White Weddings

[Carri20]

Today I was in the car with my dad when he said something that really ticked me off. See one of my friends from work is getting married in a few months and she's not a virgin (she and her fiance have a daughter) but she is a Christian and has repented--she even confessed and repented in front of her entire church--but my dad said, "well I hope she doesn't wear white". I asked why and he said "because white is a symbol of purity, but I guess since the world has no morals anymore that doesn't matter to anyone." Inside I was fuming but I tried to stay calm as I replied, "Well I'm not a virgin and I have kids..so if I were to get married you're saying I couldn't wear white?" And then he said no, I could wear any other color but not white. Then he added, "..if you have a wedding at all." ..As if nonvirgins don't deserve to have a wedding. I tried to explain to him my point of view, that virginity and purity don't always go hand-in-hand, and that I know virgins who are hooked on porn and nonvirgins who have repented and are now committed to staying pure for their future spouse. He just mumbled something about how immoral the world is and that was that. Now is it just me, or was he totally out of line here?? I think my future wedding day is going to be ruined now, because I won't wear anything but white. I'm a born again Christian, my sins have been washed away by the blood of Jesus Christ himself, and I AM LIVING A LIFE OF PURITY. If I were to wear a non-white wedding dress I would feel like a liar because I honestly believe God has made me pure. I don't see why I should have to base my color scheme on a past that has been forgiven. It would be humiliating. I have a feeling it will be humiliating anyway, now that I know what my father thinks of it. Would it be super horrible of me to NOT invite him to my future wedding? Because I don't think I want him there.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I agree. White is a symbol of purity, but God can forgive and wash you clean.You can live a pure life, so I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to wear white.

 

[Carri20]

Thank you. I wish someone would tell my father that...not that he'd listen though.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, you'll be short changing yourself and your dad by not inviting him to the wedding. I would work on your relationship with him. Besides, do you think you could honestly keep him out? If you did, do you think you would not regret it someday? Short of eloping (which is another insult to the family, BTW) I don't see how not inviting him is a viable option.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Okay...I USED to think that only virgins should wear white to their wedding. So, your Dad and I were kind of on the same page. I thought that it was a symbol that the husband was taking his virgin bride, blah blah...
White IS IN FACT associated with purity, innocence, virginity, cleanliness.
White is associated with angels clothes...

In Western weddings, a white dress is symbolic of purity (the bride has not engaged in pre-marital sex). It's just a fact of the culture.

However, I do think that someone who is a Christian, has repented, and has remained pure with the person they are about to marry, can definitely wear white. It's YOUR wedding day, it doesn't matter whether white symbolizes virgin or forgiveness to other people - it only matters what you and your future mate think about it, and if you feel at peace about it with God.

 

[MrDude]

It's a nice day for a white wedding, it's a nice day to.....start again.

 

[Leanna]

Sometimes if you give grace and mercy, you receive it too. You are understandably mad, but in the same measure you use for others it is measured to yourself. Try finding grace and mercy for those who have had failed marriages, and maybe your dad will find grace and mercy for you who have had two kids outside of wedlock. I really believe this spiritual principle is applied here.

 

[Carri20]

Sometimes if you give grace and mercy, you receive it too. You are understandably mad, but in the same measure you use for others it is measured to yourself. Try finding grace and mercy for those who have had failed marriages, and maybe your dad will find grace and mercy for you who have had two kids outside of wedlock. I really believe this spiritual principle is applied here.

I do have grace and mercy for people who have had failed marriages. But I still don't believe in remarriage after divorce, if that's what you're driving at. The Bible specifically commands us not to do that so I'm sorry, I go by the book.

 

[Carri20]

Besides, do you think you could honestly keep him out? If you did, do you think you would not regret it someday?

Yes and yes.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Carri, I think you're understandbly upset right now. But whether or not you wear a white wedding dress when you get married shouldn't be a big point between your father and you UNLESS you are getting married soon. Why fight about something that may not happen for a while or may never happen? (Not saying it won't)

It would be like me arguing with my mom over what to name my children (since I won't be having them for a few years), or over what to have ingraved on my gravestone, etc. Do you see my point? Theres no sense dwelling on a point of disagreement like this

 

[Carri20]

Carri, I think you're understandbly upset right now. But whether or not you wear a white wedding dress when you get married shouldn't be a big point between your father and you UNLESS you are getting married soon. Why fight about something that may not happen for a while or may never happen? (Not saying it won't)

It would be like me arguing with my mom over what to name my children (since I won't be having them for a few years), or over what to have ingraved on my gravestone, etc. Do you see my point? Theres no sense dwelling on a point of disagreement like this

Yeah I see your point. It's hard not to let it get to me though when he does this kind of thing every day of my life. Gets kinda annoying after a while. Makes me want to tear out my hair.

