Which way to go!

IHMFIL · Jun 24, 2004

mina said:
Why did you get married in the first place????????

Because all my friends were getting married or had gotten married and I felt left out.

Warrior Poet · Jun 24, 2004

IHMFIL said:
Lord please forgive the people who have passed judgedment upon my situation, and I thank you Lord that you forgive a sinner like myself who failed at being a good wife to her husband. I hoped and prayed that my husband could forgive me and my family but as of yet he is unwilling, but I know he is in your hands and I pray you will soften his hard heart and one day he will be able to forgive and forget. Amen!

Thank you for your prayers.

Warrior Poet

IHMFIL · Jun 24, 2004

Violet said:
I hope you are being sincere....if you are I'm very proud of you for finally admitting your fault. I'll pray for you and your husband....he seems to have been put through hell. Now that you've admitting your guilt...I think you should apologize to your husband. He deserves that at least.

I sent my husband an email a couple weeks ago asking for forgiveness for my part in the demise of our marriage, but he only responded by saying he wants to keep the house and that he is very upset that he gave up his career because we had to move away from my family and he is having a hard time finding a job and his arthritis is not good right now. I know the Lord will take care of him!

desi · Jun 25, 2004

So you took mom to the nut house and divorced your husband, one brother and a father to go...

IHMFIL · Jun 25, 2004

desi said:
So you took mom to the nut house and divorced your husband, one brother and a father to go...

I don't understand what you are saying! I've made mistakes which I have admitted and I look forward to spending time with all my family.

sarah marie · Jun 25, 2004

IHMFIL said:
I confess my sin and I know if I confess my sin to fellow believers and repent of my action I will be forgiven. I pray that nobody who reads this thread will make the same mistakes that I have made.

Have you repented? In other words, have you returned to your husband?

IHMFIL · Jun 25, 2004

sarah marie said:
Have you repented? In other words, have you returned to your husband?

The only way I would return to him would be if he made a complete amends to my family. If he would confess his resentment and anger to each individual in my family and ask for their forgiveness. And he accept that nothing will come between me and my family, especially my Father. If he does these things I would consider seeing him again. My family was absolutely shocked to find out he did not like them, and they are baffled as to why! Back in OH we are very well liked and have never come across anyone there who does not think highly of us, accept a couple people who made negative comments about my Father, but my 7 brothers put them in their place.

desi · Jun 25, 2004

IHMFIL said:
I don't understand what you are saying! I've made mistakes which I have admitted and I look forward to spending time with all my family.

It appears you are turning your family against you one by one...

IHMFIL · Jun 26, 2004

desi said:
It appears you are turning your family against you one by one...

No Way! See Desi there is a big plan going on with my family and that is we are all going to move back to OH where we are originally from, right now we have commitments from myself, my Father and one other brother who was divorced a couple years ago. See my mother for some reason does not want to do this, and this just does not make any sense. There are some in my family who say they won't move back to OH but we know it is because of their spouses objections and we will just have to work on them. When I heard my Father was wanting to move back to OH I just would do anything to move nearby him.

desi · Jun 26, 2004

IHMFIL said:
No Way! See Desi there is a big plan going on with my family and that is we are all going to move back to OH where we are originally from, right now we have commitments from myself, my Father and one other brother who was divorced a couple years ago. See my mother for some reason does not want to do this, and this just does not make any sense. There are some in my family who say they won't move back to OH but we know it is because of their spouses objections and we will just have to work on them. When I heard my Father was wanting to move back to OH I just would do anything to move nearby him.

I see.

rainyday · Jun 26, 2004

None of you had any business getting married if you were not planning on leaving the nest of our childhood immediate family and cleave to your spouse. NONE OF YOU! If you're all just thinking of yourselves ... you are very self-centered and self serving individuals. Ohio ... for me anyway ... that explains A LOT!

IHMFIL · Jun 27, 2004

rainyday said:
None of you had any business getting married if you were not planning on leaving the nest of our childhood immediate family and cleave to your spouse. NONE OF YOU! If you're all just thinking of yourselves ... you are very self-centered and self serving individuals. Ohio ... for me anyway ... that explains A LOT!

How can we be self centered when all of my family are in the helping professions, doctors, nurses, teachers, lawyers, school administrator etc... if anything we care too much about others. I truly know my in-laws would love it if they would just be around our family all the time. My husband is just an oddball and is probably just jealous of my brothers working and educational careers.

Warrior Poet · Jun 27, 2004

ROFL.

