while we're on the subject...

[Godsgurl77]

There seem to be a lot of posts going on right now about similar subjects, and it's really got me thinking. I'm a virgin, my fiance is not. He had two previous partners - one very short relationship in his younger teen years (which doesn't bother me much), and then a longer, on and off relationship throughout high school (which bothers me more). With the second, the relationship was pretty serious until his girlfriend became a Christian and moved on, and then my fiance became a Christian (praise God!). I really think I'm doing well with forgiveness and letting it go, but that doesn't keep my mind from wandering sometimes. So here's my question...For those of you who have been on the side of my fiance, not a virgin, do you or have you thought about previous partners when you were "with" your spouse? Maybe I'm treading on dangerous ground here, and I'm sure this will vary from person to person. I'm just wondering what it's like to be on the other side of it, especially for a guy. How hard is it for a guy to not think about previous partners?

I really don't want to start another debate here about whether or not to marry a virgin/non-virgin. I'm happy with my relationship. I just have some curiosity I guess.

 

[Jenna]

If he loves you and is committed to you, he's not going to be thinking about any other girl on your wedding night. That aside, if you want anything more specific, you might just have to talk with your fiance, to be honest. Share with him that you are feeling insecure with his sexual history, that you need reassurance that when you are together, that there will only be the two of you in your marriage bed. After that, the best thing that you can do is just put it out of your mind. It may be hard, but replace the thought with something positive, and pray about the issue. There is no point in torturing yourself over something that you cannot change, especially since he obviously loves you and wants to be with YOU.

 

[LilRitt04]

It is the same with me but the opposite way. I have had two prevous partners in my life and it is really hard for my boyfriend to not think about that part of my life. But I know he is realizingthat I love him and only him. Everything else that happened, happened and I cant change it so the only thing left for me to do is get over it and live with it.

He loves you and only you. There is nothing that he would do to hurt you in that extent. He is a Christian now and his heart is right in that aspect. What you have to realize that even though that WAS his past that ISNT his future. His future is with you and that is the only thing that you have to do. Just live with it. He cant change it and if he could I dont see why he wouldnt for the sake of you. But best of luck wiht it, and God is with you!

Jenn

 

[JulesM]

I had sexual partners before I was saved. I am now with the man I am going to marry. I know that this relationship is so diff to anything I've ever known. I am secure he loves me and that I love him. I know that when we make love I will not compare him to other Partners...I am totally 100% into him.

I also know with my previous Partners that the 'now' person is the person you're focused on and not 'so and so used to do this or that...'

The best thing is to talk. My boyf and I have talked about it a bit because of both our pasts - and we always feel securer and closer once we have aired our insecurities.

All the best.

 

[Godsgurl77]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I don't doubt his love for me a bit He is great. We do discuss it from time to time, but I'm hoping to completely quit thinking about it over time. I don't want to keep pestering him with my insecurities. I know we will need to talk through whatever issues we have, but I know eventually it will irritate him if I keep bringing it up. God's working on us and I trust He'll keep working!

 

[halifaxhoney]

I haven't thought about my other sexual partners.

As far as I know he doesn't either. I wouldn't worry about sex is as big of a deal as people make it out to be. (Don't worry I'm ready for all the quoting and will be happy to provide an explanation if it's asked).

Crystal

 

[Cherub8]

Don't worry I'm ready for all the quoting and will be happy to provide an explanation if it's asked

Good. Please explain then.

 

[Iggster]

From a Christian brother's stand point-of-view, I don't think of my past relationships all that much as Christ renewed me. I'm more focused on the woman that I am with now; and thank the Lord for His undying love to renew and cleanse me of my past. I really thank the Lord that I have a Christ centered relationship with Fluffy. And that in itself (Christ Centered Relationship) is the only thing that counts in my relationship with her. Without it, then we'd have nothing.

Sis.....All I can say is if you can't live with it, then go on with your life. From where I come from, there are no terms and conditions when it comes to UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Just my .02 cents.....