where have you gone?

Endure2 · Aug 14, 2005

im not in the army yet...actually im on a military base now, getting my physical tommorow.

and i felt i should post this... tonight is really hard for me.

"God please help me, i think i still believe in you, but i cant follow you. i dont know how to trust in you anymore. please help me see you, please save me from these doubts that have overtaken me. its so hard without you, but i cant hear you. please reassure me of you. i dont know how to believe in you anymore, please speak to me and show me, please talk to me and help me out of this confusion, i dont think anyone can help me anymore, i have to do this on my own and come to my own faith or conclusion. if your real, please talk to me... why dont you talk to me anymore?"

thats what i pray... why doesnt God answer me?
i dont think i can be a christian again untill he does, its too hard without him.
all i have is silence, wheres he gone?

i know i already said it was over, but tonight is tough for me. im so confused and distraught... i wish i could find him.

i dont want to believe hes just testing me, becuase im falling away without his vioce, not just failing the test. i dont see him coming to save me.

i dont know, maybe im just hoping someone could help me feel better.
this is terrible. trying to figure out whats real and what i need to do on my own.

Lee.

xjonx · Aug 14, 2005

Hey mate. My name's Jonathan, I live in Newcastle Australia. Last night a friend of mine dropped into my house. He had some similar questions and struggles. His father passed away a few years ago to the day, yesterday, and it was on his mind.

Tough hey. I just wanted to love him and fully didn't know how too. He's an awesome guy, gave his life to Jesus about two years ago or so. He openly struggles with drinking and some other things. I believe God is working on His heart in powerful ways actually. He has grown in God so much in the last few months.

Anyway, I think it's pretty normal to feel that God is far away sometimes. I think the term "dark night of the soul" may apply. Even Jesus cried "My God, My God why have You forsaken me?".

Good luck with the army stuff, I'll tell you what, I wouldn't be able to do a physical!!! I'm way unfit!!! hahaha I'm skinny as, but I've started doing some pushups getting ready for summer Maybe I can buff up and look like that angel you've got in the corner of your profile thing! hahah cya champ

God bless brother,
Jonathan

bethdinsmore · Aug 15, 2005

Endure2 said:
...why doesnt God answer me? i dont think i can be a christian again untill he does, its too hard without him. all i have is silence, wheres he gone?
God does answer prayer - yes, no, or wait. He hasn't gone anywhere - He is everywhere present, so He's right there with you.

... i dont see him coming to save me.
He already came to save you, 2000 years ago.

...this is terrible. trying to figure out whats real and what i need to do on my own. Lee.

God is real - if you doubt that, you might want to read some Christian Evidences on the accuracy of the Bible. Good sites: www.icr.org and www.probe.org

Here's what you need to do on your own - first consider this question in order to know for sure that you are going to Heaven one day:

If you stood before God at the entrance gates to Heaven, and He asked you "Why should I let you into Heaven?" - what would you tell Him?

Please take a moment and think about that before reading on..........

The answer would be wrong if it included anything about your good works, or promising to be good.

The answer would be right if it showed nothing but a reliance on Jesus to save you, based on His death on the cross to pay for all your sins and to get you to Heaven one day.

Here's the Gospel:

Rom 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (NIV)
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)
Eph 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. (NIV)
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (NIV)

And eternal is exactly what it is - we cannot lose our salvation no matter what we do or don't do, or how we feel:
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)
Rom 11:29 for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable. (NIV)
John 10:28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. (NIV)

And here is God's guarantee:
I Jn 5:13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. (NIV)

So - we just make the decision to rely on Christ alone to be our sinbearer and to get us to Heaven one day, without any good works or promises of our own. In other words, "faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing". That is what is real, friend. If you haven't already made that decision, you need to do it right now. You will then be saved.

Next, separate from the salvation, you can choose to be a disciple if you wish - to follow Jesus daily. I would recommend church with a chaplain who believes the Bible is without error, making some Christian friends who love the Lord, reading the Bible daily (reading the Gospels is a good way to get to know Jesus, God the Son, in order to know what God is like), daily prayer (don't worry if He doesn't seem to answer, He hears you, and His answers are yes, no, and wait). And tell someone of the decision you made to trust Christ as Savior. Then just start cooperating with God and rely on His strength. He has already given you lots of answers, in the Bible. And your Christian friends can explain more about the daily Christian life. Inch by inch, everything's a cinch.

And He will be by your side forever, friend. When you feel Him there and when you don't. It's His promise.

God bless you, and thanks so much for serving in the military. We appreciate you very much. aloha in Jesus

bethdinsmore · Aug 15, 2005

hi again -
thought of a verse you might like to hold on to:
Heb 13:5-6
5 ...God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (NIV)

I have lots more verses, by subject, on my website listed on my profile page, if you're interested. God bless you friend. Aloha in Jesus

Inperfected · Aug 15, 2005

... I'm not really sure what to say mate... But i'm here if you are ever needing to talk, and i'll pray that god shows you him...

Anti Existance · Aug 16, 2005

i can only offer you the Cycle of the Soul which restored my faith in God that i so desperatly needed. http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

heron · Aug 16, 2005

I think it's normal for the bottom to drop out when you're in a total change of scenery, relationships, and responsibilities. You're not only facing a complete change, but a risky one. Your brain has a lot of adjusting and organizing to do. (Beyond any anxieties.)