Warrior Poet

rainyday · Jun 27, 2004

IHMFIL said:
How can we be self centered when all of my family are in the helping professions, doctors, nurses, teachers, lawyers, school administrator etc... if anything we care too much about others. I truly know my in-laws would love it if they would just be around our family all the time. My husband is just an oddball and is probably just jealous of my brothers working and educational careers.

Profession has ZILCH to do with how you and your family are treating the ones you're supposed to love unconditionally ... NOT JUST STRANGERS! Professional choices for many sometimes simply means MONEY MONEY MONEY AND MORE OF THIS WORLD'S MONEY! I've worked in the healthcare industry for over 24 years now and there are many many doctors, nurses, administrators who could care less for their patients. My one sister teaches college and tells me about those who are in it for the money and publishing end of it. My brother-in-law is an attorney and my sister a legal secretary ... guess what? Same stories. Many join 'HELPING' professions for monetary and prestige reasons alone. So that doesn't mean anything to me ... not when you makes comments about assuming your husband's jealousy towards them; which to me indicates money and 'position' mean more to both you and your siblings.

This latest post is just one more example within your many, showing more and more of the self-centeredness I originally mentioned. But you asked HOW?

Okay ... I Had My FIL and need a poor excuse to leave my husband and go against God's law without just cause (my personal interruption of your initials anyway) ... you want to know how you and your family can be self centered? Read your last post again and see for yourself, if you can see past your blinders and see what the rest of us are reading.

IHMFIL said:
No Way! See Desi there is a big plan going on with my family and that is we are all going to move back to OH where we are originally from, right now we have commitments from myself, my Father and one other brother who was divorced a couple years ago. See my mother for some reason does not want to do this, and this just does not make any sense. There are some in my family who say they won't move back to OH but we know it is because of their spouses objections and we will just have to work on them. When I heard my Father was wanting to move back to OH I just would do anything to move nearby him.

I'll begin with Exhibit A: "See my mother for some reason does not want to do this, and this just does not make any sense." So, Mom doesn't want to go and it just doesn't make sense to any of your 'helping' family members ... so you are trying to toss her into an institution to remove that obstacle? There are many people who are suspicious of governments and worry about being spied on. That is not an invalid fear and actually is quite common since the first satellite was sent into space by the Russians back in the 50s. Not just that, but since history has proved it has happened time and time again, it's a VALID fear held by many! Many! That doesn't mean you're nuts. That was probably only ONE reason she was released though. I'd venture to say the number one reason she was released was because of this ...

IHMFIL (from another thread) said:
I don't know why they released her so early, I am still stunned along with the rest of our family. I guess I could ask my brother since he is a Psychiatrist and he was the one who helped coach my Father into how to approach the hospital staff. I ask my Father what happened but he just says "you know your mother she's a big manipulator".

... they, REAL HELPFUL PROFESSIONALS, know when one has been (to use your own words) COACHED to MANIPULATE a situation to THEIR SELF-CENTERED ADVANTAGE and released an obviously innocent and sane woman. But I forgot ... you're all so 'HELPFUL' ... not self centered as in wanting to manipulate the situation to your advantage to move home. You called HER manipulative? Holy heck. ARE YOU FOR REAL?

I offer up Exhibit B: "There are some in my family who say they won't move back to OH but we know it is because of their spouses objections and we will just have to work on them." It doesn't matter to you, a sister who has NO BUSINESS IN A SIBLING'S MARRIAGE, that a spouse has issues on where her family, her children, live? They have ESTABLISHED homes, friends, schools, church affiliations ... yet you have to WORK ON THEM? Are you sure you're from Ohio and not the old USSR?

Finally I give you Exhibit C for CLOSURE: "When I heard my Father was wanting to move back to OH I just would do anything to move nearby him." You're not self-centered when all you're doing is thinking of yourself, even to the point of divorcing your husband for no other reason then to selfishly do as you please? What is this obsessive need to "DO ANYTHING TO MOVE NEARBY" your father? It sounds to me, personally, that YOU are the one that needs to take a visit to a REAL healthcare professional and HONESTLY examine your source of this obsession.

I'll say one thing ... I praise God above that NO CHILDREN are involved in this sad tale of your marriage. I feel so desperately SAD for the spouses and other children within your family. I will keep them, your mother all in a sincere prayer, as well as the selfish need dwelling within yours, your father's and each of your involved sibling's hearts. I'll also pray that this situation is NOT REAL, that you ARE PLAYING on this Christian site because this is TOO SAD TO BELIEVE that someone can be this thoughtless, this selfish, this clueless as to what they and they're family is doing ... and with that, I'm done here.

PS ... don't pee your pants Warrior Poet!

bliz · Jun 27, 2004

Why I'm bothering to post, I don't know...

