Many larger churches will have what they call Cry Rooms which are sound proofed to those who are sitting in the main sanctuary, but usually have speakers so moms and dads can sit in there with their kids and still hear the service. I don't know about autism and ADHD necessarily, but I did grow up in a church with a girl who had Down's Syndrome. She was about my age and would sometimes be with us in the Sunday School room. I wasn't old enough to know what the teachers did for her specifically, but with understanding and preparation, anything can be done. As far as those in the congregation, give them the benefit of the doubt. They know why you are there and want you to be there. Most congregations are good, welcoming families. You will know them when you find them.
Secondly, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BEING CALLED!
That moment where you are so peaceful, when you want to cry and often do, when you can feel the numbness in your limbs, I wholeheartedly believe that is your soul being ignited by the Holy Spirit. Answer that calling in the way that feels right. Faith is what the world calls instinct. Trust your "gut". That's God speaking to you.
Don't forget that there are thousands of things you can do at home for your husband and your kids. Christ is the husband of the Church. Treat your husband as you would treat Christ. Love him, honor him, submit to him, cherish him. My parents had a beautiful relationship. My mom told me that he would leave the house every morning and turn to her first to ask, "What can I do for you today?" Find older women, the crown of wisdom is a silver one. Seek out a women's bible study or just find a Godly woman with a good marriage, whom you trust, that can give you advice when you need it.
For your kids, pray for them first and foremost. They will have many of their own trials and callings that God will work through with them one on one. So your greatest gifts to them will be your prayers for them. Pray for their friends, pray for their teachers, pray for their spouses, pray for their kids. When I was a kid and I got in trouble, my mom would sit me down, talk to me about why I did it, spank me, and then hold me in her lap to pray with me. I will never forget that. Read the Bible with them. There are lots of great kid's Bibles with pictures. My nephew loves pointing out the animals that go into Noah's Ark.
It may seem a little silly, but Veggie Tales are fantastic, ha! They are funny and fun, and they have such heart and tell the best Bible stories with songs and they always have a moral with a corresponding Bible verse at the end. My favorites are Josh and the Big Wall, Esther, and Jonah.
I will be praying for you and your family. Please come back with any more questions. God bless!!