Take a deep breath and get through the process, knowing that you'll feel more yourself in a couple of weeks. Get settled in your room, know where your stuff is...and probably you will begin to feel His presence again. He's still there, but your body is making it very difficult to get that feeling.

Perfect love casts out all fear. We'll be praying for you! Stay in touch when you can!

Sojourner<>< · Aug 16, 2005

Sounds to me like you have some bitterness against Him. I've been in a similar boat very recently. I think He was healing my bitterness against him for some deep pain I had experienced throughout life. Eventually, He brought me back but I had to go through some trying times of silence. Personally, I think the important thing is to ask for His help to guide you back into fellowship with Him. Try to stop pushing Him away too. If you could figure out why you're doing that and then pray about it, being open with Him about why you're angry or hurt or whatever then that might help you to stop pushing Him away.

Multi-Elis · Aug 17, 2005

God might speak to you in most un-expected, un-looked for ways, sometimes at unlooked-for times.

heron · Aug 17, 2005

Remember that someone that immense and powerful doesn't just disappear. He is there with you. Even if you doubt His existence, He still thrives.

Spend some time reading His promises to you--maybe check out beth's page for a quick access. It's a scary thing, to feel like we've lost God or His approval. But remember His promises; very little will drive Him away. Gaining confidence in his approval builds your faith.

If you want to check for obstacles, think of any grudges you might be holding onto, or frustration with how people treated your decision or treated you just before you left, fears that might be so strong that they're pushing out other thoughts. Also make sure that if you harmed anyone with dishonesty or harsh words, you ask God for forgiveness.

Other than that, I would give it some time.

heron · Aug 18, 2005

Lee, btw, thanks for serving the country. How's it going so far?

Inperfected · Aug 18, 2005

... A song i came across last nite is "Dry" by kutless... These are the lyrics:

Do you remember that day of your life
It seemed like yesterday that joy it filled my heart
Now something's different the times oh they have
changed
The loves the same yet emotion's running dry
The feelings gone but I know your still there
I guess its just a part of life that I must bare

[CHORUS:]
It doesn't feel the same
And I'm feeling down
Amidst my pain
I see all my shame
And I'm feeling dry but who am I to complain

I'm still free

it got to me when i felt like the way you describe, and i thought it mite make sence to you too...
You've set me free

Windmill · Aug 19, 2005

Endure2 said:
im not in the army yet...actually im on a military base now, getting my physical tommorow.

and i felt i should post this... tonight is really hard for me.

thats what i pray... why doesnt God answer me?
i dont think i can be a christian again untill he does, its too hard without him.
all i have is silence, wheres he gone?

i know i already said it was over, but tonight is tough for me. im so confused and distraught... i wish i could find him.

i dont want to believe hes just testing me, becuase im falling away without his vioce, not just failing the test. i dont see him coming to save me.

i dont know, maybe im just hoping someone could help me feel better.
this is terrible. trying to figure out whats real and what i need to do on my own.

Lee.

You won't like what I'm going to say, but I feel I should post it anyway...

[BIBLE]Matthew 13:13[/BIBLE]

Maybe, there is something you have done in which you ignored God. Maybe, it was something to change in your lifestyle that was bad, but you ignored him. Something like that. Maybe, the Holy Spirit has stopped pleading with you, and you have hardened your heart.

L.A.W. · Sep 11, 2005

Endure2,

What you need to do is return to the Lord. Get your bible out and start reading the gospel. Read it daily that you may know His voice. Listen to the voice of Yahushua (Jesus) and remember it. Have faith and trust in Him, not in yourself. For you can only serve one master. You will be devoted to one and hate the other. Meditate daily by reading the scriptures. Do not stray from His word. His word is the living water.

Endure2 · Sep 12, 2005

just immerse myself back into it all head over heells?

no way, whats the sense in that?
i dont know that any of its real, and im beginning to be pretty sure that its not.
some day i might be brainwashed, but i wont doit to myself.

heron · Sep 12, 2005

Endure2, welcome back. How's it going?

dvd_holc · Sep 12, 2005

First, thank you for services to us. Next, what is the cause for joining the army? Is it a chance to get away from where you live, who you are, or does it give you direction with you life? Where did that desire come from?

Turning to Christ is not turning your brain off. What are your doubts? What are your questions? If you can't find them in your life, then there are many of can gave answers here. Do you feel alone? Do you suddenly feel your life does not make sense? What is it?

Endure2 · Sep 19, 2005

dvd_holc

it was all of those, though the army is good for me.

yes i did feel that way, and i dont want answers from people anymore.

heron

uhm, im doing well.
i actually leave for my new army life tommorow.

so, this IS my official last message hear.

goodbye everyone.

and for anyone who is concerned about me, over the last 3 days i have asked Jesus back into my life after alot of thinking and dwelling on this issue, after some coversations with people who mean alot to me.
though i dont really know much else, im just saved and waiting on God to take me farther, i dont want anything else anymore.

dvd_holc · Sep 20, 2005

I am glad you are turning back to Jesus and God. I hope his fullness completes you....but I think you do want something...love, which it seems from the way you have interacted with me earlier...you have not felt a lot of...I am sad about that. but you still want something...no more hatred...just love...

heron · Sep 20, 2005

Endure 2, Sorry I missed your departure! Visit again sometime!

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