It is very clear that you place your father's family, and primarily your father, above the family that you and your husband were supposed to have formed at the time of marriage. You even used that language, saying that your family is fine, it's just your oddball husband who doesn't fit in. But you are supposed to be one flesh with that "odd ball, and to have left your parents to have done that.

Your husband may be jealous of your brothers, but I assure you it is not becsue of their professions. It is becasue you have a bond with them that is far tighter and more secure than the bond he has with you.

Your relationship with your father is sick, sick, sick. I don't know if he brainwashed you, or you are afraid of him, or in love with him in ways that are totally inappropriate, this is one sick relationship. In the end, unless you break free from him, you are going to have a very, very sad life becasue Daddy is using you to accomplish his own goals. A parent should be encouraging his children to build lives of their own and encouraging children to have healthy marriages. Your Daddy wants you to end your marriage and place himself above your husband. That is not Biblical.

You don't keep your story straight. You are upset that you Mother doesn't want to move with the rest of the family (smart woman, in my book!) but in an earlier post you said your Dad was considering divorcing your Mom. In that case, why should he care where she lives?

Why does the whole family have to be uprooted and moved? Is this a cult or a family? I feel so very, very sorry for all the people who maried into this sick family.

You need to go back to your husband, if he will still have you. You need to get professional counseling. Your family is sick. Your relationship with your father is twisted.

IHMFIL · Jun 27, 2004

I don't know where to start but I feel I need to defend my integrity here. I am not in love with my Father, but I love my Father. My Father worked 3 to 4 jobs at a time when I was growing up and he and we have never been close to each other. I just want to try and have a close relationship with him since he does not have too many years left here in this world. My Father can be rude and disrespectful at times to people but this is mostly due to my mother agitating him and he takes it out on other people. I have one sister in-law back in OH who also comes from a big family like ours and she is the only willing participant in wanting all of us to move back home. See her and my brother live next door to her parents and on the other side of her parents are two of her sisters and their spouses and children. I don't believe we need to live next door to each other just within a few miles of each other. Anyways I see how happy my sister in-laws family is living so close to each other and I know my family would like that also if they would just give it a try.

As for my spouse he gave me an ultimatum the last day we were together and he said, "your either on their side or mine, and if you are on theirs you need to go"! In less than 1 minute I was out of there and filed for divorce a few days later. I'm sorry but nothing will come between me and my family and my husband had his chance to sit back and take whatever came his way from my family and he tried to get me to see that they are evil and in the end I saw the evil in him, due to his motivation to seperate me from my family. My husband has nobody and I have my family. I win!

joshua_cheung · Jun 28, 2004

I pray that you can forgive your husband if he had done anything to harm you.
I pray that your husband can forgive you if you had done anything to harm
him.
I hope that both of you can come together again and love each other.

I can see your husband needs your support but you cannot support him. So he is cross with you. You didn't need him but he needs you. But you cannot support him make him very lonely. He is lonely without you. Even with you, he is still lonely. He needs your support. He is poor.

Even you are not with him anymore, your supportive words can help him a lot.
Try to be good to him even you see the evil in him. God will pay and bless you if you do this kind action.

IHMFIL · Jun 29, 2004

joshua_cheung said:
I pray that you can forgive your husband if he had done anything to harm you.
I pray that your husband can forgive you if you had done anything to harm
him.
I hope that both of you can come together again and love each other.

I can see your husband needs your support but you cannot support him. So he is cross with you. You didn't need him but he needs you. But you cannot support him make him very lonely. He is lonely without you. Even with you, he is still lonely. He needs your support. He is poor.

Even you are not with him anymore, your supportive words can help him a lot.
Try to be good to him even you see the evil in him. God will pay and bless you if you do this kind action.

Joshua_Cheung those are very wonderful things you have shared and I thank you for them, but I'm in too deep at this point to stop the divorce proceedings, especially since my family is looking so forward to having me back. I just could not tell my family at this point, oh I changed my mind, I'm gonna reconcile with my husband, they would be devastated, and I just could never hurt anyone in my family. I do pray for my husbands future and hope he finds someone that can make him happy, but I need to get active again in my faith and I'm at my best for God when I'm active in singles ministry like I was for 21 years before I met my husband.

Violet · Jun 29, 2004

hopefully this thread will be closed also

bkg · Jun 29, 2004

Amen.

Which way to go!

Active Member

A Legendary Outlaw

Active Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

Regular Member

Active Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

Well-Known Member

God is my umbrella

Active Member

A Legendary Outlaw

God is my umbrella

Contributor

Active Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

living in marital bliss

Standing for Restoration

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency