sure i could say in my relationship. I know that my DH feels the pressure of being the sole earner in the house. He is out of the house from around 6.30am-7 or 8pm at the moment. It's never really shorter hours than that but during busy times it can be from 5am-7/8pm. He's an accountant so although he is in an office it's not easy work. He's is also very involved in our church.


I on the other hand do pretty much all of the looking after of the children and looking after the house and meals etc (DH does so DIY but isn't the quickest!). I do find it very hard at times as i am on call 24 hours a day and a day off for me isn't really a day off.

 

[gracefulone1980]

I would say that we both work very hard, but my dh would say that I have the harder job. We homeschool our children as well.