WHO do you talk to?

[memoriesbymichelle]

I talk to God mostly, but sometimes I feel sad because I don't have a person in real life, to talk to, that understands my problems.
I have friends. But it's either, I don't want to burden them with my issues because some of my friends would start worrying about my issues and how they could help (which they can't) that's not what I want either.
Sometimes I just want to vent about my issues. I think that's from being a woman. We don't necessarily want our "problem" solved, but if we can talk thru it, we can figure it out.
Another reason I don't talk with most of my friends is because they don't understand my specific situation, so it's pointless to talk with them about it. For example, my younger son. Sometimes he is disrespectful. I don't approve and I do get on him about it, and my friend will say "well you just tell him, it's MY house MY rules". Well if I did that, he might leave the house and I can't have that, cuz he is only 16. He HAS left before, and I would not want him out there somewhere not knowing where he was or what was going on with him, so that response would not work with my son.

That's just an example, but the question I have is

WHO do you talk to? Do you have a close confidante in real life? We all have Jesus, we all know that, but we need humans too.

 

[dayhiker]

Michelle,
Your post reminded me of some people in recovery that I've heard say they had to go find new friends as the old ones wanted them to stay in old behaviour rather than help them get to a healthy place. So why your not in that situation it might be something for you to consider.

My friends I talk with about pretty much all of the topics in my life. I attend a men's group where there is a lot of support. I have friends in several different groups that I have found very supportive.
Even here in CF I feel I'm accepted and loved. I especially want to thank David for showing me how far God has brought me from where I was when I was living in my immaturity.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I hear ya, not exactly the same thing though. My one friend I have come to decide, I need to be there for HER because she is battling cancer and I can sense lately that she is more comfortable speaking about her issues than she is about listening to mine and it's completely understandable.

One of my other best friends, would be trying to figure out how to help me and she just retired and is finally living with her husband she just married in Dec (they were living apart because of her work before they got married) so I don't want to burden her.

I was just wondering what everyone else does? Does everyone else have someone they can just vent to?

 

[Messy]

If I have real problems I vent them on the internet. Sometimes I talk to my mother, but that's rare and I can't talk to people in church. I do have a sort of psychologist now, because I had a lot of trouble and that was just terrific. She's not really a psychologist, don't know how you call it, she helps the doctor and if you have real issues she can say that you need to see one, but in my case I just needed someone to vent. Like with my kids and she just puts a mirror up and says hey nothing wrong with you, you can do it. And then I ask the Lord, 'cause I just can't raise my kids on my own, they need a dad and we have the best Dad here in the house, things just changed wonderfully. They will also help me and give me tips how to do it, but that's in a few months and I thought: I don't need these tips, I need Jesus here in the house. My kids were fighting with each other and I got angry and now I can stay completely calm and I see a change in them too. The best One to talk to is the Lord after all, but it's also good to talk to people about it. I see a lot of people doing it when they have problems, they just ask people on the internet.

 

[prov1810]

I work at my church and sometimes I talk to my supervisor about personal issues. He's really mature and sympathetic.

But I mostly don't talk to anyone. I'm extremely introverted and I don't want to bother other people. I wouldn't call someone on the phone because I'd be interrupting whatever they're doing.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Good question. I seem to be running out of places where I can open up and feel safe, so there's a lot that will never be said where others can hear-- or read-- me saying it.

When I'm working on an issue, very often it's while I'm on the road. Just me and the radio, which many times I've had to turn off because a song brought up memories that are better left buried. When you've got a 600 mile trip in a 16 year old van that's getting near half a million miles on it, you have time to think, and I admit to talking to myself since-- apart from God-- there's nobody else around. Besides, when I need expert advice who else can I talk to? I'm running out of ideas here on that one. So, I muddle through as best I can.

Sure, I could use a good sounding-board, maybe somebody with good advice, but--- as already stated, safe places to open up are getting a trifle hard to come by.

 

[dayhiker]

prov .... I've had that consideration for others as well. But I have become aware that others want to help me in life and I wasn't giving them a chance to help me. I wasn't giving them a chance to love me. So I ask a friend to go on a walk regularly. I go to dances where some of my friends hang out and talk with them. We share our life with each other. So I'd encourage you to rethink that some.

I work at my church and sometimes I talk to my supervisor about personal issues. He's really mature and sympathetic.

But I mostly don't talk to anyone. I'm extremely introverted and I don't want to bother other people. I wouldn't call someone on the phone because I'd be interrupting whatever they're doing.

 

[blackribbon]

I don't have anywhere either. I have one person who I'd trust but she has so many problems in her life that I don't feel it is fair to use her as a sounding board...she has way too many people already draining her that way.

I thought I had a friend but have recently realize that either he is really crappy at knowing how to be a friend or I am really in his life for him to vent his problems to and serve as his encourager. One more one-way friendship....oh well.

I don't know. We just don't live in a world that encourages friendships anymore.

 

[prov1810]

I don't have anywhere either. I have one person who I'd trust but she has so many problems in her life that I don't feel it is fair to use her as a sounding board...she has way too many people already draining her that way.

I thought I had a friend but have recently realize that either he is really crappy at knowing how to be a friend or I am really in his life for him to vent his problems to and serve as his encourager. One more one-way friendship....oh well.

I don't know. We just don't live in a world that encourages friendships anymore.

The strange thing about a discussion like this is the shared sense of aloneness.

I was reading an article about solitary single people, and there was a female employee of IBM who spent her whole two-week vacation at her apartment. I can absolutely relate to this. But the pernicious fact of our lives is, we solitaries will never meet each other. And that's a problem if you want to meet someone who understands you. Catch-22.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree I think it's important to know that we aren't alone whether it be in our thinking or in our person. Sometimes just knowing that can make things seem as if they are not AS bad.
And I think we were born to need people. If that had not been the case then God would not have created Eve for Adam to be his "helper". The other hole that is in our hearts is for God and God alone, but I think he also wants us to depend on each other. Of course that's JMO.

I have only 2 friends that I could tell anything in the world too, my deepest darkest secrets, but like I said the one just got married and the other one is working on her marriage and then......there's me........the widow........
that's why I like it here and I hope we will be getting our peace back in this section soon. Things used to be so calm before but every once in awhile someone comes in like a bull in a china factory and causes trouble. I seem to recall another "lone wolf" causing similar drama in the past and going after a couple of us here, remember?
Praise the Lord we survived that attack, and with God's help we can survive this one. Together.

 

[bobross]

I don't have many people I feel I can really talk to either. I have a small group of men I meet with for bible study and they are probably the closest to true friends that I have. Other than that, God is pretty much it.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Here's another question. Do you think men are different than women in "needing" someone to talk to?