 

[christiankate]

I agree that white is meant for ALL brides. That is if they want to. If someone want to wear _____, well then by all means since this is THEIR big day they should wear ______. ITs the bride and grooms day, NOT the parent's day, friends day, or anyone one elses. They should decide to wear what they want. Heck if they want to wear shorts and a tee shrit, thats what they shoud wear. If you want to wear white don't let anyone stop you honey.

 

[symphonyb]

I just simply can't agree with the "white" wedding dream.I'm getting married in a full white gown,second marriage.It's our day together and I'll dress as I feel.My father is also extreme skeptical,critical,but mine is anti-God.I think when the time comes you'll know if you want him there. Mine is coming but I'm sure he'll step on toes. A bit different problem but the white gown dilemna is over rated.

 

[Linnis]

I wore white on my wedding day and I was not a virgin. I also didn't have a veil and walked myself and I gave myself to my husband. I had orginally wanted a pink dress but the messed up the alterations and my last minute dress ended up being white. My MIL thought it was because I was meant to wear white. You can wear whatever color you want, in Vietnam, women wear red on thier wedding days and white is for death. Amish women wear blue dresses, white for them is also for death, are they less Christian?

Did God say only virgins can wear white? I do not think it's in the Bible...it's something man made up. What if a man isn't a virgin on his wedding day, does his suit not get to be black? Double standard if you ask me.

It's your wedding and you can wear white or Purple with yellow polka dots.

My parents were not at my wedding. I do not regret it. It was our wedding, our choice and anyone who couldn't handle that and keep their peace wasn't invited. Period.

 

[JSG]

Wearing a white wedding dress can mean three different things. The first is to copy a queen (I think it was Victoria, but my history isn't so great), who herself wore white to symbolise her own virginity. This became fashion, and eventually tradition, because people looked to royalty in the way we look to Hollywood. (Before this, wedding dresses were commonly made in many colors.) In this case, you'd have to be a virgin to copy her. Here, "purity" was very specifically defined as virginity. I don't believe any exceptions non-virgins living their 'second chance' really make sense in this context, regardless of how pure their minds, hearts, and spirits have become. Her dress wasn't meant to symbolise her mental state.

The second reason would be as some sort of homage to or costume of Victoria. No idea why you'd do this, but I suppose it bears no requirements.
The third would be that you just happen to be wearing a white dress, and it doesn't mean anything, besides perhaps that you like the color white. Anyone could do this, as well.

None of this is covered in the Bible.

Therefore, I think the right answer is to do what you want, for whatever reason you want. Though the tradition of wearing white does specifically refer to virgins, there is nothing wrong with going against a tradition which is based on nothing more than fashion. Personally, If I get married, I don't intend to wear white regardless of whether I've had sex, just because I don't particularly like wearing white. I can't wait to find out what my future in-laws think of that one. I hope they're nothing like the guy described in the first post.

 

[ladylike]

I think you should be able to wear white and be proud of God forgiving you, too bad your Dad doesn't have the same viewpoint. I am not sure what I would say to him if I were you, but maybe you could get some testimonials about born-again Christian brides and them still wearing white on their wedding day...

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Gosh - how stupid!

Wearing white to your wedding day wasn't originally to proclaim your purity - that came later.

So it's a pretty pathetic thing for him to think you can't wear it because of your virginity status. It sounds to me like it's a 'box' you have to tick or something...

Are you a virgin? Yes? Ok, here's the permission slip to wear that white dress...

Someone needs a history lesson, and a reality check!

You can wear whatever colour you want - how pathetic to lay claim to a particular colour, just cos of your sexual behaviour...

It's only a colour for goodness sake!

(Want me to go talk to your dad???) LOL

Sasch

 

[Oblivious]

It's a nice day for a white wedding, it's a nice day to.....start again.

LOL

Wear what you want to your wedding when the time comes - it's your wedding day, not your dad's. I just hope you two can work it out before then.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I think 90% of traditions are silly.

If/when you get married, I say that if your dad doesn't agree to be peaceful at your wedding, keep him out. If he agrees to be nice, let him come.

 

[Sketcher]

Sometimes if you give grace and mercy, you receive it too. You are understandably mad, but in the same measure you use for others it is measured to yourself. Try finding grace and mercy for those who have had failed marriages, and maybe your dad will find grace and mercy for you who have had two kids outside of wedlock. I really believe this spiritual principle is applied here.

Sounds more like karma than Christianity.

I do have grace and mercy for people who have had failed marriages. But I still don't believe in remarriage after divorce, if that's what you're driving at. The Bible specifically commands us not to do that so I'm sorry, I go by the book.

Good for you.